Small Wedding Guest List: Who Makes The Cut?

Figuring out who to invite to your wedding is one of the earliest and hardest parts of planning your big day. It's not as simple as writing down a list of names; there's strategy involved. One of the best techniques for starting your wedding guest list is to create groups of family members and friends from both sides, beginning with those closest to you and your partner, and then working your way outwards to more distant relatives and acquaintances.

The number of people you invite will impact your budget, venue selection and wedding style. The more guests you invite, the more you'll likely spend, so it's not a decision to be taken lightly.

Immediate family members

When it comes to small weddings, deciding who to invite can be challenging. Here are some considerations and guidelines to help you navigate the process of inviting immediate family members to your intimate celebration:

Defining Immediate Family

Firstly, it is important to understand who is typically considered immediate family. This includes your and your partner's parents, siblings, and spouse. Your siblings' spouses and children are also part of this group. If you have stepparents, stepsiblings, or half-siblings, they are usually included as well. Grandparents are also often considered immediate family, though some sources suggest they are extended family.

Creating a Guest List

Begin by creating a list of immediate family members from both your side and your partner's side. Be as inclusive as possible at this stage, listing all those who could be considered immediate family.

Prioritize Those Closest to You

Within your list of immediate family members, prioritize those who are closest to you and your partner. This could include parents, siblings, and grandparents, as well as your own children, if applicable. If you have stepparents, stepsiblings, or half-siblings, consider how close you are to them and whether you want them at your wedding.

Consider Your Budget and Venue

The size of your venue and your budget will play a significant role in determining how many people you can invite. Susan Norcross of The Styled Bride recommends allocating about half of your budget for the venue and catering, which will give you a better idea of how many guests you can accommodate.

Set Rules and Boundaries

It is important to establish rules and boundaries when creating your guest list. Wedding planner Laetitia "LT" Townson advises couples to "make rules and set boundaries, draw a line, and stick to it." Communicate your decisions clearly to your family members, and present a united front if there are any disagreements.

Be Mindful of Family Dynamics

Family dynamics can be complex, and it is essential to consider the relationships within your family. If you have relatives who do not support your relationship or create a negative environment, you may choose not to invite them. Wedding planner Jove Meyer advises, "There should be no drama, no hate, no discrimination, no negative feelings, or family drama at your wedding."

Remember, the most important consideration is to surround yourself with people who love and support you on your special day. Immediate family members who meet this criterion should be at the top of your guest list.

Wedding party members

The wedding party is a group of people who will be there for you throughout the wedding planning and beyond. They are usually your closest family members and friends. Here are some tips to help you choose your wedding party members:

Pick your nearest and dearest

Your siblings and your future spouse's siblings should most likely be included in your wedding party. Close friends and family members from both sides are also good choices. Think about people who are trustworthy and have known you and your fiancé(e) for most or all of your relationship.

Consider the size of your wedding

The size of your wedding party should be somewhat proportional to your total number of guests. For a small wedding (50 people or fewer), it makes sense to have no more than four bridesmaids and four groomsmen. For a tiny micro-wedding of just a couple of dozen people or less, you might want to stick to just a maid of honour and a best man.

Choose the maid of honour and best man

If you have a clear number-one, ride-or-die best friend, then deciding who you want to be your maid of honour or best man will be easy. If you have many close friends and are having a hard time deciding on a single person, don't worry. Some couples eliminate the maid of honour and best man roles altogether and simply choose a group of equal bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Make a list of who to ask

Start by making a list of candidates, including family members, especially siblings. If you have a brother or sister you're particularly close to, you might want to choose them as your maid of honour or best man.

Consider reliability

Choose friends you know you can count on. Maybe you have a good friend who you really love, but they have never shown up on time for anything in their life. Reliability is an important factor when putting together your wedding party.

Factor in personalities

All of the individuals in your wedding party don't need to be best friends, but they do need to get along, even if only on a superficial level. If you have a friend whose personality can be abrasive, it might be better to avoid the drama and not include them in the wedding party.

Be mindful of budget

Being a bridesmaid or groomsman can be expensive, even if you're paying for their accommodations or chipping in for their outfit. If you know a friend is in a tough spot financially, call them up to talk it over before making the official ask.

Think about feelings

Sometimes, having fewer bridesmaids or groomsmen is the easiest way to make sure no one's feelings are hurt. If you're committed to the idea of a huge wedding party, and there's one friend on the fringe, you might be better off including them than leaving them out.

Avoid hurt feelings by finding other roles

There's always a chance that someone's feelings will get hurt if they aren't asked to be part of your wedding party. There are a variety of other jobs for people who weren't asked to be bridesmaids or groomsmen, such as ring bearer, flower girl, usher, or reader.

Close friends

When it comes to deciding which close friends to invite to your small wedding, it's a good idea to put them into groups based on your relationships with them. Think of it like concentric "circles of trust", with your inner circle being those closest to you, and as you move outward, you get to people who are less essential to the guest list.

