Flower Girls: Ring Bearer, Too?

Including children in your wedding ceremony can be a fun way to involve your family and ramp up the cuteness factor. Traditionally, the roles of flower girl and ring bearer are given to children, but there's no reason why these roles can't be performed by adults or even pets!

If you do decide to go down the traditional route and choose a child to be your flower girl, you may be wondering whether she can also act as a ring bearer. The answer is yes! While it's more common for the ring bearer to be a boy and the flower girl a girl, there's no reason why a girl can't carry out both duties.

If you're worried about your flower girl/ring bearer being too young to carry out both tasks, you could always have them perform just one of the duties and give the other to someone else. For example, you could have an older child or an adult carry the rings, while your flower girl sprinkles petals.

The ideal age range for flower girls and ring bearers

Flower girls and ring bearers are a charming duo and a delightful addition to any wedding. But what is the ideal age range for these roles? While there is no one-size-fits-all answer, there are some general guidelines and considerations to keep in mind.

Traditionally, flower girls and ring bearers are between the ages of three and eight years old. This age range strikes a balance between cuteness and confidence. Younger children might get nervous or overwhelmed, while older kids may be better suited for more mature roles like junior bridesmaids or groomsmen.

However, it's not uncommon for weddings to feature toddlers or even infants as flower girls and ring bearers. If you choose a very young child, it's important to be flexible and prepared for potential tantrums, crying, or stage fright. They may need assistance walking down the aisle or simply wear a special outfit and be pulled in a wagon.

For flower girls and ring bearers between the ages of four and six, consider having multiple children in each role. This can make the experience more fun and less intimidating for them. It's also a good idea to group them by gender to avoid hyperactivity and ensure each child has their moment to shine.

Ages seven to nine is a sweet spot, as children in this age range are mature enough to understand the importance of their role and look forward to the wedding day. They can also handle more complex tasks, such as throwing petals or blowing bubbles.

Preteens, ages ten to twelve, can be trusted with additional responsibilities, such as assisting younger flower girls or ring bearers. They can also handle more mature attire and tasks, such as creating their own flower petals from a bouquet.

Ultimately, the ideal age range for flower girls and ring bearers depends on your personal preferences and the dynamics of your wedding. Don't be afraid to break traditions and include multiple children, mix gender roles, or even have adults or pets fill these roles if it suits your vision for your special day.

Deciding what they wear

Deciding what your flower girl and ring bearer wear is a fun part of the wedding planning process. Traditionally, flower girls wear dresses that mimic the style of the bride's gown, such as lace detailing, a flowy skirt, or delicate beading. If you want to be a little more creative, you can opt for a dress that matches the colour of the bridesmaids' dresses or is made from a textured fabric. Alternatively, you can dress your flower girl in a white or ivory gown, similar to the bride's.

For the ring bearer, tradition dictates a kid-sized tuxedo or suit that coordinates with the groom or groomsmen's attire. However, if you want to break with tradition, you can dress the ring bearer in suspenders, a bow tie, a hat, or a patterned jacket. You can even have the ring bearer and flower girl wear matching outfits.

If you're having a less formal wedding, you can be more adventurous and dress your flower girl and ring bearer in whatever you want. Just remember to consider who is paying for the outfits, as it's usually the parents, so be sure to provide options at various price points.

Whether they should carry real or fake rings

While it is ultimately up to the couple to decide, it is generally recommended that ring bearers carry fake rings down the aisle. This is to avoid any potential mishaps, such as the bearer dropping or losing the rings, which could cause unnecessary stress for the couple and the ring bearer. Fake rings can be easily purchased from stores like Walmart, Forever 21, Amazon, or the dollar store.

Some couples may feel uncomfortable with the idea of not trusting their ring bearer with the real rings, especially if the bearer is an older child or teenager. In this case, it is suggested that the best man hand the rings to the bearer right before they walk down the aisle. This minimizes the risk of something happening to the rings while still allowing the bearer to carry out their role.

If the couple chooses to have the ring bearer carry fake rings, it is important to ensure that the best man has the real rings safely in their pocket. This way, if anything does happen to the fake rings, the real ones are still easily accessible for the exchange of vows.

It is worth noting that some couples choose to forgo a ring bearer altogether, especially if they prefer an adult-only ceremony or have concerns about trusting a child with their valuable rings. Ultimately, the decision of whether the ring bearer should carry real or fake rings should be made based on what the couple feels most comfortable with and what will allow them to fully enjoy their special day.

