Best Man's Guide To Speech Anxiety

Being asked to be someone's best man is a tough honour, but it's also a role that comes with a number of important responsibilities. One of the duties of a best man is to give a speech wherein you say a few kind words about your friend/brother and his new wife. Wedding speeches are meant to be quick, lighthearted moments during the reception, so while you should put effort into crafting thoughtful words, you don't have to overthink it. If the thought of public speaking makes your stomach turn, consider showing your appreciation for the couple in a different way. You could do upbeat choreography, sing the couple's favourite song, or even present a wedding video you've made.

Do I have to give a speech?

Yes, as the best man, you will be expected to give a speech at the wedding. This is one of the most important duties of the best man and can be a little daunting, but it's a great opportunity to share some fun stories about the groom and wish the newlyweds well.

How to Prepare

The key to a great best man's speech is preparation. Give yourself plenty of time to prepare your speech—at least three weeks if possible. Start by jotting down any ideas that come to mind and gathering stories and anecdotes about the groom. Think about how you've seen him overcome obstacles, how he's always been there for you, and any funny or touching moments you've shared.

What to Include

A good best man's speech is both humorous and heartfelt. It should include a mix of funny and emotional moments to create a nice story arc. Begin by welcoming and thanking the guests and introducing yourself. Then, share a couple of stories that highlight the groom's best qualities. It's also important to include a few lines about his spouse and why they're a good match. You can even share a secret about the groom, as long as it's appropriate and something he won't mind you sharing!

How to Deliver

Practice your speech ahead of time so that you feel comfortable and confident when delivering it. Consider recording yourself or practising in front of friends or family to get their feedback. On the day, speak slowly and pause for laughter. Remember to mention everyone who needs to be mentioned, and be mindful of the audience—avoid any questionable material or stories that might embarrass the groom.

When to Give the Speech

Traditionally, the best man's speech comes last, after the father of the bride and groom speeches. However, it's becoming increasingly popular to have the speeches before the meal so that the speakers can relax and enjoy their food afterwards. Make sure you're aware of the timings the couple has decided on.

What to Do Afterwards

Once you've given your speech, your official duties as the best man are over. You're then free to enjoy the party and celebrate with the happy couple!

What should I say in my speech?

So, you've been asked to be the best man at a wedding – congratulations! Now it's time to start thinking about your speech. Here are some tips and ideas to help you craft a speech that will make the groom feel special, include his spouse, and engage the wedding guests.

Before You Start Writing

First of all, don't leave it until the last minute! Give yourself plenty of time to prepare and practise your speech. It's natural to feel nervous, but with a bit of preparation and a lot of heart, you'll be able to deliver a great speech. Use a notebook or an app to jot down any ideas that come to mind, and ask the groom and his spouse if there's anything they want you to include.

What to Include in Your Speech

The best man's speech usually focuses on the groom, with a few lines about his new spouse. A good speech is both humorous and heartfelt, so include some funny stories or anecdotes, but make sure they're appropriate for a mixed audience. You could tell a story about a trip you took together, a time when you laughed the hardest, or how the groom has always been there for you.

The Structure of Your Speech

Here's a basic template you can use to structure your speech:

• Theme: What's the main message of your speech?
• Opening: Welcome the guests and introduce yourself.
• Key Idea 1 (Past): Tell a story that highlights a good quality about the groom.
• Key Idea 2 (Present): Tell a story that symbolises the couple's relationship or what makes them a good match.
• Key Idea 3 (Future): Share your hopes for their future together and offer them some advice.
• Closing: Raise a toast to the happy couple.

On the Day

Remember to speak slowly and pause for laughter. Your speech will probably be around 3-5 minutes long, so keep it short and sweet to leave the guests wanting more. Good luck!

What should I wear?

As the best man, your attire should complement the groom's without being identical. It's a good idea for the two of you to choose your suits on the same day and from the same tailor, but if that's not possible, you should at least find out what the groom is wearing and have your tailor work with that.

