Choosing Your Wedding Guest List: A Guide

Deciding who to invite to your wedding can be one of the most challenging parts of wedding planning. Couples must balance their own wishes with those of their families, as well as venue restrictions and budget considerations. To make the process easier, wedding planners suggest creating a list of everyone you'd consider inviting, then dividing it into categories of importance. This way, you can trim down the list as needed while ensuring that the people you care about most are there to celebrate with you. It's also important to remember that your wedding is about you and your partner, so only invite people who bring you joy and support your relationship.

Who to invite if your parents are contributing financially

When it comes to deciding who to invite to your wedding, it's important to remember that your guest list will impact your budget, wedding style, and venue selection. If your parents are contributing financially to your wedding, they will likely have a say in who gets invited. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

• Involve your parents in the planning process: It is essential to loop your parents in early and show them your plan. Be upfront and respectful when discussing the guest list, and let them air any concerns in a respectful way. This will help you avoid unnecessary friction and manage their expectations.
• Allocate a portion of the guest list to your parents: One common approach is to divide the guest list into thirds, with one-third for the couple's friends, one-third for the bride's family, and one-third for the groom's family. Alternatively, you can split the list 50/50 between the couple and their respective families. If one partner has a larger family, their family may need to shoulder the cost of additional guests.
• Set clear boundaries and rules: Wedding planner Laetitia "LT" Townson advises couples to "make rules and set boundaries, draw a line, and stick to it." It's important to present a united front when it comes to the guest list, even if you and your partner disagree privately.
• Consider your parents' desires but prioritise your own: Wedding planner Jove Meyer recommends inviting people you and your family want to spend time with and enjoy being around. While it's essential to consider your parents' input, ultimately, the decision should be based on what will make you and your partner happy.
• Be mindful of cultural dynamics: Wedding planner Nalini Raman points out that cultural dynamics come into play when it comes to guest lists, especially in Asian weddings. Asian weddings tend to be larger, and there may be pressure to invite distant relatives or friends who were important to your parents. In such cases, Raman suggests categorising the guest list into three groups: "can't-get-married-without," "would-love-to-have," and "nice-to-have" guests. This approach allows you to keep your parents satisfied while effectively managing guest numbers.

How to decide on plus-ones

Deciding on plus-ones for your wedding can be a daunting task, but there are some general rules of thumb to help guide you.

Who Should Get a Plus-One?

Firstly, it is traditional to offer plus-ones to guests who are married, engaged, or living together. This rule also applies to those in serious, long-term relationships. It is also customary to allow bridesmaids and groomsmen to bring a plus-one as a show of appreciation for their support.

You may also want to consider offering plus-ones to guests in specific situations. For example, if you have invited several single people who don't know many other guests, they may benefit from having a date at their side. Similarly, if a guest is travelling a long way to attend your wedding, you may want to allow them to bring a plus-one for company.

Who Shouldn't Get a Plus-One?

Single guests who are casually dating don't need a plus-one, especially if they will know a decent amount of other guests. If you are on a budget, it is also reasonable to decline to offer a plus-one to coworkers.

Remember that each additional guest means additional costs. You will need to provide another invitation, meal, drinks, and a seat at the table for every plus-one. This can quickly increase your costs, so be mindful of your budget when deciding on plus-ones.

Tips for Making a Plus-One Invitation List

• Know and use every plus-one's name. This will make your invitations and seating signage look more formal than simply writing "guest."
• Include their name on the RSVP response card to prevent guests from bringing someone else or multiple people.
• Know and stick to your guest list limit. Be realistic and don't offer too many plus-ones if your venue or budget has a limited capacity.

If a guest asks to bring a plus-one, you can politely decline by explaining that you are keeping the wedding intimate. It is also reasonable to say that you are only offering plus-ones to guests in serious relationships.

If your invitation doesn't list a plus-one, it's best not to ask for one. This can be stressful and awkward for the couple, and you risk offending them. If you feel uncomfortable attending alone, it is an option to politely ask the couple if you can bring a friend instead of a date. However, be prepared for them to say no.

If you are generously offered a plus-one, be considerate when sending your RSVP. If a specific individual is named on your invitation, do not substitute them with someone else. If you were given a non-specific plus-one, use their name when submitting your RSVP. Don't assume it's okay to bring an extra guest, especially if the couple is paying for each attendee.

Gift-Giving Etiquette for Plus-Ones

Generally, wedding gifts are given as a unit, so your plus-one doesn't need to purchase their own gift. It is acceptable to purchase one gift from both of you, although your date may offer to contribute if they know the couple reasonably well.

Whether to invite children

Whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a big decision and one that divides opinion. There are several factors to consider when making your choice.

Upsides to Inviting Children

Children can add a lot to the atmosphere of your wedding. They can bring laughter, fun, and special memories. It's also a chance for all generations of your family to come together and celebrate, which is something to cherish.

