Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Addressing Guests By Their Names

Wedding invitation etiquette is a tricky business. The way you address the envelope of a wedding invitation can depend on a number of factors, including the couple's marital status, their titles, their gender, and whether or not they are getting a plus one. It can also depend on whether you are addressing an inner or outer envelope, and whether your wedding is formal or casual.

Married couples with the same last name

When addressing wedding invitations to married couples with the same last name, there are a few etiquette rules to follow. The outer envelope, which contains the mailing address, postage, and return address, should be more formal, while the inner envelope, which holds the invitation suite, can be slightly more casual.

For heterosexual couples, the outer envelope can be addressed using "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's full name. For example:

> Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren

If the couple is sensitive to the wife's name being left out, you can address it as follows:

> Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren

The inner envelope can then be more informal, such as:

> Mr. and Mrs. Warren

> Thomas and Michelle

For same-sex couples, either name can go first. For example, if addressing a couple where both partners are men, it could look like this:

> Outer envelope: Mr. Thomas Warren and Mr. Ethan Warren

> Inner envelope: Mr. Warren and Mr. Warren, or Thomas and Ethan

If both partners are women, the outer envelope could be addressed as:

> Mrs. Michelle Warren and Mrs. Emma Warren

> Or Mrs. Michelle Warren and Mrs. Emma Johnson

The inner envelope could then be:

> Mrs. Warren and Mrs. Warren, or Michelle and Emma

> Or Mrs. Warren and Mrs. Johnson, or Michelle and Emma

It is important to remember that modern women may prefer to have their names included rather than being lumped in with their husbands. Therefore, it is a good idea to find out their preference if possible.

Married couples with different last names

When addressing wedding invitations to married couples with different last names, there are a few etiquette rules you can follow to ensure your invitations are both respectful and stylish.

Firstly, it's important to use each person's title and full name. Avoid using just the first name of one person and the full name of the other, as this can make it seem like an afterthought. For example, you should avoid addressing an envelope to "Ms. Andrea Bloggins and Scott".

If the couple is married, a good rule of thumb is to write each name on a separate line, as it can look messy to squeeze both names onto one line, especially if the last names are long. For example:

"Ms. Maria Stevens

Mr. David Estevez"

If you are using one line, list the woman's name first, followed by the man's name. For example:

"Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"

If you are inviting children along with the married couple, you can add "and Family" to the end of the address, or list the children's names after the parents' names. For example:

"Mr. John Smith, Ms. Jane Doe and Family"

Or

"Mr. John Smith, Ms. Jane Doe, Joe Smith"

If the couple has adult children living at home, it is best to send them a separate invitation.

If you are unsure whether the wife has changed her name, it is best to ask her or her husband. It is better to ask than to assume and address the card incorrectly.

Married couples, one with a hyphenated name

When addressing wedding invitations to married couples where one person has a hyphenated name, there are a few options to consider. The format you choose may depend on how traditional or modern the couple is, as well as their personal preferences. Here are some suggestions:

Outer envelope (formal):

• "Mr. Marcus Craft and Mrs. Angela Crosby-Craft"
• "Mr. Brian Freeman and Mrs. Valerie Warrington-Freeman"

Inner envelope (less formal):

• "Mr. Craft and Mrs. Crosby-Craft" or "Marcus and Angela"
• "Mr. Freeman and Mrs. Warrington-Freeman" or "Brian and Valerie"

If the couple has a less traditional approach or if the wife is particular about her hyphenated name, you can use "Ms." instead of "Mrs.":

Outer envelope:

• "Mr. Michael Jones and Ms. Mary Smith-Jones"
• "Mr. Andy Dwyer and Ms. April Ludgate-Dwyer"

Inner envelope:

• "Mr. Jones and Ms. Smith-Jones" or "Michael and Mary"
• "Mr. Dwyer and Ms. Ludgate-Dwyer" or "Andy and April"

If you are only using one envelope, it is recommended to keep both names on one line if possible. However, if it takes up too much space, it is acceptable to list each name on a separate line using "and" as the conjunction.

Unmarried couples

When addressing wedding invitations to unmarried couples, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to include both guests' full names on the invitation, even if you are closer to one person in the couple. You can list the names alphabetically by last name on separate lines or on the same line, with the person you are closest to listed first. If the couple has different last names, you can list either name first, depending on your preference or whom you are closest to.

If the unmarried couple lives together, their names should be included on the same invitation, even if you have never met the partner of your friend. In this case, it is considered impolite to write "and guest" on the outer envelope. If the couple does not live together, it is ideal to send separate invitations to each person. However, it has become more acceptable to send one invitation to the primary guest, with their name on the outer envelope, and the partner's name included on the inner envelope.

Outer envelope: "Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Kim and Ms. Rhee" or "Stanley and Amanda"

Outer envelope: "Mr. Aaron Triguiero, Mr. Gabriel Reyes"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Triguiero, Mr. Reyes"

Outer envelope: "Ms. Rachel Green, Mr. Ross Geller"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Green, Mr. Geller" or "Rachel, Ross"

If you are having a casual wedding, such as a backyard barbecue or brunch in the park, you may be able to use a less formal addressing style, such as leaving off titles or using only first names. However, it is generally recommended to err on the side of formality, especially if you have older or more conservative guests.

Single males and females

When addressing wedding invitations to single males and females, there are a few guidelines to follow. Firstly, it is important to use the person's preferred title. If they are over 18, use "Mr." for males and "Ms." for females. For those under 18, a male does not need a title, and a female should be addressed as "Miss."

Single males over 18:

Outer envelope: "Mr. James Montgomery"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Montgomery" or "James"

Single males under 18:

Outer envelope: "James Montgomery"

Inner envelope: "Montgomery" or "James"

Single females over 18:

Outer envelope: "Ms. Stephanie Chen"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Chen" or "Stephanie"

Single females under 18:

Outer envelope: "Miss Stephanie Chen"

Inner envelope: "Miss Chen" or "Stephanie"

If you are offering a plus-one to a single male or female, you don't need to indicate this on the outer envelope. Instead, use "and guest" language on the inner envelope only. For example:

Single male with a plus-one:

Outer envelope: "Mr. James Montgomery"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Montgomery and guest" or "James and guest"

Single female with a plus-one:

Outer envelope: "Ms. Stephanie Chen"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Chen and guest" or "Stephanie and guest"

Frequently asked questions