Asking Bridesmaids: Out-Of-Towners, How?

Asking your bridesmaids to be part of your wedding party is one of the most exciting parts of getting engaged. But what's the best way to ask them if they live out of town? While some opt for a simple phone or video call, others go for a cute proposal box or card. If you're on a budget, a handwritten note or a thoughtful gift sent by mail can also do the trick. The key is to make your bridesmaids feel special and appreciated, regardless of the method you choose. Remember to give them a heads-up about any expectations and commitments, and always give them the option to say no without any pressure or hard feelings.

Send them an invitation

Sending invitations to out-of-town bridesmaids is a great way to make them feel included and valued. Here are some tips to ensure they feel part of the bridal party:

Send the Same Invitations

Ensure that your out-of-town bridesmaids receive the same invitations as the rest of the bridal party. Whether you're sending out Facebook event invites or snail mail, include everyone in the bridal party, even if you know they may not be able to attend. This way, they feel included and part of the group, and it also keeps them informed about what's going on. It's a simple yet effective way to make sure everyone feels valued and appreciated.

Include Them in Dress Shopping

Although it may be challenging with distance, try to include your out-of-town bridesmaids in dress shopping. With today's technology, it's easier than ever to involve them. You can video call them while trying on dresses or send them photos of your favourite options. This way, they can provide their input and feel involved in the decision-making process. It's a win-win situation, as you get to involve your long-distance friends and create memorable moments together.

Schedule Virtual Catch-Ups

Distance can make it challenging to connect with your out-of-town bridesmaids, so schedule regular virtual catch-ups. Set up bi-weekly phone calls or video calls to provide updates and share your excitement. These calls can also be a safe space to vent about any wedding planning stresses. If you have a larger group, consider creating a private Facebook group where everyone can connect, share ideas, and stay involved, no matter their location.

Provide Clear Expectations

When inviting out-of-town bridesmaids, it's essential to provide clear expectations. Let them know what their role entails, such as attending dress shopping trips, bridal showers, or the bachelorette party. Be mindful of their time and financial commitments, and give them the option to opt-out of certain activities if needed. This way, they can make informed decisions and manage their participation according to their availability and budget.

Send a Thoughtful Package

If you want to make your invitation extra special, consider sending a thoughtful package to your out-of-town bridesmaids. Include a handwritten note expressing your excitement and asking them to be part of your bridal party. You can also add small gifts, such as a ring pop or a personalised bracelet, to make it even more memorable. This gesture will surely touch their hearts and make them feel valued.

Include them in dress shopping

Including out-of-town bridesmaids in dress shopping can be challenging, but it's important to make them feel involved. Here are some tips to achieve that:

Virtual Inclusion

Use technology to include them in real-time. Video call your out-of-town bridesmaids while dress shopping, so they can see the dresses and give their opinions. You can also send them photos of your favourite dresses or use social media to create a shared inspiration board. This way, they can feel like they are part of the process and offer their input.

At-Home Try-On

Instead of traditional boutique shopping, consider using an at-home try-on service. With this option, your out-of-town bridesmaids can request samples of their favourite styles to be shipped directly to their homes. This allows them to try on different dresses in the comfort of their own space and find the perfect fit.

Bi-Weekly Phone Calls

Set up regular phone calls with your out-of-town bridesmaids to give them updates on your progress and decisions. These calls can also be an opportunity for them to provide input and share their thoughts on dress styles and other wedding details. It makes them feel valued and involved in the process.

Facebook Group

Create a private Facebook group specifically for your bridesmaids, including those who are out of town. This creates a dedicated space for sharing ideas, creating events, posting pictures of dresses and accessories, and communicating easily. It's a great way to keep everyone informed and involved, no matter their location.

Discuss a Timeline

Once you have set a wedding date, share a timeline with your out-of-town bridesmaids. Let them know when you plan to start dress shopping, so they can feel included in the process even if they can't physically be there. This timeline can also include other important dates, such as bridal showers and your bachelorette party.

Remember, it's important to be mindful of their distance and not expect them to attend every event. However, by using these methods, you can ensure that your out-of-town bridesmaids feel included and valued during the dress shopping process.

