The Bridesmaids' Journey: How It All Began

Bridesmaids are an integral part of the wedding ceremony in many cultures. Traditionally, they were chosen from among the unwed young women of marriageable age and were responsible for catering to the bride's every need on her wedding day. Today, bridesmaids are typically the bride's close friends or relatives, and their responsibilities have evolved to include planning pre-wedding events, providing emotional support, and assisting the bride with her attire and other logistics on the wedding day. The chief bridesmaid, also known as the maid of honor, plays a more prominent role in organising events and being the bride's primary point of contact. The film Bridesmaids (2011) offers a comedic take on the competition and dynamics that can arise among bridesmaids, showcasing the challenges and importance of their role in modern weddings.

The role of a bridesmaid

Being a bridesmaid is an honour and a lot of fun, but it also comes with a long list of responsibilities. The role of a bridesmaid starts before the wedding and continues until after the wedding. Here is a detailed breakdown of the duties of a bridesmaid:

Pre-Wedding Duties:

• Plan and attend pre-wedding parties, such as the bridal shower and bachelorette party.
• Help with wedding planning tasks, such as choosing the bridesmaid attire, booking travel and hotel reservations, and attending the rehearsal dinner.
• Provide emotional support to the bride and be available to lend a listening ear.
• Communicate openly and honestly about expectations and responsibilities.
• Offer practical help and be proactive in identifying tasks that need to be done.
• Assist with wedding dress shopping and fittings.
• Create a positive and supportive atmosphere during pre-wedding events.

Wedding Day Duties:

• Get ready with the bride and assist with her attire, hair, and makeup.
• Participate in the ceremony by walking down the aisle and standing with the bride.
• Be photo-ready and assist the bride with any adjustments to her outfit or veil.
• Act as a point of contact for guests and vendors, and help direct them as needed.
• Keep the bride hydrated and ensure she eats something.
• Assist the maid of honour with any tasks she may need help with.
• Mingle with guests, encourage them to sign the guest book, and participate in activities.

Post-Wedding Duties:

• Help with any post-wedding events, such as a farewell party or brunch.
• Organise and return any miscellaneous or leftover wedding items.
• Settle any outstanding payments or bills related to the wedding.
• Check in with the couple to see if they need any further assistance.

It's important to remember that each bride may have different expectations, so open communication is key. Being a bridesmaid is ultimately about supporting the bride and being a good friend throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day itself.

Planning pre-wedding events

Engagement Party

The engagement party is usually one of the first pre-wedding celebrations and is often hosted by the couple, their parents, or close friends. It is a chance to officially announce the upcoming marriage to relatives and friends. This event is typically held at an intimate location, such as the host's home, a favourite restaurant, or a special venue. While it is not mandatory, it is a great way to kick off the wedding festivities. It is customary to have this party one to three months after the engagement, but it can also be held immediately after the proposal. Remember to only invite guests who will be invited to the wedding as well.

Bridal Shower or Wedding Shower

A bridal shower is a traditional celebration that includes the bride, her bridesmaids, and important women from both families. It usually involves gift-giving, light refreshments, and games. On the other hand, a wedding shower, also known as a couple's shower or Jack and Jill party, includes the groom, his family, and friends. These showers typically take place one to three months before the wedding. As a bridesmaid, you may be involved in planning and hosting these events, and it is essential to coordinate with the other bridal party members and close friends or family.

Bachelorette Party

The bachelorette party is a chance for the bride to celebrate with her bridesmaids and close friends. It can be a single-day event or a weekend-long celebration. As a bridesmaid, you will likely be involved in choosing a theme, location, and activities for the party. It is common for the bridesmaids to split the costs of this event. This party usually takes place one to four months before the wedding.

Bridal Brunch or Bridesmaids Luncheon

The bridal brunch, also known as the bridesmaids luncheon, is a more intimate gathering hosted by the bride a few days before the wedding. This event is an opportunity for the bride to thank her bridesmaids and female relatives for their support during the wedding planning process. It is often a more relaxed occasion where gifts are exchanged and connections are made.

Rehearsal Dinner

The rehearsal dinner is a pre-wedding tradition that allows the wedding party and families to come together and get acquainted in a relaxed setting. This event usually takes place the night before the wedding, but some couples choose to have it two nights before to allow for a buffer day before the big day. Traditionally, the groom's family hosts and pays for this event, but nowadays, the couple or the bride's family may also contribute. The rehearsal dinner is also an opportunity to exchange gifts and ensure everyone is clear on their roles and responsibilities for the wedding day.

Welcome Party

The welcome party is an optional event that follows the rehearsal dinner and serves as a casual get-together for guests, especially those who have travelled from out of town. It is open to all wedding guests but does not require their attendance. This event can be as simple or extravagant as desired and is a great way to kick off the wedding celebrations.

The cost of being a bridesmaid

Being a bridesmaid is a huge honour, but it's also a big responsibility and can come with a lot of expenses. It's important to be aware of the financial commitment involved before accepting the role. So, what does being a bridesmaid cost?

