How To Ask For A Plus One At A Wedding

Asking for a plus one at a wedding is a common dilemma, and it can be tricky to navigate. While some believe you should never ask for a plus one unless it's offered, others think there's more flexibility, especially if you're in a serious relationship that the couple may not know about. The key factors are how close you are with the couple and the significance of your relationship with your plus one. If you're unsure, it's best to reach out for clarification, but be mindful of the couple's budget and space constraints. Ultimately, it's their day, and you should respect their decision.

Plus-one invitation wording

The wording of your wedding invitations can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to plus-ones. Here are some tips and suggestions to help you navigate this process with clarity and elegance.

Who Traditionally Gets a Plus-One?

The decision of who gets a plus-one is ultimately up to you. However, traditionally, any guest who is married, engaged, or has been living with a partner for a long time should be able to bring their significant other.

Creating a Clear and Elegant Message

You may have some guests on your list whom you need to inform must come alone. How do you convey this in a way that is both clear and delicate? Here is some suggested wording that is short, sweet, clear, and elegant:

> "We have reserved [number] seats in your honour."

This wording gently conveys that bringing an additional guest would be inconvenient and can also help clarify whether children are invited.

Addressing the Envelopes

The way you address the invitation envelopes can also indicate whether a plus-one is included. If a single guest is not getting a plus-one, both the outer and inner envelope should include only their name.

For guests who do get a plus-one, the outer envelope should include only their name, while the inner envelope should include their name followed by "and guest".

Online Invitations

If you are sending online invitations, include the guest's name and, if applicable, "and guest" or the plus-one's name at the beginning of the email.

Invitation Wording for Single Guests Granted a Plus-One

When inviting single guests, it is best not to assume who they will bring. Choose one of the following options:

• Address the invitation to the primary guest's name and "invited guest".
• Address the invitation to the primary guest only and include a plus-one note inside with the RSVP card.

Invitation Wording for Unmarried Couples

If the couple is living together, address both parties on the outside and inside of the invitation. If they live separately, each party should receive their own invitation if possible. If you don't have the information to send separate invitations, address the invitation to the primary guest only, and include the name of their significant other on the materials inside.

If you are unsure of the relationship status, it is best to use "invited guest" to avoid any potential awkwardness.

Proactive Plus-One Planning Tips

• Get the name of every guest, including their plus-one, on the RSVPs. This is important for seating chart preparation and reception place cards.
• Be prepared to respond to requests from guests who don't receive a plus-one but may ask for one. Have a kind but firm explanation ready.
• Consider seating arrangements in advance to accommodate plus-ones and avoid any potential drama.
• Use proper plus-one invitation etiquette by swapping "plus-one" for "invited guest" to add formality.
• Keep track of wedding RSVPs and follow up on any unconfirmed plus-ones.

When to ask for a plus-one

Don't Ask If:

• Your invitation doesn't include a plus-one: As a general rule, if a plus-one is not listed on your invitation, the couple likely doesn't want you to bring one. Asking them to make an exception may be considered rude and could lead to an awkward conversation about their budget or desire for an intimate gathering.
• You are casually dating: If you are casually seeing someone, don't assume you can bring them unless your invitation specifically allows for a plus-one. Asking the couple in this situation will most likely result in a rejection.

Do Ask If:

• You are in a serious relationship: If you are married, engaged, living with your partner, or in a long-term committed relationship that the couple is aware of, it is understandable to ask about a plus-one. Typically, you should expect your partner's name to be included on the invitation. If it isn't, reach out politely to clarify if it was an oversight.
• You are genuinely unsure: If you are unsure about whether you are allowed a plus-one, it is better to ask for clarification than to assume. This is especially important if you need to plan ahead, such as in the case of out-of-town guests.

How to Ask:

• Be respectful and polite: Remember that you are asking the couple to include someone in their special day, so approach the topic with sensitivity and gratitude.
• Keep it casual: Don't make your request a bigger deal than it is. Be casual and respectful in your conversation with the couple.
• Ask over the phone: Text messages and emails can be misinterpreted as rude or critical. A phone call allows for a more personal and immediate response.
• Acknowledge their decision: Regardless of the couple's response, be appreciative of their consideration. Graciously accept their decision and reiterate your excitement for their big day.

Who gets a plus-one

Deciding who gets a plus-one at a wedding can be tricky, but there are some general rules and guidelines to follow. Here are some tips to help you determine who should be offered a plus-one:

Married, Engaged, and Cohabitating Guests

As a general rule, it is standard etiquette to offer a plus-one to guests who are married, engaged, or living with their partner. This is considered common courtesy, even if you have never met their spouse or partner before. It is important to list both individuals' names on the invitation to make it clear that they are both invited.

