Lyla Dejesus
Memory tables, also known as memorial tables, are a way for couples to honour deceased friends, family, and pets at their wedding. They usually consist of photos of the deceased and sometimes personal items. While some people like the idea of having a memory table at their wedding, others find it inappropriate and morbid. Memory tables have gained popularity in recent years, with some couples even choosing to include photos of deceased relatives in their wedding invitations or programs.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Purpose | Honouring friends, family, pets, or any other significant people in the couple's life who have passed away |
| Display | Collection of photos, personal items, heirlooms, or flowers associated with the deceased |
| Location | Ceremony or reception area |
| Planning | Requires time to collect photos and items, and can include a sign or note explaining the display |
| Inclusivity | Couples include people they wish could be there, such as grandparents, parents, aunts, and uncles |
| Alternatives | Couples may choose to honour the deceased through music, scents, or other decorations instead of a table |
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What You'll Learn
History of memory tables at weddings
Memory tables, also known as memorial tables, have become increasingly common at weddings. They are typically used to honour and remember friends, family members, and pets who have passed away and include photos and sometimes personal items that belonged to the deceased.
While the exact history of memory tables at weddings is unclear, the concept of honouring loved ones who have passed away at weddings is not new. For example, some couples choose to wear items that belonged to a deceased loved one, such as a piece of jewellery or a tie, or use wedding toasting flutes that belonged to their grandparents. Others may incorporate a loved one's favourite flower into their wedding decor or display a sign with a phrase or quote that was special to the person being remembered.
In recent years, memory tables have become a more structured way to honour deceased loved ones at weddings. These tables typically include photos of the deceased, carefully placed in frames, and may also feature personal items or heirlooms that remind the couple of the person being honoured. Some couples choose to include a candle or lantern on the table, symbolizing the light and warmth that the person brought into their lives.
The decision to include a memory table at a wedding is deeply personal, and some couples opt for more subtle ways to honour deceased loved ones. For example, some couples may choose to display photos or mementos of loved ones near the guest book or card table, allowing guests to quietly reflect on those who cannot be present. Others may incorporate a loved one's favourite flower into their wedding bouquet or wear a piece of jewellery that belonged to them, keeping the memory close to their heart.
While memory tables can be a heartfelt way to include deceased loved ones in a wedding celebration, some guests may find them upsetting or feel that they dampen the mood of the event. Thus, couples should carefully consider their decision to include a memory table and ensure that it aligns with their vision for the wedding and respects the wishes of their loved ones.
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Pros and cons of memory tables
Memory tables at weddings are a way to honour and remember friends, family, and pets who have passed away. They usually involve displaying photos and sometimes personal items of the deceased on a table at the wedding ceremony or reception. While some people find them touching, others believe they are inappropriate for a wedding. Here are some pros and cons of having a memory table at a wedding:
Pros
- Memory tables are a way to include deceased loved ones in your wedding day and ensure they are part of the celebration.
- They can be a thoughtful way to acknowledge family members or friends who would have been invited to the wedding if they were still alive.
- Memory tables can be a positive reminder that your loved ones are still with you and looking over you on your special day.
- They allow guests to witness the honorees and put faces to names, especially if they are mentioned during the wedding ceremony.
- Memory tables can be subtle and discreet, and you can make them more personal by adding labels or notes explaining your connection to the individuals included.
Cons
- Some people believe that weddings are supposed to be happy occasions, and memory tables can be a reminder of loss and sadness.
- There is a possibility that a memory table could upset guests who are still grieving or sensitive to the absence of the person being honoured.
- Assembling a memory table can be time-consuming and may require asking family and friends for photos, which can be emotionally challenging.
- Some people may find memory tables unnecessary or inappropriate, believing that a wedding should focus on celebrating the couple rather than mourning lost loved ones.
- Without proper context or labels, memory tables may not have the desired impact, and guests may not understand the significance of the display.
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How to assemble a memory table
Memory tables, also known as memorial tables, have become a popular trend among modern-day couples. They are a thoughtful way to honour the memory of deceased loved ones at a wedding. Here is a step-by-step guide on how to assemble a meaningful memory table:
- Planning: Give yourself ample time to plan and assemble the memory table. Ask family and friends for photos of the deceased and give them time to search through albums. Set a deadline to avoid last-minute stress.
- Location: Choose a location for the memory table where guests will see it. It could be placed near the welcome table, guest book, or card table or at the reception area. Ensure it is in a spot where guests will pass by and have the opportunity to appreciate it.
