Choosing Your Bridal Party: Honor And Support

Choosing your maid of honor and bridesmaids can be a difficult decision, especially if you have many close friends and family members. However, there are several criteria a good maid of honor and bridesmaid should meet, so it may be an easier decision than you think.

First, consider the obvious choice. If you have a sister, a best friend, or a cousin who is like a sibling, they would usually be a good fit. If you have a female friend or relative who is closer to you than the rest, don't second guess yourself.

If you don't have a sister or a best friend, that's okay and normal. In that case, look for someone with leadership ability, excellent organization skills, and the ability to delegate. They should be a peacemaker, not a drama starter, and they should be comfortable letting you shine on your big day.

Remember, you don't have to choose just one maid of honor. You can have two maids of honor, a maid and a matron of honor, or no maid of honor at all. Your wedding party should reflect your unique relationships, so do what feels right to you and your partner.

Assess your bridesmaids' strengths

When choosing your maid of honor, it's important to assess your bridesmaids' strengths and be honest about their abilities. Think about your needs as a bride and who among your bridesmaids is best suited to meet them.

For example, consider their organisational skills and how reliable they are. If you need help with planning and keeping a cool head, a bridesmaid who is great at organising events and staying calm under pressure may be a good fit for the role.

You should also think about who can offer you the best support on your big day. This could be someone who knows you intimately and can offer the right words of advice to calm your nerves. It's also worth considering who can help with practical tasks, such as making sure you eat and drink, helping you with your dress and holding your bouquet.

The maid of honor will also need to be able to afford the financial requirements of the role, so this is something else to bear in mind when assessing your bridesmaids' strengths.

Don't be confined by gender

While choosing your maid of honor, it is important to remember that you don't have to be confined by gender. The role of maid of honor is not confined to any gender, and you can have a man or person of honor instead. If you have a close male friend or relative, such as a brother, you may want to ask them to take on this role.

If you have a non-gender-conforming bridesmaid, it is important to be respectful of their identity and preferences. For example, if they are uncomfortable wearing a dress, you should not force them to do so. Instead, you can offer them alternative outfits that align with their gender expression, such as a suit or pants and a shirt.

Additionally, when it comes to wedding-related events and festivities, try to be inclusive and accommodating. For example, if you are having a bachelorette party, invite your non-gender-conforming bridesmaid and give them a heads-up about any activities that may make them uncomfortable. During activities like hair and makeup, provide them with non-gender-conforming options, such as a pedicure or a role as the official photographer.

When it comes to gifts, avoid traditionally feminine presents. Instead, opt for something that aligns with their interests and communicates that you see them as an individual, such as a unique pocket knife, a modern laptop bag, or a high-end wireless speaker.

Remember, the most important thing is to approach these conversations with love and respect. Ask your friend what they are comfortable with and listen with an open mind and heart. Ultimately, your wedding is about celebrating your love and the people who matter to you, so make sure everyone feels included and valued.

Consider choosing a family member

When it comes to choosing your maid of honor and bridesmaids, there are many factors to consider. One option to consider is choosing a family member for these roles. Here are some reasons why choosing a family member can be a great option:

First and foremost, family members can provide a sense of stability and support throughout the wedding planning process. They may have a better understanding of family dynamics and relationships, which can be helpful when navigating any potential challenges or conflicts that may arise. Family members are also more likely to be familiar with important family traditions or rituals that you may want to incorporate into your wedding. Including them in your bridal party can make these traditions more meaningful and special.

Additionally, choosing a family member as your maid of honor or bridesmaid can strengthen family bonds and create lasting memories. Including your sister, cousin, or another close family member in your bridal party can be a way to honor your relationship and create a deeper connection. The wedding planning process and the shared experience of being in a bridal party can bring you closer together and create a unique bond that will last well beyond the wedding day.

Another advantage of choosing a family member is the potential for long-term closeness and stability in your relationship. Family members are less likely to move away or drift apart due to life changes, so you can trust that they will be by your side not just on your wedding day, but also for future milestones and celebrations. This can provide a sense of comfort and security, knowing that your family member-turned-maid-of-honor or bridesmaid will be there for the long haul.

Lastly, family members often bring a unique perspective and set of skills to the bridal party. They may have different insights or ideas that can enhance your wedding planning process and make it more enjoyable and meaningful. Whether it's their creativity, organizational skills, or emotional support, family members can contribute to the bridal party dynamic in a special way.

When considering who to choose as your maid of honor and bridesmaids, keep in mind that family members can provide a strong support system and enhance your wedding with their love and unique talents. So, don't hesitate to include your sister, cousin, or another special family member in your bridal party! It will create lasting memories and strengthen your bond even further.

Make sure your MOH can afford it

Being a maid of honor is a huge honor, but it's also a huge financial commitment. Before asking someone to be your MOH, it's important to consider whether they can afford it. The average cost of being a bridesmaid is around $1,200 and can go up to $1,800, and as the MOH has extra duties, including planning and contributing financially to the bridal shower and bachelorette party, their costs could be even higher.

To ensure your chosen MOH can afford these expenses, it's a good idea to have a frank and open conversation with them about the various costs involved. Be clear about the total cost of all your bridal-related events from the very beginning, so there are no surprises. You should also be open to discussing alternative options if certain aspects are unaffordable for your MOH. For example, if you have your heart set on expensive outfits, you could consider subsidizing the cost for your bridal party.

It's also worth noting that as a couple, you may want to consider covering some of the costs for your bridal party. This could include hair and makeup, flowers, day-of transportation, and snacks and meals on the wedding day. By being mindful of the financial burden on your bridal party, you can ensure that everyone has a positive and enjoyable experience.

Remember, it's important to choose a MOH who you have a close and meaningful connection with and who you feel comfortable discussing financial matters with. Ultimately, you want to ensure that your wedding is a happy and memorable occasion for everyone involved.

Ensure they understand the duties

It's important to ensure that your maid of honor understands the duties involved in the role. While it's a huge honor, it's also a big responsibility and a significant time and financial commitment.

The maid of honor will be the bride's right-hand person and chief bridesmaid. She will act as the bride's key personal attendant during the engagement and on the wedding day, aiming to reduce stress and provide a calming presence. In the lead-up to the wedding, she will host events such as the bridal shower, plan the bachelorette party, and coordinate the other bridesmaids. She may also be involved in addressing invitations, stuffing envelopes, and helping with wedding planning and any DIY projects. On the day itself, her duties might include helping the bride get dressed, ensuring she eats and drinks, holding her bouquet, and providing emotional support. She may also be asked to make a speech, sign the marriage certificate, and dance with the best man.

The financial cost of being a maid of honor should not be underestimated. The average cost of being a bridesmaid can be upwards of $1,000, and the maid of honor may incur additional expenses due to her extra duties. These costs should be communicated clearly and honestly by the bride to ensure her chosen maid of honor is fully aware of the financial commitment involved.

It's also important to remember that the maid of honor's duties may vary according to the bride's wishes and the specific circumstances of the wedding. A frank and open discussion between the bride and her chosen maid of honor is essential to ensure a clear understanding of expectations and to avoid any potential misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

Frequently asked questions