Finding Your Tribe: Selecting Your Bridesmaids

Choosing your bridesmaids can be a daunting task, but it doesn't have to be. Your bridesmaids are your support group, your A-team, and your wedding day frontline. The number of bridesmaids you choose is entirely up to you and can range from a single maid or matron of honour to more than a dozen. When deciding, it's important to consider your budget, as well as the number of guests you plan to invite. You'll also want to think about who you choose—sisters, close friends, or even that one work friend who feels like family. Remember, your wedding day is about you and your partner, so pick the people who will bring you joy and support you throughout the process.

Include your family

Including your family in your bridal party is a great way to ensure your closest relatives are part of your special day. It is customary to include immediate family members, such as siblings and cousins, in your bridal party. If you are close to your sister, for example, it is likely she will be one of your bridesmaids. However, if you are not particularly close to a family member, it is still worth considering including them to avoid any conflict or hurt feelings. This is especially true when it comes to future in-laws—including your partner's sister in your bridal party, for instance, is a great way to show that you are accepting them as your own family.

If you come from a large family, you may want to include younger relatives as well. Teenage family members can be junior bridesmaids, while younger children can be flower girls or ring bearers. This is a good way to ensure that your younger relatives feel involved in your wedding.

When choosing family members to be your bridesmaids, it is important to consider their reliability and availability. Bridesmaids often play a major role in planning the wedding and are responsible for organising events such as the bridal shower and bachelorette party. As such, it is best to choose family members who do not have overly busy schedules and who you know you can rely on to be there for you and help make your wedding day perfect.

Remember, it is ultimately your choice who you include in your bridal party. Don't feel pressured to include everyone—prioritise quality over quantity and choose the people who will bring you the most joy on your wedding day.

Emphasise reliability

Being a bridesmaid is about more than just the dress and the toast. It's about being there for the bride and providing support and reliability throughout the planning process and on the big day itself. Here are some ways to emphasise your reliability as a bridesmaid:

Be a good listener: Wedding planning can be stressful, so be the calm presence the bride needs. Let her vent, talk about non-wedding things, and help her see the fun side of planning if she's feeling overwhelmed. Be someone she can confide in and offer a listening ear without interruption.

Be tactful and diplomatic: When it comes to choosing bridesmaid dresses, be gracious and tactful, especially if there are multiple bridesmaids with different preferences. Remember, it's only one day, so be diplomatic and choose something that works for everyone.

Be organised and proactive: Offer to take specific tasks off the bride's plate, such as chasing up RSVPs or finding the perfect shade of navy for the ties. Be proactive and anticipate her needs. Create a rota for the morning of the wedding to ensure everyone has a timeslot for hair and makeup, and keep things running smoothly.

Be attentive to the bride's needs: Pay attention to the little things that will make the bride's day easier. For example, offer to go to wedding fairs or venue visits with her, and get to know the staff so they know who to go to if there's a problem. Be on makeup and lipstick alert all day, and make sure the bride always looks her best.

Be a problem solver: On the wedding day, be prepared to handle any issues that arise with a calm and positive attitude. Have a bridal emergency kit ready, and be the bride's go-to person for any problems or last-minute tasks.

By being reliable, organised, and attentive, you can ensure that the bride feels supported and knows that she can count on you throughout the wedding planning process and on her special day.

Consider personalities

When choosing your bridesmaids, it's important to consider the personalities of your potential bridal party members. A big group of women will bring a lot of personalities, so it's crucial to think about whether each personality will complement your own and create a harmonious dynamic.

First, consider choosing bridesmaids who are responsible, trustworthy, and good at providing emotional support. They should be able to support you not only on your wedding day but also in the lead-up to it, as they will likely be involved in planning pre-wedding events. Opt for friends who are reliable, organised, and able to manage their own schedules.

Next, think about how your chosen bridesmaids will get along with each other. It's not necessary for everyone to be best friends, but you'll want to avoid potential drama or conflict. Choose a group of women who are friendly, cordial, and able to transition easily between different groups. This will help ensure your wedding day is stress-free and enjoyable.

Additionally, consider the personalities of those who may not be in your bridal party but will still be in attendance, such as other family members or friends. If there are any problematic friendship dynamics or family drama, address these conflicts beforehand to ensure your day goes smoothly.

