Skipping Catholic Wedding Seminars: Is It Possible?

If you're planning a Catholic wedding, you and your partner will need to attend a canonical interview with a priest or assistant. This will take place one to two months before your wedding date, and you'll be given a schedule for a Pre-Marriage or Pre-Cana Seminar that you'll both need to attend. The seminar is designed to prepare you for married life and will cover topics such as children and parenting, spirituality and faith, careers, conflict resolution, intimacy, and cohabitation. While it's an important part of the process, it can be stressful, and it's a good idea to plan your schedule in advance.

Reasons for skipping the seminar

• You are not religious and do not want to sit through a long mass.
• You are not close to the couple getting married.
• You have other commitments, such as childcare, that would make it difficult to attend the seminar.
• There is a large gap between the seminar and the reception, and you would rather not have to fill the time in between.
• You are unable to travel to the seminar due to logistical issues or time constraints.
• You are not comfortable with the religious aspects of the seminar.
• You have personal or moral objections to the seminar.
• You have a medical condition or disability that would make it difficult to attend the seminar.
• You have been invited to the wedding last-minute and are unable to attend the seminar due to prior commitments.
• You have a conflicting event or obligation that prevents you from attending the seminar.
• You are not part of the immediate family or close friends of the couple and feel it is not necessary to attend the seminar.

What to do during the gap between the seminar and wedding

There are many ways to fill the gap between the ceremony and reception of a Catholic wedding. Here are some ideas to keep your guests entertained and happy:

Provide Refreshments and Entertainment at the Church

If you don't want your guests to have to travel during the gap, consider providing refreshments and entertainment at the church. This could include setting up a simple cocktail hour with drinks and snacks in the parish hall or another area of the church. You could also provide some light entertainment, such as music or games, to keep guests occupied.

Suggest Local Activities

Create a list of recommended local activities and places to visit during the gap. This could include nearby restaurants, bars, parks, or other points of interest. You can include this list on your wedding website, in the invitation, or as an insert. This way, guests can choose an activity that suits their interests and preferences.

Host a Gathering at a Family Home

If there is a family home nearby, consider hosting a gathering there during the gap. This could be a great opportunity for guests to relax, enjoy refreshments, and socialise. It's a more intimate setting and can be a nice break from the formalities of the wedding.

Offer Shuttle Services to Hotels

Many guests, especially those from out of town, may appreciate having some time to rest and freshen up during the gap. You can provide shuttle services to nearby hotels, allowing guests to check-in and prepare for the reception. This is also a good option if there are limited activities within walking distance of the ceremony venue.

Provide an Early Start to the Reception

If possible, consider starting the reception earlier to minimise the gap. Even if it's just light refreshments and background music, it gives guests a place to go and something to do. They can socialise, relax, and get ready for the main festivities to begin.

Remember, the gap is a great opportunity for guests to mingle, take photos, and create their own memories. By providing some simple entertainment and guidance, your guests will be happy and ready to celebrate with you at the reception!

How to politely decline the wedding invite

How to politely decline a wedding invitation

It is not rude to decline a wedding invitation, and there are many valid reasons why you might need to do so. However, it is important to let the couple know as soon as possible and to express your disappointment and well wishes. Here are some tips on how to politely decline a wedding invitation:

• Respond promptly: As soon as you know you can't attend, let the couple know. This will allow them to make any necessary changes to their guest list or arrangements.
• Be honest but considerate: While you don't want to lie about your reason for declining, there's no need to be cruel. Give a brief explanation, such as a prior commitment or budget constraints, and apologise for not being able to attend.
• Use a personal touch: A phone call or written message can add warmth to your response. If you are close to the couple, consider calling them to explain your reason for declining and to express your disappointment and well wishes. You can also send a brief note or email expressing your thoughts and best wishes.
• Send a gift: Sending a gift or flowers is a nice way to extend your support and love, especially if you are close to the couple.
• Check your relationship with the couple: If you aren't close to the couple, a simple "no" on the RSVP card and a short note wishing them well may be sufficient. However, if you are in the couple's inner circle, you may want to provide more details about why you can't attend and make an effort to celebrate with them at another time.
• Offer alternative ways to celebrate: Let the couple know that you would still like to celebrate with them, even if you can't attend the wedding. Suggest getting together for lunch, dinner, or drinks at another time, or offer to attend any pre-wedding events or contribute to the planning.
• Decline through formal channels: In addition to a phone call or personal message, be sure to decline the invitation through formal channels, such as the RSVP card or wedding website.
• Be mindful of the couple's feelings: Remember that the couple has specifically requested your presence on their special day, so your "no" is not like turning down a casual invitation. Show compassion and respect in your response.
• "While I'd love to be with you on your special day, I'm sadly unable to attend. I will be there in spirit and can't wait to see photos!"
• "Regretfully, we are unable to attend. Best wishes on your special day!"
• "Sadly, we are unable to attend your wedding day, but we look forward to celebrating the next time we see you!"
• "Thank you so much for inviting me to your wedding. I was really looking forward to celebrating, but unfortunately, that weekend coincides with a long-planned work trip abroad that I cannot cancel. I'm so sorry I will have to miss the big day. Thank you again, and I send my warmest congratulations."
• "I was so excited to see your wedding invitation arrive in the mail, and I am so happy for you both as you begin this special chapter in life together. Unfortunately, I am in the wedding party for another wedding that same weekend, so I sadly won't be able to come. Even though I can't be there in person, I will be there in spirit and sending you my love. I can't wait to celebrate with you at your bachelorette party and shower and to toast to you when you're back from your honeymoon."

