Best Man Blues: Can't Pick, Can't Lose

Picking your best man can be a daunting task. You want to choose someone who is capable, sociable, and discreet. Someone who will be useful to you and help with preparations, but also someone who is at ease with other people and confident enough to schmooze and be social. It's also important to consider whether they are reliable and organised, as the best man will have a lot of responsibilities on your big day. You should also think about whether you want your best man to give a speech, and if so, choose someone who is comfortable with public speaking. Finally, don't forget that this is your wedding, so pick someone who you get along with and who supports your relationship.

Pick someone capable and organised

Picking your best man can be a daunting task, but it's important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach. The "best" best man for your wedding will depend on a variety of factors, including your own personality and the dynamics of your friendship groups. That being said, here are some things to consider if you want to choose someone capable and organised:

Pick Someone Who's Capable

You want your best man to be useful to you in the lead-up to your wedding. This means choosing someone who is task-oriented and can help you with preparations that you either don't want to deal with or can't manage on your own. As the head groomsman, your best man should ensure that the other groomsmen are organised and have a clear understanding of their roles and wedding decorum. They should also be able to help with pre-wedding preparations, such as organising toasts for the rehearsal dinner and wedding reception, arranging transportation, and making sure you bring the wedding license.

Pick Someone Organised

Your best man should be well-organised and trustworthy. They will be responsible for a variety of important details, from planning your bachelor party to making sure the groomsmen have ordered their suits and keeping track of the wedding rings. Choose someone who you trust to handle these tasks efficiently and effectively. Even if your chosen best man isn't naturally organised, you should feel confident that they will step up for your wedding day.

Consider Their Strengths and Weaknesses

Think about your potential candidates' strengths and weaknesses before making your decision. While your best man doesn't need to be an expert party planner, they should be reliable, semi-organised, and persistent enough to keep things running smoothly. They will need to book accommodation, balance a large group of people, and keep everyone entertained.

Pick Someone Who Knows You Well

Your best man should know you well enough to understand your likes and dislikes. They should be able to put their own preferences aside and plan a bachelor party that you will enjoy. On your wedding day, they should be willing to step out of the spotlight and let you shine. This includes making a thoughtful toast, rather than an inappropriate roast, and keeping things classy during the reception.

Pick Someone Who Can Handle the Responsibilities

The best man has a lot of responsibilities, so make sure your chosen candidate is up to the task. These responsibilities include suit shopping, arranging meetings with the ushers, helping with planning and administrative tasks, and writing and delivering a speech. Your best man should be someone who is excited and honoured to take on these duties.

Pick someone sociable

Picking a best man can be a difficult decision. While it's often an obvious choice, like a brother or a close friend, it's not always that easy. If you're struggling to decide, consider the following when it comes to picking someone sociable:

They're at ease with other people

You want your best man to be someone who is at ease with other people and confident in their interactions. They should be able to schmooze and be social, navigating the various personalities and dynamics of the wedding party, guests, vendors, and other event professionals with ease.

They're a natural leader

The best man will be the de facto captain of the groomsmen, so consider choosing someone who is a natural leader and can take the lead when it comes to planning the bachelor party and other pre-wedding events. If your chosen best man already has a relationship with the other groomsmen, it will be easier for him to take the lead and ensure everyone is on the same page.

They're a people person

The best man should be someone who is a people person and a good communicator. They should be able to effortlessly connect with others and be comfortable interacting with a wide range of people, from your family members to the wedding vendors.

They're a quick thinker

A lot of the best man's responsibilities are time-sensitive, so it's important to choose someone who is a quick thinker and can make decisions on the spot. This is especially important when it comes to planning the bachelor party and keeping the wedding party organized.

They're adaptable

The best man should be adaptable and able to navigate different social situations with ease. Whether it's calming pre-wedding jitters, giving an impromptu speech, or diffusing family drama, a best man who can adapt to any situation will be a valuable asset.

Remember, the best man should ultimately be someone the groom wants by his side as he walks down the aisle, not just someone who checks off all the boxes but doesn't feel like the right fit.

Pick someone discreet

Picking your best man can be a challenging task. You want to choose someone who is capable, sociable, and discreet. Here are some reasons why picking someone discreet is essential:

They will deliver a thoughtful best man's toast

The best man's toast is one of the few duties that every best man is expected to complete. This is the part of the wedding where the groom does not have direct influence over what is said, unless the speech is vetted beforehand, which can be a little odd. By picking someone discreet, you can trust that they will deliver a thoughtful and appropriate speech without saying anything tasteless or embarrassing.

They will be tactful and considerate

A discreet person is someone who has good judgment and restraint in their conduct and speech. They know what to say and when to say it. They are also good at signalling or communicating in a subtle way. This quality is especially important when dealing with in-laws, guests, vendors, and other event professionals. A discreet best man will be considerate and tactful in their interactions, ensuring that everyone feels respected and valued.

