Finding A Best Man: The Ultimate Guide For Grooms

Choosing the best man for your wedding can be a daunting task. The best man is the groom's right-hand man and is responsible for ensuring the groom is level-headed and stress-free throughout the wedding planning and wedding day. The best man is typically the groom's closest friend or family member, but this may vary depending on the couple's dynamics. So, how do you choose the best man for your wedding?

The best man's duties

The best man is the groom's right-hand man and go-to confidante, tasked with supporting the groom and lightening his workload before, during, and after the wedding. Here is a detailed list of the best man's duties:

Pre-Wedding Duties:

• Assist with outfit details: Help the groom and groomsmen with their wedding attire choices and ensure they are well-prepared for the day.
• Organise the bachelor party: Plan and organise a celebration that aligns with the groom's wishes.
• Coordinate the groom's gift: If the groomsmen decide to pitch in for a gift, the best man often leads this effort by collecting money and choosing the gift.
• Provide emotional support: Be there for the groom throughout the planning process, listening to his concerns without judgment and offering reassurance.
• Be present for the rehearsal: Attend the wedding rehearsal and wedding-related events such as the engagement party and shower. The best man may also give a small toast during the rehearsal dinner.

Wedding-Day Duties:

• Keep the groom and groomsmen on schedule: Ensure everyone arrives on time and stays on track throughout the day.
• Hold the wedding rings: Safely keep the wedding rings until it's time to exchange vows.
• Stand beside the groom: During the processional, the best man traditionally walks down the aisle after the groom and stands closest to him at the altar.
• Sign the marriage license: Act as a witness and sign the marriage license along with the maid of honour.
• Act as an unofficial reception host: Ensure the newlyweds and guests are having a good time. Mingle at the reception and keep the party going.
• Help collect gifts: Assist in collecting gifts from guests and ensuring they are safely stored or deposited.

Post-Wedding Duties:

• Give the best man speech: Traditionally, the best man gives a speech during the reception, focusing on the newlyweds and their love story.
• Decorate the getaway car: Help coordinate and decorate the vehicle for the couple's reception exit.
• Tie up loose ends: Assist with post-wedding tasks such as tipping vendors, transporting gifts, and returning rented attire.
• Check-in with vendors: Ensure all wedding-related expenses are settled and that the couple can depart without interruption.

The best man plays a crucial role in supporting the groom and ensuring the wedding runs smoothly. It is an honour and a responsibility-filled role, requiring dedication and attention to detail.

How to choose a best man

Choosing a best man can be a tricky task, but there are a few things to consider that might help you decide.

Firstly, is there an obvious choice? If you have a brother, a cousin, or a best friend, they might be the natural person to ask. This person will know you well, and will likely have a good relationship with your partner, too. If you have a few obvious candidates, it's perfectly acceptable to have more than one best man. You could even have a 'best woman' if you prefer.

If you don't have an obvious choice, there are some other things to consider. You might want to choose someone who lives close by, as they will be easier to meet with when you're planning your wedding. It's also a good idea to choose someone who knows your partner, as they will be able to speak about your relationship in their speech.

You might also want to consider the following:

• Are they well-organised and good at planning parties?
• Are they a good communicator?
• Are they discreet?
• Are they trustworthy?
• Are they a positive influence on you?
• Are they supportive?
• Do they have your best interests at heart?

Remember, there's no strict rule about who can be a best man. You might choose a sibling, a very close friend, or even a grandparent. Whoever you choose, make sure you ask them in a thoughtful and personal way, and be sure to express why you value their friendship.

The best man's qualities

The role of the best man is to be the groom's right-hand man, supporting the groom and lightening his workload before, during, and after the wedding. The best man is usually a close friend or family member of the groom. Here are some qualities to look for in a best man:

Organised and Responsible

The best man has a lot of responsibilities, from planning the bachelor party to coordinating with family and friends, and ensuring the groom's needs are met. Therefore, the best man should be organised and able to keep on top of their duties.

Supportive

The best man should be supportive and provide emotional support to the groom. They should be a good listener, be patient, and provide reassurance to the groom.

