Wedding Guest List: Who To Invite And How

Deciding who to invite to your wedding is one of the first big tasks you'll encounter when starting the planning process. The number of people you invite will impact your venue selection, wedding style, and, most importantly, your budget. The more guests you invite, the more you'll likely spend, so it's not a decision to be taken lightly. Wedding planners suggest that you start by writing down a list of everyone you'd consider inviting, then separate out your top-tier guests – the non-negotiables, or must-haves. From there, you can trim down the list based on your budget and venue.

Immediate family members

If you're looking to keep your wedding small and intimate, inviting only immediate family members is a great option. This typically includes your parents, siblings, spouse, and children. However, depending on your preferences and family dynamics, you can also choose to invite grandparents, grandchildren, aunts, uncles, cousins, and other close relatives.

The Wedding Party

Traditionally, the wedding party includes the bridesmaids, groomsmen, maid of honour, and best man. It is common to choose siblings or close family members for these roles. For example, a bride might select her sister as her maid of honour, and the groom might choose his brother as his best man. If the groom has a sister, the bride may opt to include her as a bridesmaid, and similarly, the groom may ask the bride's brother to be a groomsman.

Other Roles

If you prefer not to have a large wedding party or would like to involve other family members, you can offer them different roles. For instance, you could ask a family member to do a reading during the ceremony or give a speech at the rehearsal dinner or reception. This way, they can still feel involved and special without being part of the wedding party.

Pre-Wedding Activities

The wedding party is usually involved in more intimate pre-wedding activities, such as the rehearsal dinner and any other wedding day festivities. Including your immediate family members in these events will give them a more prominent role and allow them to spend more quality time with the happy couple.

Destination Weddings

If you're planning a destination wedding, consider choosing a location that is convenient and accessible for your immediate family members. This will ensure that those closest to you can attend and share this special moment with you.

Post-Wedding Celebrations

If you're worried about excluding friends or extended family, you could consider hosting a separate, casual get-together or celebration after the wedding. This could be a simple lunch, dinner, or even a small party. This way, you can still involve a larger group of loved ones without compromising the intimacy of your wedding ceremony.

Remember, your wedding day is about you and your partner. It's essential to make decisions that feel authentic and bring you joy. Be mindful of family dynamics and relationships, but ultimately, create a guest list that reflects your wishes.

Wedding party members

The wedding party often includes those closest to the couple, and family members are usually part of the mix. For example, a bride might choose her sister to be her maid of honour, and the groom might select his brother as his best man.

• Be mindful of the size of your wedding party. It can be as big or as small as you like, but keep in mind that a large wedding party may require more coordination and management.
• Communicate your expectations clearly. Let your wedding party members know what their roles and responsibilities are, and give them plenty of time to prepare.
• Involve them in the planning process. Wedding party members can be a great source of support and help with various tasks, such as addressing invitations, making favours, or planning pre-wedding events.
• Offer emotional support. Wedding planning can be stressful, so be there for your wedding party members and provide a listening ear or words of encouragement.
• Have fun! Wedding planning should be enjoyable, so make sure to schedule some fun activities or outings with your wedding party to create lasting memories.

Close friends

Start with a Realistic Budget:

Consider how many people your budget can accommodate. The number of guests will impact costs such as food, drinks, venue rental, and decorations. Be mindful that each additional guest increases the overall cost.

Prioritize and Separate Out Top-Tier Guests:

Begin by listing your closest friends—those you can't imagine getting married without. These are your non-negotiables, and they should be given priority. If budget and space allow, you can then consider inviting other friends.

Consider the Two-Year Rule:

Ask yourself, "Have I seen or spoken to this friend within the last two years?" If the answer is no, they may not be as close to you as you think. This rule can help you eliminate friends who are not as active in your life anymore.

Evaluate the Nature of Your Friendship:

Consider the depth of your friendship. Are they friends you regularly spend time with outside of work or other specific contexts? Do you confide in each other and support each other through life's ups and downs? These factors can help you differentiate between casual acquaintances and true close friends.

