Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Adults-Only Wording

Deciding on a guest list for your wedding can be a challenging task. You might want everyone you know and love to be there, but budget and space constraints can make that difficult. One way to trim down your guest list is to make your wedding adults-only. This is becoming more and more common, but it can still be an awkward conversation to have with your loved ones, and it may be an unpopular decision. If you do decide to have an adults-only wedding, it's important to be clear and consistent from the very beginning, and to spread the word before the invitations arrive so that guests with children can make childcare arrangements.

How to address the wedding invitations

Deciding on the guest list for your wedding can be a challenging task. If you've decided to have an adults-only wedding, you may be unsure about how to communicate this to your guests. Here are some tips and guidelines on how to address your wedding invitations to make your intentions clear while being considerate of your guests' needs.

Be Clear and Consistent:

Start by deciding on an "age rule" for your wedding and stick to it. Determine if your cut-off is no guests under a certain age, such as 16, 18, or 21. Be consistent by applying this rule to everyone, including your family and wedding party. Making exceptions for certain children can lead to hurt feelings and offended parents. However, you may choose to make exceptions for infants who are nursing or children who are part of the wedding ceremony as flower girls or ring bearers.

Spread the Word Early:

Inform your close family members, wedding party, and bridal party about your adults-only decision as early as possible. They can help spread the word to other guests through word of mouth, reducing the chances of misunderstandings or hurt feelings later on.

Create a Wedding Website:

A wedding website is an excellent way to share details about your wedding, including your adults-only decision. Include a note on your website, such as "We know your kids are awesome, but due to space restrictions, we cannot accommodate guests under age [insert age]." Alternatively, you can word it more generally, such as "The couple requests this to be an adults-only event."

Address Invitations Specifically:

When addressing your wedding invitations, only include the names of the invited guests on the envelope. For example, address it to "Mr. and Mrs. Luis Chavez," not "The Chavez Family." Avoid using "and Family" or including children's names. If you're using inner envelopes, you can be even more explicit by addressing it to "Mr. Brad and Mrs. Bethann Aurand" or "Bradley and Bethann Aurand".

Specify the Number of Guests:

On your RSVP cards, add a line to indicate the number of guests invited from each family. For example, "We have reserved ____ seat(s) in your honor." This makes it clear how many people are expected from each family. You can also use "Adults Accepting" and "Adults Declining" under the RSVP name line to reinforce the adults-only message.

Provide Additional Information:

If you're concerned about accommodating guests with children, consider providing babysitting recommendations or hiring a babysitting service for the event. You can include this information on your wedding website or as part of the invitation details. Remember to be sensitive and understanding if some guests choose not to attend due to childcare issues.

What to include on the wedding website

It is becoming more and more common for couples to opt for an adults-only wedding. However, addressing this topic with guests can be tricky, and it's important to be tactful, kind, and polite. Here are some tips on what to include on your wedding website to ensure your guests are informed about your adults-only celebration:

FAQ Page

Include a frequently asked questions page on your website, and address the topic of children. You could include a question like "Can we bring kids?" and provide a clear and polite response, such as:

> While we love all the children in our lives, we have decided to keep our wedding and reception an adults-only event.

You could also provide information about a local babysitting agency or childcare options for guests who may need assistance.

Be Clear and Specific

Use clear and specific language to explain your adults-only request. Simply saying "no kids" may not be enough. Specify the age groups that cannot attend, such as "We kindly request that only guests aged 18 and above attend."

Share Your Reasoning

It can be helpful to provide a brief explanation for your decision. You could mention space restrictions, venue limitations, or simply that you want your guests to have a fantastic time without worrying about their children. For example:

> To allow all our wedding guests, including parents, a night of relaxation, we respectfully request no children under the age of 16 attend.

Make it Fun

Add a touch of humour or light-heartedness to your message. For example:

> We know your kids are awesome, but due to space restrictions, we cannot accommodate guests under the age of 18 on our wedding day.

Be Consistent

Ensure that your wedding website, invitations, and word-of-mouth messages are all consistent. Decide on an "age rule" and stick to it. Communicate this rule clearly and early on to avoid any confusion.

Spread the Word

Ask your immediate family, wedding party, and close friends to help spread the word. They can answer any questions from other guests and ensure that everyone is aware of the adults-only request.

How to politely decline RSVPs that include children

It is perfectly acceptable to host an adults-only wedding. Whether it's due to budget constraints, venue limitations, or personal preference, you can decide to have an adults-only wedding and stick to that decision. Here are some tips on how to politely decline RSVPs that include children:

• Be Clear and Consistent: From the start, ensure that your wedding invitations are addressed only to the invited guests, excluding children. You can also include "adults-only" on the invitations or specify a count on the RSVP cards to avoid confusion.
• Set an "Age Rule": Work with your partner to establish an age limit for your wedding, such as no guests under 18 or 21. Communicate this rule clearly to your guests and stick to it without making exceptions.
• Provide an Alternative: If guests with children RSVP, promptly get in touch with them and politely inform them that the invitation is for the parents only. You can cite reasons such as budget constraints or adult-centric activities while expressing your hope for their understanding.
• Offer Childcare Options: To accommodate guests with children, consider providing childcare recommendations or even hiring a babysitting service for the wedding. This gesture will show your guests that you care about their convenience and well-being.
• Be Firm but Polite: If guests inquire about bringing their children, respond firmly but politely. You can say, "I'm very sorry, but we can't make any exceptions. We hope you'll still be able to join us." It's important to maintain your stance while respecting their decision if they choose not to attend.
• Communicate Through Other Channels: Utilize your wedding website or close friends and family members to spread the word about the adults-only policy. This way, guests with children will have multiple avenues to receive the information and understand your decision.

