Who Should Lesbian Couples Choose As Their Best Person?

Lesbian weddings, like any other LGBTQ+ weddings, are unique and can be customised to a great extent. There are no set rules or traditions, and couples have the creative freedom to make the day their own. While some lesbian couples may choose to incorporate gender-neutral roles and customs, others may prefer to do away with traditional wedding party labels altogether. Ultimately, the most important thing is to have the people closest to you by your side, regardless of their gender. This means that a lesbian couple might choose to have a best man, or they might prefer to have a best woman, or they might decide to refer to their wedding party using different terms altogether.

Lesbian wedding costs

Lesbian weddings, like any wedding, can be whatever you want them to be. There is no blueprint, and you can reinvent or reinterpret traditions as you see fit.

When it comes to costs, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, who is paying for the wedding? According to the Equality Institute, around three-quarters of gay and lesbian couples pay for their weddings themselves, while the rest receive financial help from their families. If you're paying for it yourself, it's important to set a budget and stick to it. The average cost of a wedding can vary from $11,000 to $45,000, depending on various factors.

One of the biggest factors affecting the cost of a wedding is the number of guests. Food and drink are usually the two most significant expenses, and the cost is a direct multiple of the number of guests. Evening receptions also tend to be more expensive than daytime celebrations, as dinner is pricier than brunch, and people tend to drink more in the evening. The time of year can also impact costs, with June and September being the most popular months for weddings due to pleasant weather, and therefore more expensive.

The location of the wedding will also affect the budget. Big cities and popular tourist towns often come with higher price tags, and there may be minimum headcounts required for certain venues. The theme and style of the wedding will also impact costs, with more formal weddings tending to be larger and more expensive.

It's worth noting that lesbian weddings may incur higher costs than gay male weddings due to the potential need for two wedding dresses and two diamond engagement rings. According to one source, the average price of a wedding dress is $1,600, and the average diamond engagement ring costs over $5,000, bringing the total for these items to over $14,000.

To save money, consider having a smaller guest list, choosing a less popular wedding month, or opting for a more casual theme. Creating a detailed budget and sticking to it will help ensure you don't overspend.

Guest lists and family issues

Creating a guest list can be a tricky task. If you invite one relative, you may feel obliged to invite them all. However, if you are a member of the LGBTQ+ community, this juggling act can be further complicated by family members who are uncomfortable with your sexuality and may refuse to attend a same-sex wedding. It is important to remember that you and your partner will probably want to be surrounded by people who can celebrate your love freely. If you are unsure about inviting certain people, you can send them an email or message urging them to only come if they feel comfortable doing so.

Another issue that may arise is the question of who will pay for the wedding. Traditionally, the bride's family would cover the cost, but this is not always the case nowadays, especially for LGBTQ+ couples. It is a delicate conversation to have, but it is necessary to ensure the wedding planning process goes smoothly. It is also worth noting that some vendors may offer discounts for same-sex weddings.

When it comes to LGBTQ+ weddings, you may want to ensure that your attendees are supportive of you and your partner. If possible, it is recommended to avoid inviting anyone who may not support your love or may put a damper on your special day.

It is also important to consider the dynamics between your guests. For example, if you invite Aunt Betty, you may feel obliged to invite Uncle Ted as well. However, this may create tension or discomfort if they are not on good terms.

In addition, you may want to consider the size of your guest list and the potential cost implications. A larger guest list may result in higher costs for food, drinks, and venue space. It is essential to discuss your budget and priorities with your partner to ensure that you are on the same page.

Lastly, don't forget to send out your wedding invitations with plenty of time to spare. It is recommended to send them out three to four months in advance to give your guests enough time to respond and allow you to get a head count for catering and other arrangements.

