Who To Invite To Your Wedding: A Guide

Deciding who to invite to your wedding can be a tricky and political task. The number of people you invite will impact your venue selection, wedding style, and, most importantly, your budget. The more guests you invite, the more you'll likely spend, so it's not a decision to be taken lightly.

The first step is to figure out how many guests you can invite. The main factors to consider are your budget and venue size. Once you have an estimate, you can start listing names. Begin with everyone you might want to invite, including family, friends, and optional guests like distant relatives, work colleagues, old friends, children, or plus ones.

Your immediate family, including parents, grandparents, siblings, their partners, and children, should be at the top of your guest list. After this, consider aunts, uncles, and cousins you regularly see. You can also start thinking about more distant relatives, though their inclusion may depend on how integral they are to your life.

Your closest friends and chosen family are also on the must-invite list. These friends may be included in your wedding party. Once you've added your VIPs, move on to close family and friends, such as aunts, uncles, and cousins, depending on the number of relatives and your desired wedding size.

When it comes to friends, only add those you're still in touch with. Former coworkers or neighbours you haven't seen in years and aren't close with anymore shouldn't make the cut. If you're having a small wedding, you might only invite immediate family and best friends.

Remember, it's your special day, so share it with those closest to you.

Inviting family members

When it comes to inviting family members to your wedding, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it's important to remember that you don't have to invite your entire family. If you have a large family, inviting everyone can be expensive and may not be conducive to the vibe you want for your wedding. It's perfectly acceptable to only invite your closest family members, such as your parents, siblings, and grandparents.

If you have a lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins, it can be tricky to decide who to invite. It's important to be as fair and equitable as possible. If you want to invite one of your first cousins, it's considerate to invite them all—and your partner should be able to do the same with their first cousins.

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations to family members, there are a few etiquette rules to follow. For married couples, you can use "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's full name. However, this is considered outdated by some, and you could instead use both spouses' full names, with the person you feel closest to listed first. For unmarried couples living together, use separate lines, with the person you're closest to on the first line.

Children's names are typically included on the inner envelope of the invitation, unless they are not invited. If you don't want children at your wedding, it's best to make this clear on your wedding website and follow up with families to ensure they understand.

Finally, remember that your wedding day is about celebrating your love with the people who are closest to you. Don't feel obligated to invite family members out of a sense of obligation, especially if they don't support your relationship or if you've had a falling out.

Inviting friends

When it comes to inviting friends to your wedding, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it's important to invite the people you love and who bring you joy. If you haven't seen certain friends in a while, don't be afraid to reach out and reconnect. They may have brought you great joy in the past, and it's okay to want to party with them on your big day.

That being said, it's also important to be mindful of your budget and venue constraints. You may not be able to invite everyone you want, and that's okay. It's also important to remember that just because you're close to someone doesn't mean they expect to be invited. If you haven't spoken to a friend in years, they likely won't be offended if they don't receive an invitation.

When deciding which friends to invite, consider the following:

• How close you are to them
• How often you spend time together or communicate
• Whether you've celebrated other milestones together
• If they have supported your relationship

Your wedding day is about celebrating your love with the people who matter most to you. So, don't be afraid to invite your friends, old and new, to share in the joy of your special day.

• "My dearest friend! I could not forget about you on my wedding day. I sincerely hope that you will give me the honour of attending my big day."
• "Dear friends, we want to invite you to the beautiful wedding of our children. We promise this day to be unforgettable. Come and witness the victory of true love!"
• "My dear friend, I would be grateful for your presence near me on the most important and responsible day of my life – the day when I get married to my beloved man/woman. I look forward to seeing you, hearing your words of wisdom, and getting a tight hug before I start my new life with the person I love."
• "Our dear friend, it gives us great joy to cordially invite you to our big day. Your presence in the ceremony will mean everything to us."
• "You are one of these few friends that we absolutely would not tolerate any excuses from. You will either come to our wedding ceremony or pay your price later!"

Plus-ones

Deciding on plus-ones for your wedding can be a tricky task, but there are some general guidelines and tips that can help you navigate this process.

Firstly, it's important to note that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to plus-ones, and ultimately, the decision is up to you and your partner. However, there are some standard practices and considerations to keep in mind.

Who Should Get a Plus-One?

• Married, engaged, and cohabitating guests: It is generally considered good etiquette to invite spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of your guests. This is often referred to as the "package deal".
• Wedding party members: It is common courtesy to offer a plus-one to members of your wedding party, such as bridesmaids, groomsmen, maid of honour, and best man. This is a way to show appreciation for their efforts and support.
• Outlier guests: If you have guests who won't know many other attendees, it is considerate to offer them a plus-one so they don't feel out of place or lonely.
• Serious or long-term couples: It is standard practice to offer a plus-one to couples who are engaged, live together, or are in a committed relationship, especially if you don't know the primary guest's partner well.
• Immediate family members: It is generally expected to offer plus-ones to immediate family members, such as parents, siblings, and grandparents.

Who Can Be Left Off the Plus-One List?

