The Best Man: Can Your Brother Step Up?

Choosing a best man for your wedding can be a tricky decision, especially when it comes to family dynamics. While it's not a requirement to choose a brother as your best man, it is a common tradition for grooms. However, if you have multiple brothers, you might be unsure about how to select just one. The good news is that you don't have to choose! Having co-best men is an option, and you can include all your brothers in the wedding party. Ultimately, it's your wedding, and you should choose whoever you feel closest to and most comfortable with, whether that's a brother, a friend, or someone else entirely.

You are not obligated to choose your brother as your best man

It is understandable to feel pressured to choose your brother as your best man. However, it is crucial to remember that you are not obligated to do so. Weddings are deeply personal events, and it is essential that you select someone who aligns with your vision for the role.

The role of the best man carries significant weight, and it is perfectly acceptable to want your closest friend or another family member to take on this responsibility. Your brother may have certain expectations, and while his feelings are important, it is not a requirement to appoint him as your best man. Ultimately, the decision lies with you, and you should not feel pressured to conform to societal norms or family expectations.

If you are concerned about your brother's reaction, there are alternative ways to include him in your wedding. You can still involve him in the wedding party as a groomsman, ensuring he takes a prominent position next to your chosen best man. Alternatively, you can ask him to be an usher, greeting guests and helping them find their seats, which can be especially helpful for older relatives.

Another option is to include your brother in the processional by asking him to escort your grandparents down the aisle. This gesture can be meaningful and allow him to play a special part in your celebration. Additionally, you can invite him to give a reading during the ceremony, such as a Bible verse, a poem, or lyrics from your favourite song. This approach will add a sentimental touch to the proceedings.

Remember, your wedding is a reflection of you and your partner, so make choices that align with your vision and values. While considering your brother's feelings is important, it is also crucial to ensure that your wedding party suits your preferences and comfort level.

Ways to include your brother in your wedding without making him the best man

There is no rule that says your brother has to be your best man. If you don't want to give him that role, there are plenty of other ways to include him in your wedding. Here are some ideas:

Groomsman

Your brother can still be included in the wedding party as a groomsman. He can even stand in the prime spot immediately next to the best man.

Usher

Your brother can greet guests and help them find their seats. He can also hand out programs before the processional.

Escort grandparents down the aisle

If you are including your grandparents in the processional, ask your brother to walk them down the aisle. He can hold your grandmother's arm, with your grandfather following closely behind.

Reader

Ask your brother to give a reading during the ceremony. It could be a Bible verse, a poem, or lines from your favourite song. If your brother has a knack for the sentimental, he can choose a reading that best represents your relationship.

Ring bearer

While this role often goes to younger children, your brother can put an adult twist on it. Or, he can escort a younger ring bearer who might not be so confident on their own.

Surprises

Brothers are some of the best confidants, so include him in any surprises you have planned for your spouse-to-be or tricks up your sleeve for the reception. He can help you plan and keep your secret until it's time for the reveal.

Witness

Your brother can also be a witness on your wedding certificate.

Master of Ceremonies

If your venue doesn't offer an MC, your brother can take on this role and keep the day running smoothly.

Other roles

There are plenty of other ways to include your brother in your wedding. He could be a bridesman, a member of the wedding party, or walk down the aisle in a family processional. He could give a toast or a speech, or you could share a special dance together.

What to do if your brother is upset about not being chosen as the best man

It is not uncommon for a groom to have their brother as their best man. However, it is not an obligation to choose a brother over a friend. If your brother is upset about not being chosen as the best man, there are several ways to include him in the wedding and make him feel valued.

Firstly, it is important to remember that your brother has feelings, and it is natural for him to feel hurt if he expected to be the best man. To ease the tension, it is a good idea to have an open and honest conversation with him. Explain your reasons for choosing someone else as best man, and remind him that he is still an important part of your life and the wedding.

There are several alternative roles your brother can play in the wedding. If you have multiple brothers, you could have them both as co-best men or choose one as the best man and the other as a groomsman. Your brother could also act as an usher, greeting guests and helping them find their seats. Another option is to ask him to walk your grandparents down the aisle. If your brother has a talent for public speaking, he could give a reading during the ceremony.