Your closest friends and chosen family should be on the must-invite list. These loved ones may be included in your wedding party. When deciding who to include, ask yourself: "Does spending time with them bring me joy?". Write down the names of the friends and family who come to mind first, and then skim through your phone to see who you text or hang out with often. Once you have your full list, compare notes with your partner and talk about it, ensuring you both feel good about who is on the list and who is not.

If you're having a micro wedding, you might only invite immediate family and best friends. But if you're having something a little bigger, you might expand that to include close family and friends. It really depends on the vibe you're going for and who you want to be present. Another option is to invite only immediate family and closest friends to the ceremony, but expand the guest list for the reception.

• Only add friends who you're still in touch with now.
• If you have friends whom you consider best friends but don't hang out with outside of working hours, you don't have to invite them.
• If a friend invited you to their wedding years ago and you're no longer close, you don't have to reciprocate.

Plus-ones

Who should get a plus-one?

It's important to note that plus-ones don't apply to every guest. Plus-ones are typically for unmarried guests, giving them the opportunity to bring a date. However, there are some exceptions and considerations to keep in mind:

• Married, engaged, and cohabitating guests: It is generally considered polite to invite both parties in a married couple, even if you are closer to one person than the other. The same goes for engaged or cohabitating couples—acknowledge their commitment and invite them as a pair.
• Wedding party members: It is courteous to extend a plus-one to everyone in your wedding party. This is a small token of appreciation for their time, support, and efforts in your wedding preparations.
• Outlier guests: If you have guests who won't know many other attendees, such as those travelling from out of town, it is common to offer them a plus-one so they don't feel out of place or lonely.
• Serious or long-term relationships: If you don't know the primary guest's partner well, it is considerate to offer a plus-one to couples who are in a serious or long-term relationship.

Creating an "A-list" and "B-list"

If you're working with a limited guest list and want to include plus-ones, creating an "A-list" and "B-list" can be helpful. Your "A-list" consists of must-have guests who should absolutely receive a plus-one. Once you've allocated plus-ones to this group, move on to your "B-list" and assign plus-ones with what remains of your guest count.

Who can be left off the plus-one list?

Not everyone needs a plus-one, and it's okay to send solo invites. Here are some guests you can consider leaving off the plus-one list:

• New couples or those casually dating: You probably don't need to include new couples or those who are casually dating on your plus-one list.
• Single guests who know everyone: If your single guests will have friends or family at the wedding and are part of a close-knit group, they will likely have a great time without needing to bring a date.

Tips for managing plus-ones

• Get the name of every guest: Include a space on your RSVPs for the primary guest to write the name of their plus-one. This is important for seating chart preparation and reception place cards.
• Be prepared to respond to requests: While guests who don't receive a plus-one typically shouldn't ask for one, be ready with a kind but firm explanation if they do.
• Consider seating arrangements: Create a mock seating chart to see how you can accommodate plus-ones comfortably. Take personalities and relationships into account to avoid unwanted drama.
• Use proper plus-one invitation etiquette: When designing invitations and RSVP cards, swap "plus-one" for "invited guest" to add formality. Address invitations appropriately, being clear about who is invited.
• Keep track of RSVPs: Set up an invitation organisation system and double-check RSVPs for completion. Follow up on any unconfirmed plus-ones to avoid surprises.

Children

Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a tricky issue that divides opinion. Here are some things to consider:

Pros of Inviting Children

• Weddings are for making memories, and children can add a lot of fun, laughter, and atmosphere to the day.
• You may want to share the occasion with important children in your life, like nieces and nephews.
• If you have children of your own, you will need to find childcare for them if they are not invited.
• Your wedding party may include children, such as a flower girl or ring bearer.
• Some guests may not be able to afford to come to your wedding if they have to pay for childcare on top.

Cons of Inviting Children

• Children can be unpredictable and may throw tantrums or be cranky, which could disrupt the vibe of the wedding.
• Children can be expensive to include, and you may prefer to spend that money on the other guests' experience.
• Your guests may not fully relax and enjoy themselves if they have to look after their children.
• Some venues are not suitable for children, or have limited capacity which means you may have to cut down on the number of adults invited.
• If your wedding is abroad, guests may not want to bring their children, and you may not want children disrupting the child-free weekend for other guests.

Tips for Including Children

• If you do decide to invite children, be clear about this on the invitation.
• You could have a separate children's room with activities to keep them entertained, or hire a babysitter or entertainer.
• Consider providing a children's menu, with simple, kid-friendly food.
• If you have a lot of children attending, it may be worth hiring childcare so that parents can relax and enjoy the day.
• Give children jobs to do, such as handing out the order of service or managing the guest book, to keep them occupied.

Tips for Not Including Children

• If you decide not to invite children, make this very clear on the invitation to avoid any confusion.
• Be prepared for the possibility that some guests with children may not be able to come, and accept their decision without making them feel guilty.
• If you are worried about offending people, you could make a few exceptions, such as for children in the wedding party or immediate family.

Frequently asked questions