Mastering Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Plus Ones Edition

Wedding planning is no easy feat, and addressing wedding invitations can be a tricky task. While there are no set rules, there are best practices and wedding invitation etiquette to help make the process a whole lot easier. The outer envelope should be formal, including the recipient's full name and title. For a guest with a plus one, the outer envelope should include only the guest's name, and the inner envelope should include the guest's name and and guest. For a more modern approach, couples may choose to forgo titles and use first and last names only.

Addressing the outer envelope

When addressing the outer envelope of a wedding invitation, it is important to follow certain etiquette guidelines to ensure that your guests feel welcomed and respected. Here are some detailed instructions for addressing the outer envelope when your guests have a plus one:

• Formality and Titles: Traditionally, the outer envelope is more formal. Include the recipient's full name and their personal title (Mr., Mrs., Ms., Miss, Mx., Dr., etc.). This works for couples of all genders, with the same or different surnames. However, if using titles feels restrictive, you can opt for a more modern approach by using only first and last names. Always respect a non-binary guest's preferred title, such as Mx.
• Married Couples: When inviting a married couple, write their names on the same line. If they have different last names, list the person you are closest with first, or go in alphabetical order. If one spouse has taken the other's surname, you can reflect that in the address (e.g., Mr. John and Mrs. Samantha Rivera).
• Unmarried Couples: For unmarried couples living together, include both names on separate lines on the outer envelope. Again, list the person you are closest with first or go in alphabetical order.
• Single Guests with a Plus One: If a single guest is invited with a plus one, the outer envelope should only include their name. Do not add "and Guest." The inner envelope or invitation card can then specify "and Guest" or the name of the plus one if you have that information.
• Inner Envelope or Invitation Card: The inner envelope or the invitation card itself is where you can provide more details about the plus one. You can simply write "and Guest" if you don't know the name, or you can include the name of the plus one to make it more personal.
• Seating Arrangements: Consider how the plus ones will fit into your seating plan. It is generally advisable to avoid creating a "singles-only" table, as this may make your single guests feel singled out. Instead, try to seat them with outgoing and friendly couples or other singles to create a communal feel and facilitate organic introductions.

Addressing the inner envelope

The inner envelope is where you can be more informal and creative with your wording. This is where you can include the names of plus ones or guests.

If you are inviting a single guest with a plus one, you can write their name on the outer envelope and then their name followed by "and guest" on the inner envelope. For example, "Ms. Ali Johnson" on the outer envelope and "Ms. Johnson and guest" on the inner envelope. This is a clear way to indicate that they are invited to bring a guest.

If you know the name of the plus one, you can include it on the inner envelope. For example, "Sam Li and Guest" or "Sam Li and Jane Smith". This is a more personalised approach and avoids the use of "and guest".

Another option is to include a note inside the invitation, such as "You are invited to bring a plus one" or "You are invited to bring a guest". This approach allows you to address the outer envelope to the specific guest without mentioning a plus one, and then provide the additional information inside.

The inner envelope is also where you can list the names of children who are invited. If there are multiple children, list their names in descending order of age. For girls under 18, you can use "Miss" if you wish, and for boys, the title "Mr." is used from age 16 onwards.

Who traditionally gets a plus one?

When it comes to wedding planning, deciding who gets a plus one can be tricky. While there are no hard and fast rules, there are some traditional guidelines and best practices to follow. Here are some tips on who traditionally gets a plus one:

Married, Engaged, and Cohabitating Guests

One traditional guideline is to offer a plus one to guests who are married, engaged, or living together. This is because spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners are considered a "package deal." Even if the couple getting married hasn't met the guest's partner or isn't particularly fond of them, it is respectful to include them.

Wedding Party Members

It is customary to offer a plus one to members of the wedding party, such as bridesmaids and groomsmen. This is a way to show appreciation for their commitment and support during the wedding planning process.