Remember, your bridal party is there to support you and make your day special. Choose individuals who will complement your personality and create a positive, harmonious atmosphere.

Be mindful of budget

Being a bridesmaid is a huge honour, but it can also be a major financial commitment. The costs can add up to around $1,200, including travel, bachelorette party and shower expenses, gifts, dresses, and beautification factors like hair, makeup, and accessories. So, it's important to be mindful of your budget when planning for the big day. Here are some tips to help you stay within your budget:

Evaluate Your Financial Status

Before accepting the role of a bridesmaid, it is important to evaluate your financial status and reflect on your current situation. Can you realistically afford traditional expenses like bachelorette travel, matching outfits, or shower decorations? If these costs will be a strain on your finances, it may be wise to politely decline the role. There are plenty of other ways to celebrate the couple, such as sending a gift or participating in the wedding in another capacity.

Create a Budget and Stick to It

Once you know the expected costs, create a detailed budget for yourself and try to stick to it as much as possible. This may involve setting spending parameters and making sacrifices in other areas of your life to stay within your budget. Consider using budgeting tools or apps to help you track your spending.

Shop Sales and Save Where You Can

Look for ways to save money on your bridesmaid expenses. For example, you can shop sales or use your own resources and connections to save on costs. If you have a friend who is a good cook, ask them to cater the bridal shower or bachelorette party. If you're handy with a needle and thread, offer to do any necessary alterations to the bridesmaid dresses. You can also DIY gifts, split costs with the other bridesmaids, or suggest more affordable options for events and decorations.

Communicate with the Bride and Other Bridesmaids

If you are unable to afford certain expenses, don't be afraid to communicate your budget constraints to the bride and the other bridesmaids. They may be willing to make accommodations or help offset some of your costs. It's important to be transparent about your financial situation to avoid any misunderstandings or resentment.

Remember, it's okay to set boundaries and say no to certain expenses if they are not within your budget. Being a bridesmaid is about supporting the bride, but it shouldn't put you in a financial bind. With careful planning and budgeting, you can find a balance that works for everyone.

Think about feelings

Choosing your bridesmaids is an exciting part of wedding planning, but it can also be stressful. Here are some tips to help you navigate the process and minimise hurt feelings:

Consider your relationship

Think about the people you are considering for your bridal party and how close you are to them. Are they lifelong friends, or have you grown apart over the years? It's worth noting that just because someone chose you as their bridesmaid, it doesn't mean you have to reciprocate if you're not close anymore. If you're worried about offending someone, consider whether you will still be friends in five or ten years. If not, it might be best to leave them out of your bridal party.

Size of the bridal party

The size of your bridal party doesn't have to conform to any rules. You can have as many or as few bridesmaids as you like, but keep in mind that a larger bridal party means more details to organise, such as wedding outfits, bachelorette parties, and bridal showers. If you're on a limited budget, a smaller bridal party is usually more manageable.

Family members

It's common to consider family members, especially siblings, for your bridal party. They have often known you the longest and will likely remain in your life long-term. If you have a large family, you might want to choose those closest in age to you or set an age limit for younger members.

Other roles for friends

If you want to avoid hurting feelings, you can give non-bridesmaids other roles on your wedding day. Asking them to fulfil a specific task makes them feel valued and included without having to include them in the bridal party. Some ideas include reading a passage during the ceremony, singing a song, helping with decorations, overseeing the guest book, or running a photo booth.

Be honest and set expectations

If a friend is upset about not being chosen as a bridesmaid, it's essential to be honest and explain your reasons. Let them know that you value their friendship and don't think any less of them. You can also offer them one of the other roles mentioned above to make them feel special and needed. When asking someone to be your bridesmaid, it's a good idea to set clear expectations about the level of involvement and responsibility you expect from them. This way, they can make an informed decision about whether they can commit to the role.

Timing

It's recommended to wait at least 60 days after getting engaged before asking your bridesmaids. This gives you time to think about your decision carefully and gather important wedding details, such as the date and the type of bridal shower and bachelorette party you want. Knowing these details will help your bridesmaids understand their role and responsibilities better.

Frequently asked questions