Navigating Refusal Of Gay Wedding Invite As A Guest

In 2019, the Arizona Supreme Court ruled that a Phoenix business could refuse to create wedding invitations for a same-sex couple, despite a local ordinance prohibiting such discrimination. The case was brought by two Christian artists, Joanna Duka and Breanna Koski, who argued that the ordinance violated their freedom of speech and religion. The court agreed, stating that the artists' beliefs about same-sex marriage may be offensive but that freedom of speech and religion are fundamental rights that apply to everyone. This ruling sparked controversy, with critics arguing that it gives businesses a license to discriminate against LGBTQ+ individuals.

Decline without providing a justification

If you want to decline a wedding invitation without providing a justification, it is best to do so as soon as possible. You could say something like:

> “I appreciate the invitation, but I'm unable to accept it."

Or:

> “I really appreciate the invitation; it means a lot to me. Thank you so much. Although I really want to go, I already have plans for that day. Despite our best efforts, we are unable to join you in your celebration."

If you are close to the couple, you could also call them to explain why you won't be attending and to wish them well. It is important to remember that you don't have to give a reason for declining a wedding invitation, and it is not impolite to do so as long as you let the couple know in advance.

If you are declining the invitation because you do not support same-sex marriage, you may want to consider having a conversation with the couple to express your viewpoint. However, it is important to approach this situation with grace and truth, and to remember that your attendance at the wedding could be interpreted as an expression of approval.

Explain your refusal in a brief call

Explaining your refusal to attend a gay wedding in a brief call can be a delicate matter. Here are some suggestions on how to handle the situation with sensitivity and grace:

Firstly, it is essential to communicate your decision as soon as possible. Promptly return the RSVP with a brief call to the couple, expressing your gratitude for the invitation and your regret at being unable to attend. You could say something like, "Thank you so much for the invitation. It means a lot to me. Unfortunately, I already have plans for that day, and I won't be able to join you in your celebration." This approach conveys your appreciation while firmly stating your inability to attend.

If your refusal is due to moral or religious objections, you may want to be honest about your beliefs without being confrontational. For example, you could say, "I appreciate your invitation, and I wish you both well. However, due to my religious beliefs, I am unable to attend and show my support for the union." Be prepared for potential pushback or hurt feelings, and remember to emphasise your respect for them and their relationship, even if you disagree with it.

If you are declining the invitation because your partner or spouse was not invited, you can express your disappointment and make it clear that you are a package deal. For instance, you could say, "Thank you for thinking of me. I would have loved to celebrate with you, but I am disappointed that my partner was not included in the invitation. We are a team, so I won't be able to attend without them." This approach communicates your desire to support the couple while also standing up for your relationship.

In all cases, remember to be respectful and kind. Weddings are emotional events, and your refusal may cause hurt feelings. You can soften the blow by sending a thoughtful gift or card and wishing the couple well. Additionally, if possible, try to give your refusal in person or over the phone rather than solely through a ticked box or digital communication. This adds a personal touch and shows that you care about the relationship.

Send a heartfelt gift and follow up with a call

If you want to refuse a wedding invitation but still show your support for the couple, sending a heartfelt gift and following up with a call can be a great way to do it. Here are some tips to help you navigate this situation with grace and tact:

Send a Thoughtful Gift

Sending a gift is a thoughtful way to express your support and gratitude for being invited. It's essential to choose something meaningful and personalised, reflecting your relationship with the couple. If you're close to them, you might want to send a gift from their wedding registry or contribute to their cash registry fund. This shows your enthusiasm for their special day and can make up for your absence. However, if you're not particularly close to the couple, a heartfelt card with a handwritten note can also be a thoughtful gesture.

Time Your Call

While it's not necessary to call the couple after sending your gift, it can be a nice way to add a personal touch and ensure your well wishes are conveyed. The ideal time to reach out is as soon as you know you won't be attending the wedding. This is usually between four to six weeks before the event. Avoid leaving your call until the last minute, as it may come across as an afterthought.

Express Your Regrets and Well Wishes

When you speak to the couple, it's important to express your regrets and well wishes sincerely. Thank them for inviting you and explain your inability to attend with compassion and kindness. Be honest about your reasons for declining, whether it's due to financial constraints, scheduling conflicts, or any other valid reason. You can also share your excitement for their upcoming celebration and express your disappointment in missing it.

