Wedding Guestlist: Should You Invite Your Ex?

There are many factors to consider when deciding whether to invite an ex to a wedding. While it may be a source of tension for some, others may be genuinely unsure about what to do, especially if they are still in the same social circle as their ex. It is important to consider the nature of the relationship with the ex, the length of time since the breakup, and the feelings of the future spouse. Inviting an ex to a wedding may be appropriate if the couple has moved on and stayed friends, or if the ex is part of the couple's mutual friend group. However, it is crucial to respect the boundaries and comfort levels of the future spouse and avoid any potential awkwardness or jealousy. Ultimately, the decision should be made based on the couple's comfort and priority in celebrating their love and future together.

If you're friends with your ex

Firstly, how recent was the relationship? If it ended recently and your ex is still hurt, it might be best to avoid inviting them to give them space and avoid any potential awkwardness. On the other hand, if it was a long time ago and you've both moved on, it might be more comfortable for everyone.

Secondly, check in with your partner and yourself about how you truly feel about having this person at your wedding. Are you and your partner 100% comfortable with it? Is there any jealousy or residual romantic feelings? Be honest with yourself and your partner, and have an open conversation about it. Remember, it's important for both of you to feel completely at ease on your special day, without any distractions or worries.

Thirdly, consider the dynamics of your friend group. If your ex is part of the same social circle that will be invited to the wedding, it might be more inclusive to invite them as well. This can be especially true if your friends can help keep your ex in line and ensure everyone behaves appropriately. However, if your ex's presence will cause discomfort to others in your friend group, it might be better to leave them off the guest list.

Finally, trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right about inviting your ex, that's a valid reason not to. Your wedding day is about you and your partner, and you don't need to invite anyone you're not completely sure about. It's also important to respect your partner's wishes and boundaries when it comes to exes, so have an open and honest discussion about it. Ultimately, the decision to invite an ex to your wedding depends on your unique situation, the dynamics of your relationship, and the comfort level of everyone involved.

If your ex is part of your friend group

Your Relationship with Your Ex

Firstly, evaluate the nature of your relationship with your ex. Are you truly friends who catch up regularly, or is it more of an acquaintance situation within your friend group? If you are genuinely friends and catch up often, it may be more appropriate to consider inviting them.

Time Passed and Mutual Moving On

Consider how long it has been since you and your ex were together. If it was a recent breakup and there are still lingering feelings or hurt, it might be best to avoid inviting them. However, if it was years ago and you have both moved on and are in a good place, inviting them may be more appropriate.

Your Future Spouse's Comfort

Discuss the situation with your future spouse and ensure they are 100% comfortable with your ex being invited. Their wedding day is also about their comfort and happiness, so their wishes should be respected. If they are not fully on board with the idea, it's probably best to leave your ex off the guest list.

Your Own Feelings

Be honest with yourself about your feelings. If you are only considering inviting your ex to make them jealous or because you haven't moved on emotionally, it's best not to invite them. Your wedding day is about celebrating your future with your spouse, not revisiting the past.

The Dynamics of Your Friend Group

Consider the dynamics within your friend group. If your ex is still heavily involved in the group and you all hang out regularly, it may be more natural for them to be included in the wedding celebrations. However, if your friendship group has changed and you no longer spend time with your ex outside of the occasional group gathering, it may be more appropriate to leave them off the guest list.

Your Ex's Feelings

Finally, consider how your ex might feel about receiving a wedding invitation. If you think they would be pleasantly surprised and happy for you, then inviting them may be a nice gesture. However, if you think it might make them uncomfortable or if they have not moved on, it may be kinder to forgo the invitation.

Ultimately, the decision to invite an ex who is part of your friend group comes down to a variety of factors, including the nature of your relationship, the dynamics of your friend group, and the comfort level of both you and your future spouse. Open and honest communication with your future spouse and a thoughtful consideration of everyone's feelings are key to making the right decision.

If your ex is a plus-one of a friend

It's natural to feel uneasy about your ex attending your wedding, especially if they are a plus-one of a friend. Here are some things to consider if you find yourself in this situation:

Communicate with Your Friend

It's important to have an open conversation with your friend about your concerns. Explain that you value their presence at your wedding but that you feel uncomfortable about your ex being there. A honest discussion will help your friend understand your perspective and may lead to a solution that works for both of you.

