A Mother's Walk: A Son's Honor

The tradition of giving away the bride is a common wedding custom, but it is not always performed by the father. In some cases, a son may give away his mother at her wedding, symbolising his support for her new marriage. This can be a meaningful way for a son to show his love and respect for his mother, and it is becoming more accepted in modern times. While it may be unconventional, it is a unique way to involve children in a wedding ceremony and symbolise a mother's new chapter in life.

Mothers giving their sons away at weddings

While it is more common for the father of the bride to give her away at a wedding, there are many reasons why a son or sons might give their mother away. In some cases, the bride's father is absent, or the bride has a distant relationship with him. In other cases, the bride may simply want to involve her children in the ceremony.

On online wedding forums, mothers have shared stories of their sons giving them away at their weddings. Some mothers have chosen to have their sons walk them down the aisle because they have a closer relationship with their children than with their own fathers. Others have chosen to do so because their children are supportive of their marriage. In one instance, a mother shared that her son, who was "the one who has the biggest impact on [her] life and choices," would be giving her away. Another mother shared that her son had requested to walk her down the aisle.

When the officiant asks "Who gives this bride away?", mothers have suggested various responses, such as "her children do" or "we do". Some mothers have chosen to forgo this question altogether, allowing the symbolism of their children walking them down the aisle to speak for itself.

While the idea of a son giving their mother away at a wedding may be unconventional, it is ultimately a personal choice that can be influenced by a variety of factors, including family dynamics and the level of support and involvement desired from one's children.

Children giving brides away

The traditional wedding practice of "giving away the bride" has its roots in an era where women were considered the property of men. In modern times, this practice has evolved, with many couples reinventing this tradition to suit their beliefs and family dynamics.

Children giving their mother, the bride, away is one such variation. This scenario is especially relevant in second weddings, where the bride's children from a previous relationship are often involved in the ceremony. The children, regardless of their age or gender, can walk the bride down the aisle, either alone or together, and give her away to the groom.

When the officiant asks the customary question, "Who gives this bride away?", the children can respond with a variety of answers, such as "Her children do," "We do," or "Her loving family." Alternatively, the traditional question can be modified to be more inclusive, such as "Who supports this marriage?" or "Who is inviting this man to join this family?"

In addition to walking the bride down the aisle, children can also be included in other ways, such as greeting the bride and groom at the end of the aisle, participating in the wedding ceremony as readers or witnesses, or being included in special moments like first looks, family photos, or dances.

Ultimately, the decision on how to include children in the wedding ceremony is a personal one, and couples can choose to involve their children in a way that feels authentic to their relationship and family dynamics.

Alternatives to who gives this woman..

There are many alternatives to the traditional "who gives this woman..." phrasing. Here are some suggestions:

• “Who supports this woman in her wedding to [groom's name] today?"
• “Who blesses/affirms [bride's name] in her wedding to [groom's name] today?”
• "Who stands with/behind this woman as she is joined in matrimony?"
• "Who has been honoured to walk with this woman all her life?"
• "Who has loved this woman since the day she was born?"
• "Who supports this couple's decision to become husband and wife?"

Alternatively, you could skip the question altogether and simply have the person escorting the bride down the aisle give them a kiss on the cheek, a hug, or a handshake before taking their seat. This is common at Catholic weddings, where women are not "given away" in marriage.

If you would like to include the mother or father in the question or answer, you could ask:

• " [Bride's father's name], do you give [bride's name] to be married to [groom's name] today?"
• " [Bride's father's name] and [bride's mother's name], do you support [bride's name]'s wedding to [groom's name] today?"

If you are looking for a way to include children in the ceremony, you could try:

• "Who invites this man to join this family?"
• "Who supports the marriage of this man and this woman?"

Non-traditional wedding ceremonies

The tradition of a father giving away the bride is becoming less common, with many couples choosing to forgo this custom. Some brides are instead opting to be walked down the aisle by their children, or even their mothers.

In fact, many couples are now choosing to break with tradition and design their wedding ceremonies to be unique and non-traditional. This can include hosting the ceremony in a unique venue, such as an art gallery, a warehouse, a backyard, or even at City Hall.

• Walk down the aisle together: Same-sex couples often choose to walk down the aisle together, and this can be a freeing experience for couples of all genders.
• Handfasting ceremony: Derived from pagan roots, this non-religious ceremony involves tying the newlyweds' hands together with string, ribbon, or even jewellery.
• Sand ceremony: The bride and groom mix two different colours of sand in a glass jar or vase, representing the union of two souls.
• Tree planting ceremony: A symbol of a couple's life growing together, and a great option for nature-loving couples.
• Get creative with music: Choose a meaningful song to walk down the aisle to, instead of the traditional 'Here Comes the Bride'.
• Involve your guests: Include your guests in the ceremony by having them bless the rings with a kiss or a squeeze.
• Write your own vows: Keep them simple and heartfelt, and save the jokes for the speeches.
• Choose a unique location: Express your originality by selecting a unique ceremony location, such as a maze or under a dinosaur skeleton!

Remember, your wedding ceremony should reflect who you are as a couple, so feel free to pick and choose the elements that are right for you.

Relationships between mothers-in-law and wives

While some mothers-in-law and wives have positive relationships, others do not. There are several reasons for this.

Firstly, mothers-in-law may struggle to let go of their sons and see them as children rather than adults. This can lead to feelings of jealousy and possessiveness when their sons get married. They may feel that their son's wife is "taking him away" and that they are losing their role as the emotional centre of the family. This can result in controlling behaviour and a desire to maintain their active parenting role.

Secondly, there is often a power struggle between mothers-in-law and wives, with both women feeling that their role is threatened by the other. This can be exacerbated by the husband, who may try to remain neutral and not take sides. However, it is important for the husband to support his wife and set boundaries with his mother.

Thirdly, there may be a clash of personalities or values between the mother-in-law and wife, which can be challenging to navigate.

Finally, there may be cultural or societal expectations that contribute to the tension. For example, the idea that a wife should be subservient to her mother-in-law or that the mother-in-law should be the primary woman in her son's life.

To improve the relationship between mothers-in-law and wives, it is crucial to set clear boundaries and respect each other's roles. Open communication and a willingness to compromise can also help to build a positive relationship. It is also important for the husband to support his wife and not put her down or take his mother's side.

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