If you have children in your close family or friends group, it can be a lovely gesture to include them. It can be a wonderful memory to share with your niece, nephew, or godchild, for example.

Additionally, it can be expensive for guests to pay for a babysitter on top of their other expenses for attending your wedding. Allowing children may mean that more of your desired guests can attend.

Downsides to Inviting Children

Having children at your wedding can be unpredictable. They can be loud and chaotic, which may disrupt the refined and mature atmosphere you envision.

Children can also be expensive to accommodate. Even with discounts on children's meals, the costs can add up, especially if you choose to provide entertainment for them, such as a children's entertainer or a babysitter.

Some guests may prefer to have their children nearby rather than in a separate room, which can impact their enjoyment of the day. They may also need to leave early if their children get cranky or need to get home to bed.

Practical Considerations

If your venue has limited capacity, inviting children may mean you have to reduce the number of adult guests.

Destination weddings or formal weddings are occasions when it is more acceptable to restrict children. Parents are more likely to understand if they can leave their children with a familiar babysitter for the day.

If you are inviting children, it is important to be clear and consistent. Include their names on the invitation or, if not inviting them, add a line to the invitation such as "Please be aware that this will be an adults-only wedding."

How to manage expectations

Deciding on a guest list for your wedding can be a stressful task, especially when it comes to managing the expectations of your family, friends, and colleagues. Here are some tips to help you navigate this challenging aspect of wedding planning:

Be Clear About Your Priorities

Communicate openly and honestly with your partner about who you want to be present at your wedding. Create a list of your must-have guests, the people you truly want to share your special day with. These are the non-negotiables, the guests who are closest to you and your partner. Be firm in your decisions and don't feel pressured to invite anyone out of guilt or obligation. It's your day, and you should be surrounded by people who love and support you.

Consider Your Budget and Venue

Your budget and venue will play a significant role in determining the size of your guest list. Before finalising your list, consider the costs involved and the capacity of your chosen venue. Creating a realistic budget and selecting a venue that aligns with your vision will help guide your guest list decisions. Remember, each additional guest increases the cost, so be mindful of your financial constraints.

Set Boundaries with Parents

Involving parents in the guest list process can be tricky, especially if they are contributing financially to the wedding. While it's considerate to give them some input, it's essential to set boundaries. Communicate your expectations clearly and allocate a specific number of invitations for them to use at their discretion. This way, you can manage their expectations while still allowing them to feel included in the planning process.

Manage Plus-One Expectations

The topic of plus-ones can be delicate. A general rule of thumb is to offer plus-ones to guests in serious, long-term relationships or those who are married or engaged. However, you can also consider offering plus-ones to guests who may not know anyone else at the wedding, especially if they are travelling from out of town. Be transparent about your criteria for plus-ones and stick to your decisions.

Navigate Family Dynamics

Family dynamics can be complex, and it's natural to want to include all family members in your celebration. However, it's important to remember that you are not obligated to invite everyone. If certain relatives are not supportive of your relationship or create a negative environment, you may choose to exclude them. Be mindful of family politics, and if necessary, have open conversations with family members to manage their expectations.

Handle Declines and Last-Minute Invites

It's common to receive some declines or last-minute cancellations. Instead of taking it personally, view this as an opportunity to invite someone from your backup list. Send out these additional invitations promptly to avoid making guests feel like an afterthought. Remember, it's unlikely that anyone will be offended by not receiving an initial invitation.

Whether to invite co-workers

When it comes to deciding whether to invite co-workers to your wedding, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it's important to remember that you are not obligated to invite anyone you don't want to, especially if you are trying to keep numbers down. If there are no co-workers you feel particularly close to, it may be easier to make a rule that neither you nor your partner will invite anyone from work. This avoids any potential drama or difficult decisions and most people will assume your guest list is simply restricted to family and close friends.

If there are co-workers you do feel close to, it's worth considering whether you socialise with them outside of work. Do you invite each other to dinner parties or birthday bashes? If so, they may be someone you want to include on your special day. However, if you only socialise with them during work hours, they are probably not expecting an invite and you can leave them off the guest list without causing any offence.

If you do decide to invite certain co-workers, it's a good idea to keep wedding chat at work to a minimum to avoid any potential awkwardness for those who aren't invited. It's also worth being mindful of how you will feel about your co-workers' presence on the day. Wedding planner Chanda Daniels suggests asking yourself: "Would I take that person out to a $300-plus meal?". If the answer is no, they probably don't need to be on the guest list.

Finally, if you are inviting co-workers, it may be worth extending an invitation to your boss, especially if you have a good relationship with them and most of your other colleagues are invited. However, this is not obligatory and if you don't have the space or budget, it's perfectly acceptable to only invite co-workers and not your boss.

Frequently asked questions