Who Gets Invited To The Wedding?

When it comes to weddings, the guest list can be a tricky affair, especially when it comes to family. While the day is primarily about the couple, it is customary to invite future siblings-in-law to the wedding, as they are now considered family. This is especially true for the best man's siblings, who are often expected to be included in the wedding party as groomsmen or bridesmaids. However, this is not always the case, as some couples may have a large extended family or other constraints that prevent them from inviting all siblings. Ultimately, the decision rests with the couple, but it is essential to consider the potential consequences of excluding certain family members, as it can cause hurt feelings and even family rifts, as seen in an example where a gay couple was excluded from a wedding due to the bride's family's prejudices.

Inviting the best man's siblings to the wedding

When it comes to weddings, the general rule is that the day is about the couple getting married. However, it is customary to invite future siblings-in-law to the wedding, even if you don't get along with them. They are, after all, family. It is also a nice gesture to invite their spouses or partners to the wedding, especially if your wedding party is not very large.

If you are close with your future sibling-in-law, they may expect to be included in the wedding party or given a special role. For example, the best man is often the groom's brother, and if the groom has multiple brothers, it can be hard to choose just one. In this case, it is perfectly acceptable to have multiple best men or groomsmen, or to give the sibling another role in the wedding, such as usher, driver, or speech-giver.

On the other hand, if you are not close with your future sibling-in-law, it may be best to set expectations early and be upfront about their role in the wedding, or lack thereof. This is especially important if you think they will be disappointed or if it will cause drama in the family. It is not necessary to apologise or make a big announcement, but it is considerate to let them know in advance.

It is worth noting that some couples choose not to invite certain family members or partners of family members to their wedding due to personal beliefs or prejudice, which can cause hurt and resentment within the family.

The best man's role and responsibilities

The best man is the groom's right-hand man and go-to confidante throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day itself. While there are no set rules on who can be the best man, this role is often given to a groom's brother, close relative, or best friend. The role can also be shared between two or more people, and it doesn't have to be a man – it can be a best woman, bridesman, or any other title the couple prefers.

Before the Wedding

• Assist with outfit details: Help the groom and groomsmen choose their outfits and schedule fittings.
• Organise the bachelor party: Plan and organise the groom's last big night out before he gets married.
• Coordinate the groom's gift: If the groomsmen decide to get a gift for the groom, the best man often leads the effort by collecting money and choosing the final item.
• Liaise with the maid of honour: Chat with the maid of honour to see what useful things you can have on hand during the wedding – such as large umbrellas or wedding gifts for the couple.
• Help the groom with planning admin: Offer to help with logistical details like booking vendors, managing RSVPs, or coordinating schedules.
• Assist with pre-wedding set-up: Help the couple by picking up and delivering any hired items, such as wedding suits.
• Stay over with the groom: The best man may stay with the groom the night before the wedding and provide support and a sounding board for any nerves or anxiety.

On the Wedding Day

• Help the groom get ready: Be as hands-on as possible with whatever last-minute tasks arise on the wedding day.
• Organise the ushers: On the morning of the wedding, take delivery of any buttonholes and hand them out to the groomsmen and other ushers.
• Keep the rings safe: The best man is often asked to be the ring bearer and keep the wedding rings safe before and during the ceremony.
• Greet the guests with the groom: Ensure the groom arrives at the venue at least 20 minutes before the ceremony and stand by his side to welcome and greet the arriving guests.
• Stand at the altar with the groom: Before the ceremony starts, the groom and best man should take their places at the altar. If you are the ring bearer, make sure you have the rings ready for when the couple exchanges them.
• Escort the maid of honour out of the ceremony: Once the ceremony is over, the best man is traditionally required to escort the maid of honour out of the room ahead of the newly married couple.
• Stand in the receiving line: If the newlyweds choose to have a receiving line, the best man will be expected to stand in it and greet the guests.
• Help organise wedding photographs: Round up guests for the wedding photographer's group photos and appear in many of them.
• Be the master of ceremonies: If the couple hasn't hired a toastmaster or master of ceremonies, the best man may be asked to announce key elements like the couple's arrival into the reception room, the speeches, and the cutting of the cake.
• Deliver your speech: Traditionally, the best man's speech comes last, after the father of the bride and groom speeches.
• Get the party started: After the first dance, it's traditional for the best man to dance with the maid of honour and encourage everyone onto the dance floor.

After the Wedding

• Return and clean suits: Help round up and return any hired items, such as suits, and take care of dry cleaning.
• Take care of wedding gifts: Safely store the wedding gifts if the couple goes on their honeymoon straight away, and ensure all gifts, cards, and keepsakes are collected and delivered to the couple.
• Help with thank-you notes: Assist the groom in writing thank-you notes to the guests.

The best man's role is to support the groom and ensure he and the groomsmen are where they need to be when they need to be. It's an important role that requires organisation, attention to detail, and the ability to provide emotional support.

