Best Man Speech: Notes To Bring?

Being the best man at a wedding is a tough honour, but it's also a role that comes with a lot of responsibility. One of the most important tasks is delivering a wedding speech that says some kind words about the couple and your best friend. Wedding speeches are meant to be quick, lighthearted moments during the reception, but they can be nerve-wracking for those who struggle with public speaking. So, can you bring notes to a best man speech?

The short answer is yes. In fact, it's recommended that you bring notes to ensure you don't forget what you want to say. Nerves can mess with your memory, so don't think you're a failure if you have to bring notes with you. Wedding speech expert Heidi Ellert-McDermott says that notes are not a sign of weakness, it's simply evidence that you've prepared. She also suggests using small note cards instead of a sheet of paper, as they won't flap around.

However, wedding planners recommend against reading your speech off your phone, as the lighting from your screen can ruin the wedding photographer's photos and be distracting to guests. It's also generally advised to avoid reading your speech off any kind of tech, like an iPad, as this can be clumsier than using paper.

Using notes is fine

It's perfectly fine to use notes when giving a best man speech. In fact, it's a good idea to have them, even if you don't end up needing them. It's much better to have notes and not use them than to need them and not have them.

Practice makes perfect

Practising your speech is key. The more you practise, the less you'll need to rely on your notes. Practise until you're bored of your speech, record yourself reading it, and listen to it repeatedly. Write your speech by hand to help you memorise it, and recite it just before you go to bed. Studies have shown that writing out your speech by hand and reciting it before you go to sleep can aid retention.

Notes are not a sign of weakness

According to wedding speech expert Heidi Ellert-McDermott, "Notes are not a sign of weakness, it's simply evidence that you've prepared". If you've spent weeks perfecting your speech, why would you want to deliver a sloppy version of it? Having notes means you can include some funny lines that seem like they were spontaneously ad-libbed on the day.

Notes are a safety net

If you know your speech well, concise notes can act as triggers to help you move on to the next section. They allow for a bit of spontaneity in your speech. But be careful: using notes can be disorientating, so make sure you practise with them in advance.

Cards can contain the full version of your speech without looking like you've typed an essay. Thick cards can help to hide any shakes in your hands. Use a large typeface so that you can read your notes at arm's length (try 14-point Arial). Number each card in case you drop them. Ask a friend to carry a spare set in case you mislay yours.

Your notes should include the traditional aspects of a best man speech, such as an icebreaker or joke, an introduction, messages from friends and family who can't be there, anecdotes about the groom, words of wisdom, and a toast to the couple.

Keep it short and sweet

It's perfectly acceptable to bring notes to a best man's speech. In fact, it's a good idea to have a physical copy of your speech with you. This will ensure you don't forget any important points or stories you want to share. However, it's crucial to keep the speech short and sweet.

When it comes to the big day, you'll want to strike a balance between being prepared and not relying too heavily on your notes. Here are some tips to keep in mind:

Keep it concise

Limit your speech to around 5-7 minutes. This will ensure that your message is concise and engaging for the audience. Focus on including only the most important and entertaining stories and anecdotes. You can edit your speech several times to trim it down and make it more concise.

Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse

Practice your speech beforehand so that you become familiar with the flow and content. The more you rehearse, the less likely you'll be to depend heavily on your notes. Practising will also help you feel more confident and comfortable when delivering the speech. You can even memorise the key points so that you only need to glance at your notes occasionally.

Use note cards

Instead of bringing a full sheet of paper, jot down your key points on note cards or small pieces of paper. This will help you stay focused and prevent you from getting lost in your notes. Write down only the essential words or phrases that will trigger your memory. This will ensure you don't end up reading from a script and will help you maintain eye contact with the audience.

Focus on storytelling

Craft your speech around entertaining and heartfelt stories about the groom and, if appropriate, the couple. Stories are memorable and engaging, and they will help your speech flow naturally. If you're worried about forgetting a story, jot down a few keywords or a brief outline to prompt you.

Remember, it's completely fine to bring notes, but by keeping your speech short and practising beforehand, you'll be able to deliver a confident and captivating best man's speech that the wedding guests will remember fondly.

Prepare in advance

Being asked to be someone's best man is a tough honour, but it's also a role that comes with a number of important responsibilities. The best man's speech is a chance for you to say some kind words about your relationship with the couple and your best friend. Wedding speeches are meant to be quick, lighthearted moments during the reception, so while you should put in the effort to craft thoughtful words, you don't have to overthink it.

If you're hoping to write and deliver a best man speech that will blow everyone away, the key is to prepare in advance. Start by jotting down your thoughts and feelings on paper. Getting all your thoughts and feelings down on paper can be overwhelming, especially if you're not used to sharing those sentiments with others. For those who are unsure of what to write for the big day, here is a guideline to help you find your flow.

A theme is a unifying idea that ties the whole speech together. Think of it as the takeaway message you want your audience to remember. The best way to identify your theme is by making a list of your favourite stories and anecdotes. The best way to organise your thoughts is to create a blueprint of the key points you want to hit first, and then fill in the details.

The best man's speech traditionally follows the groom's speech and may or may not follow the maid of honour's toast. It's a chance for you to shine a light on the couple's relationship and share your unique insight. Focus on the newlyweds and their relationship, rather than your own friendship with the groom. Deliver something more meaningful than one joke after another.

