Junior Rasmussen
The garter toss is a wedding tradition that originated in the Middle Ages, when guests would tear at the couple's clothes in the hope of grabbing a piece of the bridal gown, which was considered good luck. To appease the crowd, the bride would toss her garter – an item of lingerie worn to hold up her stockings. Today, the garter toss is seen as a fun, lighthearted tradition, but some brides choose to skip it, finding it old-fashioned, too sensual, or awkward. If you don't want to do the garter toss at your wedding, you don't have to – it's entirely up to you.
What You'll Learn
The history of the garter toss tradition
The tradition of tossing the garter is optional and can be skipped at weddings. However, it is a time-honoured tradition with a long history.
The garter toss tradition is believed to have originated in the Middle Ages or the Dark Ages, when newlywed couples were expected to consummate their marriage immediately after the wedding ceremony. Friends and family would wait outside the couple's room to ensure this happened. To get some privacy, couples would throw out a piece of the bride's outfit to appease their nosy onlookers.
During this time, wedding guests would also try to rip off pieces of the bride's dress for good luck. The bride started wearing an easily accessible garter to toss to the crowd to prevent them from grabbing at her dress. The garter was believed to bring good luck to the bachelors, with the belief that whoever caught it would be the next to marry.
In more recent history, the garter toss was done to spread good luck and fertility. The tradition has been tweaked over the years to fit the preferences of each era. For example, some flapper brides in the 1920s used their garters to hold flasks, and some garter-catchers in the 1980s displayed their prize on their car's rearview mirror.
Today, the garter toss is a fun, entirely optional reception activity that is often adjusted to include wedding guests of all genders.
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Reasons for skipping the garter toss
The garter toss is a wedding tradition that is not for everyone. Here are some reasons why you may want to skip it:
It Can Feel Old-Fashioned and Gendered
The garter toss is a tradition that is very gendered, with the groom removing the garter from the bride's leg and tossing it to a crowd of male onlookers. This dynamic may not sit well with some couples, especially those who want their wedding to be more modern and inclusive.
It Can Be Too Sensual or Embarrassing
The garter toss involves the groom removing the garter from the bride's upper thigh, sometimes with their teeth, in front of family and friends. This can be uncomfortable for the couple, especially if they are not used to being physically intimate in front of others.
It Can Be Awkward for Single Guests
The garter toss is traditionally aimed at single people, with the winner said to be the next one to marry. This can be awkward for single guests who may not want to be singled out or feel pressured to participate.
Couples May Want to Set Their Own Traditions
Every couple is unique, and some may want to set their own traditions that feel more meaningful and authentic to them. The garter toss may not align with their values or the vibe they want for their wedding.
It Can Be Perceived as Objectifying the Bride
Some brides may feel uncomfortable with the idea of being undressed by their partner in front of their guests, as it can feel like a form of objectification or oversexualization.
Ultimately, the decision to include or skip the garter toss is a personal one, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Couples should feel free to choose the traditions that feel right for them and create a wedding that reflects their personalities and values.
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Alternatives to the garter toss
The garter toss is a wedding tradition that has been practised for centuries, but it is not for everyone. If you are looking for alternatives to the garter toss, here are some ideas to consider:
Toss a garter without the "undressing" ritual
The bride can simply keep the garter in her pocket and toss it to a group of loved ones without the need for the groom to remove it with his hands or teeth. This way, you can still include the tradition without the raunchy charade.
Bouquet Toss with All Genders
Instead of separating the single guests by gender, include everyone in a bouquet toss. This can be a fun and inclusive alternative that avoids the gendered history of the garter toss.
Toss the Groom's Boutonniere
The groom can toss his boutonniere, which represents love and beauty, instead of the garter. This alternative still includes the fun of a toss without the objectification.
Breakup the Bouquet
The bride can break up her bouquet into several smaller bouquets or single stems and give them to important guests in the crowd. This way, more people can feel included and share in the good luck.