Including the best man's siblings in the wedding party

The best man plays a crucial role in a wedding, offering moral support and practical assistance to the groom. While it is common for the best man to be the groom's brother, it is not necessary. The groom may choose a friend or another family member to take on this role. However, this can lead to questions about the inclusion of the best man's siblings in the wedding party.

When it comes to including the best man's siblings, it is essential to consider the wedding dynamics and family relationships. If the best man has siblings who are close to the couple, it is thoughtful to involve them in the wedding celebrations. This can be done in various ways, ensuring they feel valued and contributing to a harmonious family dynamic.

One option is to invite the best man's siblings to be part of the wedding party as groomsmen or bridesmaids. This gesture symbolises unity and celebrates the blending of families. It is especially meaningful if the best man's siblings are also close with the couple. If the wedding party is already large, inviting the best man's siblings' spouses or partners can be a thoughtful alternative.

If including the best man's siblings in the wedding party is not feasible or desired, there are other ways to involve them meaningfully. For instance, they can be ushers, greeting and guiding guests to their seats. This role is often given to family members and allows the best man's siblings to actively participate in the ceremony. Another option is to ask them to give a reading or play music during the ceremony, adding a personal touch to the proceedings.

Additionally, the best man's siblings can be involved in wedding surprises or be entrusted with special tasks that utilise their unique skills. For example, if a sibling is a talented baker, they could create the wedding cake, or if they are a graphic designer, they could design the wedding stationery. These contributions add a personal and creative touch to the wedding.

In conclusion, including the best man's siblings in the wedding celebrations fosters a sense of family unity and ensures everyone feels valued. Whether they are part of the wedding party, take on specific roles, or contribute their talents, their involvement adds to the joy and significance of the occasion.

Alternative roles for the best man's siblings

There are many alternative roles for the best man's siblings, and it's becoming increasingly common for couples to assign non-traditional roles to their siblings. Here are some ideas:

Usher: The best man's sibling can greet and guide guests to their seats, especially older relatives. They can also hand out booklets and facilitate mingling at the reception.

Driver: If the best man's sibling has a nice car, they can offer to drive the couple to the wedding venue.

Speech-giver: The sibling can deliver a speech and share fun stories or anecdotes about the couple.

Readings or music: The sibling can read a poem, a Bible verse, or lines from a favourite song during the ceremony. If they are musically inclined, they can also perform a special song.

Ring bearer: The best man may already have a lot of responsibilities, so the sibling can be appointed to present the wedding rings to the officiant.

Master of Ceremony: The sibling can act as the MC for the evening, offering transitions during special moments, announcing the bridal party and special dances, and keeping the night flowing smoothly.

Special décor: If the sibling has special skills in design, crafting, or woodworking, they can contribute to the wedding's décor and be acknowledged in the wedding program.

Unity ritual: A small but meaningful way to involve a sibling is through a unity ritual, such as a flower or tree-planting ceremony, symbolising the merging of families.

Reader: The sibling can offer a simple blessing or piece of advice to the couple by reading a poem or scripture passage.

These are just a few ideas, and ultimately, the decision on how to include the best man's sibling should be made by considering the couple's unique dynamics and relationships.

Dealing with family drama

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when family members are involved. Family drama can put a damper on your celebrations, but there are ways to navigate this delicate situation effectively. Here are some instructive tips focused on dealing with family drama during wedding planning:

Identify Problems in Advance

It's crucial to identify and address family issues well before the wedding day. Be proactive and don't wait for problems to arise during the event. This advanced planning will pay off and make the big day smoother and more enjoyable for everyone.

Communicate and Set Boundaries

Communication is essential when dealing with family drama. Have upfront conversations with family members to discuss behaviour expectations and set clear boundaries. Let them know that your wedding day is about celebrating your happiness, and you would appreciate their support in creating a positive environment. Be honest and direct, but also empathetic towards their feelings.

Involve Family Constructively

Family members may have strong opinions or make unreasonable requests. Redirect their energy by involving them constructively in the wedding planning process. Delegate specific tasks or seek their suggestions on less critical aspects of the wedding. This approach will make them feel valued and included while allowing you to maintain control over the more important decisions.

Manage Seating Arrangements

To avoid awkwardness or potential conflicts, create a designated seating chart for the reception. Seat any estranged or feuding guests away from each other to minimise the chances of tension or discomfort during the festivities. This proactive measure will help keep the peace and ensure everyone can focus on celebrating.

Consult with Wedding Vendors

Don't hesitate to communicate family dynamics and potential issues with your wedding vendors, especially your wedding planner and photographer. They have likely encountered similar situations and can provide valuable advice on diffusing tense situations. They can also help ensure that certain family members are not placed in uncomfortable situations during the event.

Consider a Private Celebration

If family drama persists and becomes overwhelming, consider whether a more intimate celebration or a destination wedding might be a better option. Sometimes, a smaller gathering or a change of location can alleviate tension and create a more relaxed atmosphere for the couple and their guests.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and commitment. Focus on what matters, set clear boundaries, and involve your family constructively to navigate any family drama effectively.

Frequently asked questions