Rsvp Rules: Wedding Edition

The acronym RSVP is derived from the French phrase répondez, s'il vous plaît, which translates to respond, if you please or please reply. When used in a wedding invitation, it is a request for guests to confirm their attendance or otherwise. This allows the couple to finalise figures and finances for their big day, including seating and catering.

'RSVP' is an abbreviation of the French phrase répondez s'il vous plaît

The acronym RSVP is derived from the French phrase "répondez s'il vous plaît", which translates to "respond if you please" or "please respond/reply". The phrase originated in France and was first used in the 1800s, although some sources claim it was first used in 1825 or 1845. It has since been adopted in English-speaking countries and is commonly used on wedding invitations.

The host or hostess of a wedding uses RSVP to politely request that their guests inform them of their attendance or absence, which is essential for planning purposes. This allows them to finalise numbers for seating, catering, and finances. It is considered good manners for guests to respond promptly and by the deadline, whether they intend to attend or not.

The etiquette organisation, the Emily Post Institute, considers a guest's failure to respond to wedding invitations as the biggest faux pas in etiquette. Judith Martin, a syndicated newspaper columnist known as "Miss Manners", also emphasises the importance of RSVPing, stating that even casual invitations require definitive replies.

When responding to an RSVP, it is customary to include the number of guests attending and, if applicable, their meal preferences. Some couples may also request additional information such as dietary restrictions or song preferences. It is recommended to respond as soon as possible, even before the specified deadline, to facilitate the planning process for the couple.

The phrase translates to respond, if you please

The acronym RSVP is an abbreviation of the French phrase "répondez, s'il vous plaît", which translates to "respond, if you please", or simply "respond, please".

When used on a wedding invitation, it is a request for the invitee to confirm their attendance or otherwise. The couple can then finalise their wedding plans, including seating and catering, with a clear idea of the number of guests.

RSVP cards are usually included with wedding invitations, and these should be filled out and returned by a specified date. This date is typically two to three weeks before the wedding, and prompt replies are considered good manners. The cards may also include additional information, such as meal options and the names of any additional guests.

In recent years, digital RSVPs have become more common, with couples asking guests to respond via an online platform or a section of their wedding website.

It is considered good manners to respond to an RSVP

If you are unsure whether you will be able to attend, it is still considered polite to respond to the RSVP, explaining your situation. This is better than not responding at all. It is also good manners to update the host if your plans change after you have already responded to the RSVP.

It is also considered good manners to respond in the same manner that you were invited. For example, if you received a formal, written invitation, it is polite to respond with a written reply. If you received a phone call invitation, it is polite to accept or decline the invitation there and then.

Finally, it is good manners to respond before the deadline given by the host. This deadline is usually included in the invitation and is an important part of RSVP etiquette.

Hosts should follow up with guests who don't respond

When planning a wedding, the number of people attending can influence many decisions, so it's essential to know how many guests will be there. This is why it's important for invitees to respond to wedding invitations. Unfortunately, it's common for guests to not respond to invitations. As a host, you should follow up with guests who don't respond to your invitation. Here are some tips on how to do this:

• It's perfectly polite to call or send a message to guests who haven't replied. It's important to have an accurate count of guests to plan for food, drinks, and seating, and the only way to do that is to follow up.
• When reaching out, be nice and polite. The Emily Post Institute suggests saying something like: "Hi Elizabeth, It's Alice. I'm calling to make sure you got the invitation to John's 40th birthday party, as I haven't heard whether you're planning to attend. I hope you can. I need to give the caterers a final number next week, so please let me know if you'll be there. Thanks!".
• If you know the guest well, you can also ask whether it would be okay to wait for their response until they know their schedule. For example, you could say: "My sister is flying in that week, and I don't know the exact dates yet. As soon as she books her flight, I'll let you know".
• If you're following up close to the event date, it's fine to be more direct. You can say something like: "Debbie, I'm making the final arrangements for dinner on the 27th. I hope you and Doug received the invitation and that you'll be able to join us. Please let me know today whether you can".
• If a guest replies that they can't attend, it's best to simply say "You'll be missed!" rather than asking why they can't come.

Remember that it's important to respond promptly to invitations as a guest, and hosts should also send invitations with plenty of time for guests to respond.

RSVPs can be digital or physical

When it comes to wedding RSVPs, couples have the option to go digital, physical, or a combination of both.

Digital RSVPs

Digital RSVPs are a convenient and cost-effective option for couples and their guests. They can be used with both physical and digital invitations. Couples can include their wedding website link or a QR code on their invitations, allowing guests to easily RSVP online. This option also enables guests to provide additional information such as meal preferences, song requests, and travel plans. Digital RSVPs are also environmentally friendly, as they eliminate the need for paper response cards.

Physical RSVPs

Physical RSVPs are the more traditional option, often including a response card and a self-addressed stamped envelope for guests to mail back. This option may be preferred by older guests or those who are less tech-savvy. It is also a good choice for couples who want to include a formal tone to their invitations.

Combining Digital and Physical

Couples can offer their guests multiple RSVP options to suit different preferences and comfort levels with technology. This may involve including a wedding website link or QR code on a physical invitation or providing a phone number for guests to call or text their response.

Regardless of the method chosen, it is important to include an RSVP deadline to ensure timely responses and aid in the planning process.

Frequently asked questions