Addressing Wedding Invitations: Formal Etiquette Guide

Wedding invitations are a chance to make your guests feel welcome and respected. Formal wedding invitations follow specific guidelines for addressing guests, from titles and abbreviations to the use of inner and outer envelopes. The traditional approach uses titles and full names, while modern alternatives offer more flexibility, such as dropping titles or using first names. Whether you're inviting a married couple, an unmarried couple, or a family, knowing the proper etiquette ensures your invitations are elegant and inviting.

Addressing a married couple

When addressing a wedding invitation to a married couple, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to use the full, formal names of the guests. For a married couple with the same last name, you can list them together using "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's full name. If you prefer to address both partners equally, you can use both the husband's and wife's first and last names. Here is an example:

"Mr. and Mrs. Robert Belcher" or "Mr. Robert Belcher and Mrs. Linda Belcher"

If the married couple has different last names, you can list either name first based on your preference, whom you are closer to, or alphabetically. The "Mrs." title is traditionally used to indicate a married woman's marital status. Here is an example:

"Mrs. Leslie Knope and Mr. Ben Wyatt"

In the case of a spouse who has chosen to hyphenate their last name, the invitation can be addressed with the following format:

"Mr. Marcus Craft and Mr. Brian Crosby-Craft"

For a married couple where one partner has a distinguished title, such as a judge, military officer, or member of the clergy, the title comes first, regardless of gender. Here is an example:

"Rabbi and Mrs. Richard Glass" or "The Honorable Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Mr. Martin David Ginsburg"

If both partners have distinguished titles, the higher-ranking title should come first, and if they are of the same rank, traditionally, the woman's name is listed first. Here is an example:

"Colonel Peter Jefferies and Reverend Margaret Jefferies"

When addressing a married couple with children, the rules change slightly. If the children are under the age of 18, their names can be listed on a separate line below the parents' names. If the children are over the age of 18, they should receive separate invitations. Here is an example for a married couple with children under 18:

"Mr. and Mrs. Michael Randall

Carolyn Randall

Julie Randall

William Randall"

Remember to always use full names and avoid abbreviations or nicknames. Additionally, be mindful of the guests' preferences and pronouns. If you are unsure about any titles or forms of address, it is best to ask the guests beforehand.

Addressing an unmarried couple

When addressing an unmarried couple living together, there are a few options to consider.

If the couple has different last names, their names should be listed separately, either on the same line or on different lines. If you choose to list their names on the same line, use "and" to connect them and list the person you are closest with first, or go in alphabetical order if you are equally close to both. Here is an example:

"Ms. Rachel Green and Mr. Ross Geller"

Or

"Mr. Ross Geller and Ms. Rachel Green"

If you choose to list their names on different lines, the names should still be connected with "and", and the same guidelines for ordering the names apply. Here is an example:

"Mr. Ross Geller

Ms. Rachel Green"

When addressing an unmarried couple who does not live together, it is proper etiquette to send separate invitations to each guest.

For the outer envelope, follow the guidelines above. For the inner envelope, you can use courtesy titles and last names or only first names if you are close with the couple. Here is an example:

"Ms. Green and Mr. Geller"

Or

"Rachel and Ross"

Addressing an individual

When addressing a wedding invitation to an individual, the guest's title and full name are typically used. If the guest is a woman, use "Ms." unless she is under 18, in which case "Miss" is more acceptable. If the guest is a single male, use "Mr." unless he is under 18, in which case no title is necessary. For example, the outer envelope for a single female guest could be addressed to "Ms. Elizabeth Lemon", while the inner envelope could simply be addressed to "Ms. Lemon" or "Elizabeth".

If your guest identifies as non-binary, the honorific "Mx." is often used. If you are unsure of their preferred title, it is best to ask.

For widowed women, it is polite to ask someone close to her if she prefers to be addressed using her married name or her late husband's name. Some widows may also prefer to be addressed as "Ms.".

Divorced women can be addressed using "Ms." or "Mrs." and either their married or maiden name, depending on their preference.

If the individual is a judge, use the term "The Honorable" before their full name. For a priest, use the term "Father".