The setting of the wedding will also influence your outfit. For example, a thick double-breasted suit might be suitable for a wedding on a chilly windswept moor, but it wouldn't be appropriate for a beach wedding. You want your style to match the setting. If it's hot and the wedding guests are dressed in Hawaiian shirts and white chinos, you don't want to be dressed up like Edwardian explorers in the Antarctic.

Colour-matched suits are a must for the groom and the groomsmen, as are ties, pocket squares, and flower buttonholes. The key is continuity. For example, if the groom is wearing a white dinner jacket, the best man should wear black. If the groom is wearing a double-breasted coat, the best man should wear a single-breasted one. If the groom wears a red rose, the best man should wear a white one.

The best man's outfit should be a younger sibling of the groom's and should also match the groomsmen's suits, albeit with differing details.

What do I do on the day?

On the day of the wedding, the best man has a lot of responsibilities. Here is a list of things you should do to ensure everything goes smoothly:

• Help the groom get ready: On the morning of the wedding, help the groom with whatever last-minute tasks come your way. Ensure his suit and tie, cravat or bow tie are perfect, and check that everyone has the right shoes on. You can also hand out any buttonholes to the bridal party.
• Keep the rings safe: If there is no official ring bearer, the best man is responsible for keeping the wedding rings safe until it is time for the couple to exchange them.
• Greet the guests with the groom: Ensure that the groom arrives at the venue at least 20 minutes before the ceremony is scheduled to begin. Stand by his side and welcome the arriving guests, creating a warm and inviting atmosphere before the ceremony commences.
• Stand at the altar with the groom: Before the wedding ceremony starts, the groom and the best man should take their places on the front right-hand side of the ceremony room at the altar. If you are the ring bearer, make sure you have the rings ready.
• Escort the maid of honour out of the ceremony: Once the ceremony is over, the best man is required to escort the maid of honour out of the room ahead of the newly married couple.
• Stand in the receiving line: If the newlyweds choose to have a receiving line at the wedding reception, you will be expected to stand in it and greet the guests as a key part of the wedding party.
• Help organise wedding photographs: You will need to help round up guests for the wedding photographer's list of group photos, as well as appear in many of them yourself.
• Be the master of ceremonies: If the couple has decided not to have a toastmaster or master of ceremonies, the best man may be asked to announce key elements like the couple's arrival into the reception room, the speeches and the cutting of the cake.
• Deliver your speech: Traditionally, the best man's speech is last, after the father of the bride and the groom. Speak slowly, pause for laughter and mention everyone who needs to be mentioned.
• Get the party started: After the first dance, it's traditional for the best man to dance with the maid of honour and encourage everyone onto the dance floor.
• Make sure the groom eats and drinks: The groom will be busy during the ceremony, so try to help him out by making sure he has something to eat and drink (but not too much!).
• Decorate the getaway car: If the couple is not hiring wedding transportation and is using their own car, the best man traditionally has fun by decorating the getaway car with cans, streamers, etc.

What do I do after the wedding?

After the wedding, the best man may be tasked with a few final duties. These include:

• Returning and cleaning suits: The best man could be asked to help by rounding up and returning any hired items, such as suits and any decorative details used at the venue. If the suits weren't hired, the best man may be responsible for taking them to be dry-cleaned.
• Taking care of wedding gifts: The best man could also be asked to safely store the wedding gifts if the couple goes on their honeymoon straight away. Even if they don't jet off immediately, the best man may still be tasked with ensuring all gifts, cards, and things like the guest book and any important keepsakes are collected from the venue and delivered to the couple.
• Thank-you notes: The best man can help the groom write thank-you notes to guests.
• Vendors: Once the party is over, the best man is usually tasked with making sure all wedding-related expenses are handled. While vendors are typically paid in full one month before the wedding, the best man should ensure there are no outstanding payments.
• Getaway car: The best man may be asked to help coordinate car transportation for the newlyweds to leave the reception.

Frequently asked questions