Who Can Give Wedding Toasts: Beyond The Basics

Wedding speeches are a time-honoured tradition and a memorable part of the wedding reception. While there is no set rule on who can give a speech, traditionally, the main people who contributed financially to the wedding are invited to speak. This includes the parents of the bride and groom, the best man, and the maid of honour. However, modern couples often opt for these speeches to occur at the rehearsal dinner instead. The newlyweds may also give a speech to thank their guests for attending. Ultimately, the couple decides who speaks at their wedding, and they can choose to follow tradition or create their own format.

Who should give a speech first?

The order of speeches at a wedding is usually determined by tradition, but there is no one "correct order" and ultimately, the choice is up to the couple.

Traditional Order

In a traditional wedding, the father of the bride (or a close family friend, if he is not present) speaks first. This is because, in the past, the bride's parents usually hosted and paid for the wedding. However, this is not always the case nowadays, so the couple may prefer to have the groom's parents, the best man, or one or both parents speak first.

Modern Alternatives

In modern weddings, there is more flexibility with the order of speeches. It is becoming increasingly common for brides, bridesmaids, or the maid of honour to give speeches. For LGBTQ+ weddings, it is common for both partners to speak, but sometimes only one does.

Other Factors to Consider

When deciding the order of speeches, it is important to consider the content of each speech and how one speaker will lead into the next. For example, the father of the bride traditionally welcomes the guests and thanks them for coming, making this an appropriate opening speech. The groom then responds to the toast and thanks the guests, parents, and wedding party. The best man's speech is usually expected to be funny, so this could be a good speech to finish on.

Practical Considerations

It is also worth thinking about the practicalities of the day. For example, you may want to give speeches before or after the meal, or stagger them throughout the day. If you are having a meal, you may want to wait until guests have been served their main course so that there are no interruptions from waitstaff.

What should the father of the bride speech include?

The father of the bride's speech is often one of the most special and tear-jerking moments of the wedding day. It is usually the first speech given during the wedding reception and is a chance for the father to reflect on his relationship with his daughter. Here are some key elements to include in the speech:

• Welcome the guests: Start by introducing yourself and welcoming all the guests to the wedding. Thank them for their presence and express your gratitude, especially to those who have travelled from far or contributed to the wedding in any way.
• Talk about the bride: Share heartfelt anecdotes and memories about the bride. Highlight her accomplishments, wonderful qualities, and the special bond you share. This is also a great opportunity to express your love and pride in who she has become.
• Welcome the bride's partner: Welcome your new son- or daughter-in-law to the family. Share positive thoughts about their character and your hopes for their future together. You can also reminisce about the first time you met them and how your relationship has evolved.
• Share words of wisdom: Offer some advice or pearls of wisdom to the newlyweds. Draw from your life experience and share insights about love, marriage, and building a strong, lasting relationship. You can also include carefully chosen quotes or readings about love and marriage if that feels more appropriate.
• Raise a toast: Conclude your speech by inviting all the guests to join you in a toast to the happy couple. This is a heartfelt way to round off your speech and celebrate the new couple.

Remember to keep your speech warm and witty, adding a joke or two to engage the audience. Focus on your daughter and her partner, avoiding clichés or overly generic descriptions. Make it personal, authentic, and a reflection of your unique relationship.

What should the groom's speech include?

The groom's speech is a chance for guests to hear all the romantic and heartfelt sentiments that you, as a newlywed, will be experiencing. It's also an opportunity to acknowledge and thank your guests, and those who have helped make the day special. Here are some tips on what to include:

• Thank your guests: Thank everyone for coming to the wedding, especially those who have travelled far.
• Thank your partner's parents: It's polite to thank your partner's parents for raising the person you fell in love with and for hosting, if applicable.
• Thank your own parents: Express gratitude to your parents for their support and any help with the wedding.
• Thank the wedding party: Thank the best man, ushers, maid of honour, and bridesmaids for their contributions. You can also pay them a meaningful compliment.
• Thank other helpers: Don't forget to thank any other helpers, such as witnesses, wedding readers, and staff.
• Compliment your partner: Lavish praise on your new spouse and tell them how happy you are to be married. Share a romantic and heartfelt ode, focusing on their unique qualities and how they have made your life better. You can also share a happy or funny moment you've experienced together.
• Keep it concise: Aim for a speech between 5 and 10 minutes. This is enough time to get across everything you need to say without losing your guests' interest.
• Add a touch of humour: Get your guests smiling from the beginning of your speech. Opt for humour that is unique to you as a couple or the audience. Exaggerate your differences or quirks, or make light-hearted jokes about the wedding itself.
• Be sincere: Instead of using empty words of praise, share specific anecdotes or stories that highlight your partner's best traits.
• Avoid giving out gifts: This will take up valuable time. Instead, give gifts privately before the ceremony.
• Prepare and practise: Read your speech out loud beforehand to ensure it sounds natural and to help you feel more confident.

