Asking Your Brother To Be Your Best Man

Asking your brother to be your best man can be a daunting task, but it's important to remember that it's your wedding and your decision. There are no hard and fast rules, and you can choose whoever you want for the role. If you think your brother will be disappointed or if you're worried about family drama, it's a good idea to be upfront and set expectations early. You can have a conversation with him, expressing your love and asking if he will be your best man. This direct approach is the most common method. However, if you want to make it more fun, there are creative ways to pop the question, such as using gifts like bow ties, socks, whisky glasses, or even a personalised beer bottle with your face on it!

How to ask your brother to be your best man over a conversation

Asking your brother to be your best man is a big deal, so it's important to consider how you want to ask him. Here are some ideas for how to ask your brother to be your best man over a conversation:

Plan a Special Outing

You can plan a special outing or activity that you and your brother will enjoy together. For example, if you both enjoy golfing, you can take him out for a round of golf and pop the question during the game. Alternatively, if you share a passion for a particular sports team, you can invite him over to watch a game and ask during halftime. Making your request during a shared activity is a great way to make your ask feel more personal and memorable.

Have a Heart-to-Heart

If you're comfortable with emotional conversations, consider having a heart-to-heart talk with your brother. Express your feelings and let him know how much he means to you. You can say something like, "I love you, and I want you by my side on my wedding day. Will you be my best man?" This direct approach is a sincere and heartfelt way to ask your brother to be your best man.

Write a Meaningful Card

If you find it challenging to express your emotions verbally, you can always put your thoughts into writing. Write your brother a card expressing your feelings and asking him to be your best man. You can make it nostalgic by highlighting your favourite memories together or simply ask him in a straightforward manner. A card also serves as a wonderful keepsake for your brother to cherish.

Keep It Casual

Depending on your relationship dynamic, you might prefer to ask your brother in a more casual and laid-back manner. This approach is especially suitable if your brother is more introverted or prefers a low-key style. You can simply ask, "Hey bro, I'm wondering if you'd be my best man at my wedding?" This direct yet relaxed approach takes the pressure off and allows your brother to respond without any fuss.

Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Choose a method that feels comfortable and authentic to your relationship with your brother. Good luck with your conversation and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Ideas for gifts to give your brother when asking him to be your best man

Asking your brother to be your best man is a special moment, and giving him a gift when you ask him is a thoughtful way to make the moment even more memorable. Here are some ideas for gifts to give your brother when asking him to be your best man:

Personalised Gifts

A personalised gift is always a great option as it shows extra thought and care. You could get him a custom engraved item, such as a pocket knife, a flask, or a leather wallet. If you want to give him something more practical, you could opt for a personalised golf divot tool or a set of golf balls. Another idea is to give him a custom picture frame with a photo of the two of you, or a "Will You Be My Best Man?" card.

Experiences

If your brother is more of an experience person, you could gift him a fun activity or a memorable weekend getaway. This could be something like a nice dinner, a concert, or a sporting event. If he's into culture, consider getting him tickets to a play or a museum exhibition. Or, if he's the adventurous type, you could plan a brother's trip or an exciting outdoor activity like white water rafting or skydiving.

Sentimental Gifts

A sentimental gift is always heartwarming and can be a beautiful way to express your feelings. You could create a scrapbook or photo album of your favourite memories together, or frame a meaningful photograph. If you're crafty, you could make him something, like a knitted scarf or a painted picture. Another idea is to write him a heartfelt letter expressing your love and gratitude, which is sure to become a cherished keepsake.

Fun Gifts

If your brother has a good sense of humour, you can lean into fun gifts that will make him laugh. This could be a funny t-shirt or hoodie with a playful message, such as "World's Best Brother". Mugs with funny messages or inside jokes are also a great option. You could even get him a pair of personalised socks with his face on them!

Practical Gifts

Sometimes, a practical gift is the way to go, especially if your brother is a no-fuss kind of guy. You could get him a nice set of cufflinks, a stylish tie, or a pocket square that he can wear on your wedding day. If he's into gadgets, consider a cool tech gift, like a smart speaker or a new pair of headphones. A nice bottle of liquor or a case of craft beer can also be a practical yet enjoyable gift.