Matching outfits

• Complementary Colours and Styles: Decide on a colour scheme that you both like and that complements your wedding theme. Consider the different shades of white, ivory, beige, and other neutral colours that can be mixed and matched. You can also play with different styles; one person can wear a dress while the other wears a suit, or you can both wear dresses or suits with unique touches that make them your own.
• Custom-tailored Options: If you're having trouble finding off-the-rack outfits that fit well and flatter your bodies, consider custom-tailored options. Companies like Kipper Clothiers in San Francisco and Bindle & Keep in New York create custom-tailored suits for all body types and can help you achieve the look you want.
• Choose Comfort and Individuality: Ultimately, you want to feel comfortable and confident on your wedding day. Wear what makes you feel special and represents your personal style. There are no rules that dictate one person must wear a dress and the other a suit, or that you must contrast or match each other. You can even opt for non-traditional options like jumpsuits, separates, or a non-white dress.
• Involve Your Wedding Party: If you have a wedding party, you can involve them in the outfit selection process. This can be especially helpful if you want their outfits to coordinate with yours. They can provide opinions and suggestions, and even help you with fittings and alterations.
• Plan Ahead: Start planning your outfits well in advance to avoid last-minute stress. Allow yourself ample time to find the right outfits and make any necessary alterations. This is especially important if you're considering custom-made or tailored options, as these usually require more time to create.
• Accessorise: Don't forget to think about accessories! Accessories can be a great way to add personal touches, incorporate your wedding colours, or include subtle LGBTQ+ pride symbols. This could include jewellery, shoes, boutonnieres, ties, or even colourful socks.

Remember, the most important thing is to choose outfits that make you feel happy and comfortable. Your wedding day is about celebrating your love, so pick outfits that reflect your personalities and style, regardless of tradition or convention.

Gender-neutral wedding parties

LGBTQ+ weddings can be tricky to plan because they don't have a script dictated by tradition. However, this also means that couples have creative freedom to make the day their own.

Avoid gendered terms

Forego the use of "bridal" terms such as "bridal party" and "bridal suite", and stick to more general terms like "wedding party" and "getting ready suite". This will help to create a more inclusive environment for your wedding party.

Ditch gender roles

Wedding day tasks and jobs traditionally done by certain genders should be forgotten. The people who love you and support you can be involved in whatever role they see fit. For example, your Man of Honour can be the one bustling your wedding dress, or your Best Lady can give a toast to the bride.

Don't feel pressured to use standard opposite-sex pairings

For things like the processional and recessional, or for photographs, don't feel like you have to stick to traditional opposite-sex pairings. Instead, have members of the wedding party walk in by themselves, or choose their partner based on who they're closest to.

Ask your wedding party what they want

Don't impose your views on how a gender-neutral wedding party should be – ask your wedding party what they are comfortable with. They might have incredible ideas for what to wear that fit your wedding scheme.

Simplify your style

There's no need to alter your original vision for your wedding party's fashion. If you love the idea of having your wedding party in blush pink chiffon gowns, have your "best guy" or "man of honour" wear complementary accessories, such as a blush tie and pocket square.

Host a combined bachelor and bachelorette party

Your wedding attendants should be made up of those who have supported you as a couple. Consider having a combined bachelor and bachelorette party where everyone can participate in a group experience and enjoy a meal together.

Pre-wedding rituals

Lesbian weddings, like any other wedding, can be planned and executed in a variety of ways. There are no set rules, and couples are free to choose which traditions to follow, adapt, or ignore. Here are some pre-wedding rituals and ideas that you can consider for your special day:

• Getting Ready Together: It is becoming increasingly common for LGBTQ+ couples to get ready for the wedding together. This can be a special time for the couple to spend their last few moments as unmarried individuals before embarking on their married life together. It can also be a practical solution if you have a mixed-gender wedding party.
• Ceremony Seating: Instead of having separate sides for the bride and groom's families and friends, consider allowing your guests to pick any seat they wish. This approach is especially relevant if there is a discrepancy in the number of guests invited by each person or if you want to include your chosen family in addition to your biological family.
• The Wedding Processional: With two brides, you can devise creative ways to walk down the aisle. You may choose to walk together hand-in-hand, wait for each other at the altar, or even have your guests walk down the aisle towards you. If you have a mixed-gender wedding party, feel free to pair them up in any combination of genders or have them walk down the aisle individually.
• Readings and Vows: Traditional wedding readings and vows may not resonate with LGBTQ+ couples. You can replace these with something more meaningful to you. Consider using readings from landmark court decisions legalizing same-sex marriage or romantic poems by LGBTQ+ poets such as Adrienne Rich, Walt Whitman, or Audre Lorde.
• Pronouncement and Kiss: It is perfectly acceptable to be pronounced as "bride and bride." Alternatively, you can ask your officiant to use gender-neutral language, such as "I now pronounce you united in marriage." If public displays of affection are not your style, feel free to omit the kiss. Just be sure to communicate this preference to your officiant and photography/videography team.
• Pre-Wedding Parties: While traditional bachelorette and bachelor parties may not fit your vision, you can plan alternative celebrations with your closest friends and chosen family. These gatherings can be intimate and unique, reflecting your personalities and the relationships you share with your loved ones.

Frequently asked questions