The Best Man: How To Stand Out

The role of a best man is typically assigned to the groom's closest friend or family member, but this can vary depending on the couple's dynamics. While there is no strict rule about the number of best men a groom can have, differentiating between multiple best men can be challenging. Some suggestions include giving them different titles, such as mister best man and master best man, or assigning specific roles, such as one being the ring bearer and the other signing the wedding certificate. Ultimately, the best way to differentiate between best men is to clearly divide their responsibilities and ensure that they are dressed similarly to the groom.

Planning the stag do

Chat with the Groom

Before you start planning, sit down with the groom and gather all the necessary information. Discuss his availability, preferred duration (day, night, weekend, etc.), budget, expectations, and any special requests or activities he wants to include. It's also crucial to get a full invite list with contact details, as well as any relevant information about the guests, such as non-drinkers, medical conditions, or dietary requirements. Finally, ask the groom how involved he wants to be in the planning process. While traditionally, stags are kept in the dark, some may want to be informed or even actively participate in the planning.

Establish the Planning Team

While the best man typically organises the stag do, you don't have to do it alone. Some grooms may assign this duty to two or three people to share the workload. If you're flying solo and feel overwhelmed, don't hesitate to enlist the help of a groomsman or usher. Just remember that too many cooks can spoil the broth, so keep the planning team small and efficient.

Create the Guest List

The guest list should ultimately come from the groom. Once you have it, stick to it—no additions! It's important to respect the groom's wishes and ensure that only people he wants to be there are invited.

Create a Group Chat

Now, create a legendary stag do group chat! Whether or not the stag is included will depend on their desired level of involvement. Start by introducing yourself and any other planners, then ask each guest to introduce themselves as well. This is especially helpful for guests who may be less familiar with the group, ensuring everyone feels included from the start.

Decide on Budget and Duration

With the group introduced, it's time to discuss finances. Give the group a ballpark figure based on the type of stag do the groom wants, and ask if everyone is comfortable with that spending range. This will give you a clear idea of the total budget and help determine who is on board with the proposed duration.

Propose Dates

Propose three to five dates that work for the groom, and ask the group to select their preferred options. If there are key attendees the stag wants to ensure are present, prioritise their availability. Encourage guests to be as flexible as possible and select all the dates they can make. After a week or two, choose the date based on majority rules or the availability of those key players.

Communicate a Payment Plan

Before booking activities and accommodation, establish a payment plan. Most people request a deposit to secure bookings, followed by one or two additional payment dates leading up to the event. Give guests ample notice, ideally at least one paycheque's worth of time, before requiring the initial deposit.

Choose a Theme or Main Activity

With dates and budget sorted, it's time to select one or two main activities or themes to shape the stag do. This could be an adrenaline-pumping adventure, a live event, or a classic bar crawl. The choice depends entirely on the type of stag do you and the groom are after.

Book Accommodation

If the stag do involves an overnight stay or a weekend away, secure group accommodation. Check that the venue allows stag parties and note check-in and check-out times, as well as any ground rules like noise curfews or no-smoking policies.

Organise Transport

For local stag dos, guests can usually arrange their own transport. However, if you're travelling abroad, it's best to book flights for the group simultaneously to ensure you're all on the same flight. Don't forget to ensure everyone has a valid passport! For UK stag dos, start looking into travel arrangements a couple of months in advance, and always ask the group their preferred mode of transport.

Draft an Itinerary

With the main logistics in place, create a detailed itinerary for the group. Include expected arrival times, activity details and locations, estimated durations, free time, and the expected end time. If there are specific dress codes or outfits needed for any part of the stag do, be sure to mention them as well.

Update the Group

Once you've made bookings and finalised plans, send an update to the group. Include details of any additional activities, especially those that require props, outfits, or gifts for the stag. This is also a great time to ask for feedback and ideas for smaller activities and games to make the event even more memorable.

Plan the Little Details

With feedback and ideas from the group, it's time to plan the little touches that will make the stag do unique and entertaining. Brainstorm hilarious stag do games, arrange a scavenger hunt, or get creative with other finishing touches.

Collect Final Payments

As the event draws closer, ensure everyone has paid up. Be mindful and polite when chasing payments, as some guests may be embarrassed or struggling financially.

Send the Final Itinerary

If there have been any changes or additions to the plan, send out a final message with all the essential details to get the group pumped for the celebration.

Enjoy the Stag Do!

Last but not least, when the big day arrives, relax and enjoy the fruits of your labour! Remember, it's an honour to be trusted with planning the stag do, and your hard work will ensure the groom has an unforgettable send-off into married life.

Choosing the groom's attire

The groom's attire should complement the wedding's theme and formality, whether it's a casual, semi-formal, or formal event. It should also match the venue, season, and time of day.

The groom's attire should also complement the bride's gown without overwhelming it. It's also important to adhere to the dress code; for example, a black-tie event calls for a tuxedo.

