Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Couple's Name Order

When it comes to wedding invitations, there are a few considerations to make when deciding whose name to put first. Traditionally, the bride's name comes first, followed by the groom's full name. This is because, historically, the bride's family was expected to host and finance the wedding. However, contemporary norms allow couples more flexibility in their decision-making. For example, if the groom's family is hosting, it would be more appropriate to list the groom's name first. Same-sex couples may opt to list names alphabetically or based on personal preference. Ultimately, the decision comes down to the couple's preference and what feels right for them.

Bride's name first by tradition

For heterosexual couples, tradition dictates that the bride's name appears first on wedding invitations, followed by the groom's full name. This is because, traditionally, the bride's parents host the wedding and are thus named at the top of the invitation.

In formal invitations issued by the bride's parents, the bride is referred to by her first and middle names, while the groom is addressed by his full name and title. However, if the couple is hosting the wedding themselves, the use of titles becomes optional.

• "Dr. and Mrs. James Stuart Evans, Jr. request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Mr. Brian Charles Jamison, on Saturday, the twentieth of June [two thousand fifteen], at half after three o'clock, at the First Congregational Church, Spring Hill, Minnesota, and afterward at the reception at Spring Hill Golf Club."
• "Mr. and Mrs. Joshua Zimmerli request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Cynthia Ann to Mr. Daniel Isaac Schwartz, son of Captain and Mrs. Aaron David Schwartz, on Saturday, the twenty-fifth of August two thousand fifteen, at four o'clock, at St. James Catholic Church, Grand Rapids, Michigan."
• "Together with their families, Ms. Andrea Jane Brigante and Mr. Robert Holden White request the honour of your presence at their marriage on Saturday, the tenth of July two thousand seventeen, at half after four o'clock, at the First Congregational Church, Richmond, Virginia."

While these examples adhere to the traditional format, modern couples may choose to adapt the wording to their preferences. For instance, some couples may opt to include only first and last names or use "Together with their parents" or "Together with our families" if both the couple and their parents are contributing to the wedding.

Groom's name first if his family is hosting

When it comes to wedding invitation etiquette, tradition holds that the bride's name should appear first, followed by the groom's full name. This is because the bride's parents are typically the hosts and financial backers of the event. However, traditions are evolving, and modern couples may opt to depart from this custom.

In certain scenarios, it is appropriate and acceptable to list the groom's name first. If the groom's family is hosting the wedding, it is perfectly fine to give them precedence on the invitation. Here are some guidelines and examples to consider:

Formal Introduction

The invitation can begin with a formal introduction of the groom's parents as the hosts, followed by the bride's name. For example:

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their son, John Smith, to Jessica Jones."

Cultural Traditions

Cultural traditions may also dictate the order of names. For instance, some Asian cultures traditionally list the groom's name first on wedding invitations. Respecting and honouring cultural customs can be a meaningful way to celebrate the union.

Personal Preference

Ultimately, the decision to list the groom's name first, especially if his family is hosting, comes down to personal preference. Some couples may feel more comfortable listing names in a way that feels right to them, regardless of tradition. For example, if "Jack and Jill" sounds better than "Jill and Jack," there is no rule against arranging the names accordingly.

Same-Sex Couples

For same-sex couples, the traditional rules do not apply, and it is common to see invitations ordered alphabetically or based on personal preference. Alphabetical order provides a neutral and easily readable structure, such as "Jeff & John" instead of "John & Jeff."

Post-Wedding Correspondence

It is worth noting that the name order can change after the wedding. On thank-you cards, address labels, and other post-wedding correspondence, the groom's name typically precedes his new wife. This shift reflects the traditional protocol for married couples.

Same-sex couples can use alphabetical order

For same-sex couples, the traditional way of writing names on wedding invitations is not needed and often not wanted. There are no strict rules for same-sex wedding invitation wording etiquette, but it's important to convey the essential information clearly and concisely.

When it comes to the order of names, same-sex couples can use alphabetical order. This provides a neutral structure to the invitation, making it easily readable and avoiding any potential arguments about whose name should come first. This is especially helpful if the couple has the same last name or if they are not yet married and are being addressed individually. For example, "Mr. Dan Brown and Mr. John Smith" or "Mmes. Anna and Emily Andrews".