Ways to include your brother in your wedding if he isn't the best man

There are many ways to include your brother in your wedding, even if he isn't the best man. Here are some ideas to ensure he still plays an important and meaningful role on your big day:

Usher

He can direct guests to their seats for the ceremony, hand out booklets, and get guests mingling at the reception.

Driver

If your brother has a nice car he'd like to show off, he could be your chauffeur for the day, taking you from A to B in style.

Speech-giver

As your brother, he can share fun and heartfelt stories from your childhood during a speech.

Readings or music

Including your brother in readings or musical performances is a nice way to involve him in the ceremony.

Officiant

If he's a great public speaker, your brother could be your non-legal celebrant, adding a personal touch to the proceedings.

Ring-bearer

As long as he's reliable, your brother could be the ring-bearer, a role that comes with a lot of responsibility and trust.

Baker/Crafter/Designer

If your brother has any special skills, such as baking or graphic design, you can utilise his talents. For example, he could create your wedding cake or design your wedding stationery.

Handyman

If your brother is happy to help, you can put him to work setting up the venue, making collections, or hanging decorations.

Family Processional

If your family is especially close, you could have a family processional where your brother walks down the aisle with your parents and other siblings. This symbolises their support and the merging of families.

Sibling Dance

If you and your brother have a special family dance or a favourite song, make sure it gets played at the reception and ask him to join you on the dance floor.

How to break the news to your brother that you've chosen someone else to be your best man

If you think your brother will be disappointed about not being chosen as the best man, it is best to be upfront and set expectations early on. You don't need to apologise or make a big announcement, but you can always just mention that you've chosen someone else to be your best man. It is a good idea to have another role for your brother, such as a groomsman, usher, driver, or speech-giver, ready to go. This way, you can still include him in your wedding.

If you and your brother are close, he will probably already know who you're going to choose, so he won't be put out in the slightest. However, if you think he will be upset or if you think it will cause drama in your family, it's best to be honest and direct. You can say something like, "I just wanted to let you know that I've chosen [name of best man] to be my best man. I hope you understand, and I would love for you to be a groomsman/usher/etc."

It's important to remember that your wedding is about you and your partner, and you should choose whoever you want to be your best man. Your brother's feelings are also valid, and it's natural for him to be disappointed or hurt if he wasn't chosen. However, there are other ways to include him in your wedding and make him feel valued.

By having a honest conversation with your brother, you can express your feelings and explain your decision. It's also important to listen to his perspective and try to understand his feelings. This open communication will help strengthen your relationship and ensure that everyone is on the same page.

What to do if your brother says no to being your best man

If your brother says no to being your best man, it's important to respect his decision and choose someone else to fill the role. Here are some suggestions on how to navigate this situation:

• Communicate with your brother: It's essential to have an open and honest conversation with your brother to understand his reasons for declining. It could be due to various factors, such as a busy schedule, financial constraints, or personal preferences. Respect his decision and avoid pressuring him to change his mind.
• Choose an alternative best man: Select someone else to be your best man, preferably someone close to you who you can rely on. It could be a friend or another family member who is willing and able to take on the responsibilities of the role.
• Involve your brother in other ways: If you want your brother to still be involved in your wedding, consider assigning him a different role that suits his interests and availability. For example, he could be a groomsman, usher, speech-giver, driver, or even put in charge of the music. Find a role that aligns with his skills and comfort level.
• Avoid family drama: Be mindful of potential family dynamics and try to avoid creating tension or drama within the family. It's essential to handle the situation with tact and sensitivity. If needed, have honest conversations with other family members to explain the situation and maintain a peaceful environment.
• Focus on your relationship with your brother: Remember that your relationship with your brother is more important than any wedding role. Work on maintaining a positive and loving bond with him, regardless of his involvement in your wedding. Communicate openly, address any hurt feelings, and strive to support each other.

Remember, it's your wedding day, and you can choose whoever you want to be by your side. Communicate openly with your brother, be understanding of his decision, and find alternative ways to involve him in your special day if he's willing.

Frequently asked questions