Members of the Wedding Party

It is also customary to offer a plus-one to members of the wedding party, such as bridesmaids and groomsmen. This is a way to show your appreciation for their time, effort, and support during the wedding planning process.

Close Family Members

When it comes to family members, the decision to offer a plus-one can be more flexible. If you have many family members attending the wedding, they are likely to know other guests and may not need a plus-one. However, if a family member is in a committed relationship, it is considerate to invite their partner as well.

Guests in Serious Relationships

If a guest is in a serious, long-term relationship, it is polite to offer them a plus-one so they can bring their partner. This shows respect for their commitment, even if they are not yet married or living together.

Guests Who Are Casually Dating

On the other hand, if a guest is casually dating or has a new partner, offering a plus-one is not necessary. This is especially true if the guest has a history of frequently changing partners. However, if budget and space allow, you may consider offering a last-minute plus-one for these guests.

Single Guests Who Know Other Guests

Single guests who know and are comfortable with other guests at the wedding may not need a plus-one. In this case, it is acceptable to invite them without offering a plus-one, especially if space or budget constraints exist.

Coworkers

When inviting coworkers to your wedding, it is important to maintain consistency. If you offer a plus-one to one coworker, it is polite to extend the same courtesy to others as well. This helps to avoid any potential hurt feelings or discomfort.

Guests Who Are Genuinely Unsure

In some cases, a guest may reach out to clarify whether they are invited with a plus-one or not. It is perfectly acceptable to offer clarification and provide a polite response. Be respectful and honest about any space or budget limitations that may impact your decision.

Remember, the decision of who gets a plus-one ultimately depends on the couple's unique circumstances, including their budget, venue capacity, and the number of guests they wish to invite. It is important to be consistent and considerate in your decisions to ensure that everyone feels valued and respected.

Who doesn't get a plus-one

When it comes to deciding who doesn't get a plus-one at your wedding, there are a few factors to consider. Firstly, it's important to remember that not everyone needs a plus-one. If you have adult guests who are single but will know a lot of other people at the wedding, they may not require one.

Another group that doesn't necessarily need a plus-one is coworkers. If you're inviting a small group of colleagues and not all of them are married or in relationships, they can sit together and enjoy the wedding as a group.

For guests who are casually dating or in a new relationship, a plus-one is also not necessary. If someone has just started dating or tends to have a new partner every few months, it's not a priority to give them a plus-one.

That being said, there are exceptions to these guidelines. For instance, if you have a guest who is travelling for your wedding and will be in town for a few days, you may want to offer them a plus-one so they have company and feel more comfortable during their stay.

Ultimately, the decision of who doesn't get a plus-one will depend on your budget, venue capacity, and the number of people you want at your wedding. It's a delicate balance, but with thoughtful consideration and consistency in your decisions, you can navigate this aspect of wedding planning successfully.

How to politely decline a plus-one request

It can be tricky to decline a plus-one request without causing offence, but it is possible to do so in a respectful and considerate manner. Here are some steps to achieve this:

Understand the Reasons for Declining

Before responding, it is important to be clear about why you are declining the request. Common reasons include budget constraints, limited venue space, or a desire for an intimate gathering with only close family and friends. Knowing your reasons will help you craft a thoughtful and honest response.

Be Direct and Honest

When communicating your decision, be direct and honest. Let the guest know that you are unable to accommodate their plus-one request due to specific reasons, such as budget or venue limitations. You can say something like, "Given our planned resources, we have decided to limit the number of guests." This sets a clear boundary and helps the guest understand that it is not personal.

Express Your Appreciation

Acknowledge that you value their presence at the wedding and appreciate their understanding of your decision. You can say, "We would love to extend the invite to both of you, but due to our circumstances, we are only able to invite you." This shows that you recognise the significance of their relationship while also firmly stating your position.

Suggest Catching Up After the Wedding

To soften the decline, you can express your interest in meeting their partner and suggest catching up with them as a couple after the wedding. This could be something like, "We look forward to catching up with you both when we get back from our honeymoon." This approach reinforces that you are not dismissing their relationship but simply have limitations for your special day.

Be Consistent

Ensure that you apply the same rules to all guests to avoid any perception of favouritism. Consistency is essential to avoid hurt feelings and maintain good relationships with your guests.

Have the Conversation Early

Address the plus-one request as early as possible to manage expectations and avoid any last-minute surprises. This gives your guests a clear understanding of the arrangements and allows them to plan accordingly.

Remember, it is your special day, and it's important to make decisions that align with your vision, budget, and comfort level. By being respectful, honest, and considerate, you can politely decline a plus-one request without causing offence.

Frequently asked questions