Assess Your Communication and Interaction:

Think about the frequency and quality of your communication. Do you text or call each other often? Are they someone you reach out to when something exciting happens, or when you need support? Friends with whom you have regular and meaningful interactions are more likely to be considered close friends.

Imagine Your Wedding Day:

Visualize your wedding day and the people you want by your side. Who are the friends that will bring you joy and excitement? Whose presence will make your day more special? These are the friends you should prioritize inviting.

Manage Expectations:

Be mindful that not everyone may understand why they weren't invited, especially if they consider themselves close friends. If possible, have honest conversations with friends who don't make the cut, explaining your limited guest list and budget constraints.

School friends

There are many ways to include your school friends in your wedding. Here are some ideas to make them feel special and involved:

Involve them in the planning process

If your school friends are keen organisers or crafters, tap into their skills and get them involved in the planning and preparation for your big day. They can help with DIY projects, such as creating save-the-date cards, designing your wedding website, or assembling welcome bags for guests. If they're local to your wedding venue, ask them for recommendations on restaurants, activities, and vendors.

Pre-wedding events

Your school friends can be included in all the pre-wedding fun, such as your engagement party, bachelor/bachelorette party, and rehearsal dinner. Their presence at these events will be meaningful, and they can even make a toast at the rehearsal dinner.

Greeters and ushers

Your school friends can play a crucial role in welcoming and guiding guests at your wedding. They can be greeters, ensuring guests don't get lost on their way to the ceremony and making guests who don't know anyone else feel comfortable. They can also be ushers, showing guests to their seats and ensuring everyone is seated before the ceremony begins.

Readings and performances

If you want to give your school friends a more prominent role, ask them to do a reading during the ceremony. They can recite a poem, prayer, or blessing that holds a special meaning for you. Alternatively, if your friends are musically inclined, they can perform by playing an instrument or singing.

Symbolic rituals

There are also ways to involve your school friends in symbolic rituals during the ceremony. For example, they can participate in a ring warming ceremony, where they add their blessings to the wedding rings. Or, they can be part of a stone blessing ritual, where each guest blesses a stone, which is then added to a collective jar, symbolising the guests' well-wishes.

Post-wedding celebrations

Don't forget to include your school friends in the post-wedding celebrations, such as the reception. They can help with handing out favours to guests or ensuring everyone signs the guest book. If you want to give them a more relaxed role, invite them to get ready with you on the morning of the wedding and share a mimosa or two!

Plus-ones

Deciding on your wedding guest list can be a tricky business, especially when it comes to plus-ones. Here is some advice on how to navigate this delicate issue.

Who Gets a Plus-One?

Firstly, it is important to remember that it is your wedding and you can invite whoever you like. However, if you want to follow traditional wedding etiquette, the following guests should receive a plus-one:

• Members of the couple's immediate family.
• Wedding party members.
• Outlier guests who won't know many other attendees.
• Couples who are married, engaged, living together, or in a serious or long-term relationship.

If you are working within a tight budget or have limited space, you may not be able to offer every guest a plus-one. In this case, it is advisable to create an 'A' list of guests who should absolutely receive a plus-one, and a 'B' list of guests who you would like to include if possible.

Who Doesn't Get a Plus-One?

The following guests can be left off the plus-one list:

• New couples or those who are casually dating.
• Single guests who know everyone. If your single guests will have friends or family at the wedding, there is no pressure to extend a plus-one.

How to Communicate This to Guests

When it comes to addressing your wedding invitations, be sure to include the name of any plus-ones to avoid confusion. For couples in a partnership, address the invitation to both names. For single guests, address it to their name followed by "and guest". For guests who aren't receiving a plus-one, simply address it to their name.

If you are concerned about any potential awkwardness, you can also use your wedding website to set expectations. For example, you could include a sentence such as "Unfortunately, we are unable to accommodate plus-ones due to our venue capacity. We appreciate your understanding, and can't wait to celebrate with you on the day!"

Frequently asked questions