Asking Ring Bearer's Parents: A Guide

When asking parents of your desired ring bearer, it is important to give the parents enough notice. This is so they can make travel plans or other arrangements to be a part of the festivities. It is also a good idea to ask both parents if they are comfortable with their child taking on the role, as there may be reasons you haven't considered that could make their involvement challenging. It is also important to be upfront about expectations and responsibilities, such as attire, and whether the parents will be expected to pay for it.

Ask the parents first

When it comes to asking children to be part of your wedding as a ring bearer or flower girl, it's important to first seek permission from their parents. This is considered the polite and proper etiquette. There are a few reasons for this. Firstly, it takes time and money to be part of a wedding, and the parents will usually be the ones paying for the child's attire and transport. Secondly, the parents may have their own considerations, such as a child with special needs, or they may simply want to enjoy the wedding without having to supervise their child. Thirdly, you don't want to get the child excited about being in the wedding party, only to be let down if their parents say no.

It's best to give the parents plenty of notice, but don't ask the children until a few months before the wedding. This will help to build anticipation without making them wait too long. You can ask the parents in person, over the phone, via text, email, or a handwritten card. It's a good idea to use your usual method of communication to avoid any pressure to respond immediately. When you ask, be clear about your expectations, including whether there will be a rehearsal, what they will wear, and who will pay for it. You can also mention that you will be asking other children to be part of the wedding party to avoid any jealousy.

Once you have the parents' blessing, you can make a special proposal to the children, including a gift or card. This will make the wedding day more fun and memorable for them.

Give the parents enough notice

It is important to give the parents of your chosen ring bearer enough notice. This is a key aspect of asking a child to be part of your wedding party. The parents will need to make travel plans or other arrangements to be part of the festivities, so the earlier you ask, the better. It is also considerate to give them enough time to think about the time and financial commitments involved. Being in a wedding party involves costs for the parents, such as the child's attire, and they may need to take time off work to attend.

It is also worth noting that you should not ask the children until a few months before the wedding. A year is a long time for a child to wait, and they may struggle to maintain their excitement for that long. It is best to wait to share the news with the children until a month or two before the wedding or whenever you need to order their attire.

If the parents of your chosen ring bearer live far away, you may need to consider how you will ask them. You could ask them in person if you have a planned event coming up, or you could call them, send a card, or use your usual method of communication, such as text or email. If you do call, you could say something like:

> "We're about a year away and I wanted to give you some time to think about it. We'd love for [child's name] to be our ring bearer at our wedding! If this is something you're interested in, mull it over and let me know—you don't have to answer right away."

If you are worried about them not giving you an answer right away, a card or your usual method of communication may be a better option.

Explain the role and responsibilities

The role of the ring bearer is to deliver the wedding rings down the aisle during the ceremony. In a traditional wedding procession, the ring bearer walks down the aisle after the maid of honour and bridesmaids and is followed by the flower girl, who precedes the bride. The ring bearer then hands the rings to either the officiant or the best man at the altar. Depending on their age, the ring bearer can then either stand with the rest of the wedding party at the altar or sit down.

The ring bearer is usually a child, typically between the ages of three and eight. However, the role can be performed by an older child or an adult. The ring bearer is often a relative of the couple, such as a nephew or the child of the maid of honour or best man.

The ring bearer traditionally carries the rings on a pillow, but other options include a box, a briefcase, or a ribbon tied around a favourite poem or scripture. The ring bearer may carry the real rings, but many couples opt for fake rings as a precaution.

The ring bearer's outfit should be consistent with the wedding party's attire and match the level of formality of the event. The ring bearer's parents typically pay for their child's outfit and accessories, as well as their own. It is customary for the couple to give the ring bearer a gift, such as something to wear on the day of the wedding or a personalised memento.

The ring bearer should be invited to the wedding reception, even if it is an adults-only event. They can be seated with their parents or at a kids' table with a babysitter, kid-friendly food, and activities.

Discuss attire and costs

When asking the parents of your chosen ring bearer, it's important to discuss the attire and costs involved. While you can make your own rules when it comes to the ring bearer's attire, it's a good idea to keep the formality of your wedding in mind. If you're having a black-tie affair, the ring bearer should wear a tuxedo and dress shoes. For a more casual wedding, a button-down shirt or polo shirt may be more appropriate.

The ring bearer's outfit should complement the wedding party's attire. For example, the ring bearer can take cues from the groomsmen's outfits. It's also essential to talk to the parents about their preferences and budget. They will typically be responsible for purchasing the ring bearer's outfit and accessories, so it's important to be accommodating. If your wedding budget allows, you may offer to pay for the ring bearer's costs, especially if you have specific and potentially expensive ideas in mind.

Keep in mind that comfort is crucial, especially for younger ring bearers. Avoid stiff and itchy attire, as it may cause discomfort and crankiness. Also, consider the fabric of the outfit, opting for something wrinkle and stain-resistant.

In addition to the outfit, there may be other costs to consider, such as shoes and accessories. Discuss these expenses with the parents to ensure they are comfortable with the financial commitment. It is also a thoughtful gesture to get a gift for the ring bearer, such as a DIY terrarium, a stuffed animal, or a bubble kit.

Include a small gift or card

Including a small gift or card is a thoughtful way to ask the parents of your chosen ring bearer. Here are some ideas on how to do this:

Gifts

Small gifts are a great way to show that you are thinking of them and their child. You could consider something like:

• A personalised card, puzzle, or scratch-off card asking the child to be your ring bearer.
• A ring-themed gift, such as a ring pop or a ring bearer teddy bear.
• A gift related to the wedding, such as a ring bearer t-shirt, a ring bearer tote bag, or a ring bearer water bottle.
• A fun toy or game, such as a baseball, a yo-yo, or a puzzle.
• Something related to the child's interests, like a book, a stuffed animal, or a personalised cape.

Cards

If you would like to send a card, here are some ideas:

• Include a proposal card with fun wedding-themed illustrations, your wedding date, and a message asking the child to be part of your big day.
• Send a cute card with a personal message, such as "We'd love to have [child's name] be our flower girl at our wedding! If this is something you're interested in, mull it over and let us know. You don't have to answer right away."
• Mail a card with a physical gift or small token to remind them of your request.

Remember, it is important to give the parents enough time to think about your request and discuss it with their child. You don't want to pressure them into making a decision right away.

Frequently asked questions