Now that you have a rough idea of what you want your speech to be like, it's time to put pen to paper. Finished writing? Practice, practice, practice, and ensure every word you say is a good fit for the big day. After all, there's nothing worse than raising a glass at the end of your speech and hearing crickets. These tips will help you do all of that and more.

Consider Your Audience

You can't nail a speech if you have no idea who your audience is. Feel free to ask the couple beforehand about the guest list. If you're open to it, bring other attendees into the mix during your delivery. Don't be afraid to involve your audience! You can pose a question to them during your speech. This is a great way to make everyone feel included.

Stay True to Yourself

Stick with who you are and how you would normally act around your friends. There's no need to adopt a character just because you're giving a speech. For example, if you aren't normally the comedian in the group, don't try to tell a bunch of jokes. If you're not usually a super-sentimental person, don't force it. There's nothing wrong with keeping your speech more lighthearted. The couple already knows (and loves) your personality, so the more genuine you are, the better your speech will be received.

Don't Rely Solely on Humor

While a few jokes sprinkled in can be a great tool for loosening up the crowd, don't make these the meat of your toast—especially if comedy doesn't come naturally to you. Let me put it this way: there's such a thing as too many bad jokes, and that number is about one. The more you treat it like an open-mic night, the less happy everyone involved is going to be.

Keep Things Positive

Even if you think it's well-meaning, don't turn the toast into a roast or make jokes at the couple's expense. I’ve seen best man speeches where someone thinks, 'Oh, my job is to roast the groom.' Unless the couple specifically told you that’s your job, that’s not your job. The way to think about jokes is that you don’t want people to be laughing at the groom or the couple. You want people to be laughing because they suddenly know the groom better than they did before.

Don't Upstage the Newlyweds

Keep in mind that your speech should be focused on the couple. You’re not performing. You’re there because you know someone and care about them, and you’re sharing that with a bunch of other people. Even a great best man speech is not supposed to steal the show. If somebody says, 'That speech was nice but almost forgettable because we were so focused on the bride and groom, that’s a win. You don’t need to be the star.

Include personal stories

Including personal stories is a great way to make your best man speech stand out. You can add one or two anecdotes, such as your favourite memories with the groom, and even with their partner if you want. Keep the stories lighthearted and short, and avoid rambling on without a sentimental or funny ending.

For example, if you met the groom in the first grade, you could say:

> I remember when we first met in first grade. [Groom's name] had just glued his hand to his face but still used his free one to shake my hand and ask if I wanted to be his friend.

Or, if you worked with the groom, you could say:

> I first met [Groom's name] while working at a pizza joint called Domenica's while in college. I hated being a server with all my heart, but whenever [Groom's name] and I were scheduled together, it made it so much more bearable. We laughed until we cried, ate hundreds of garlic knots and I can't tell you the amount of times we accidentally got pizza dough stuck to the ceiling during our pizza toss competitions. But even after we both quit and moved on to bigger and better things, we still kept in touch and I'm eternally grateful.

You could also talk about the couple's relationship, and how they first met. If you helped them meet, you could say:

> I know I said earlier I'm the best man, but I lied. I'm actually Cupid because I'm the one who introduced these two eight years ago.

Personal stories are a great way to make your speech more engaging and entertaining. They allow you to connect with the audience and share your unique perspective on the groom and their partner. Just make sure to keep the stories appropriate and avoid sharing any embarrassing secrets or inside jokes that only a few people will understand.

Be yourself

Being yourself is one of the most important aspects of delivering a best man's speech. While you may be tempted to adopt a different persona or try to be someone you're not, it's crucial to remember that the couple chose you to be the best man because of who you are. So, when it comes time to deliver your speech, just be yourself! Here are some tips to help you do that:

Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses

Understand what you're good at and what you're not so confident about. If you're naturally funny, lean into that and incorporate some humour into your speech. If you're more sentimental, focus on sharing heartfelt moments and stories. There's no need to force yourself to be something you're not. Be authentic, and your speech will be more impactful and memorable.

Stay True to Your Style

If you're usually a joke-cracker, then go ahead and crack some jokes! If you're the sentimental type, don't be afraid to leave your friends and family misty-eyed. Remember, the couple chose you because of who you are, so embrace your unique style. If you feel more comfortable cracking jokes throughout your speech, do it! If you're better at being sentimental, that's okay too. As long as you deliver a heartfelt speech, the newlyweds and guests will love it.

Be Comfortable with Silence

It's okay to have moments of silence in your speech. You don't need to fill every second with words. Silence can be powerful and give weight to what you're saying. It also allows your audience to process your words and reflect on the significance of the moment. So, don't be afraid to pause and take a breath. It can actually enhance the impact of your speech.

Be Spontaneous

While it's important to have a prepared speech, don't be afraid to go off-script a bit. If something funny or unexpected happens during the wedding, feel free to incorporate it into your speech. This will make your speech feel more in the moment and connected to the day. Just be careful not to veer too far off-topic or ramble. You still want your speech to be structured and coherent.

Be in the Moment

When you're delivering your speech, be fully present. Connect with your audience by making eye contact and engaging with them. Feed off their energy and let their reactions guide you. If they're laughing, smile and enjoy the moment. If they seem touched by your words, let that encourage you. Being in the moment will make your speech more authentic and meaningful.

Be Confident

Believe in yourself and your ability to deliver a great speech. Confidence is key to a successful best man's speech. It will help you relax and engage your audience. If you're nervous, take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that you can do this. Your confidence will shine through and make your speech even more memorable.

Frequently asked questions