If the couple has a preference for a specific order, it is best to honour their relationship and refer to them as they usually introduce themselves. For instance, if they are known as "Tina and Cathy" to friends and family, it might feel odd to switch the order just for the invites.

Same-sex couples can also choose to use the plural form of the title when addressing married couples with the same last name. For men, "The Messrs. Dan and John Smith" can be used instead of "Mr. Dan Smith and Mr. John Smith". For women with the same last name, one can write "The Mesdames Amanda and Jane Williams" or "Mmes. Amanda and Jane Williams".

Ultimately, the key consideration for same-sex couples when addressing wedding invitations is to convey the necessary information clearly and concisely, with flexibility to adapt to personal preferences and relationships.

Heterosexual couples can also use alphabetical order

When it comes to wedding invitation etiquette, there are a few different ways to approach the question of whose name comes first. While tradition may dictate that the bride's name precedes the groom's on formal stationery, this is not the only option, especially for heterosexual couples. One popular alternative is to simply list the names in alphabetical order.

Alphabetical order can be a helpful structure for heterosexual couples who want to move away from traditional gender norms or who share a preference for a different format. It can also be a practical solution when the couple has a strong association with a particular order, such as being known as "Tina and Cathy" to their friends and family. Maintaining this familiar order can avoid confusion and ensure the invitation feels true to the couple's identity.

For unmarried heterosexual couples, listing names in alphabetical order can be a sensible option. This approach mirrors the convention for addressing unmarried opposite-sex couples, where the person closest to the inviter is typically listed first. In cases where both partners have an equally strong relationship with the inviter, alphabetical order can provide a fair and straightforward solution.

In the case of married heterosexual couples with the same last name, alphabetical order can be used in conjunction with traditional title formats. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren" could become "Mr. and Mrs. Warren, Thomas and Michelle." This format honours the couple's shared surname while still presenting the names in alphabetical order.

Additionally, alphabetical order can be particularly useful for couples with different last names. This approach ensures that neither partner's name is consistently prioritised over the other, promoting a sense of equality in the invitation. For example, "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez" could be written as "Maria Stevens and David Estevez" or "Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez."

In conclusion, heterosexual couples can certainly use alphabetical order when deciding whose name goes first on wedding invitations. This approach offers flexibility, practicality, and a modern alternative to traditional gender norms. By prioritising clarity and personal preference, alphabetical order allows couples to create invitations that truly reflect their unique relationship.

Use personal preference for same-sex couples

When it comes to wedding invitation etiquette, there are many different factors to consider, especially when it comes to same-sex couples. While there are no strict rules, there are some considerations to keep in mind. Firstly, it is essential to convey all the necessary information clearly and concisely. This includes the names of the couple, the wedding location, date, and time, as well as details about the reception or evening party.

For same-sex couples, the invitation wording can be a blend of tradition and innovation. If the couple is footing the bill for the wedding, the invitation can simply state their names, such as "John Smith and Peter Brown request the pleasure of your company". If the families are contributing jointly, the invitation can begin with "Together with their families".

When deciding whose name to put first, same-sex couples have a few options. One option is to use alphabetical order, which provides a neutral and easily readable structure to the invitation. Another option is to use personal preference. If a couple is known as "Tina and Cathy" to their friends and family, it may feel more natural to use this order, honouring their relationship and how they are known to their loved ones.

In terms of titles, if the couple has the same last name, the French plural forms "Messrs." and "Mesdames" or "Mmes." can be used. For example, "Messrs. Dan and John Smith" or "Mmes. Amanda and Jane Williams". Alternatively, the traditional "Mr." and "Mrs." with each name can also be used, such as "Mr. Dan Smith and Mr. John Smith" or "Mrs. Amanda Jones and Mrs. Jane Williams". Ultimately, the choice of title and name order comes down to the couple's preference, and it is always best to consider asking them for their preferred greeting to prevent any mistakes.

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