Suggest Alternative Ways to Celebrate

To show your enthusiasm for the couple's happiness, suggest alternative ways to celebrate their union. You could propose getting together for lunch, dinner, or drinks after their honeymoon. This gesture demonstrates your interest in their lives and your willingness to create opportunities to celebrate with them, even if you can't make it to the wedding.

Keep It Brief and Positive

When speaking to the couple, keep the conversation brief and positive. Avoid going into lengthy explanations about your reasons for declining, as it may create an awkward dynamic. Instead, focus on expressing your support and excitement for their special day. Remember that the purpose of your call is to convey your well wishes and ensure they know you're thinking of them.

Example Conversation Starters

• "Thank you so much for the invitation. I appreciate it, and it means a great deal to me. Unfortunately, I won't be able to attend due to prior commitments, but I wish you both all the best."
• "I was so excited to receive your wedding invitation, and I'm truly happy for you both. Regrettably, I can't attend due to a prior engagement, but I'll be thinking of you on your special day and would love to celebrate with you afterward."
• "I'm honoured that you included me in your wedding plans. Unfortunately, I can't be there in person, but I'm sending my love and best wishes. I hope we can get together soon so I can hear all about your special day."

Cite cost as a reason for not attending

If you've been invited to a gay wedding and are uncomfortable with attending, you may be wondering how to politely decline. While it's important to be respectful and sensitive, you can consider citing cost as a reason for your inability to attend. Here are some tips to help you navigate this situation gracefully:

• Be prompt with your response: As soon as you realize that you're unable to attend due to financial constraints, communicate your regrets to the couple. It's considered polite to decline as soon as possible, so the couple can plan accordingly and are not left waiting for your response.
• Express your regrets sincerely: When declining the invitation, it's essential to convey your sincerest apologies and well-wishes to the couple. You can write a thoughtful note expressing your disappointment in missing their special day and wishing them all the best.
• Consider a gift: Even if you're not attending the wedding, you may want to consider sending a gift to show your support. It's not a requirement, especially if you have financial constraints, but it can be a thoughtful gesture. If you do decide to send a gift, you can refer to the couple's registry and choose an item that fits within your budget. A heartfelt card or a small personalized item reflecting your relationship with the couple are also meaningful options.
• Offer alternative ways to celebrate: If you'd like to show your support beyond a gift, you can suggest alternative ways to celebrate the couple. This could include offering to take them out for a congratulatory dinner or hosting a small get-together with close friends and family to honor their union.
• Be mindful of your relationship: The appropriate way to decline an invitation may vary depending on your relationship with the couple. If they are close friends or family, you may want to provide a more detailed explanation for your absence and emphasize your support for their happiness, even if you're unable to attend.
• Keep it concise: When declining the invitation, there's no need to go into extensive detail about your financial situation. A simple and polite explanation will suffice. For example, you can say, "I'm so sorry, but I'm facing some financial constraints, and I won't be able to attend. I hope you understand."
• Avoid offensive language: Be mindful of your choice of words to ensure you don't come across as judgmental or offensive. Focus on expressing your inability to attend due to financial reasons and refrain from making any comments that could be interpreted as disapproval of their union.

Remember, it's essential to strike a balance between honesty and sensitivity. By citing cost as a reason for your absence and handling the situation gracefully, you can decline the invitation without causing offense or hurting the couple's feelings.

Politely decline and send a small gift

If you want to politely decline a wedding invitation, it is best to let the couple know in advance. You could call them to express your concern, or you could send a handwritten note explaining the circumstances of your absence. If you are close to the couple, it is also a good idea to follow up with a call after sending your gift to ask how they are and how the wedding went.

• "I really appreciate the invitation; it means a lot to me. Thank you so much. Although I really want to go, I already have plans for that day. Despite our best efforts, we are unable to join you in your celebration."
• "I’ve thought it over a lot, but regrettably, we can’t make it."
• "I appreciate the invitation, but I am fully booked."
• "I am honoured that you gave me some thought, but I must decline at this time."

If you are declining the invitation because you do not approve of the marriage, it is best to be honest, gracious, and communicate this as sensitively as possible.

Frequently asked questions