Best Man's Guide: Essential Knowledge For The Role

Being the best man is a huge honour, but it comes with a lot of responsibilities. The best man is the groom's right-hand man, and it's your job to support the groom throughout the planning process and on the big day itself. You'll be the groom's confidant and emotional rock, as well as taking charge of the groomsmen and handling logistics.

Some of your duties will include planning the stag do, helping to choose the wedding attire, giving a speech, and keeping the wedding rings safe. You'll also be the groom's personal aide on the day, making sure he gets to the venue on time, has everything he needs, and doesn't drink too much before the ceremony.

The best man is also expected to be a model wedding guest, sending their RSVP on time and booking travel and accommodation early. You'll be the point of contact for the groom's family and groomsmen, and you may be asked to decorate the getaway car, coordinate gifts, and hand out tips to vendors.

Remember, it's an important job, but it's also meant to be fun!

Help choose the suits

As the best man, one of your main duties is suit shopping. You will need to assist the groom in rounding up the ushers and other important members of the wedding party to go and try on wedding suits. It is a good idea to discuss ideas with the couple about style and also decide whether the groomswear is to be bought or hired. Traditionally, the couple pays for the wedding suits or hire of them, but if it is decided that financial contributions are required, make sure this is discussed openly and upfront.

When choosing the suits, the time of day, season, and type of wedding should be considered. Etiquette dictates that when the ceremony takes place before 6 pm, the best man will wear a tuxedo or a morning dress, and if it is after 6 pm, a tailcoat. If you are allowed to choose freely, it is advised to follow the groom's lead and prefer light or light-medium shades of grey and blue. For afternoon and evening weddings, a three-piece suit in a dark shade of grey or blue is recommended. Heavy fabrics like 100% wool, blends of wool and silk, or wool and mohair weighing more than 270 g/m are preferred. Tuxedos should always be black, no matter the season. For civil weddings, the level of formality varies, so it is a good idea to catch the general mood and make your choice accordingly.

Blue, especially dark blue, is the most preferred choice for the best man's suit as it flatters any complexion and body type. A classical grey suit is also a good option, inspired by the most rigorous tuxedos and morning dresses. A charcoal grey suit is the second-best choice for a formal wedding. Black is both exclusive and formal, but due to the fact that it is the traditional colour for tailcoats, it might be inappropriate for a traditional wedding. In many countries, such as Italy, black-tie dress codes are not allowed.

When it comes to the shirt and tie, even for the best man, a white shirt is a must, perhaps in pique, with a French collar and single or double cuffs for the cufflinks. As for the tie or bow tie, plain colours in silk are recommended. If possible, the tie and clutch bag should not be the same shade chosen by the groom. If the groom wears a boutonniere, you will have to do the same.

Remember, you'll be following the groom around for a whole day, so your shoes need to be comfortable. They should be matt black, calfskin laced shoes. If you feel your look is too formal, allow for an original detail, but don't overdo it. Instead of black or midnight blue lisle socks, indulge in different shades and patterns: stripes, diamonds, squares, or even pompous burgundy or fire red.

Plan the bachelor party

Planning a bachelor party can be a daunting task, but it's also a great opportunity to create a memorable experience for the groom and his friends. Here are some detailed instructions and tips to help you plan an amazing bachelor party:

Start Planning Early:

Give yourself enough time to plan the bachelor party by starting at least three to six months in advance. This will allow you to consider the preferences of the attendees and make any necessary bookings or reservations.

Discuss the Guest List and Budget:

Finalise the guest list in consultation with the groom. Traditionally, the groomsmen and the groom's close friends and family members are invited. Discuss the budget with the group and get a sense of how much everyone is willing to spend on travel, accommodations, and activities.

Choose a Theme or Party Style:

Decide on a theme or style for the bachelor party. This could be a weekend getaway, a sports-themed event, a classy night out, or any other idea that suits the groom's interests.

Pick a Date and Location:

Select a date and location that works for the groom and most of the invitees. The bachelor party should ideally take place one to three months before the wedding. Choose a location that aligns with the party style and the group's interests.

Book Travel and Accommodations:

Book travel arrangements and accommodations, such as flights and rental homes, for the group. Get confirmation from everyone before booking to avoid any issues with covering the costs.

Plan Activities:

Finalise a variety of activities that the group can enjoy together. This could include golfing, camping, sporting events, brewery tours, or a night out. Remember to include some downtime in the schedule as well.

Send Invitations:

Spread the word about the bachelor party using a group chat or text. Share the date, location, and itinerary with the attendees. For more formal invitations, you can use paper invitations or create a dedicated website or online event page.

Finalise the Details:

About a month before the party, confirm the guest count and share a detailed itinerary with the group. Include important information such as the hotel address, arrival times, and contact details for everyone attending.

Pack and Travel:

Start packing in advance and plan to arrive at the destination a little earlier than the rest of the group. This will give you time to handle any last-minute setup or preparations.

Enjoy the Party and Celebrate:

Once you're at the bachelor party, relax and enjoy the celebrations. Remember to capture some memorable moments with photos or videos.

Remember, the key to a successful bachelor party is ensuring that the groom is happy and that the event reflects his interests. Don't be afraid to delegate tasks to other groomsmen and always keep the lines of communication open with the attendees.

Be the groom's confidant

Being chosen as the best man at a wedding is a huge honour, but it also comes with a lot of responsibility. The best man is the groom's right-hand man, and his role is to be the groom's confidant and go-to person throughout the whole engagement and wedding planning process.

Emotional Support

As the groom's bestie, you'll be his sounding board for any nerves or wedding anxiety he may be feeling. You'll be his rock, and it's your job to reassure him that everything will be okay. You'll also be the person he turns to when he needs to vent about any wedding-related stress.