If the groom wants to stand out from the groomsmen, he can do so in several ways:

• Wearing a tux while the groomsmen wear suits
• Wearing a different colour suit
• Wearing a different style of suit, e.g. double-breasted instead of single-breasted
• Wearing a different fabric, e.g. corduroy or linen
• Wearing a boutonniere
• Wearing a different tie or bowtie
• Wearing a print, e.g. a patterned blazer, pocket square, or socks
• Elevating their look with a different colour, high-quality fabric, or structure and silhouette

Holding the rings

Traditionally, the best man holds both the bride's and groom's rings, presenting them at the crucial moment when the couple exchanges them. However, if you feel more comfortable, you can give the rings to the maid of honour or another member of the wedding party.

If you are using a ring cushion or box, it is recommended to secure the rings with ribbon or by placing them in a box glued to the cushion. This ensures that the rings do not roll away if they come loose during the ceremony. Alternatively, the best man can keep the rings in his pocket, preferably in a ring box to prevent them from getting lost.

If there are no groomsmen or adult attendants, the rings can be given to the officiant to hold or to both sets of parents, creating a sweet, intimate moment when they bring them up during the ceremony.

It is a good idea to practice the handover of the rings during the rehearsal to ensure a seamless transition when the moment arrives.

Greeting guests

Make a Good First Impression:

First impressions are crucial and hard to change. Ensure you are well-presented and exude a friendly and approachable demeanour. A smile goes a long way in making guests feel welcome and setting a positive tone for their stay.

Establish Eye Contact:

Eye contact is a simple yet powerful form of non-verbal communication. It helps guests feel recognised and valued, even if you are momentarily busy. Continue to maintain eye contact throughout your interaction to establish a connection.

Be Approachable and Accessible:

Differentiate yourself from the guests by wearing a distinct outfit or a name tag. This helps guests identify you as the best man and makes you easily approachable for any questions or concerns they may have.

Show Genuine Interest:

Engage in natural conversations with guests. Ask open-ended questions to learn about their reasons for attending, their interests, and any other details that will help you cater to their needs. This will help you build a personal connection and offer tailored suggestions to enhance their experience.

Offer Assistance:

Whether they ask for it or not, always offer guests assistance with their queries, luggage, or recommendations for activities and restaurants. Go the extra mile by providing helpful tips about the local area, including transportation, attractions, and dining options.

Make Guests Feel Special:

Take the time to find out if any guests are celebrating a special occasion, such as a birthday, honeymoon, or anniversary. Offer them a small gift, an upgrade, or a personalised note to make them feel extra special and leave a lasting impression.

Provide Accurate Wait Times:

Keep guests informed by providing accurate wait times if you are busy. This reduces the likelihood of their impatience and allows them to plan their time effectively.

Stay Calm and Positive:

Even in stressful or busy situations, maintain a calm and positive attitude. Offer solutions and handle any complaints or issues with a smile.

Be Cordial and Professional:

Always be polite and respectful, even when facing challenging situations or difficult guests. Use appropriate language and avoid inappropriate gestures or physical contact that may make guests uncomfortable.

Provide Necessary Information:

Ensure guests receive essential information, including check-in and check-out times, Wi-Fi details, and a clear explanation of any relevant policies and procedures.

By following these tips, you will be well on your way to creating a warm and welcoming atmosphere that will leave a positive and lasting impression on your guests.

Escorting the maid of honour

Be confident and friendly

As the best man, you will be one of the central figures at the wedding, so it's important to carry yourself with confidence. Smile and be friendly as you escort the maid of honour, and don't be afraid to strike up a conversation with her as you walk. This will help both of you relax and enjoy the moment.

Know the timing

Make sure you are clear on the timing of the ceremony and when you need to escort the maid of honour out. Traditionally, this happens immediately after the ceremony, before the newly married couple exits. Be mindful of the couple's preferences and the flow of the ceremony, and be ready to escort the maid of honour at the appropriate moment.

Practice beforehand

If possible, try to meet and spend some time with the maid of honour before the wedding day. This will help to remove any potential awkwardness and ensure you both feel comfortable with each other. You can also use this opportunity to discuss the timing and logistics of the escort.

Be mindful of your surroundings

As you escort the maid of honour, be aware of your surroundings and the other people involved in the ceremony. Make sure you don't block the view of guests or disrupt the flow of the ceremony. Move with grace and poise, and be mindful of any potential hazards, such as uneven ground or stairs.

Offer a gentle hand

When offering your hand to the maid of honour, be gentle and respectful. A light touch on the elbow or lower back is usually sufficient. Be mindful of her comfort and personal space, and adjust your position as needed. Remember, your role is to guide and accompany her, not to overwhelm or distract.

Dress to impress

As the best man, you will likely be wearing a suit or tuxedo. Make sure your outfit is well-fitted and coordinated with the other groomsmen. Consider adding a unique touch, such as a distinctive boutonniere or pocket square, to set yourself apart. Ensure your appearance is impeccable, as you will be escorting the maid of honour in front of the newly married couple.

Frequently asked questions