The Average Cost

According to a recent survey, the average cost of being a bridesmaid is $1,200 per wedding, but this can quickly increase to over $1,800. The cost varies depending on the bride and the wedding, but there are some standard expenses that bridesmaids typically incur.

Clothing and Accessories

One of the biggest expenses for bridesmaids is the dress, which can cost around $130-$150, or even up to $165. Alterations are often needed and can add a further $30-$100 to the total. The bride may also request that bridesmaids purchase matching accessories, such as shoes, jewellery, or hairpieces, which can cost around $120.

Hair and Makeup

Bridesmaids may be expected to have their hair and makeup done professionally, which can cost around $72 and $60 respectively. If the bride doesn't require this, bridesmaids may still choose to pay for these services themselves.

Travel and Accommodation

Travel costs can vary significantly depending on the location of the wedding. A bridesmaid might be lucky enough to have the wedding close to home, but often travel and accommodation are required, which can be expensive, especially for destination weddings. On average, a bridesmaid spends $115 on travel and $205 on accommodation.

Pre-Wedding Events

Bridesmaids are usually expected to plan and attend pre-wedding events such as the bridal shower and bachelorette party. These events can be a lot of fun, but they can also be costly. The bachelorette party alone can cost a bridesmaid nearly $400, especially if it involves travel.

Wedding Gift

On top of all the other expenses, bridesmaids are also expected to purchase a wedding gift for the couple. This is usually something from the couple's registry or a contribution to a larger group gift. The average amount spent on a wedding gift by a bridesmaid is $125.

Regional Variations

Managing the Costs

Being a bridesmaid can be expensive, but there are ways to manage the costs. It's important to have an open conversation with the bride about expectations and budgets. The bride may be able to help with some expenses, and there may be ways to save money, such as choosing a less expensive destination for the bachelorette party or wearing shoes and accessories you already own.

At the end of the day, being a bridesmaid is about supporting your friend, and it's possible to do that without breaking the bank. Open communication and careful planning can help ensure that everyone has a positive and enjoyable experience.

The history of bridesmaids

The tradition of bridesmaids has evolved significantly over time, with the role of these wedding attendants being very different in the past.

In ancient Rome, bridesmaids took on a more protective role. It was believed that evil spirits and bandits posed a threat to the wedding, so bridesmaids dressed similarly to the bride to create confusion and protect the bride's identity. This practice was also observed in feudal China, where brides were vulnerable to kidnapping by rival clans and hooligans. The matching outfits made it more challenging for attackers to identify and target the bride.

The size of the bridal party was also influenced by social status. In some cultures, having a large group of bridesmaids signified wealth and high social standing. Additionally, in ancient Roman times, there was a legal requirement for ten witnesses at a wedding, which further contributed to the concept of a bridal party.

Over time, the role of bridesmaids evolved, and they became more closely associated with the bride's friends and relatives. The duties of a bridesmaid expanded to include planning wedding-related events, offering emotional support, and assisting the bride with tasks like dressing and carrying the bouquet.

The tradition of matching outfits for bridesmaids also evolved. In the Victorian era, when Queen Victoria married Prince Albert in 1840, her bridesmaids wore matching white dresses to complement the queen's satin gown. This influenced the trend of bridesmaids wearing similar colours or styles to the bride, ensuring that they didn't outshine the bride.

Today, the role of bridesmaids has become more focused on providing emotional support and practical assistance to the bride. The specific duties and expectations have become more flexible, and the bride's preferences, family dynamics, and personal relationships play a more significant role in selecting bridesmaids.

The duties of a bridesmaid

Being a bridesmaid comes with a long list of responsibilities and duties, all of which are done in service of the bride and the wedding. Bridesmaids are typically close friends or family members of the bride, and their role is significant throughout the planning process and the wedding day.

Pre-Wedding Duties:

• Support the bride emotionally, being a shoulder to lean on throughout the planning process.
• Help plan and pay for the bridal shower and bachelorette party, under the lead of the Maid of Honor.
• Attend all pre-wedding events, including the engagement party, wedding shower, and rehearsal dinner.
• Book travel and accommodation for the wedding, doing so early to ensure convenience for all pre-wedding events.
• Help with smaller wedding planning tasks, such as addressing envelopes, or assisting with DIY projects.
• Buy a wedding gift for the couple, perhaps going in on a big-ticket item with the other bridesmaids.

Wedding Day Duties:

• Get ready with the bride, assisting her with any tasks, such as answering calls or ensuring she eats and stays hydrated.
• Assist the Maid of Honor with any tasks she may need help with.
• Provide snacks for the bridal party as they get ready.
• Participate in the ceremony, processing down the aisle and standing at the altar.
• Be photo-ready and ensure the bride is picture-perfect, too, with her veil, bouquet, and train all in order.
• Mingle with guests, dance, and be the life of the party.
• Help with the send-off, ensuring items like gifts, cards, and the wedding cake are packed safely and vendors are paid.

Post-Wedding Duties:

• Attend any post-wedding events, such as a farewell brunch.
• Help return any miscellaneous items or decorations to the newlyweds.
• Settle any outstanding payments with the other bridesmaids.

Frequently asked questions