Step-Parents' Family At Your Wedding: Who To Invite?

Deciding whether to invite step-parents to your wedding can be a tricky situation, especially if they haven't been in your life for very long. While there is no one-size-fits-all answer, it's important to consider your relationship with them and whether you feel comfortable having them there. If your step-parent is contributing financially to the wedding, it is customary to include them in the planning and invitation process, and they should be given a seat at the same table as their spouse. However, if you don't have a close relationship with them, it is not rude to exclude them, especially if your guest list is already filling up. Ultimately, the decision is a personal one and should be based on what you feel is best for your special day.

Budgeting for extra guests

Determine Your Budget

Firstly, it is crucial to set a realistic budget that you are comfortable with. The average cost of a wedding in the United States is around $30,000 to $35,000, excluding the engagement ring. However, this amount can vary significantly depending on various factors, such as location, guest count, and the type of wedding you want. Be honest about what you can afford, and consider your savings, current income, and monthly expenses. If you are expecting financial contributions from family members, clarify their expectations and how they want their money to be spent.

Prioritize Your Spending

Allocate your budget based on your priorities and must-haves. The reception, including the venue, catering, and rentals, typically takes up the largest portion of the budget (around 45%). Other significant expenses include photography and videography (10%-12%), wedding attire and beauty (around 9%), flowers and decorations (about 8%-10%), and music or entertainment (approximately 7%-10%). Don't forget to include hidden costs like tips, taxes, and fees in your calculations.

Manage Guest List and Costs

The number of guests you invite will significantly impact your budget, as there is usually a per-head cost for food and drinks. To accommodate extra guests, consider reducing costs in other areas, such as opting for a less expensive venue, choosing minimalist decorations, or sending email invitations instead of printed ones. If your step-parent's family is important to you and your budget allows, go ahead and invite them. However, if you don't know them well or feel uncomfortable, it is not rude to leave them off the guest list. Remember, it's your special day, and you should invite those who matter to you and your partner.

Track Your Spending

Stay organized by using a spreadsheet or budgeting app to track your expenses. Be diligent about recording every payment, including taxes, fees, and tips, to ensure you don't exceed your budget. This will help you identify areas where you may need to cut back or adjust your spending.

How well you know them

When it comes to inviting step-parents and their extended families to your wedding, it's important to consider how well you know them. If you have a close relationship with your step-parent and their family, it's natural to want to include them in your special day. However, if you barely know them, it's understandable to feel hesitant about extending an invitation.

In some cases, step-parents and their families may have been a part of your life for many years, and you may have developed strong bonds with them. In such instances, it's only fitting to want to share your happiness with them and make them feel included. On the other hand, if your step-parent entered your life more recently, and you don't feel a strong connection with their extended family, it's perfectly fine to exclude them from your guest list.

Ultimately, the decision to invite step-parents and their families should be based on the depth of your relationship with them. If you feel comfortable with them and want them to be a part of your celebration, by all means, extend an invitation. However, if you don't have a close relationship and feel uncomfortable with the idea, it's perfectly acceptable to politely decline their presence.

It's worth noting that if your step-parent is contributing financially to the wedding, they may feel entitled to have a say in the guest list. In such cases, it's important to have an open and honest conversation, expressing your concerns about budget constraints and trying to reach a compromise that works for both parties.

How long they've been in your life

The length of time a step-parent has been in your life can be a good indicator of whether or not to invite them to your wedding. If they have been a constant presence for many years, it is likely that you will have a close relationship with them and their family, and so it would be appropriate to invite them.

However, if your step-parent has only been in your life for a short period, it is not rude to decide against inviting them and their family to your wedding. This is especially true if you do not know them well, or feel uncomfortable around them.

For example, one person whose mother got married 5 years ago and wanted to invite all of her step-father's family to the wedding, decided against it because they didn't know them well and didn't have room on the guest list. Another person, whose father remarried when they were an adult, did not invite their step-mother's family to their wedding because they were not close.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to invite step-parents and their family to a wedding depends on the length of time they have been in your life, and the nature of your relationship with them. If you are close and have known them for a long time, an invitation is appropriate. If not, you are not obliged to invite them.

If your parent is contributing financially

When it comes to step-parents, the same principles apply. If a step-parent is contributing financially, it is appropriate to include them in the planning and decision-making process, and to list them on the invitation. However, it is essential to consider the dynamics of the relationship and adjust accordingly. For example, if the relationship with a step-parent is strained, it may be more comfortable to divide responsibilities or assign specific tasks to them.

In the case of multiple parents and step-parents, it is possible to list each party separately on the invitation. For instance, you can choose to list your biological parents' names first, followed by your step-parents' names, to indicate their contribution and involvement.

It is worth noting that some couples prefer to use more general wording on their invitations, such as "together with their families", to avoid any potential hurt feelings or complexities arising from financial contributions. This approach can be especially useful when dealing with divorced parents or step-parents who may not be contributing equally or at all.

Ultimately, the decision of how to involve and recognise contributing step-parents is a personal one and should take into account the unique dynamics of your family relationships. Open communication and respect for everyone's feelings are key to navigating this aspect of wedding planning successfully.

How to include them in the day

Deciding whether to invite your step-parent's family to your wedding can be tricky, especially if your parent is contributing financially to the wedding. Here are some ways to include your step-parents and their family in your wedding day:

Involve them in the planning process

The level of involvement depends on your relationship with your step-parents and your family's relationships with each other. If everyone gets along, you can invite parents and step-parents to tour venues, go dress shopping, and more. If not, you can divide responsibilities—for example, going dress shopping with your mom and attending the menu tasting with your stepmom. You can also assign tasks to both parents and step-parents, such as assembling favours or creating welcome bags.

Include them on the invitations

If your step-parents are contributing financially to the wedding, you can list them on your wedding invitation as "hosts". For example: "Sally and Frank Smith and John and Susan Jones request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter...".

Guide them on what to wear

Your step-parents may be concerned about what to wear, so help guide them by giving them a colour palette that complements your wedding colour scheme. They should also receive boutonnieres or corsages if other family members are wearing them.

Include them in the processional

There are several ways to include step-parents in the processional. Just your stepfather could walk you down the aisle. Alternatively, your stepfather and father can walk on either side of you, or your stepfather can walk you halfway, followed by your father. If your parents are on good terms, you can have both your mother and father walk you down the aisle together, and your stepparents walk separately.

Include them in photos

Tell your photographer in advance about your family structure so they can guide you on portrait arrangements that will work for everyone.

Seat them appropriately at the reception

If your parents are divorced, they should be seated at separate tables with their spouses and their own friends or family members. If there is any tension between your parents or their friends or family members, don't seat their tables too close together.

Have a special dance

If you are close with your step-parents, include them in your honour dances. You can have a special honour dance just with your step-parent or choose a longer song for your dance with your parent and take a spin on the dance floor with your step-parent halfway through.

Thank them with a gift

Include your step-parents in any wedding-day gift-giving, especially if they have been instrumental in planning your big day. Some gift ideas include handkerchiefs embroidered with a special note or a picture frame with a family photo.

Frequently asked questions