Sending Thank-You Cards: Pre-Wedding Etiquette

Sending thank-you cards before your wedding is generally considered acceptable, especially if you receive gifts ahead of your big day. Sending out thank-you cards as you receive gifts will lighten your load, so you're not sending out hundreds of notes in the weeks following your wedding. However, it's recommended to send wedding thank-you cards within two weeks of receiving a gift if it arrives before your wedding. For gifts received on your wedding day, thank-you cards should be sent within three months of getting home from your honeymoon.

Sending thank-you cards before the wedding

Sending thank-you cards before your wedding can help lighten your load afterwards, so you're not sending out hundreds of notes in the weeks following your big day. It's a good idea to send thank-you cards as soon as you receive gifts, especially if you're cashing cheques, as people like to be thanked promptly and it lets them know their gift has been received.

If you receive gifts before your wedding, you should send thank-you cards within two weeks. For gifts received on your wedding day, send thank-you cards within three months of your wedding date. If you can't get to all the pre-wedding thank-you cards, it's good manners to call the gift-giver to let them know you've received their gift, and then send a handwritten note after your honeymoon.

Every guest who attends your wedding should receive a thank-you note, even if they don't give a gift. For those who do give gifts, it's proper etiquette to send a separate note for each gift received. Your thank-you notes should be handwritten and signed by both you and your partner.

How to address each guest

When addressing each guest in your wedding thank-you cards, it's important to personalise your message and express genuine appreciation. Here are some tips to ensure your cards are addressed correctly and effectively:

• Use Formal Titles and Names: On the envelope, address your guests formally, including titles such as "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Dr.", etc., even if they are close friends or family members. This shows respect and formality.
• Be Informal on the Card: On the card itself, you can be less formal and use first names to address your guests, especially if you have a close relationship with them. This adds a personal touch.
• Address Individuals or Couples: If your card is going to multiple people, such as a couple or family, address each individual who attended your wedding and signed the card or gift tag by name. Make sure to include everyone who was part of the gift.
• Sign with Both Your Names: At the end of the card, sign with both your names as a married couple. This shows that both of you are invested in offering your thanks and that the gifts are for both of you.
• Avoid Abbreviations: Avoid using abbreviations and instead, sign your full names. This adds a nice personal touch and makes the recipient feel valued.
• Reference the Gift: Mention the specific gift they gave you and include your thoughts about it. This shows that you received their gift and appreciated the thought they put into it, even if it was from your registry.
• Thank Guests Who Didn't Attend: If a guest couldn't attend but sent a gift, express your gratitude for the gift and mention that you wish they could have been there. You can also offer to show them photos from the wedding.
• Thank Guests Who Didn't Send Gifts: While it's not mandatory to send a thank-you card to guests who didn't give a gift, it's still a nice gesture. Thank them for their time, support, and presence at your wedding.
• Address Efforts to Attend: Acknowledge any notable distance or effort involved in your guests' attendance. For example, if they travelled a long distance or made special arrangements to be there, mention how much you appreciated their effort.
• Use Blue or Black Ink: It is considered good etiquette to use blue or black ink for your thank-you cards. This traditional choice is neat and elegant.

What to write in the cards

Yes, you can send thank-you cards before the wedding. In fact, it is encouraged! Sending out thank-you cards as you receive gifts will lighten your load and ensure every guest is thanked in a timely manner.

For Guests Who Gave a Monetary Gift

"Dear [Guest's name], Thank you so much for celebrating our wedding day with us! [Partner's name] and I were thrilled with your generous and thoughtful gift of $100. Thanks to you, we were able to book the cooking class we'd had our eye on for our honeymoon. Looking forward to seeing you over the holidays! Love, [Your names]"

For Guests Who Bought a Gift From Your Registry

"Dear [Guest's name], Thank you so much for the espresso machine! [Partner's name] and I have become serious coffee fiends, and we are excited to be able to make our own drinks at home. We'd love to have you over for brunch soon so you can see it in action! Thank you again for being a part of our wedding day. Best, [Your names]"

For Guests Who Attended Your Wedding, but Didn't Give a Gift

"Dear [Guest's name], [Partner's name] and I are so grateful you could make it to our wedding. Your presence made our day extra special. We especially loved seeing you dance to the Spice Girls! We hope you enjoyed our day as much as we did! Sincerely, [Your names]"

For Guests Who Gave a Gift You Don't Love

"Dear [Guest's name], [Partner's name] and I want to thank you for the wooden salad bowl. The organic design is so beautiful, and the carved salad servers are the perfect finishing touch. You have great taste! We are so happy you were able to make it to our wedding—thanks for holding down the fort on the dance floor! Sincerely, [Your names]"

For Guests Who You Don't Know Well

"Dear [Guest's name], Thank you for the gorgeous crystal bowl. It will look absolutely beautiful on our coffee table. It was so lovely to see you at the wedding—my mother always speaks so fondly of you, and [Partner's name] and I were so happy to finally meet you in person! Sincerely, [Your names]"

For Guests Who Attended but Didn't Give a Gift

"Dear [Guest's name], Thank you so much for making the trip to celebrate our special day. It meant so much to [Partner's name] and I that you traveled all the way from Paris just for us. We hope you had as much fun as we did! Love, [Your names]"

Digital vs handwritten cards

While digital communication is becoming more and more common, handwritten cards are generally considered to be the best option for wedding thank-you notes. This is because handwritten cards are more personal and thoughtful, and show that you have taken the time to write a special message to each guest.

That being said, digital thank-you cards can be a good option if you are focused on the environmental impact of your wedding, or if you want to save time and effort. Digital cards can also be a good backup option if you are running late and don't want your guests to feel like their gift has been forgotten. However, it is important to note that digital cards may be seen as less meaningful or sincere than handwritten cards.

• Send thank-you cards to all guests, even those who did not give a gift. It is proper etiquette to thank your guests for both their attendance and their generosity.
• Try to send the cards within two weeks of receiving a gift, or within three months of your wedding date if the gift was received after the wedding.
• Include a sincere "thank you", mention the specific gift, and say something about how you will use the gift or why you appreciate it.
• If you are sending a handwritten card, use blue or black ink and keep your writing neat. Avoid sending cards with smudges or crossed-out words.
• If you are sending digital cards, avoid using a template or generic message. Personalize your message as much as possible.

When to send cards for gifts received before the wedding

Sending thank-you cards before your wedding is a great idea, especially if you want to lessen the load after your big day. It is recommended to send thank-you cards for gifts received before your wedding within two weeks of receiving the gift. This ensures your guests know you have received their gift and is simply good manners. If you are unable to send cards before your wedding, you can always give the gift-giver a quick call to let them know you have received their gift and will be sending a handwritten note after your honeymoon.

For gifts received on your wedding day, it is recommended to send thank-you cards within three months of your wedding. This allows ample time to order, write, address, sign, seal, and deliver the cards promptly. If you are unable to send the cards within this time frame, it is never too late to express your gratitude. However, sending a note within three months is good practice to avoid causing hurt feelings or resentment.

Frequently asked questions