- Photos: Select your favourite photos of the person or people you wish to honour. These photos should evoke happy memories and represent their personality. Consider using a mix of individual portraits, group photos, and even wedding photos of the couple if they are available.
- Frames and Display: Carefully place the selected photos in frames. You can create a collage or a group canvas print. Ensure the display is tasteful and does not resemble a funeral memorial. Consider adding name tags to help guests understand the relationship to the couple.
- Personal Items and Decorations: Include personal items or heirlooms that remind you of the deceased. This could be anything from a family heirloom to a plane ticket from a memorable trip. Add a simple flower centerpiece or the person's favourite flowers as a pop of colour. You can also use healing crystals, candles, or other decorative items that hold significance.
- Signage and Interaction: Consider adding a sign or notecards with short messages, quotes, or funny sayings associated with the person. This adds a personal touch and helps guests understand your connection to the honouree. You can also create a photo wedding guest book on the memory table, inviting guests to flip through and write their well wishes.
- Involve the Officiant: Discuss the memory table with your officiant and ask them to refer to the honourees during the wedding ceremony. This helps to integrate the memory table into the overall celebration and allows guests to put faces to names.
Remember, the memory table should be a positive and uplifting tribute that reflects your personal style and celebrates the lives of those you hold dear.
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Who to include on a memory table
Memory tables at weddings are a way to include and honour those who have passed away and would have otherwise been invited to the wedding. It is a personal choice regarding who to include on a memory table, and there are no rules dictating who should be included.
Memory tables often include family members, such as grandparents, parents, aunts, and uncles. Some couples choose to include family members they were close to, while others opt for a broader definition of family. For example, one couple included their "adopted" aunt and grandma, who were the actual aunt and grandma of one of the bridesmaids. Another couple included their paternal grandparents, even though the groom had never met them.
You can also include friends and pets on the memory table. One couple included a close family friend who had passed away a few weeks before the wedding.
If you are unsure about who to include, consider discussing it with your partner and loved ones. You can also choose to honour deceased loved ones in other ways, such as by incorporating their favourite flowers or candles into your decor.
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Alternatives to memory tables
Memory tables are a way to honour friends, family, pets, or anyone else significant who has passed away. They usually involve displaying photos and sometimes personal items of the deceased. However, some couples may prefer alternatives to a memory table. Here are some options:
"Love Stories That Came Before Us" Table
This idea focuses on celebrating the love stories of those who have passed away, including wedding photos of grandparents and parents. It honours those who are no longer alive in a happier way and mixes their memories with loved ones who are still alive.
"The Love That Built Us" Table
Similar to the above, this idea involves displaying wedding photos of parents and grandparents, along with a sign that says "The Love That Built Us". It celebrates the love and relationships that have contributed to the couple's lives.
Escort Cards and Candles
Instead of a full table, you can create memorial escort cards for late family members, indicating that you're "saving a seat" for them. These can be placed alongside the escort card display with a candle, integrating the memorial into the regular proceedings.
Wearing an Item that Belonged to the Deceased
Another option is to wear an item that belonged to the person you want to honour, such as a piece of jewellery or a boutonniere. This way, you carry their memory with you throughout the day without needing a separate table.
Including Photos in Bouquets or Lockets
You can include photos of your loved ones in your bouquet or attach them to a locket, keeping them close to you during the ceremony without needing a designated table.
Memorial Chair
Instead of a table, you can dedicate a single chair with a sash that says "In Loving Memory" or a similar phrase. This can be a more subtle way to honour the deceased without taking up too much space.
Candles and Photographs
Create a candlelit area on a wooden barrel and add photographs of your loved ones. This option provides a subtle and understated memorial that guests can pause at and make a toast if they wish.
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Frequently asked questions
A memory table is an altar that remembers friends, family, pets, or any other significant people in your life who have passed away. It usually includes photos and sometimes personal items that belonged to the deceased.
No, memory tables have not always been a part of weddings.
The people included on a memory table are usually those who the couple would have invited to the wedding if they were still alive.
A memory table can be placed at the wedding ceremony or reception. It should be placed somewhere that is easily visible to guests, such as near the guest book or card and gift table.
Opinions vary. Some people think memory tables are a lovely way to include deceased loved ones in a wedding celebration. Others believe that a wedding is a happy occasion and that memory tables are too sad and can dampen the mood.
