Wedding Invite Etiquette: Guests, Plus Ones, And More

Wedding guest lists can be a tricky business. There are many factors to consider, from budget and venue size to family politics and the risk of offending friends and acquaintances. One of the most important considerations is whether to extend plus-ones to guests who are not married or in a serious relationship.

The traditional approach is to only offer plus-ones to guests who are married, engaged, or cohabiting with a partner. However, it is becoming increasingly common to offer plus-ones more liberally, especially to guests who are travelling for the wedding or who may not know many other attendees.

If you are working with a tight budget or a small venue, you may need to limit the number of plus-ones you offer. In this case, it is generally considered good etiquette to offer plus-ones to members of the wedding party and to any guests who are in serious relationships.

Plus-ones for non-married couples

Deciding on your wedding guest list can be a daunting task, especially when it comes to plus-ones for non-married couples. Here are some tips to help you navigate this delicate issue:

Who Should Get a Plus-One?

According to wedding etiquette, guests who are married, engaged, or living together traditionally receive a plus-one. This also applies to couples who have been dating long-term or have a serious commitment to each other. It is a show of appreciation to allow your bridal party to bring their significant others, especially considering the time and effort they have put into your wedding. In addition, if you have guests who are travelling a long distance to attend and don't know many people at the wedding, it is considerate to offer them a plus-one.

Who Shouldn't Get a Plus-One?

Single guests who are casually dating or in a new relationship do not need to be offered a plus-one, especially if they will know other guests at the wedding. It is also not necessary to offer a plus-one to single guests who are friends with or related to the couple getting married, as they are likely to be comfortable and have a good time without a date.

Budgetary Constraints

Offering a plus-one to every guest can quickly increase your costs, as it means additional expenses for favours, food, drinks, and seating. Therefore, it is essential to consider your budget and guest list limit when deciding on plus-ones.

Invitation Wording

When addressing your invitations, write the guest's name and their plus-one's name if you have that information. If not, write the guest's name and add "and Guest" to indicate that they are allowed to bring a date. Be mindful that it is considered rude to explicitly state "no plus-ones" on the invitation. Instead, handle these questions privately and on an individual basis.

Seating Arrangements

When creating your seating plan, be mindful of solo guests and try to seat them with outgoing and friendly couples to create a comfortable and communal atmosphere. Avoid placing them between an old married couple or a PDA-heavy pair, as this can be awkward.

Guest Enquiries

Be prepared for guests who do not receive a plus-one to reach out and ask about bringing a guest. Inquire about their relationship status, as it may have changed since you sent out your invitations. If you still do not have the space or budget to accommodate their request, reply kindly, explaining that it is an intimate affair.

Remember, it is your special day, so make decisions that you and your partner are comfortable with, and don't be afraid to set boundaries.

Inviting people you've lost touch with

Deciding on a guest list can be a difficult task, especially when it comes to inviting people you've lost touch with. Here are some tips to help you navigate this situation:

• Be honest and direct: If someone asks if they are invited, it's best to be upfront and let them know that you are keeping the guest list small or are only inviting close friends and family. You can also blame it on the venue's capacity restrictions or budget constraints.
• Don't feel guilty: Remember that it's your wedding, and you don't have to invite anyone you don't want to. It's okay to put yourself first and surround yourself with people who truly matter to you on your special day.
• Consider a separate celebration: If you feel bad about not inviting certain people, you can always plan a separate get-together or after-party to celebrate with them. This way, you can keep your wedding intimate while still including those you've lost touch with.
• Reconnect and re-evaluate: If you're on the fence about inviting someone, try reaching out and reconnecting with them. See if you still have things in common and if you'd like them to be a part of your big day. It's also a good idea to consider how they would fit in with the rest of your guest list and if their presence would create any drama or tension.
• Be consistent: To avoid hurt feelings, try to be consistent with your invitations. If you invite one long-lost friend, it might be awkward not to invite others. Use your best judgment and be mindful of people's feelings.
• Don't feel pressured: Ultimately, it's your wedding, and you should invite people who are important to you and your partner. Don't feel pressured to invite everyone just because they invited you to their wedding or because of family expectations. Go with your gut and trust that your true friends will understand.

Budget and venue considerations

The venue is often the biggest investment in a wedding budget, with couples typically spending around 37% of their overall budget on the venue for their nuptials. Catering is another large expense, taking up about 29% of the average wedding budget. When allocating your wedding budget, it's important to be honest about your expectations and what you can afford. The number of guests will have a massive impact on the amount you spend, as there is usually a per-head cost for food and liquor, the two biggest expenses of the whole wedding.