Out-of-Town Guests

Out-of-town guests who may not know many other attendees are commonly given plus-one privileges. This is to ensure they don't feel out of place or lonely at the wedding.

Immediate Family Members

It is also traditional to offer a plus one to members of the couple's immediate family, especially if they are single and/or don't know many other guests.

Serious or Long-Term Relationships

Couples who are in serious or long-term relationships, even if they are not living together, are often given plus-one invitations. This is especially true if the couple getting married doesn't know the primary guest's partner well.

Single Guests Who Are Casually Dating

On the other hand, single guests who are casually dating or in new relationships are not traditionally given a plus one. If someone hasn't been in a relationship for a significant amount of time (usually over a year), it is not considered a priority to allow them to bring their partner.

Single Guests Who Know Other Guests

Single guests who are part of a friend group or family where everyone knows each other typically do not need a plus one. They are expected to be comfortable and have a good time surrounded by familiar faces.

Coworkers

When it comes to coworkers, it is often the case that if one coworker is allowed to bring a guest, all of them should be given the same privilege. However, this can quickly increase costs and the guest count.

Ultimately, the decision on who gets a plus one depends on the couple's budget, venue constraints, and personal preferences. It is important to keep in mind that every wedding is different, and what works for one couple may not work for another.

Creating a clear and elegant message

Keep the Message Short and Sweet

When informing guests that they must come alone, be concise and gentle in your wording. You can simply state the number of seats reserved for each guest, indicating that they cannot bring a plus one. For example, "We have reserved one seat for you" or "Seats reserved: 1". This approach is clear and elegant, leaving no room for confusion.

Addressing the Envelopes

The outer envelope should include only the name of the guest who is invited, whether they are getting a plus one or not. This ensures that the invitation is directed specifically to them. For the inner envelope, mention their name and "and Guest" if they are invited with a plus one. This way, they will know that they are welcome to bring a guest.

Online Invitations

If you are sending online invitations, be sure to include the names of the invited guests at the beginning of the email. Address the primary guest and clearly mention if they are invited with a plus one. You can say, "You are invited to bring a guest" or "You are invited to bring a plus one".

Traditional Guidelines

Traditionally, wedding invitations have an outer and inner envelope. The outer envelope is more formal and addresses the recipient(s) by their full name(s) and title(s). This works for couples of all genders, even if they don't share a surname. If you prefer a more modern approach, you can forgo the titles and use only first and last names. Always remember to respect your guests' preferred titles and pronouns.

Married and Unmarried Couples

When inviting a married couple, put their names on the same line. If they have different last names, list the person you are closest with first, or go in alphabetical order. For unmarried couples living together, include both names on separate lines on the outer envelope. On the inner envelope, you can use more informal language, such as first names only or a combination of titles and last names.

Be Mindful of Budget and Space Constraints

Remember that it is your wedding, and you may not be able to accommodate a plus one for every single guest due to budget and space restrictions. It is perfectly acceptable to have guests attend solo, especially if they know other people at the wedding.

What to do if you're only using one envelope

If you're only using one envelope, all invited parties should be clearly stated on the front. This includes guests that are typically only listed on the inner envelope, such as plus-ones and children. If you're short on space, you can replace children's individual names with "and Family" or opt for something like "The Abraham Family".

For a single guest with a plus-one, it's best to know the name of the person they will bring. If not, simply include "and Guest" after the invitee's name. For example, "Mr. Tyler Morris & Guest".

If you are inviting someone with a plus-one, try to find out the name and address of their date and send two separate invitations. If that's not possible, address the outside envelope to the primary invitee, with the inside envelope reading "Ms. Jane Doe and Guest". If you know who they will be bringing, it's more personal to include that person's name on a separate line.

If you are inviting a family with children, the outside envelope should be addressed only to the parents. Children's names should appear on the inner envelope, in order of age, with girls under 18 addressed as "Miss". If you are only using one envelope, write the parents' names followed by "and Family", or list all family members' names.

Frequently asked questions