• New couples or casual daters: You are not obligated to offer a plus-one to guests who are in new relationships or casually dating.
• Single guests who know everyone: If your single guests will have friends or family at the wedding and are comfortable with familiar faces, there is no pressure to extend a plus-one.
• Guests with children: If children are not included in your wedding, you can leave them off the plus-one list. However, consider making exceptions for breastfeeding babies.

Tips for Managing Plus-One Invitations:

• Clear criteria: If you offer a plus-one to one single guest, it is considerate to extend the same offer to all single guests to avoid hurt feelings. However, if budget constraints don't allow for this, be transparent and establish clear criteria for who gets a plus-one.
• Invitation wording: When addressing invitations, use the term "invited guest" instead of "plus-one" to add formality. For unmarried couples living together, address both parties on the invitation. If they live separately, send separate invitations if possible.
• Seating arrangements: Create a seating plan that fosters a comfortable dynamic for solo guests. Avoid seating singles between couples and instead, place them with outgoing and friendly couples they can mingle with.
• Guest list management: Keep track of RSVPs and follow up on any unconfirmed plus-one guests. Use a seating chart tool to help with preparation.
• Guest requests: Be prepared for guests who do not receive a plus-one to reach out and ask for one. Have a kind and firm explanation ready, and communicate your decision clearly.

Inviting children

Including children in your wedding can be a wonderful experience. They can add something sweet to the proceedings and create priceless moments. However, children can also be unpredictable, with crying, tantrums, and screaming potentially cramping your style.

If you are thinking of inviting children, here are some things to consider:

Which Children to Invite

You don't have to invite all children. You can choose to only include the children of close relatives and friends, or just the pageboy and flower girl. If you are making exceptions, it's best to stick to a rule and communicate this clearly to your guests. For example, you could invite only the children of immediate family members, or all first cousins.

Communicating Your Decision

Be direct and honest about your decision to include or exclude children. Address the invitations to individual family members and children if they are invited, or include a clear statement on the invitation if children are not. You could also create a separate page on your wedding website to explain your decision.

Organising the Children

If you are inviting children, it's a good idea to seat parents and children together, or have a separate children's table. Providing activity packs, colouring sheets, or small toys at their place settings can keep them occupied and having fun.

Catering for Children

Remember to order special meals for children, as they may not enjoy the adult menu options. Fruit, finger foods, and simple dishes like chicken nuggets are recommended. You may also want to provide an early children's dinner, as kids eat on an earlier schedule than most adults.

Childcare

Consider hiring a babysitter or childcare service for the wedding. This can be a thoughtful gesture, especially for nursing mothers or parents of very young children. You could also set up a separate kids' room at the venue with babysitters, dinner service, and entertainment.

Other Considerations

• If you are inviting children, be sure to include their names on the inner and outer envelopes of the invitation.
• Children's duties at the wedding could include passing out programs, holding the veil or gown, reciting a poem, or carrying wedding signs.
• It is customary to invite the flower girl and ring bearer to the reception, but consider the parents' wishes as they may prefer an evening without the kids.
• If you are excluding children, give couples with young kids plenty of warning to organise childcare.
• If your wedding is child-friendly, consider hiring a children's entertainer or setting up a kids' area with toys and games.

Remember, the decision to invite children is entirely up to you and your partner. Don't feel forced to include anyone you'd rather not have in attendance. Communicate your expectations clearly, and plan ahead to ensure your wedding day goes smoothly.

Budget and venue considerations

Know Your Budget

The first step in wedding planning is setting a realistic budget. This will help you determine how many people you can afford to invite and guide your choice of venue. Be sure to factor in all expenses, including daily costs, future expenses, and other financial commitments.

Prioritize Your Guest List

Create a list of your must-have guests, the people you can't imagine getting married without. This might include your closest friends and family. Then, make a list of people you'd really like to invite if budget and venue allow. This might include extended family, coworkers, and acquaintances.

Consider the Venue Capacity

Your venue's capacity will dictate the maximum number of guests you can invite. If you have a particular venue in mind, you'll need to tailor your guest list to fit the space. On the other hand, if having a large number of guests is a priority, you may need to choose a bigger venue.

Allocate Budget Accordingly

The reception venue, catering, and rentals typically take up the biggest portion of the wedding budget. So, when deciding on your guest list, consider the cost per person for food, drinks, rentals, and venue fees. This will help you understand how many guests your budget can accommodate.

Be Mindful of Associated Costs

There are several hidden costs associated with wedding guest lists, such as invitations, favours, transportation, and even hair and makeup trials for the bridal party. Be sure to factor these into your budget as well, especially if you have a large number of guests or bridal party members.

Be Strategic with Plus-Ones

You don't have to offer plus-ones to every guest. A good rule of thumb is to offer plus-ones to guests who are married, engaged, or in long-term relationships. You may also want to consider plus-ones for guests who won't know anyone else at the wedding. Offering plus-ones can significantly increase your guest count and associated costs, so be mindful of your budget when making these decisions.

Don't Be Afraid to Pare Down

If your budget is tight, don't be afraid to cut your guest list. You can always trim the list of plus-ones you don't know well or guests who fall into the "nice to have" category. Remember, it's your special day, and you should only invite people who will make it more meaningful and joyful.

Frequently asked questions