When it comes to wedding invitations, it's smart to set aside 4-6% of your wedding budget for wedding stationery, including save-the-date cards, the invitation suite, and postage. Factor in another 1-3% for day-of pieces such as programs, signage, menus, escort cards, and favour tags. The more invitations you need, the higher your costs will be. However, you will usually get a price break at higher quantities. For example, 50 invitations may cost $5 a set, compared to $3 a set when printing 300.

The printing method you choose will also affect the cost. Digital printing is the most budget-friendly option and is suitable for anyone printing invitations. For 100 stationery suites, offset printing or thermography usually starts at $800 and can go up to $1,800. Letterpress printing is more expensive, with 100 letter-pressed invitation suites typically costing at least $1,500. Engraving is the most expensive printing method, with 100 invitations costing at least $2,000.

If your budget is tight, consider sending an RSVP postcard instead of a reply card with an envelope to save on printing costs and postage. You can also print your details card double-sided instead of including a separate accommodations card.

Addressing the envelope

When addressing the envelope of a wedding invitation, there are a few things to keep in mind to ensure that your guests have all the information they need and that your wishes are clear. Here are some tips for addressing the envelope:

• Outer and Inner Envelopes: Traditionally, wedding invitations have an outer and an inner envelope. The outer envelope is addressed to the recipient or the couple you know personally. The inner envelope then lists the names of all those who are invited, such as children or plus-ones. This format can be helpful if you want to specify who is invited and give your guests a clear idea of the number of seats reserved for them.
• Including Plus-ones: If you are inviting a guest with a plus-one, specify this on the envelope. Write your guest's name followed by "and guest". This is a polite way to let them know they can bring a date. If you know the name of their significant other, it is more formal to include their name on the envelope instead of "and guest".
• Married, Engaged, and Cohabitating Guests: It is customary to invite the spouses, fiancés, or live-in partners of your guests. Include their names on the envelope or, if using inner and outer envelopes, specify their names on the inner envelope.
• Bridal Party Plus-ones: It is common courtesy to offer a plus-one to members of your bridal party as a token of appreciation for their efforts and support. Address the envelope with their name and "and guest" or include their partner's name if you know it.
• Be Clear and Upfront: Whether you use one envelope or two, be sure to address all invitees clearly. If a couple is in a relationship, list both of their full names on the envelope. This avoids any confusion and ensures your guests know who is invited.
• Avoid Vague Wording: Instead of writing "and guest", consider writing the number of seats reserved for each party. For example, specify "2 seats have been reserved in your honour". This avoids any misunderstandings and prevents guests from assuming they can bring extra people.
• Online Invitations: If you are sending online invitations, be sure to address the invitees and their plus-ones clearly. Include names where possible, or use "and guest" if you don't know the name of their date.

Remember, the envelope is an important part of the invitation as it gives your guests essential information about who is invited and how many seats are reserved for them. By following these tips, you can ensure your guests have the information they need and avoid any potential confusion or misunderstandings.

RSVP instructions

To ensure your wedding guests can respond to your invitation with minimal confusion, there are a few key steps to follow. Firstly, it is important to include an "RSVP by" date on your RSVP cards. This date should be at least two to three weeks before your wedding, giving you enough time to finalise numbers for the caterer and seating chart. Giving your guests a timeframe of three to four weeks to respond is generally considered polite and practical.

Secondly, ensure your guests know how to RSVP. Provide a pre-addressed envelope with a stamp, or direct them to a specific email, phone number, or URL. If you are using digital RSVPs, it is still a nice touch to include a stamped, pre-addressed postcard for any older guests who may be less familiar with technology.

Thirdly, be clear about who is invited. If you are inviting a couple with children, write "The Smith Family" on the envelope. If you are inviting a couple without children, write "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith". If you are inviting a single person and would like them to bring a guest, write their name followed by "and Guest". This makes it clear that they are welcome to bring a plus-one.

Finally, if you are including RSVP cards, indicate the number of guests invited from each party. For example, write "We have reserved ___ seats in your honour". This will help to avoid any confusion and ensure you receive accurate responses.

By following these steps, you can make the RSVP process straightforward for your guests and ensure you receive timely and informative responses.

Frequently asked questions