How to communicate your decision to guests with children

Deciding on a guest list for your wedding can be a challenging task. If you've decided to have an adults-only wedding, it's important to communicate your decision to your guests clearly and tactfully. Here are some ways to do this:

Be Clear and Consistent:

From the very beginning, be transparent about your adults-only decision. Spread the word early so that fewer guests are surprised when the invitations arrive. Ask your parents, close family, and bridal party to help share the news. This way, they can answer any questions from other guests, and your guests with children can make necessary childcare arrangements.

Wedding Website:

Creating a wedding website is an excellent way to provide comprehensive details about your wedding. Include an FAQ page and address the question, "Can we bring kids?" Clearly state that while you love all the children in your lives, you've decided to keep your wedding and reception an adults-only event. You can even add a touch of humour: "We know your kids are awesome, but due to space restrictions, we cannot accommodate guests under the age of [insert age]."

Wedding Invitations:

When addressing your wedding invitations, only include the names of the invited guests. Avoid using "and Family" or including children's names. For example, address the envelope to "Mr. and Mrs. Bradley Aurand," not "The Aurand Family." If you're concerned this might not be clear enough, you can add a line to your RSVP cards, such as, "We have reserved ____ seat(s) in your honour."

Be Direct and Firm:

Despite your best efforts, some guests may still be unclear or confused about your adults-only decision. Be prepared to have direct and polite conversations with them. If they ask, "Can I bring my child?" respond firmly but compassionately. You can say something like, "I'm very sorry, but we can't make any exceptions. We hope you'll still be able to join us."

Be Prepared for Difficult Conversations:

Even with clear communication, you may still receive RSVPs that include the names of uninvited children. In these situations, it's best to contact the guests directly, preferably by phone. Let them know that the invitation was intended for the parents only, and if you wish, you can explain your reasons, such as venue constraints or budget limitations. Remember to stand firm and respectfully decline any requests for exceptions.

Offer Childcare Assistance:

As a thoughtful gesture, consider helping your guests with childcare options. Ask your networks for babysitter recommendations or go the extra mile and hire a babysitting service at your venue to make it convenient for your guests.

Remember, it's your special day, and you have the right to decide who is invited. By communicating your adults-only decision clearly and tactfully, you can minimise misunderstandings and ensure your guests have enough time to make the necessary arrangements.

How to stick to your decision without upsetting guests

Deciding to have an adults-only wedding is a perfectly valid choice, and it's important to stick to your decision without succumbing to pressure from guests. Here are some tips to help you communicate your decision effectively and avoid upsetting guests:

Be Clear and Consistent

From the very beginning, ensure that your communication is clear and consistent. Only include the names of invited guests on the envelopes, excluding children. You can also add a count on the RSVP cards to specify the number of guests included in each invitation. This helps avoid any confusion and makes it clear that children are not invited.

Make a Rule and Stick to It

Work with your partner to establish an "age rule" for your wedding. Decide on an age limit, such as no guests under 16 or 18, and stick to it. Communicate this rule clearly to your guests through your wedding website or other means. Making exceptions for certain children can upset other guests, so it's best to avoid them unless they are part of the wedding party.

Provide an Explanation

It's a good idea to include a note on your wedding website or invitation explaining your decision. You can say something like, "We know your kids are awesome, but due to space restrictions, we cannot accommodate guests under age 18 on our wedding day." You can also mention that you want your guests to be able to relax and enjoy themselves without worrying about their children.

Offer Childcare Options

To make it easier for guests with children to attend, consider providing childcare options. You can ask your networks for babysitter recommendations or even hire a babysitting service to watch the kids in a separate room at your venue. This shows that you're considerate of your guests' needs while still maintaining your adults-only decision.

Prepare for Difficult Conversations

Despite your best efforts, some guests may still be confused or upset about your decision. Be prepared to have difficult conversations and explain your reasons for having an adults-only wedding. You can cite budget constraints, venue limitations, or the desire to create a specific adult-oriented atmosphere. Remember to remain firm but polite, and respect your guests' decisions if they choose not to attend due to your policy.

Spread the Word Through Your Inner Circle

Inform your immediate family members, wedding party, and close friends about your "no kids" rule. They can help spread the word and answer any questions from other guests, reducing the chances of misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

Remember, it's your special day, and you have the right to decide what will make it most enjoyable and memorable for you and your partner. By communicating clearly, being considerate, and sticking to your decision, you can avoid upsetting guests and create a wedding that aligns with your vision.

Frequently asked questions