Host an Anniversary Dance
The couple can invite all the married couples to the dance floor for an anniversary dance. The emcee can call out the couples according to how long they have been married, and the longest-married couple can win the bouquet or share the first dance.
Limbo Competition
For a fun and lighthearted alternative, the couple can host a limbo competition for all guests. This can be a fun way to get everyone involved and avoid the awkwardness of the garter toss.
Balloon Pop
The couple can put the garter inside an opaque balloon and release it along with other balloons. Guests can then have fun popping the balloons to find the hidden prize. This DIY idea can be customised with personal notes, gift cards, candies, or fortune cookies.
Whiskey Box Toss
Instead of tossing the garter, the couple can toss a box of whiskey to the guests. This alternative, inspired by Peruvian culture, can be a fun and practical gift for the winner.
Charity Toss
If giving back is important to the couple, they can do a charity toss. They can gently toss an item representing their chosen charity, such as a stuffed animal for an animal conservation foundation. This alternative allows the couple to incorporate their values into their wedding celebration.
These alternatives to the garter toss can help make your wedding more comfortable, inclusive, and personalised. Feel free to get creative and come up with your own unique ideas that reflect your style and values!
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The meaning of the garter toss
The wedding garter toss is a tradition that has evolved over time. It is thought to have originated in the Middle Ages, when newlywed couples would perform a "bedding" ritual to prove they had consummated the marriage. Wedding guests would follow the couple to their chamber to witness the act, and the garter was presented as proof.
Over time, the tradition evolved into the bride tossing her garter to the guests to appease them and offer them good luck. In medieval times, wedding guests would try to tear off pieces of the bride's clothing, so the garter toss became a way to distract the crowd and prevent them from grabbing at the bride.
Today, the garter toss is often seen as a fun and playful tradition at weddings. It is similar to the bouquet toss, but the groom removes the garter from the bride's leg and throws it to a group of single male guests. The man who catches the garter is jokingly assumed to be the next to marry. The garter toss symbolizes good luck, fertility, and the transition from single to married life.
While the garter toss is a popular tradition, some couples may choose to modify or skip it altogether. Some reasons for skipping the garter toss include feeling uncomfortable with the gendered and sensual nature of the ritual or finding it old-fashioned and embarrassing to do in front of family. Ultimately, the decision to include the garter toss in a wedding is up to the couple and can be tailored to their preferences and comfort level.
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How to wear a wedding garter
Wedding garters are typically worn by brides under their wedding gowns. They are usually made with lace and embellishments and held in place by elastic. They are worn around the mid-thigh for a sensual and seductive effect and are often used for bridal boudoir shoots.
There is no right or wrong leg to wear your garter on, and you can wear one or two garters. If you choose to wear two, they usually go on the same leg. Most brides choose to wear theirs just above the knee, as this is usually the narrowest part of the thigh and the garter won't rub against the other leg when walking or dancing. It is also less likely to chafe and will stay concealed under a fitted gown.
You can wear your garter all day or just for the garter toss. If wearing it all day, opt for soft stretch lace that will lay flat against your skin. If you're only wearing it for the toss, you can put it on just before. You can also treat your garter as part of your wedding-night lingerie and put it on when you change into your wedding-night outfit.
The most important thing to remember is to try on your wedding garter before your wedding day to ensure it fits comfortably.
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Frequently asked questions
Yes, you can skip the garter belt tradition at your wedding. It is entirely up to you whether or not you include it.
The garter belt tradition is similar to the bouquet toss, but for male guests. The groom removes the garter from the bride's leg and tosses it to a group of bachelors. It is meant to bring good luck and is said to mean the catcher will be the next to marry.
Some people find the tradition old-fashioned, too sensual, or awkward. It can also be seen as over-sexualisation of the bride.
You don't need to give an explanation. Simply saying "we decided to skip it" or "we aren't doing it" should be enough.
