Incorporate Plus Ones: Wedding Guest List Etiquette

Planning a wedding is no easy feat, and deciding on the guest list can be one of the most challenging parts. One of the key considerations is whether to allow plus-ones, and if so, who to extend this offer to. While there are no hard and fast rules, several factors can guide your decision-making, ensuring your big day is a memorable celebration for all.

Married, engaged, and cohabiting guests traditionally receive a plus-one

When it comes to wedding guest lists, it's not always easy to decide who should get a plus-one. However, there are some traditional guidelines that can help you navigate this tricky terrain.

In addition to the above, it is also customary to extend a plus-one to members of the wedding party as a token of appreciation for their support and commitment. This includes bridesmaids and groomsmen, even if their partners are not known to the couple.

For other guests, it is common to consider their relationship status and how well they know other attendees. For example, if a single guest is travelling from out of town and won't know many people, it is considerate to offer them a plus-one so they feel more comfortable and have a chance to enjoy the event.

However, it is not necessary to offer a plus-one to single guests who are casually dating or who will know many other guests. The same applies to coworkers—unless you are particularly close to them, in which case, it is good etiquette to offer them a plus-one.

Ultimately, the decision on who gets a plus-one depends on the couple's budget, venue capacity, and their vision for the day. It is important to be mindful of these constraints and communicate any limitations kindly and clearly to guests who enquire about bringing a plus-one.

Everyone in the bridal party should receive a plus-one

It is courteous to extend a plus-one invitation to everyone in your bridal party. This is a token of appreciation for their efforts and support. They have been there for you from the start, giving their time, love, and energy. They have also spent a lot of money on attire, lodging, and transportation.

You don't have to force each bridesmaid and groomsman to bring a date if they don't want to, but it is important to make the offer. They deserve a plus-one, and it's a small price to pay for their support. It's a chance for them to bring a new partner, for example, and will make for a happier bridal party and, therefore, a happier couple.

If you are concerned about the cost, it is worth remembering that weddings are about celebrating love and commitment. Plus, you can always communicate your reasons for your decision to those who ask to bring a plus-one. Most will understand your position.

Have clear criteria for additional guests

Deciding on a clear set of criteria for additional guests is a great way to avoid any potential drama or hurt feelings between wedding guests. For example, if one cousin is allowed to bring a plus-one, and another is not, resentment may build. So, try to decide whether plus-ones are allowed or not, and stick with it.

You could set a rule such as "only guests who are married or cohabiting are allowed to bring their partner". This is a common rule of thumb, as it can be awkward to attend a wedding without your spouse or partner. It's also polite to acknowledge their union, even if you've never met them.

Another option is to allow plus-ones for guests who are engaged, live together, or are in a serious or long-term relationship. This acknowledges their commitment, even if they're not married.

You could also consider allowing plus-ones for out-of-town guests who may not know many other attendees, so they don't feel out of place or lonely.

If you're on a tight budget, a good rule could be to only allow your single attendants to bring an additional person.

If you want to avoid any plus-ones, you could invite evening-only wedding guests. This means you can invite more people to the evening celebrations, which usually consist of music, dancing, and a buffet.

Include the plus-one on the invitation

When it comes to wedding invitations, it's important to be clear and direct about who is invited. If you're giving a guest the option to bring a plus-one, there are a few ways to go about it.

Traditionally, wedding invitations have an outer and inner envelope. The outer envelope is addressed to the recipient (the guest you know personally), and the inner envelope lists the names of all those who are invited, such as children or plus-ones. If the couple is in a relationship, list both guests by their full names. If you're allowing a guest to bring a casual date, write your friend's name and then "and guest".

However, many modern invitations only include one envelope or are sent online. In this case, be sure to address all invitees clearly and upfront. If the couple is in a relationship, list both guests by their full names. If you're allowing a guest to bring a casual date, write your friend's name and then "and guest".

When it comes to unmarried couples, it's best to address the invitation to the primary guest and include a plus-one note inside with the RSVP card. That way, you can be sure the guest knows they are allowed to bring someone, and you can also get the name of the plus-one for organisational purposes.

It's also worth noting that, while plus-ones are usually reserved for romantic partners, they could also include a family member escorting an older guest or a close friend attending with a single person.

Be mindful when seating couples and single guests

When it comes to seating arrangements, it's important to be mindful of the different needs and dynamics of your guests. Here are some tips to create a comfortable environment for couples and single guests:

• Avoid placing singles between married couples or PDA-heavy pairs. While it may be tempting to create a "singles table," this can often give the impression of corralling your single friends. Instead, seat them between friendly, outgoing couples they are likely to get along with, creating a more communal feel.
• Be thoughtful about seating couples. Avoid seating couples across from each other with an obstructive centerpiece. They won't want to be separated by a large centerpiece that hinders conversation.
• Seat guests with common interests together. If a friend is attending alone and won't know many people, put them at a table with strong conversationalists. If you have guests who don't know anyone, seat them near guests with similar interests.
• Avoid seating drama. If there are guests who don't get along, be sure to keep them at separate tables to avoid any potential issues.
• Consider a kids' table. If you have several children attending, seat them together and provide engaging activities to keep them entertained. Seat younger children close to their parents to avoid anxiety and vice versa.
• Seat older guests thoughtfully. Consider seating older guests away from loud music and speakers. Ensure guests with mobility concerns have clear and easy access to the dance floor and exit.

Frequently asked questions