Ask them in person

Asking your bridesmaids in person is a great way to make your request feel personal and intimate. Here are some ideas on how to ask your out-of-town bridesmaids to be a part of your special day:

Schedule a Video Call

If you can't meet your long-distance friends in person, the next best option is to schedule a video call. This way, you can see each other face-to-face and pop the question in a more interactive and engaging way than a simple phone call. It adds a nice personal touch and allows you to see their reactions and share the excitement together.

Send a Surprise Package

If you want to get creative, you can send your friends a surprise package in the mail. This could include a handwritten letter or card expressing your thoughts and asking the question. You could also include some small gifts or treats to make it extra special. For example, you could send:

• A paper chain with the words "Will You Be My Bridesmaid?" written on it, as suggested by April, one of Eventective's Content & Support Advisors.
• A customised item, such as a wine bottle with a personalised label asking "Will you be my bridesmaid?"
• A friendship bracelet with letter beads spelling out "Will you be my bridesmaid?"
• A picture frame with a photo of you and your friend, along with a personalised invitation message inside

Combine the Above

You could also combine the video call and surprise package ideas. Schedule a video call and ask your friend to open the package during the call so you can see their reaction in real time. This way, you get the best of both worlds!

Remember, when asking your out-of-town bridesmaids, it's important to let them know that you don't expect them to attend every pre-wedding event or activity. Be understanding of their time and travel constraints, and focus on making them feel included and appreciated.

Give them tasks

Asking your bridesmaids to be a part of your wedding party is a big deal. It can feel like you're proposing several times over. There may be some butterflies in your stomach, and a fear that your out-of-town bridesmaids might not be able to commit. However, distance never truly separates good friends, and there are plenty of ways to include them in the festivities.

Research

Ask your bridesmaids to research photographers, shoes, favours, and other wedding essentials. This is a straightforward way to include them in the planning process, regardless of their location.

Create Invitations for Special Events

Suggest to your other bridesmaids or family members that creating invites for bridal showers or the bachelorette party would be a great task for your out-of-town bridesmaid. This will make them feel involved and give them a sense of responsibility.

Arrive Early to Help with Last-Minute Tasks

There is always so much to do in the week leading up to the wedding. Ask your out-of-town bridesmaid if they can arrive a few days early to lend a helping hand. They can assist with any last-minute errands or tasks, such as creating centrepieces or running errands.

Create a Shared Inspiration Board

Pinterest is a great way to gather wedding inspiration and create a shared board with your bridesmaids. Give them a general idea of your wedding style or theme, and let them pin ideas, creating a fun and collaborative planning process.

Set Regular Phone Dates

While texting is convenient, a phone call is more personal. Set up regular phone calls with your out-of-town bridesmaids to give them updates and create a space for them to ask questions or share any concerns. It can also be a great opportunity to vent and discuss any pre-wedding jitters!

Remember, you don't have to treat your out-of-town bridesmaids differently or expect less from them. By giving them tasks and including them in the planning process, you'll make them feel valued and excited to be a part of your special day.

Arrange their accommodation

If your out-of-town bridesmaids are unfamiliar with the area, it's a good idea to arrange accommodation for them. They may have plans to stay with local friends or family, but it's important to confirm this. If they don't know anyone in the area, be sure to organize a place for them to stay. This could be something as simple as staying with your parents the night after the wedding.

Ask how long they plan to be in town, and if they're staying beyond your honeymoon, recommend some places to eat and things to do. This will give them an insider's perspective on the area and make them feel closer to you.

If you're arranging accommodation, be mindful of their budget. They may not be able to afford expensive hotels, so consider offering to cover some or all of the costs. Alternatively, you could suggest budget-friendly options such as Airbnb or hostels.

You could also offer to help with transportation. If they are driving, provide clear directions and parking information. If they are taking public transportation, offer to meet them at the station and help with their luggage.

Remember, the goal is to make your out-of-town bridesmaids feel included and valued. By arranging their accommodation, you are ensuring their comfort and convenience, which will contribute to a seamless and enjoyable experience for everyone.

Frequently asked questions