They will be mindful of your wishes

A discreet best man will be mindful of your wishes and preferences. For example, if you prefer a low-key camping trip for your bachelor party, a discreet best man will put your wishes first, even if they would personally prefer a wilder celebration. They will also step out of the spotlight on your wedding day, ensuring that you are the centre of attention.

They will handle sensitive information with care

The best man may also be involved in handling sensitive information, such as keeping track of wedding rings or making sure the groom brings the wedding license. A discreet best man will be trustworthy and reliable in handling such important details.

They will maintain a positive atmosphere

A discreet best man will know how to navigate potentially awkward or sensitive situations with grace. They will avoid saying or doing anything that might cause division or discomfort among the wedding party, guests, or family members. Instead, they will use their good judgment to maintain a positive and joyful atmosphere throughout the wedding celebrations.

Remember, the person you choose as your best man should be someone you trust and who has the necessary qualities to fulfil the role effectively. Picking someone discreet will ensure that your wedding celebrations are smooth, respectful, and memorable for all the right reasons.

Pick someone you're close with

Picking your best man can be a challenging task, especially if you have multiple close friends. Here are some tips to help you choose someone you're close with:

Consider your closest friends and relatives

The best man is typically someone who is extremely close to the groom, such as a brother, a cousin, or a best friend. Think about who has been there for you through thick and thin and has supported you through struggles. These are the people who should be honoured to stand by your side on your big day.

Evaluate your social circle

Consider choosing someone who is a central part of your social circle and knows your mates well. This will help them get along with and organise the rest of the groomsmen effectively. It will also be beneficial for planning the bachelor party and other pre-wedding events, as they will be able to bring everyone together.

Assess their capabilities and skills

Look for someone who is capable, organised, and trustworthy. They should be a doer rather than a complainer, taking the initiative and being proactive in their responsibilities. Party-planning skills are a plus, especially if they have planned trips or attended bachelor parties in the past.

Pick someone who knows you well

Your best man should know you well enough to understand your likes and dislikes. They should be able to put their own preferences aside and plan a bachelor party that aligns with your interests. Additionally, they should be willing to step out of the spotlight on your wedding day, ensuring that you are the centre of attention.

Choose someone sociable and discreet

While your best man should be sociable and confident in interacting with in-laws, guests, and vendors, it is also essential to pick someone discreet. Remember that they will be giving a best man's toast, so consider whether they can be trusted to give a thoughtful and appropriate speech without embarrassing you or saying something tasteless.

Remember, it is perfectly fine to have multiple best men or even a best woman if you prefer. Ultimately, the decision should reflect your relationships, and you are not bound to follow tradition if it doesn't feel right.

Pick someone who gets along with your partner

Picking your best man can be a challenging task, especially if you have multiple important men in your life. If you're struggling to decide, consider choosing someone who gets along with your partner. Here are some reasons why this might be a good idea:

They will likely have a good relationship with your partner

If the person you choose as your best man already has a good relationship with your partner, it can make the wedding planning process and the wedding day itself more harmonious. A best man who gets along with your partner can help ensure that everyone is on the same page and can facilitate communication and collaboration between the two sides of the wedding party. This can lead to a more cohesive and enjoyable experience for everyone involved.

They can act as a liaison between you and your partner

During the wedding planning process, there may be times when you need to communicate with your partner's side of the wedding party. If your best man and your partner have a good relationship, he can act as a liaison and facilitate smooth communication. This can be especially helpful if you and your partner have different ideas or preferences for the wedding. A best man who gets along with your partner can help find compromises and ensure that everyone's voices are heard and respected.

They can provide support to your partner

Your best man can be a source of support and assistance to your partner, especially if your partner is feeling overwhelmed or stressed during the wedding planning process. If your best man and your partner have a good relationship, your best man can offer a listening ear, provide emotional support, or help with any tasks or errands that your partner may need assistance with. This can take some of the burden off of your partner and contribute to a more positive wedding planning experience.

They can help create a united wedding party

A wedding is a celebration of the union of two people, and this unity should ideally be reflected in the wedding party as well. Choosing a best man who gets along with your partner can help create a sense of cohesion and camaraderie within the wedding party. This can lead to a more enjoyable experience for everyone involved and can help ensure that everyone is working together towards the common goal of creating a beautiful and memorable wedding.

They can contribute to a positive dynamic on the wedding day

The wedding day can be a stressful and hectic time, with a lot of moving parts and last-minute tasks to handle. If your best man and your partner have a good relationship, they can work together to handle any challenges or unexpected issues that may arise. Their positive dynamic can help set the tone for the entire wedding party and contribute to a more relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere on the big day.

Remember, the most important thing is to choose someone who you trust and who you believe will have your best interests at heart. If you have multiple close male friends or family members, you can also consider having multiple best men or groomsmen to honour your relationships with them. Ultimately, the decision is yours, and you should choose the person who you believe will be the most supportive and reliable companion during this important time in your life.

Frequently asked questions