Wedding Attendance: The Rsvp Reality Gap

Planning a wedding guest list is a challenging task, especially when it comes to deciding how many people to invite. The number of guests to invite to a wedding is influenced by several factors, including the couple's budget, the venue's capacity, and the couple's vision for their big day. On average, a guest list of 75 to 150 people is considered standard, with 100 being the national average. However, it's worth noting that the definition of a small or big wedding varies from person to person. Couples should also anticipate that not all invited guests will attend, with an average attendance rate of 75-85% for local weddings and lower rates for out-of-town or destination weddings.

Guest lists: how to decide who to invite

Guest lists can be a tricky part of wedding planning. Here are some tips on how to decide who to invite:

Start with a Realistic Budget

The number of guests you can afford to host will depend on your budget. Food, place settings, centrepieces, venue capacity, and auxiliary events like the rehearsal dinner will all need to be considered. Trimming your guest list will help you trim your budget, so it's important to have a clear idea of how much you're willing to spend before sending out invitations.

Prioritize Close Loved Ones

Start by figuring out who your VIPs are. This might include immediate family members, close friends, and grandparents. It's helpful to make a list of people you absolutely want to be there and work outwards from there. Ask yourself: do you want to spend time making small talk with lots of people, or would you rather celebrate with a tight-knit group?

Be Mindful of Family Dynamics

When it comes to inviting relatives, it's generally a good idea to either invite the whole group or none at all. For example, you could invite all first cousins or none at all. This will help to avoid any awkwardness within the family. It's also worth noting that you don't have to treat both sides of the family the same – you can allocate a certain percentage of the guest list to each family.

Consider Your Coworkers

When it comes to inviting coworkers, it's usually best to either invite everyone in your department or none at all. An exception to this rule is if you have a coworker who you also spend time with socially outside of work – in this case, they could be considered a friend rather than just a colleague.

Decide on a Policy for Plus-Ones

Whether or not to allow plus-ones is a tricky question. On the one hand, you don't want single guests to feel left out. On the other hand, inviting strangers to your wedding can be expensive. One solution is to only allow plus-ones for your wedding party, engaged or long-term couples, or those who live together.

Be Prepared for Declines

Remember that not everyone you invite will be able to attend. It's hard to predict how many people will decline, but it's safe to assume that there will be at least a few. You can always send out a second round of invitations to your B-list guests if you have more declines than expected.

Budgeting for guests

Know Your Priorities

Before you start planning, it's important to sit down with your partner and decide what your priorities are for the wedding. This could include anything from your dream venue to a particular band or DJ. Knowing your priorities will help you allocate your budget effectively and ensure you're not overspending in certain areas.

Create a Guest List

Start by creating a "fantasy" guest list of everyone you would like to invite to your wedding. Then, create an "A-list" of must-have guests, such as close family and friends, and a "B-list" of guests who you would like to invite but could do without. This will give you a realistic idea of the number of guests you will be hosting, which will impact the cost of catering, drinks, favours, and rentals.

Research Local Costs

The cost of catering, drinks, and rentals will vary depending on your location. Research local vendors and compare prices to get an idea of the costs involved. This will help you set a realistic budget for your guest-related expenses.

Plan Your Budget

Once you have an idea of the number of guests and the costs involved, you can start planning your budget. As a general rule, plan to budget at least $100 per guest. This will cover the cost of food, drinks, favours, and any other guest-related expenses. If you're on a tight budget, consider reducing the number of guests to keep costs down.

Consider an Intimate Wedding

If you're looking to save money, one of the most effective ways is to have a smaller, more intimate wedding. This will reduce the cost of catering, drinks, and rentals, and may even give you more options for venues.

Be Mindful of Hidden Costs

There are often hidden costs associated with weddings that can quickly add up. These include things like postage for invitations and thank-you cards, marriage license fees, and costs for pre-wedding events like bachelor and bachelorette parties. Be sure to factor these into your budget to avoid overspending.

Track Your Spending

It's important to track your spending throughout the planning process to ensure you're staying within your budget. Use a spreadsheet or budgeting app to record all expenses, and be sure to include taxes and tips. This will help you stay organised and identify any areas where you may need to cut back.

Be Flexible

Remember that the average wedding budget breakdown is just a guide, and you can tailor it to your own needs and priorities. If there are certain areas that are more important to you, allocate more of your budget to those and cut back on less important items. For example, you could skip the wedding cake or opt for a less expensive venue.

Shop Around

Don't be afraid to shop around for the best deals on vendors and rentals. This can help you stay within your budget and may even free up some funds for other areas.

Ask for Help

If you're feeling overwhelmed by the budgeting process, consider hiring a wedding planner or coordinator. They can help you navigate the financial aspects of wedding planning and may even be able to get you discounts with certain vendors.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love, and it's possible to have a beautiful wedding on any budget. By planning and budgeting carefully, you can create the wedding of your dreams without breaking the bank.

RSVP issues

RSVPs are a crucial part of wedding planning. They help you to determine your final headcount, which is needed for budgeting, food, seating, and more. However, they can also be a source of stress and uncertainty when guests don't respond, or don't respond in time. Here are some tips to help you navigate RSVP issues:

Set a Clear Deadline and Follow Up:

Give your guests a reasonable amount of time to respond, usually around 6 to 10 weeks before the wedding. Make sure the deadline is clearly stated on the RSVP card or website. If you haven't heard back from some guests by the deadline, don't be afraid to reach out. Call or email them to politely inquire about their attendance. It's important to get a final headcount as close to the deadline as possible.