Reliable

The best man should be reliable and dependable, able to commit to the duties required of the role. They should be someone the groom can rely on to be there for him and help with any problems that may arise.

Social

The best man will often be tasked with welcoming guests and making sure everyone is having a good time at the reception. Therefore, it is important that the best man is social, friendly, and able to make guests feel comfortable.

Trustworthy

The best man is often entrusted with important tasks such as holding the wedding rings and the groom's personal belongings. Therefore, it is important that the best man is trustworthy and can be relied on to carry out their duties responsibly.

Asking someone to be your best man

• Plan around your favourite activity. If you and your best man-to-be share a hobby or pastime, this can be a great backdrop for popping the question. For example, if you enjoy golfing together, ask him while you're playing a round, or invite him to watch a football game and pop the question at halftime.
• Send a card. If you're not great with emotional conversations, you can express yourself through a card. You can make it as simple or nostalgic as you like, or infuse it with humour. Cards also make a great keepsake.
• Give a gift. There are many "proposal" gifts available that say "Will you be my best man?", from personalised t-shirts to whiskey glasses. Alternatively, give a gift that ties back to your relationship, such as a personalised coffee mug or a bottle of their favourite spirit with a custom label.
• Go old-school with a telegram. Send your best mate a telegram featuring vintage stamps to make them feel honoured.
• Get a starter kit. Give your prospective best man a starter pack with essentials like cufflinks, a bow tie, and a small bottle of their favourite drink.
• Give them a book. Hand over a book on speech-writing, or one that ties into a shared interest, like cycling, and ask the question in the front.
• Ask in person. While there's no strict etiquette, it's generally recommended that you ask in person. Set up a one-on-one hang session and ask the question over a drink or during a favourite shared activity.

Remember, your best man is an important person in your life, and ultimately, they'll just be happy to be there to support you on your big day.

The best man's speech

Being chosen as the best man for a wedding is an honour and a big responsibility. The best man's speech is a chance to celebrate the groom, entertain the guests, and show support for the happy couple. It's a memorable moment that will be remembered for a lifetime, so it's important to get it right. Here are some tips and suggestions to help you craft a meaningful and engaging best man's speech.

• Start by introducing yourself and explaining your connection to the couple. You can add a quick joke or a quote to make it more engaging. For example, "Hello everyone! For those who don't know me, thank you so much for coming to my wedding. [pause for laughter] Sorry about that...I'm a little nervous."
• Thank the previous speakers, including the maid of honour, and the couple's parents for raising incredible adults and hosting a wonderful celebration.

Content and Structure:

• Share personal stories, fond memories, and funny anecdotes about the groom. Avoid rambling and keep the stories lighthearted and short.
• Talk about the couple's relationship, including how they met and how their love has grown. If you played a role in bringing them together, feel free to mention it.
• Include the bride in your stories and speak about her new spouse. Highlight their strengths and why they are a great couple.
• If you are the best man for your brother, you can share some childhood memories and how your relationship has evolved over the years.
• If the best man is the groom's best friend, he can talk about how they met and the impact the groom has had on his life.

Delivery and Tone:

• Keep the speech positive, lighthearted, and humorous. While it's okay to share sentimental moments, avoid making it too emotional.
• Stay true to yourself and your personality. There's no need to adopt a character or try to be someone you're not. If you're not a comedian, don't force jokes, and if you're not usually sentimental, don't force that either.
• Focus on the couple rather than your relationship with the groom. While it's fine to include a story or two about your friendship, don't make it the main focus of the speech.
• Avoid inside jokes or references that only a few people will understand. Make sure your speech is inclusive and engaging for all guests.
• Keep the speech concise and to the point. Aim for a length of 3 to 7 minutes, depending on the number of speakers and the timeline of the reception.

• Conclude your speech with a heartfelt toast, wishing the couple a lifetime of happiness, love, and success. You can include a final joke or a marriage quote from a movie or book.
• Raise your glass and ask everyone to join you in celebrating the newlyweds.

Frequently asked questions