Decision-Making Support

The groom will rely on you to help him make decisions and solve problems. You might be asked for your opinion on the wedding rings, the groom's attire, and the groomsmen's attire. You'll also be the person the groom turns to when he needs help with the logistics of wedding planning, like booking vendors and managing RSVPs.

Bachelor Party Planning

Planning the bachelor party is one of the best man's most important duties. It's your job to organise a night or weekend that suits the groom's style, not your own. You'll need to talk to the groom in advance to find out what kind of bachelor party he wants and work with the groomsmen to plan something that fits within everyone's schedule and budget.

Speech

Giving a speech at the wedding reception is a big responsibility. You'll need to write a well-crafted speech that focuses on the newlyweds and their love story, and you'll need to practise it so that you feel comfortable delivering it on the day.

Practical Support

On the wedding day, you'll be the person who helps the groom get ready and ensures he has everything he needs. You'll also be in charge of keeping the wedding rings safe until it's time for the couple to exchange them. You might also be asked to hold the groom's personal items, such as his phone, wallet, and vows.

Master of Ceremonies

If the couple hasn't hired a master of ceremonies, you may be asked to fill this role. This means you'll be announcing key elements like the couple's arrival at the reception, the speeches, and the cutting of the cake.

Problem-Solving

Throughout the wedding day, you'll need to keep your eyes and ears open to make sure everything is running smoothly. You'll be the person the other groomsmen, guests, and even the newlyweds come to if they have any questions or problems.

Being the groom's confidant is a big responsibility, but it's also a rewarding role that will allow you to play a key part in your friend's special day.

Hold the wedding rings

Holding the wedding rings is one of the most important duties of the best man. Here are some tips to ensure you ace this responsibility:

Before the Wedding

It is a good idea to create an emergency kit for the wedding day. This kit can include essential toiletries, such as spray deodorant, bandages, tissues, and pain relievers. Additionally, include a stain remover, sewing kit, and an extra pair of socks and a tie in case of any last-minute mishaps. Most importantly, ensure you have a safe place to store the wedding rings, such as an inner jacket pocket, and check that your pocket doesn't have any holes!

During the Wedding Ceremony

If there is no ring bearer, the best man is typically responsible for holding the wedding bands until the ring exchange. Be aware of where the rings are at all times and keep them safe. During the processional, the best man traditionally walks down the aisle after the groom and takes his place standing closest to the groom at the altar. If you are holding the rings, make sure you have them ready for when the couple exchanges their vows.

After the Wedding Ceremony

Once the ceremony is over, the newlyweds will likely be busy greeting guests and taking photos. As the best man, you can offer to safely store the wedding rings and any other valuables, such as the groom's phone or wallet, until they are needed again.

Remember, holding the wedding rings is a significant responsibility, and it is crucial to be organised and vigilant throughout the entire process.

Give a best man speech

The best man's speech is an important part of the wedding reception. It's a chance to celebrate the groom, entertain the guests, and show your support for the happy couple. Here are some tips to help you deliver a memorable and well-received speech:

Preparation

Before you begin writing your speech, it's a good idea to jot down your thoughts, feelings, and memories about the groom. This technique, known as free writing, will help you gather your ideas and ensure you don't forget anything important. Using a template can also be helpful to give you a starting point and ensure you include all the necessary elements.

Opening and Closing

The opening and closing lines of your speech are crucial as they leave a lasting impression. Find an engaging opening that grabs the audience's attention and sets the tone, and end with a memorable closing that ties back to the theme of your speech and expresses your well-wishes for the couple.

Content

The focus of your speech should be on the couple and their relationship, rather than your own relationship with the groom. Share stories and anecdotes about the groom, especially those that highlight his positive qualities and the impact his partner has had on him. It's also a good idea to include a story or two about your friendship with the groom, but don't make this the main focus.

Delivery

Practicing your speech is essential. Rehearse it multiple times to familiarize yourself with the content, timing, and flow. Practicing in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend can help refine your delivery and boost your confidence. Remember to connect with the audience by maintaining eye contact, using hand gestures, and speaking clearly.

Length

Keep your speech concise. As a general guideline, aim for a length of 4-7 minutes, with shorter being better.

Tone

While it's good to include humour in your speech, don't make it the main focus, especially if comedy doesn't come naturally to you. Avoid telling embarrassing stories or sharing need-to-know information that could cause problems for the couple. Keep your speech positive and lighthearted, and be mindful of the audience, refraining from anything that could be deemed inappropriate.

Confidence

Public speaking can be nerve-wracking, but there are ways to calm your nerves. Taking deep breaths and visualizing yourself as a confident speaker can help. Having a drink or two beforehand may help some people, but be careful not to overindulge.

Body Language

Rehearse not just your words but also your body language. Practice open body language, such as using hand gestures and maintaining eye contact, to appear more confident and engaging.

Timing

The best man's speech traditionally follows the groom's speech (if he chooses to give one) and the maid of honour's toast. It usually takes place during the wedding reception but may occasionally be scheduled for the rehearsal dinner.

Additional Tips

• If you're unsure about what to include in your speech, ask the couple or a close friend for feedback.
• Stay true to yourself and your usual personality. There's no need to adopt a character or try to be a comedian if that's not who you are.
• Keep things positive and avoid upstaging the newlyweds or making jokes at their expense.
• If you're including a toast, remember to ask people to raise their glasses at the end.

Remember, being chosen as the best man is an honour, and your speech is an opportunity to showcase your support for the couple and celebrate their special day.

Frequently asked questions