Account for Non-Responders:

Unfortunately, some guests may simply forget or ignore the RSVP deadline. To mitigate this, you can anticipate a certain percentage of non-responders based on the average attendance rate. According to experts, about 20% of invited guests will decline, but this can vary depending on factors such as the size of the wedding and the number of local vs. out-of-town guests. You may also want to create an "A-list" and a "B-list" of guests. Send invitations to your "B-list" guests if you have more space after accounting for non-responders from your "A-list."

Handle Unexpected Guests:

Despite your best efforts, you may still encounter guests who show up without RSVPing or who bring additional people. It's important to handle these situations with grace and firmness. If possible, have someone designated to handle these issues at the door, such as a coordinator or a trusted friend or family member. They can politely inform the unexpected guests that their attendance was not accounted for due to the lack of an RSVP, and offer alternatives such as waiting to see if there are any no-shows or joining the celebration after dinner.

Emphasize the Importance of Accurate RSVPs:

When sending out invitations, consider including a friendly note about the importance of timely and accurate RSVPs. You can explain that this information is crucial for budgeting, catering, and seating arrangements. This may encourage guests to respond on time and help them understand the potential consequences of not doing so.

Be Prepared for Last-Minute Changes:

Even with the best planning, unexpected situations may arise. Guests may cancel at the last minute due to illness or family issues. Or they may show up with additional people. It's a good idea to have a backup plan, such as a few extra place settings or a flexible seating arrangement. While you may not be able to accommodate every unexpected change, being prepared can help reduce stress and ensure a smooth celebration.

Remember, while RSVP issues can be challenging, they are a normal part of the wedding planning process. By following these tips and staying organized, you can minimize the impact of these issues and focus on enjoying your special day.

Local vs. destination weddings

When it comes to planning a wedding, one of the first things to consider is whether to have a local or destination wedding. Both options have their own unique set of pros and cons, and the right choice will depend on the couple's personal preferences and circumstances. Here is a detailed comparison of local versus destination weddings to help guide your decision:

Local Weddings:

• Pro: Local weddings are generally more convenient for both the couple and their guests. It is easier to visit and do a full walk-through of the venue, ensuring that it meets all your needs and wants. This can be crucial when deciding on décor and setup details.
• Pro: You will have better control over the wedding planning process. Local weddings reduce the likelihood of misunderstandings or miscommunications with vendors, as they are familiar with the area and may have even worked at your chosen venue before.
• Pro: Local weddings can be as intimate or as grand as you desire. Guests can more easily attend local weddings, so you have the flexibility to invite as many people as you wish without worrying about travel constraints.
• Con: Your choice of wedding date may be limited by the local weather patterns. For example, if you dream of an outdoor wedding, you may have to compromise on the season to ensure favourable weather conditions.

Destination Weddings:

• Pro: Destination weddings allow you to create a unique and exotic experience anywhere in the world. Whether it's a tropical beach or a historic castle, the possibilities are endless.
• Pro: Destination weddings often feel like a vacation for both the couple and their guests. This contributes to an overall enjoyable and memorable experience for everyone involved.
• Pro: Destination weddings tend to be more intimate, as they naturally involve a smaller guest list of only your closest friends and family members.
• Pro/Con: Destination weddings are often more casual affairs than local weddings, depending on your personal preference. This can include attire, décor, and menu options.
• Con: The cost of travelling to a destination wedding may require you to narrow down your guest list, as not everyone can afford the expense.
• Con: Elderly family members or those with health issues may find it difficult to attend due to the long-distance travel involved.
• Con: Planning a destination wedding long-distance can be challenging, as you may not have the same level of control over every detail as you would with a local wedding.
• Con: As hosts, your duties extend beyond the wedding celebration itself. Guests usually arrive a day or two early and stay a few days after, so you will need to ensure they are comfortable and entertained during their entire stay.

Guest Attendance:

It is worth noting that the type of wedding you choose can also impact the expected guest attendance rate. According to Debi Buckley, a certified wedding planner, local weddings typically see an attendance rate of 85%, while destination weddings have a lower rate of around 35%. This is an important consideration when deciding on your guest list and budgeting for your big day.

Wedding size and venue

The size of your wedding will dictate the type of venue you'll need. Large weddings typically have over 150 guests, with numbers rising to several hundred or even thousands for grander celebrations. Medium weddings in the UK usually have between 82 and 103 guests, while small weddings have between 20 and 60 guests. Micro weddings, which became more popular during the Covid-19 pandemic, are shorter and have fewer than 20 guests.

There is no tried-and-true formula for predicting how many invitees will attend your wedding. Some couples have a 100% show rate, while others have a 25% show rate. The number of guests will depend on factors such as how many invitees are local versus out-of-town, whether the wedding is a destination wedding, and the age of the couple. Gen Z couples tend to have the largest guest lists, followed by Millennials, and then Gen X.

When choosing a venue, it's important to consider not just the number of guests, but also the space needed for a head table, dance floor, band or DJ, cake table, gift table, bars, and buffet and/or food stations. For example, a 4-piece band with amps typically requires a 12' x 20' stage, and you'll want to allow enough space for guests to congregate near the bar. If you're setting up a buffet, you'll need approximately one table for every 75 guests.

Frequently asked questions