How To Address Step-Parents On Wedding Invites

Wedding invitation wording can be a complex affair, with endless pieces of etiquette to consider. While the bride's parents are traditionally listed at the top of the invite as the hosts, modern practices have emerged to reflect the unique dynamics of each family. This includes knowing how to address step-parents on wedding invitations.

Including step-parents in wedding invites

Including step-parents in your wedding invites is a thoughtful way to acknowledge their role in your life. Here are some guidelines and examples to help you navigate this process:

Understanding Traditional Structure

When including parents' names on wedding invitations, the bride's parents are usually mentioned first. This tradition stems from the custom of the bride's family bearing most of the wedding expenses. Here's an example:

> "Mr. and Mrs. Anderson request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Miley Rose, to Eric Liu, son of Mr. and Mrs. Liu."

However, nowadays, it's common for both families or the couple themselves to contribute financially. In such cases, you can list both sets of parents on the upper portion of the invitation:

> "Mr. and Mrs. Jerry White, along with Mr. and Mrs. Vincent Callows, request the honor of your presence at the marriage of Andrea Marie and Lucas Edward Callows."

Reflecting Your Family Dynamics

If your parents are divorced and/or remarried, you can adapt the invitation wording to reflect your family structure. Here's an example that includes a step-parent:

> "Mr. and Mrs. Nolan Andrews-Butler, along with Mr. Bruno Walters and his spouse, request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Simone Louise, to Paul Lima, son of Mr. and Mrs. Jose Lima."

In this example, the step-parent is included individually, but you could also refer to them as your biological parent's spouse.

Honouring Deceased Parents

If you want to honour a deceased parent, you can include phrases such as "the late" after their name. Here's an example:

> "Margaret Jane, daughter of Mr. Gianelli and the late Mrs. Gianelli, and Xavier Francis Stephens, son of Mr. and Mrs. Stephens, request the honour of your presence..."

Open Communication

Before finalising the invitation wording, it's essential to consult your parents and step-parents. This is especially important if you plan to include a step-parent, as one of your biological parents may have reservations. While you have the final say, considering their insights and feelings is crucial.

Use of "And"

When including your parents' names, be mindful of the word "and." When placed between two names, it implies that those individuals are married. If your parents are divorced, separate their names with a line break instead.

Full Names and Titles

Using your parents' and step-parents' full names maintains formality. However, it's also common to use only the father's full name, such as "Mr. and Mrs. Robert Lee." Occupational titles like "Dr." or "Atty." are usually omitted, but suffixes like "Sr." or "Jr." should be included.

In conclusion, including step-parents in your wedding invites is a meaningful way to recognise their place in your life. By following these guidelines and tailoring them to your family dynamics, you can create invitations that accurately represent your unique family structure.

Traditional wedding invite structure

When it comes to wedding invitations, you can get as creative as you like. However, there is a traditional structure to a wedding invitation that might help to ease your formatting woes. Here is a breakdown of the traditional wedding invitation structure:

Monogram

Although not always used, a monogram is a traditional way to start a wedding invitation. The monogram symbolises the union of the couple and typically uses the initials of the couple's first names (bride, then groom). Some couples choose to use the "married monogram" or the first letter of their shared last name.

Host Names

The second line is reserved for the host(s) of the wedding (i.e. Bride's Parents, Groom's Parents, the Couple, etc.). There are many ways to format the host line depending on your family dynamic. The host is usually whoever shoulders the expenses for the wedding. However, nowadays, more and more families are contributing equally, or the couple is hosting and paying for the wedding themselves.

Couple's Names

The third line is for the couple's names. Traditionally, the bride's name comes first, followed by the groom's. Depending on how the host line is worded, you may or may not include the couple's full names. When the parents' names are not listed, it is suggested that the couple writes their full given names (i.e. first, middle, last, suffix). When the parents' names are listed, the couple's first and middle names will suffice. If not hosting, the groom's parents' names are listed following the groom's name.

Ceremony Details

This section includes the date, time, and location of the wedding ceremony. These details are typically written out in full. For a fun/modern design aesthetic, some dates are truncated or written out with numerals. You can also choose to omit the full address of the ceremony location on the invitation, opting just for the city and state, giving your design a cleaner, more formal look. Instead, include the full address and other pertinent information on an additional enclosure card.

Post-Ceremony Details

This is a quick blurb to let your guests know how to continue the party. Typical post-ceremony wording includes "Reception to immediately follow", "Drinks, dinner, and dancing to follow", and "Adult reception to follow", among others. If you are going for a lighthearted affair, this is a good place to add a bit of fun wording without distracting from the formality of the invitation. As mentioned before, all of your reception details will be included on a separate enclosure card, so there is no need to be super wordy.

Please note that these are not hard and fast rules, just traditional guidelines. Feel free to mix and match any wording style to fit your unique family dynamic, taste, and style.

Who 'hosts' the wedding?

The host of a wedding is usually the party that shoulders the expenses. Traditionally, the bride's family bears this responsibility, but nowadays, it is more common for couples to pay for the majority of their weddings, with both families contributing. In such cases, the couple and their parents can be listed as joint hosts on the invitation.

