Engagement Party Guests: Who To Invite And Why

There are differing opinions on whether it is acceptable to invite people to an engagement party but not to the wedding. Some people believe that it is a major breach of etiquette and could cause resentment and tension between friends. Others believe that it is acceptable, especially if the wedding is small or held in a destination far from friends and family. It is generally advised that if you are having an engagement party, you should only invite people who will also be invited to the wedding to avoid any potential awkwardness or hurt feelings. Ultimately, it is up to the couple to decide what is best for them and their situation.

It's generally considered a faux pas to invite people to an engagement party but not the wedding

It is generally considered a faux pas to invite people to an engagement party but not to the wedding. The engagement party is seen as part of the pre-wedding festivities, and so it is expected that anyone invited to the former will also be invited to the latter.

Inviting someone to an engagement party and not the wedding can cause awkwardness and hurt feelings, especially if guests are already talking about the wedding in front of those who aren't invited. It can also come across as a gift-grabbing tactic, with guests feeling like they are only valued for what they can offer.

However, there are some exceptions to this rule. For instance, if you are planning to elope or have a micro-wedding, it is acceptable to invite more people to the engagement party, as long as you make it clear that they won't be invited to the wedding. Similarly, if you have friends who are already in a bridal party on your wedding date, or who you know will be unable to attend due to other commitments or factors such as age or mobility, you can include them in the engagement party fun.

If you want to celebrate with a wider group of friends before a small wedding, it is better to do so after the wedding has taken place, rather than before. Alternatively, you could have a separate, informal get-together with those friends, making it clear that no gifts will be accepted.

If you're having a small wedding, you might have to forfeit a big engagement party

Traditionally, engagement parties are hosted by the bride's parents to announce the engagement to their community. However, today, engagement parties are often more casual and may be hosted by friends or other relatives. While there is no set rule about who should be invited to an engagement party, it is generally considered poor etiquette to invite someone to a pre-wedding event, such as an engagement party or bridal shower, if they are not also invited to the wedding.

The assumption is that if someone is invited to celebrate your engagement, they will also be invited to the wedding itself. Inviting someone to a pre-wedding event and not the wedding can come across as gift-grabbing and can create hurt feelings and tension in the relationship. If you want to keep your wedding small and intimate, it's best to limit your engagement party guest list to those who will also be invited to the wedding.

If you're concerned about excluding certain friends or family members from your wedding celebrations, there are a few alternatives to consider. You could have multiple engagement parties, one with family and one with friends, or host a casual get-together with a wider group of friends after the wedding and honeymoon. By making it clear that the celebration is separate from the wedding, you can include a larger group of people without causing confusion or hurt feelings.

If you're worried about budget constraints, consider having a casual get-together at your house instead

If you're worried about budget constraints, consider hosting a casual get-together at your house instead of a more formal engagement party. This option can help you save time and money while still allowing you to celebrate with your closest friends and family in a fun and relaxed way. Here are some ideas for a casual at-home engagement party:

• "I Do" Barbecue: Fire up the grill and serve your favourite grilled foods. You can also set up classic backyard games and create a fun and casual atmosphere for your guests.
• Summer Camp-Inspired Party: Bring back nostalgic memories with a summer camp-themed party. Set up a s'mores bar, a fire pit, and some stargazing activities. You can even add camp signs with an engagement twist.
• Engagement Tea Party: Host a sophisticated tea party inspired by Bridgerton or Alice in Wonderland. Encourage your guests to dress up and enjoy an afternoon of English tea and delicate bites.
• Backyard Game Day: Get competitive with backyard games like croquet, giant Jenga, and sack races. These games will keep your guests entertained and create a lively atmosphere.
• BYO-Picnic Engagement Party: A twist on the traditional potluck, ask your guests to bring their own picnic baskets filled with their favourite foods and blankets. This creates an eclectic and intimate gathering.
• Movie Night: Set up a projector in your backyard or living room and screen your favourite movies. Don't forget the popcorn and candy for a true movie theatre experience!
• Trivia Night: Test your guests' knowledge with a fun trivia night. You can choose from various topics, such as movies, celebrities, or a special category about the couple.
• Food and Drink Flights: Bring the fine dining experience to your backyard. Hire a chef or caterer to create mini bites and sips of exciting, delicious treats for your guests to sample.
• Sports Night: If you and your partner are sports enthusiasts, bring the stadium to your backyard. Organise friendly sports games and divide your guests into teams for a night of friendly competition.

Remember, the key is to keep it casual, intimate, and budget-friendly. You can still have a wonderful celebration without breaking the bank!

It's important to communicate clearly with your parents about the guest list to avoid any misunderstandings

To avoid any hurt feelings or awkwardness, it's crucial to set clear expectations from the beginning. Explain to your parents that you appreciate their enthusiasm and support, but you need to finalise the guest list together to ensure everyone invited to the engagement party will also be invited to the wedding. This is considered proper etiquette, and it helps to avoid any confusion or disappointment later on.

Be transparent about your budget constraints and the intimate wedding you envision. If there are people your parents want to invite who aren't on your wedding guest list, consider having a separate celebration just for them, such as a family reunion or a post-wedding get-together. This way, you can still include them in the joy of your engagement without compromising your wedding plans.

It's also essential to be mindful of the timing of your engagement party. If it's held too close to the wedding, guests may assume they will be invited to both events, even if you haven't finalised your wedding guest list yet. Giving yourself enough time between the engagement party and the wedding allows for more flexibility and can help set the right expectations.

Remember, clear and honest communication is key. By explaining your vision and budget constraints to your parents, you can work together to create a guest list that aligns with your wedding plans and ensures everyone is on the same page. This will help prevent any misunderstandings and create a harmonious and exciting planning process for your special day.

If you've already mentioned the party to people, you might need to invite them to the wedding or decline the engagement party offer

• Communicate openly: Have an honest conversation with your family about your concerns. Explain that you feel uncomfortable inviting people to the engagement party who are not on the wedding guest list. Be clear about your budget constraints and the importance of keeping the wedding celebration intimate.
• Offer alternative solutions: If possible, suggest alternative ways to include those extra guests in the celebrations. For example, you could propose having a separate engagement party just for family and close friends, while organising a different get-together for the wider circle, such as a casual barbecue or a post-wedding celebration. That way, you can celebrate with a larger group without crossing any etiquette boundaries.
• Be transparent: If your family has already mentioned the party to people who won't be invited to the wedding, it's crucial to address this directly. You could ask your family to clarify that the initial mention of the party was premature and that the guest list is still being finalised. This approach may be awkward, but it's better than giving false impressions.
• Consider extending the wedding guest list: If you have the capacity and willingness to do so, you could reconsider your wedding guest list and include those extra people. However, this should be a decision made jointly with your partner, taking into account your budget and the overall vision for your wedding day.
• Decline the engagement party offer: As a last resort, if none of the above options align with your values or circumstances, you may need to respectfully decline the engagement party offer. Thank your family for their enthusiasm and explain that you prefer to keep pre-wedding celebrations limited to those who will also be attending the wedding. This option may cause some disappointment, but it's better than creating confusion or offending anyone.

Remember, it's essential to act promptly to avoid any further misunderstandings. Have an open conversation with your family, emphasising your appreciation for their support while also setting clear boundaries about the guest list. By handling this situation tactfully, you can maintain positive relationships and ensure that your wedding plans remain on track.

Frequently asked questions