Catholic wedding requirements

There are several requirements that must be met for a Catholic wedding to be considered valid. Firstly, the couple must be a woman and a man who are free of any impediments to marriage, such as age, previous marriage, close relation, mental capacity, or coercion. Secondly, the couple must give their free and full consent to be married, which includes the intention to have children. Thirdly, the marriage must follow the canonical form, including being witnessed by an authorized representative of the Church and two other witnesses, and adhering to The Order of Celebrating Matrimony.

In addition to these basic requirements, there are other Catholic wedding requirements that vary from diocese to diocese and parish to parish. It is important to contact the parish priest as early as possible, especially if the wedding is taking place in a different location, to understand the specific requirements and schedule marriage preparation sessions. These may include multiple sessions with a priest, attendance at a conference or retreat, and more active involvement in the church. The priest will also need to see certain documents, such as proof of baptism, communion, and confirmation, which can usually be obtained from the church where the sacraments were received. If not, affidavits from witnesses may be accepted.

It is worth noting that Catholic weddings must take place indoors, inside a church, and certain dress code requirements may apply, such as more modest cuts and garments. The bridal party may also need to be of the Catholic faith, and the ceremony structure will depend on whether a full mass or a shortened ceremony is chosen.

Experiences of those who skipped the seminar

While I could not find specific examples of people who skipped the seminar for a Catholic wedding, I did find some experiences of people who skipped the ceremony and went straight to the reception.

Experience 1

I was invited to a former coworker's wedding. I worked with her for two years, but after we stopped working together, we never hung out. I RSVP'd yes for my fiancé and me. When I looked at the schedule, the wedding ceremony was a Catholic ceremony lasting from 3 pm to 5:30 pm. I am not religious, so I don't have any desire to sit through a 2.5-hour mass. My fiancé and I also have a toddler whose grandmother is watching him, and the bride doesn't know that. A lot of people are saying it's rude to skip the ceremony, but I already RSVP'd, and my fiancé and my plates are paid for. I don't think anyone is thrilled to go to a wedding ceremony unless it's for their child or parent. I was even in my sister's wedding, and her ceremony was only an hour, and I didn't want to be there.

Experience 2

I've been invited to a friend's wedding, and I've agreed to attend, but I'm wondering if I should skip the ceremony or the reception. The two venues are only 20 minutes from each other but are a 45-minute drive from my home. There is a 5-hour gap between the ceremony and the reception, and nothing is planned for guests during that time. I don't drink, so going to a bar to pass the time isn't an option. I also don't want to go and watch a movie in a 3-piece suit. I think I should attend the ceremony as it is more personal and important. However, I would rather you come to the reception where I can actually see and talk to you and celebrate. They've already paid for you to be there if you RSVP. I had 25 guests at my wedding and didn't notice someone was missing until two hours into the reception. That included all the family photos. You won't be noticed.

Experience 3

I was talking to my future sister-in-law, who also has a wedding planning business. We were talking about chairs for the ceremony, and she asked if I thought everyone was going to come. I assumed they would if they RSVP'd, but she said it's common for folks to skip it. I've missed three wedding ceremonies because I was running late, got lost, or stuck in traffic. But I'd never have the gall to skip a ceremony and show up 30 minutes later for food and drink. I've never done it, and in my circle, it's not common. However, I've only attended Catholic weddings, where it is common for only immediate family or close friends to attend the mass/ceremony as there is usually a gap between the ceremony and reception. I think it depends a lot on the area, specific wedding, and demographic.

Experience 4

I was a bridesmaid in a Friday wedding. The ceremony was at 2 pm, and the reception was at 6 pm. A lot of people skipped the ceremony and came to the reception. I'd say if there were 30 people at the ceremony, there were 100 at the reception. I assumed it was because of work.

Frequently asked questions