Addressing Wedding Invites: For Couples Not Living Under One Roof

Wedding invitation etiquette can be a minefield, especially when it comes to addressing envelopes to unmarried couples who don't live together. The traditional rule is that each person should receive their own invitation, but this can be awkward if you are closer to one half of the couple than the other. In this case, it is acceptable to send an invitation to the person you are closest to, and include and guest on the inner envelope for their partner. This also gives them the option to bring someone else should they break up. If you are happy to invite both, the general rule is to write their names on separate lines, without the word and, which is usually reserved for married couples.

Send separate invites to each person

Sending separate invitations to each person in a couple who does not live together is a great option if you would like to invite one person in the couple more than the other. This method also avoids any potential awkwardness if the couple were to break up before the wedding.

If you choose to send separate invites, be sure to address the outer envelope with the recipient's full name, including their personal title. For example, if you are inviting Ms. Anna Brown, the outer envelope should be addressed to:

> Ms. Anna Brown

The inner envelope is more informal, so you can leave out elements of the formal name format. For example, you could address the inner envelope to:

> Ms. Brown

Alternatively, you can use just the recipient's first name on the inner envelope:

> Anna

If you are inviting a male guest, the same guidelines apply. For example, if you are inviting Mr. John Francis Smith II, the outer envelope should be addressed to:

> Mr. John Francis Smith II

The inner envelope could then be addressed to:

> Mr. Smith

Or simply:

> John

If you are inviting a couple who does not live together and you want to invite both of them, it is still best to send separate invitations to each person. This ensures that each guest receives their invitation at their own address. However, you should make it clear in each invitation that the other person in the couple is also invited.

Include and guest on the inner envelope

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations, there are a few different scenarios to consider, such as whether the couple is married or unmarried, their gender identities, and whether they live together or apart. Here are some tips and examples for addressing inner envelopes to couples who do not live together:

Using Names and Titles

If you know the guests well and are certain about their preferred titles and names, you can address the inner envelope with their names and titles. For example:

• "Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Jones"
• "Dr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Jones"

Using Names Without Titles

If you are unsure about their preferred titles, or want to create a more casual vibe, you can address the inner envelope using only their names, without titles. For example:

• "John Smith and Jane Jones"
• "John and Jane"

Including "and Guest"

If you are inviting a single guest who is in a relationship but does not live with their partner, you can include "and Guest" on the inner envelope. For example:

• "Mr. John Smith and Guest"
• "John Smith and Guest"

Sending Separate Invitations

If you prefer to send separate invitations to each individual, you can do so, especially if the couple does not live together. Send the invitation to the person you are closest with or want to invite specifically. This approach ensures that each person receives a personal invitation and avoids any confusion or awkwardness.

Inner Envelopes Not Necessary

Finally, it's worth noting that inner envelopes are not always necessary. If you choose to send only outer envelopes, be sure to include the names of all invited guests, including children or plus-ones, on the outer envelope.

Address alphabetically by surname

When addressing a wedding invitation to a couple who do not live together, it is important to consider alphabetical order by surname. This is especially relevant if the couple has different last names, but it can also be applied when they share a surname.

For a couple with different surnames, the outer envelope should list the names alphabetically, regardless of gender. For example, if the guests' names are Ms. Adams and Mr. Sullivan, the outer envelope would be addressed to "Ms. Adams and Mr. Sullivan". The inner envelope would then be addressed to "Ms. Adams and Mr. Sullivan", or use their first names, e.g. "Jane and John".

If the couple has the same surname, alphabetical order can still be applied. For example, for a heterosexual couple, the outer envelope could be addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren". If the couple prefers to include the wife's name, the envelope could be addressed to "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren". The inner envelope could then be addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle", depending on their preference.

In the case of a same-sex couple with the same surname, either name can go first. For example, for a couple with the surname "Craft", the outer envelope could be addressed to "Mr. Marcus Craft and Mr. Brian Crosby-Craft". The inner envelope could then be addressed to "Mr. Craft and Mr. Crosby-Craft" or use their first names, e.g. "Marcus and Brian".

It is important to consider the couple's preferences and feelings when addressing the invitation. Some modern women may prefer to have their name included in the invitation rather than being lumped in with their husband. In such cases, it is better to use the wife's name in the address as well. Additionally, if the couple has different last names, it is respectful to use both names on the invitation rather than just addressing it to the person you are closest to. This shows respect to their relationship.

Address by closeness

When addressing wedding invitations, it's important to consider the closeness of the couple and their living situation. Here are some guidelines for addressing invitations to unmarried couples who do not live together:

• Outer envelope: Address the outer envelope to the person you are closest to or feel most comfortable with. Use their full name and title, such as "Mr." or "Ms." followed by their surname. For example, "Mr. John Smith". Send the invitation to their address.
• Inner envelope: On the inner envelope, include the significant other's name. You can write "Mr./Ms. [Their surname]" or use their first name, such as "Mr./Ms. Smith" or "Jane". This indicates that they are invited as a couple. If you are equally close to both members of the couple, you can list them alphabetically by surname.
• Consideration: If the couple were to break up before the wedding, would you still want them both to attend? If not, you may choose to only include the person you are closest to on the outer envelope and add "and guest" on the inner envelope. This gives the invited guest the flexibility to bring another guest if they are no longer in a relationship.
• Format: The format for addressing an unmarried couple on the same invitation is to list their names separately without using "and". For example: "Mr. John Smith, Ms. Anna Brown". This format indicates that the couple is not married.

Remember to always consider the couple's preferences and comfort levels. If you are unsure, it is best to ask them how they would like to be addressed. Following these guidelines will ensure that your invitations are respectful and clear.

Address by gender

When addressing wedding invitations to unmarried couples who do not live together, it is important to consider gender-specific honorifics and the couple's preferences. Here are some guidelines to follow:

Addressing the Outer Envelope:

If you are sending invitations to an unmarried couple who do not live together, traditional etiquette suggests sending separate invitations to each individual. The outer envelope should be addressed to the person you are closest to or have known longer.

For a female invitee, use "Ms." if she is over 18 years old. If she is younger, use "Miss," which should be spelled out rather than abbreviated.

> Outer envelope: "Ms. Amanda Rhee" or "Miss Donna-Jo Tanner"

For a male invitee, use "Mr." if he is over 18. If he is younger, no title is necessary.

> Outer envelope: "Mr. Stanley Kim" or "Mr. George Costanza"

If your guest identifies as non-binary, use the honorific "Mx." If you are unsure, it is best to ask for their preferred personal title.

> Outer envelope: "Mx. Sam Li"

Addressing the Inner Envelope:

For the inner envelope, you have more flexibility and can choose to include courtesy titles with last names or only first names, especially if you are close with the couple.

> Inner envelope: "Ms. Rhee and Mr. Kim" or "Amanda and Stanley"

If you are inviting a couple but are only close to one of them, you can address the outer envelope to that person and include "and Guest" on the inner envelope for their significant other. This approach also provides flexibility if the couple breaks up before the wedding.

> Outer envelope: "Ms. Elizabeth Lemon"

> Inner envelope: "Ms. Lemon and Guest"

Same-Sex Couples:

The same guidelines apply when addressing invitations to same-sex couples. If they are married or live together, list both names on the same line. For unmarried couples not living together, follow the guidelines above for opposite-sex couples.

> Outer envelope: "Mr. Mitchell Pritchett"

> Inner envelope: "Mr. Pritchett and Mr. Tucker" or "Mitchell and Cameron"

Remember to double-check the preferred personal titles of your attendees before finalising your wedding invitations.

Frequently asked questions