Assess the Nature of Your Ex's Presence

Consider the nature of your ex's attendance. If they are a recent partner of your friend, you may have more flexibility in your approach. Wedding etiquette suggests that you are not obligated to invite someone your friend "has just begun to see." On the other hand, if your friend and your ex have been in a committed relationship for a significant period, it may be more challenging to exclude them without causing tension.

Evaluate Your Relationship with Your Ex

Reflect on the nature of your relationship with your ex. If you have maintained a platonic friendship and your partner is comfortable with their presence, it may be appropriate to invite them. However, if there are unresolved feelings or negative history, it is probably best to avoid inviting them. Remember, your priority is to celebrate your love and marriage, so avoid any situations that may cause discomfort or distraction on your special day.

Consider the Impact on Your Friend's Experience

While your initial instinct may be to protect yourself and your partner from any potential discomfort, it's also important to consider your friend's experience. Attending a wedding alone can be isolating, especially if they don't know many other guests. Discuss with your partner and jointly decide whether you are willing to accommodate your friend's plus-one request. If you decide not to invite your ex, be prepared for the possibility that your friend may choose not to attend.

Focus on Your Wedding and Marriage

Ultimately, your wedding is about celebrating your love and commitment. While it's natural to want to accommodate your guests, don't lose sight of what truly matters—your marriage and the joy of this occasion. If the presence of your ex will cause significant distress or detract from the happiness of the event, it may be best to politely decline their attendance.

If your ex is from middle school or high school

Deciding whether to invite an ex to your wedding can be a tricky and sensitive issue. If your ex is from middle school or high school, and you haven't spoken to them since, it might be best to leave them off the guest list. However, if you and your ex have both moved on and become genuine friends, it may be appropriate to extend an invitation. Here are some things to consider:

Time Passed and Your Current Relationship

If it was a brief relationship many years ago, and you have both moved on with your lives, it may be less awkward to invite your ex, especially if you are now friends. However, if the relationship ended recently and either of you is still hurting, it is probably best to avoid inviting them to avoid any uncomfortable situations.

Your Future Spouse's Feelings

It is crucial to consider how your future spouse would feel about having your ex at the wedding. If they are not 100% on board, it is best to respect their wishes and not invite your ex. Your wedding day is about celebrating your love and commitment to each other, and you don't want it to be overshadowed by worries about your ex's presence.

Your Social Circle

If your ex is part of your social circle and you frequently hang out with mutual friends, it may be appropriate to invite them to the wedding. However, if you've never mentioned them to your future spouse in the time you've been together, or your ex will be the only person from that group invited, it might be best to leave them off the guest list.

Potential for Drama

Consider whether your ex's presence will create any drama or discomfort for you, your future spouse, or your guests. If your ex's behaviour is unpredictable, or they don't get along with your friends and family, it might be best to avoid inviting them. You don't want anything to distract from your special day or cause unnecessary stress.

Your Motives

Be honest with yourself about why you want to invite your ex. If it's to make them jealous or to prove you're over them, it's probably not a good idea. Your wedding is about celebrating your future together, not revisiting the past.

Ultimately, the decision to invite an ex from middle school or high school to your wedding depends on your unique situation and the nature of your current relationship with them. It's essential to communicate openly with your future spouse and consider their feelings and comfort level.

If your ex is the parent of your child

Firstly, it's important to assess the nature of your relationship with your ex. If you have a good co-parenting relationship and are on amicable terms, it may be appropriate to invite them. This can also help your children feel more settled and happy, as it demonstrates a show of friendliness and support for your marriage.

However, if there is any potential for drama or upset, it may be best to avoid inviting your ex. You should also consider the feelings of your fiancé and other guests. If anyone would feel uncomfortable with your ex's presence, it's probably best to leave them off the guest list.

Another factor to consider is whether your ex has moved on and is in a new relationship. In this case, you may want to invite them both as a couple, following standard etiquette.

Ultimately, the decision comes down to your personal circumstances and comfort level. If you feel that inviting your ex, who is also the parent of your child, would enhance your special day and not detract from it, then it may be worth considering. However, if there are any doubts or concerns, it might be best to err on the side of caution and not invite them.

Frequently asked questions