• "Mr. and Mrs. Jerry White, along with Mr. and Mrs. Vincent Callows, request the honour of your presence at the marriage of Andrea Marie and Lucas Edward Callows"
• "Together with their parents, Lisa and Matthew Weber, Casey and Frederick Brahms request the honour of your presence at their marriage"
• "Together with their families, [Couple name] request the honour of your presence at their marriage"

Reflecting family structure

Reflecting your family's structure on your wedding invitations is important. Here are some tips and examples to help you navigate this process:

Divorced Parents:

If your parents are divorced, the invitation wording can reflect this by separating their names with a line break. Here's an example:

"Mrs. Riley Larson

Along with Mr. Jonathan Larson, requests the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Emily Elizabeth, to Mark Brown, son of Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Brown…"

Remarried Parents:

If your parents have remarried, you can choose to include your step-parents in the invitation. You can name them individually or refer to them as your biological parents' spouses. For example:

"Mr. and Mrs. Nolan Andrews-Butler

Along with Mr. Bruno Walters and his spouse, request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Simone Louise, to Paul Lima, son of Mr. and Mrs. Jose Lima…"

Deceased Parents:

To honour a deceased parent, you can include phrases such as "the late" after their name. Here's how it can be done:

"Margaret Jane, daughter of Mr. Gianelli and the late Mrs. Gianelli, and Xavier Francis Stephens, son of Mr. and Mrs. Stephens, request the honor of your presence…"

Step-parents as Hosts:

If your step-parent is hosting the wedding, they can be included in the host line. Keep their name on the same line as their partner, your biological parent. Here's an example:

"Dr. Vance and Elizabeth Gregory, Mr. James Abner and Lydia Abner, and Mr. Harold and Jane Hyland invite you to the wedding of their children Amy Abner and Charles Hyland…"

Open Communication:

Before finalising the invitation wording, have an open conversation with your parents and step-parents. This is especially important if you plan to include a step-parent, as one of your biological parents may have objections. While you have the final say, it's essential to consider their insights and feelings.

Honouring deceased parents

During the Speeches

• Read a poem of remembrance. Poetry helps put words to feelings and experiences. You can read a poem you wrote yourself, or a classic piece of poetry.
• Toast your loved one. By toasting them, you will encourage your whole family, friends, and guests to honour them. Consider toasting with their favourite drink to honour their memory.
• Read a letter from or to your loved one. If you have a letter from your parent or loved one, consider reading it on your wedding day to remind you of their love. If you don’t have a letter, consider writing your own.
• Hold a time of silence. Take a few moments to quietly reflect on your own before the festivities start, with your partner during the ceremony, or with your guests during the reception.
• Say a prayer or share a quote. Include the memory of your late loved one in your wedding speech through prayer or a quote. You can choose anything that reminds you of your loved one, such as a classic prayer, a quote from a TV show, or lyrics from a song.

During the Ceremony

• Leave a chair open. Leaving a seat in front is a way to remember that your loved one is looking down on you.
• Light a memorial candle. In many cultures, lighting a candle is a symbol of unity. As a twist on this tradition, consider lighting a candle to represent loved ones that have passed away.
• Write a message in the programs. If you plan on printing a program, this can be a perfect place to write a message in honour of your loved one. It can be as simple as mentioning their name with the words “remembering” or “In remembrance.”
• Carry a memento with you. Consider wearing a memento or carrying one with you in your bouquet. A memento could be anything from their cuff links and handkerchief to an heirloom necklace.
• Honour their memory during the ceremony. Talk to the officiant and tell them you’d like to honour your loved one’s memory. They may suggest options such as reading quotes, passages, and other tributes.

During the Reception

• Play a favourite song. Playing your loved one’s favourite song is a great way to start the party. When you play this song, you’re sure to keep their memory close.
• Create a commemorative presentation. Consider sharing slideshows, videos, and memories of your loved one. Include photos of you and your loved one, family photos, and special memories of your time together.
• Visit their grave. Visit the grave alone or with your spouse, tell them how much you love them, and leave a bouquet to share your joy and let them be part of the festivities.
• Create an 'In Memoriam' table. Reserve a special place at your reception by arranging a table filled with framed photos of your loved ones. You can also create a memory box, where guests can write down and share their favourite memories.
• Share a sentimental recipe. For someone who loved to cook, try serving cookies made from your grandmother's very own award-winning recipe. Your guests will enjoy the thoughtful addition to your wedding day menu.
• Display family photos and heirlooms. Showcase some of their favourite belongings, such as family photos and heirlooms, or anything else that reminds you of them.
• Give wedding favours in their honour. Leave your guests with a memory of your friend or family member who has passed away. Offer a special favour inspired by something they loved and include a sign to explain the token.
• Donate to a charity. In lieu of gifts, use your wedding registry to set up a cash fund to raise money for charity. Make a donation in support of something your loved one was passionate about.

Frequently asked questions