When addressing the inner envelope, you can either use titles and last names or just first names, especially if you are very close with the individual.

Addressing a family

When addressing a wedding invitation to a family, there are a few things to keep in mind. Here are some guidelines to help you with the task:

Outer Envelope:

The outer envelope is generally considered more formal than the inner envelope. Here are some tips for addressing the outer envelope:

• Use the full names of the invitees, including their middle names if possible. If you don't know their middle name, you can omit it or use their initial.
• Traditionally, use "Mr." and "Mrs." for a married couple, followed by the husband's full name. However, this can be changed to suit your preferences. For example, you can use both the husband's and wife's first and last names or refer to them as "Mr. John and Mrs. Emily Perkins."
• If the couple has different last names, put the person you feel closest to first, or arrange their names alphabetically.
• For unmarried couples living together, follow the same format as married couples but on separate lines. Start with the person you are closest to.
• For same-sex couples, follow the same rules as for opposite-sex couples.
• Use honorifics for guests with titles, such as "Doctor" or "Professor."
• If you are inviting children under 18, their names are usually included on the inner envelope, not the outer envelope.
• If you are not inviting children, simply omit their names from the invitation.

Inner Envelope:

The inner envelope is more informal, and you can be more casual with the addressing. Here are some tips:

• You can use just the first names of the adults or use more informal titles like "Aunt" or "Uncle."
• Include the first names of the children and address girls as "Miss."
• If there are adult children living with their parents, they should receive their own invitation with their full formal name on the outer envelope and their title and last name on the inner envelope.

Other Considerations:

• If you are using double envelopes, remember to be more formal with the outer envelope and more casual with the inner envelope.
• Always use full names and avoid abbreviations, except for standard abbreviations like "Mr." and "Mrs."
• Give yourself plenty of time to assemble and mail the invitations, as it can be a time-consuming task.
• Consider using the same return and RSVP address to avoid confusion for your guests.

Addressing distinguished titles

When addressing wedding invitations to guests with distinguished titles, it is proper etiquette to use their titles on the wedding invitation envelope. Here are some guidelines to follow when addressing invitations to guests with distinguished titles:

Doctors

For a married couple where one person is a doctor, list the doctor's name first, followed by their partner's name. If the doctor uses their partner's surname socially, include this in the address. If both parties are doctors, address them as "Doctors" followed by their shared surname.

Examples:

• Outer envelope: "Dr. Anne Barker and Mr. Peter Underwood" or "Dr. Anne and Mr. Peter Underwood"
• Inner envelope: "Dr. Barker and Mr. Underwood" or "The Doctors Underwood"

For a married couple where both are doctors, include the female's first name if she has a doctorate-level degree. Abbreviate "Doctor" as "Dr." on the inner envelope.

Examples:

• Outer envelope: "The Doctors Smith" or "Drs. Matthew and Angela Smith"
• Inner envelope: "The Doctors Smith" or "Matthew and Angela"

Military Personnel

For military personnel, ensure you know their correct title, rank, and service. Address them using their title, followed by their name and the service (e.g., US Navy). If both spouses have military titles, list their names and titles, followed by the service.

Examples:

• Outer envelope: "Lieutenant Jonathan Kelly, US Navy and Mrs. Jane Kelly"
• Inner envelope: "Lieutenant Kelly, US Navy and Mrs. Kelly" or "Captains Jane and Jonathan Kelly, US Navy"

Lawyers

For lawyers, use the title "Esquire" or "Esq." after their name. If both spouses are attorneys, include "Esq." after both names.

Examples:

• Outer envelope: "Michelle Brown, Esq. and Mr. John Brown"
• Inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Brown"

Judges

Address judges with the formal title "The Honorable", followed by their name. If the judge is married, include the spouse's title as well. On the inner envelope, use the title "Judge" followed by their name.

Examples:

• Outer envelope: "The Honorable Gina Rodriguez and Mx. Alice Rodriguez"
• Inner envelope: "Judge Rodriguez and Mx. Rodriguez"

Frequently asked questions