Who should be chosen for the roles

Choosing a flower girl and ring bearer for your wedding can be a fun and meaningful decision. Here are some tips to help you decide who to choose for these roles:

Age Considerations:

The age range typically associated with flower girls and ring bearers is between 3 to 10 years old. However, it is not uncommon to see toddlers or even infants taking on these roles. If you opt for younger children, they may need closer assistance during the ceremony. Consider having their parents escort them down the aisle or including older children or teenagers to help guide them. Keep in mind that younger children may be more prone to tantrums, crying, or stage fright, so an older child within the range of 5 to 10 years old might be a more reliable choice if you want them to perform specific tasks.

Relationship to the Couple:

Flower girls and ring bearers are often children who are close to the couple, such as their own children, nieces, nephews, or children of the maid of honour, best man, or other members of the wedding party. You can also consider including children with whom you have a special relationship. If you have multiple candidates, feel free to have more than one flower girl or ring bearer, or get creative with other ways to involve the children, such as making them junior bridesmaids or groomsmen.

Breaking Gender Traditions:

Traditionally, flower girls are female, and ring bearers are male. However, there is no rule that says you can't mix things up! Girls can be ring bearers, and boys can be flower girls. You can also involve your pets, such as your well-behaved dog, as unique ring bearers.

The Child's Comfort and Safety:

When choosing a flower girl or ring bearer, consider the child's comfort and safety. Ensure that they are comfortable being in front of large crowds and participating in the ceremony. If the child is very young, they may not understand the tradition of carrying rings or sprinkling flowers. You can provide them with alternative tasks, such as wearing a flower crown instead of throwing petals or carrying a decorative sign. Also, consider the child's safety, especially if they are entrusted with the wedding rings. You may opt to have them carry fake rings or attach the real rings securely to a pillow or box to avoid any mishaps.

Including Them in the Wedding Process:

If you choose to include children in your wedding, it is important to involve them in the entire process, not just the ceremony. Invite them to the rehearsal to make them feel comfortable with their roles and the surroundings. Traditionally, if they are invited to the rehearsal, they should also be included in the rehearsal dinner. It is also a nice gesture to let them attend the reception and any other wedding festivities, such as the bridal shower or "get ready" party.

Whether to include children in the wedding

Deciding whether to include children in your wedding can be a tricky decision. There are many factors to consider, from the age of the children to the potential for tantrums or stage fright. Here are some things to think about when making your decision:

The Role of Children in the Wedding

If you decide to include children in your wedding, you can choose to have them as flower girls, ring bearers, junior bridesmaids, or junior groomsmen. These roles are typically given to children between the ages of 3 and 8, but you can break tradition and choose older or younger children or even adults for these roles. If you have multiple candidates for these roles, you can have more than one flower girl or ring bearer, or you can assign other duties such as ushers, programme distributors, or guest book managers.

Inviting Children to the Wedding

When deciding whether to invite children to your wedding, consider the formality and timing of the event. It is generally more acceptable to not invite children to an evening or very formal wedding. If your wedding is during the day or is more casual, you may consider inviting children to avoid offending guests. Another factor to consider is the location of the wedding. If it is a destination wedding, it may be more difficult to exclude children as guests may need to bring them along.

Managing Children's Behaviour

To avoid potential disruptions, you can provide activities to keep children occupied during the wedding. This could include a separate kids' room with board games, movies, and art projects, or a designated area within the venue with mini-tables, buffets, and colouring books. You could also hire entertainers such as balloon artists or puppeteers. If you are concerned about behaviour, you may want to limit the number of children invited and set an age cutoff, as older children are generally more likely to behave.

Including Your Own Children

If you are a parent, you may want to find special ways to include your children in your wedding. This could be through rituals such as a sand pouring ceremony or hand-fasting, or by having them perform a reading or prayer during the ceremony. You can also involve them in the wedding procession, include them in your vows, or have them give a speech. These are just a few ways to make your children feel like an important part of your special day.

Practical Considerations

There are a few practical considerations to keep in mind when including children in your wedding. Firstly, think about their comfort and familiarity with other bridal party members, and consider including them in the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Secondly, be mindful of the financial burden on parents, especially when it comes to outfits and other expenses. Finally, remember to include children in post-wedding activities like the reception, cocktail hour, or bridal shower to avoid hurt feelings.

Frequently asked questions