If your brother is still upset, try to find other ways to make him feel included. You could ask him to help plan a surprise for your spouse-to-be or confide in him about any tricks you have planned for the reception. These gestures will make him feel valued and involved in your special day.

If your brother continues to be upset and you are struggling to resolve the conflict, consider asking a parent or another family member to mediate. It may be helpful to have a neutral third party facilitate a conversation between you and your brother to express your feelings and come to a resolution.

How to break the news to your brother that he won't be the best man

How to break the news to your brother that he won't be your best man

It is completely valid to not want to choose your brother as your best man. However, it is important to break this news to him in a sensitive and thoughtful way. Here are some steps you can take to do this:

Prepare yourself first

This conversation might be difficult for both you and your brother, so it is important that you take some time to process your own emotions before initiating the conversation. Take some time to calm yourself and reflect on your feelings. This will help you approach the situation with a clear head and empathy for your brother's feelings.

Choose the right time and place

Make sure you have privacy when you break the news to your brother. Select a quiet and comfortable location where you won't be interrupted. Ensure that you have ample time to talk and that your brother is in a good emotional state to receive the news. Avoid breaking the news when your brother is already stressed or busy, as this will only add to their distress.

Be direct and honest

When having the conversation, be direct and honest with your brother. Avoid beating around the bush or making small talk. Start by acknowledging that what you have to say is difficult, then gently and clearly explain your decision. For example, you could say something like, "I know this is hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know that I've chosen someone else to be my best man."

Offer an alternative role

To soften the blow, consider offering your brother an alternative way to be involved in your wedding. For example, you could ask him to be a groomsman, usher, or to give a reading during the ceremony. This will show your brother that you still value his participation and want him to be a part of your special day.

Acknowledge their emotions

Be prepared for your brother to have a range of emotional reactions to the news. They may be upset, angry, or shocked. It is important that you acknowledge and validate their feelings. Let them know that you understand their disappointment and that you don't take their feelings lightly. For example, you could say, "I know this is disappointing for you, and I'm sorry. I value your feelings, and I want you to know that I still want you to be involved in the wedding in another way."

Provide reassurance

Help your brother process the news by offering reassurance and next steps. For example, you could explain your reasons for choosing someone else as best man and emphasize that it doesn't diminish your relationship with your brother. You could also discuss the alternative role you have in mind for him and how he can still be involved in the wedding. This will give your brother something positive to focus on and help him feel valued.

Remember, the key to breaking this news to your brother is empathy, honesty, and sensitivity. By choosing a good time and place, being direct and honest, offering alternatives, and acknowledging their emotions, you can deliver the news in a compassionate way that preserves your relationship.

Roles your brother can play in your wedding if not the best man

While it's not obligatory to appoint your brother as your best man, it's important to find another way to include him in your wedding celebration. Here are some meaningful roles your brother can play on your special day if he's not the best man:

Groomsman

Your brother can still be included in the wedding party as a groomsman, even if you choose a friend as your best man. If you do decide to go down this route, it's a thoughtful touch to give your brother the prime spot immediately next to the best man.

Usher

Ushers are key to a ceremony, and brothers are often well-suited to this role. Your brother can greet guests and help them find their seats, which is especially useful for grandparents or older relatives.

Escort for Grandparents

If you're including your grandparents in the processional, your brother can walk them down the aisle. He can hold your grandmother's arm, with your grandfather following closely behind.

Reader

Asking your brother to give a reading is a great way to include him in the ceremony. This could be a Bible verse, a poem, or lines from your favourite song. If your brother is particularly sentimental, you could ask him to choose a reading that best represents your relationship.

Ring Bearer

Although this role typically goes to younger children, it can be fun to ask your brother to be an adult version of ring security. Alternatively, he could escort a younger ring bearer who might not be confident on their own.

Confidant

Brothers can be great confidants, so be sure to include your brother in any surprises you have planned for your spouse-to-be or tricks you have up your sleeve for the reception. He can help you plan and keep your secret until it's time for the surprise to be revealed.

Frequently asked questions