Rsvp Etiquette: Responding To Wedding Invites

RSVPs are a crucial aspect of wedding planning, allowing hosts to finalise numbers for catering and seating arrangements. It is considered impolite to leave your hosts hanging, so it's important to respond promptly and follow the specified instructions. This paragraph will explore the proper etiquette for RSVPing to a wedding invitation, ensuring you don't cause unnecessary stress for the happy couple.

Responding to an RSVP without a response card

If you receive an invitation without an RSVP card, you are not obliged to reply. However, it is good manners to respond to the invitation. You can do this by dropping the hosts a short note to thank them for the invitation and letting them know if you will be attending.

If you are responding to a wedding invitation, it is considered rude to respond by phone or email if an official RSVP was sent to you in the mail. The host has likely spent money on having the cards designed, printed, and sent, so it is polite to fill it out and send it back.

If you are responding to an electronic invitation, you can usually respond through the website or platform that sent the invitation.

If there is no obvious method offered, use whichever feels most natural to you based on your relationship with the host. You could send a quick text message, respond in person, or reply to their evite.

If you are responding to a formal invitation, your response should mirror the tone of the invite. For casual invitations, you may want to reply with your first name or nickname alongside a personal message to say you’re looking forward to the party.

It is important to include the name(s) and number of guests in your response. If the host allows for a plus one, you should include that person’s name. The host may want to include names on seating charts or place cards. If your plus one changes, you can always update the host with the new details.

The most important detail of any RSVP response is whether you will be attending or not. Before you mail or submit your RSVP, double-check that your status is clear.

How to fill out the name line(s)

When filling out the name line(s) on a wedding RSVP, it's important to write out your full name, including any relevant titles such as Mr., Mrs., Miss, or Ms. This is because weddings are often formal events, and including your full name ensures you are addressed correctly on place cards and escort cards.

If you are attending the wedding with a spouse or partner, you can write your names in the following formats:

• For married couples with the same last name: "Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Andersen"
• For married couples with different last names: "Mr. Tom Hanks and Mrs. Rita Wilson"
• For same-sex married couples with the same last name: "Mr. and Mr. Johnson" or "Mrs. and Mrs. Brown"
• For same-sex married couples with different last names: "Mr. Neil Patrick Harris and Mr. David Burtka" or "Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres and Mrs. Portia de Rossi"

If you are unmarried, you can use the following formats:

• For unmarried couples with different last names: "Ms. Oprah Winfrey and Mr. Stedman Graham"
• For unmarried same-sex couples: "Mr. Ben Platt and Mr. Noah Galvin" or "Ms. Sophia Bush and Ms. Ashlynn Harris"

If you are attending the wedding with a plus one, include their name on the RSVP as well. If you don't know who your plus one will be yet, you can simply write "and guest." However, do not use the name line as an opportunity to invite someone else who was not included on the invitation.

It's also important to note that only the names of those attending the wedding should appear on the name line. If you are unable to attend, fill out the RSVP card with your name and indicate that you will not be attending.

What to do if you can't attend after RSVPing 'yes'

When it comes to RSVPing to a wedding invitation, it's important to respond as soon as possible and to stick to your commitment. However, life happens, and sometimes you may find yourself unable to attend after RSVPing 'yes'. Here's what you should do in such situations:

Let the Couple Know ASAP

It is crucial to inform the couple as soon as you know you can't make it. This is important for the couple's planning, as they need an accurate headcount for catering, rentals, and other arrangements. The sooner you let them know, the better. A phone call is generally the best way to deliver the news, as it conveys more sincerity and apology than a text or email.

Have a Meaningful Excuse

While it's not necessary to go into too much detail, it's important to have a legitimate reason for cancelling. This could be a work obligation, illness, family emergency, or unexpected financial constraints. Remember that your absence can impact the couple's planning and expenses, so only cancel if major outside circumstances arise.

Inform a Close Friend or Family Member

If the wedding is only a day or two away and you need to cancel, it's best to inform someone close to the bride or groom instead of bothering the couple at such short notice. Contact a family member, a member of the wedding party, or the wedding planner if their contact information is available.

Send a Gift or Make it Up to the Couple

Even if you can't attend, it's considerate to send a wedding gift or offer to take the couple out for dinner after the wedding to celebrate. You can also follow up with a heartfelt note or phone call to express your apologies and well wishes. This will help maintain your relationship with the couple and show your support for their union.

Avoid Backing Out for Minor Reasons

Remember that your RSVP commitment matters and try to avoid cancelling for minor reasons or because a better offer came along. Changing plans at the last minute can harm your relationship with the couple and cause unnecessary inconvenience for them. Only back out if significant and unavoidable circumstances arise.

How to RSVP by email

When responding to a wedding invitation by email, it's important to follow the couple's instructions and be mindful of their preferences. Here are some guidelines on how to RSVP by email:

Respond promptly:

It's courteous to respond to the wedding invitation as soon as possible. Aim to send your RSVP by the provided deadline, or even earlier if you can. This helps the couple finalise their arrangements, including catering and seating plans.

Use the specified email address:

Respond to the email address provided in the invitation. The couple may have created a dedicated email address specifically for wedding-related communications, making it easier for them to manage responses and keep track of guest information.

Include all necessary information:

In your email, be sure to include your full name(s) and the total number of guests attending from your party. If there are any special requests or additional details requested by the couple, such as meal selections or dietary requirements, be sure to include those as well.

Write a gracious note:

Take a moment to write a personal message to the couple, expressing your gratitude for the invitation. Whether you are accepting or declining, a warm and thoughtful note is always appreciated. For example, you could say:

> "Dear [Couple's Names],

>

> Thank you so much for inviting us to your wedding. We are delighted to accept your invitation and look forward to celebrating with you.

>

> Best wishes,

> [Your Names]"

Or, if you need to decline:

> "Dear [Couple's Names],

>

> Thank you so much for inviting us to your wedding. Unfortunately, we won't be able to attend due to a prior commitment. We are so sorry to miss this special occasion and wish you both all the best.

>

> Congratulations and best wishes,

> [Your Names]"

Send a gift if you're declining:

If you are unable to attend, it is considered thoughtful to send a gift from the couple's registry or a thoughtful note to express your regrets. This acknowledges the significance of the occasion and your well-wishes for the happy couple.

Remember, responding to a wedding invitation by email is a balance between following the couple's instructions and adding your personal touch. Be mindful of their preferences, respond promptly, and express your gratitude and excitement for their special day.

What to do if you can't attend

If you can't attend a wedding, it's important to let the couple know as soon as possible. Wedding planning is a complex affair, and the couple will need to inform the caterers, rental company, and bartender of the final guest count. It's also important to uphold your RSVP commitment, only backing out if major outside circumstances get in the way. Illness and travel-affecting weather are acceptable reasons for not attending, as you wouldn't want to compromise your safety or that of other guests.

If you can't attend, it's a good idea to call the couple directly. Texting may seem unapologetic and impersonal, and you want to express your apologies sincerely. You could also reach out to the wedding planner or a close friend of the couple to avoid burdening the bride or groom with details on their big day.

You may still feel guilty about not being able to attend, and it's a thoughtful gesture to follow up with a phone call or a handwritten note. You could also send a gift, perhaps with a personalised touch, to show your well wishes for the couple.

> "Thank you so much for inviting me to your special day but regrettably, I won’t be able to make it."

> "I’m so sad I can’t attend your wedding, but I will most definitely be there in spirit. Sending all my love and warmest congratulations."

> "Thank you for thinking of me, I really appreciate the invitation and I’ll be thinking of you on your big day."

Frequently asked questions