What should the best man's speech include?

The best man's speech is a chance to say some kind words about your relationship with the couple and your best friend. It should be quick, lighthearted, and strike a balance between humorous memories and thoughtful anecdotes. Here are some tips on what to include:

Begin with a light-hearted icebreaker or a joke to warm up the guests and calm your nerves. You could make a joke about your own unpreparedness or the groom's speech. You could also share a humorous tale about how you met the groom.

Messages from Friends and Family

The couple may ask you to read out messages and well-wishes from friends and family who can't be there. This is a great opportunity to add a surprise or something funny, such as a message from an old teacher or the local pub landlord. You could even throw in some fake messages for a laugh, such as an apology from Channing Tatum for not being able to make it.

Stories and Anecdotes

Share some amusing anecdotes and stories about the groom and the couple. This is the key section of your speech. You could use props, such as a slideshow of photos or a theme (e.g. if the groom always wears the same jumper, get the photographic evidence out). Stay true to yourself and don't feel pressured to crack jokes if that's not your style.

Advice and Compliments

Give some heartfelt and friendly advice. If you're married, you could share some golden rules for a happy marriage. If not, you could ask the couple's parents or grandparents for some sage advice. Take a moment to compliment the couple and reflect on your favourite things about their relationship.

Acknowledgements and Final Toast

Thank the bridal party and parents for their support. Conclude by raising a glass to the couple and wishing them a future filled with happiness.

Other Tips

• Keep it short and sweet: The ideal length for a best man's speech is around seven minutes.
• Practice beforehand: Rehearse your speech and consider recording yourself or practising in front of a mirror.
• Stay positive: Avoid turning your toast into a roast and don't make jokes at the couple's expense.
• Don't upstage the newlyweds: Keep the focus on the couple and don't try to steal the show.
• Get a second opinion: Ask a friend for feedback on your speech.
• Don't drink too much beforehand: Dutch courage may be tempting, but it may also lead to you going off-script.

When is the best time for wedding speeches?

The best time for wedding speeches is largely dependent on the schedule of your day. Here are some options for when to schedule wedding speeches:

Schedule Speeches First Thing

Get the formalities out of the way so your parents, maid of honour, and best man can enjoy the rest of the evening stress-free. This also allows the speeches to set the tone for the rest of the night. You can make your grand entrance, take your seats, and then ask the first person to take the mic. You can have the toasts all happen back-to-back or even take a break in between so your caterer can serve the first course, and then resume after the salad plates are down.

Give Speeches Once Entrées Are Served

This option still allows for the speeches to happen early in the evening. It is best to hold off until guests are served their main course as this part of the meal is the longest, allowing for a little more time for talking without interruptions from the waitstaff. Make sure your caterer serves your VIP tables first so anyone giving a toast can enjoy their meal while it's hot. Then, as other tables are being served, or while guests are finishing their meals, those giving speeches can get up and make their toast with a captive audience.

Kick Off Dancing With Toasts

You can schedule the toasts towards the tail end of the meal, giving your speechmakers plenty of time to enjoy the reception once they're done. You can either have them get up to speak at the end of dinner or invite them to take the stage when it's time to dance. Schedule the toasts and then head straight into the cake-cutting. Finish off with your first dance and parent dances, and then open up the dance floor to celebrate!

Utilise Cocktail Hour

If you’re planning something more casual than a seated dinner, the best time to capture the audience’s attention may be when guests have that signature cocktail in their hands. Allow guests to arrive, get a drink at the bar, and a plate of hors d'oeuvres, then grab their attention. This option allows for the speeches to be delivered early on, and once the toast happens, everyone will be able to mingle and relax for the rest of the night.

During the Meal

Wedding speeches typically take place during the meal at the wedding reception. The sweet spot is starting the speeches about three-quarters of the way through dinner as guests are finishing up their meals and still seated. That way, once the speeches are wrapped up, guests will be done eating, tables will start being cleared, and everyone will be ready to hit the dance floor and get the party started.

Before or After the Meal

The wedding speeches can be given either before or after the meal. If you have a long gap between the ceremony and reception, your guests are unlikely to want to wait for their food until the end of the speeches. If you are having an informal meal like a buffet, there won't be a chance for speeches during courses. Most couples choose to have speeches after dinner when everyone is satisfied and has had a chance to relax.

Frequently asked questions