Who's Attending The Wedding?

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to finalising the guest list. It's important to remember that weddings are a celebration of love and only those who are close to the couple should be included. It can be tricky to decide who to invite, especially when it comes to plus-ones, children, and coworkers. It's natural to feel disappointed if you don't receive an invitation, but it's important to remember that it's the couple's decision and it's likely not personal.

What to say when someone asks if they're invited

It is generally considered rude to ask if you are invited to someone's wedding. However, there are ways to ask without causing offence. If you are close to the couple, you could ask about the wedding planning and whether they have sent out their invites yet. If you have a good relationship with the couple, they may be more likely to be honest with you about whether you are invited or not.

If you are not close to the couple, it is best to wait for a formal invitation. If you do not receive one, it is likely that you are not invited.

If you are still unsure, you could try to get the information from someone else. For example, if you know the couple has a wedding website, you could check the RSVP database to see if you are on the guest list.

If you are part of a pre-wedding event, such as a bachelor or bachelorette party, it is more acceptable to ask directly if you are invited to the wedding. In this case, the couple may have forgotten to send your invitation or it may have gotten lost in the mail. You could say something like:

> Hey, I know you said to look out for a save-the-date, just wanted to check in because we haven’t received one. No pressure if numbers just got too tight, just wanted to make sure it wasn’t lost in the mail!

If you are not invited, it is important to be gracious and understanding. The couple may have a limited guest list due to budget or venue constraints. You could suggest catching up after the wedding to show that you still value your relationship with them.

Whether to invite people you've lost touch with

Deciding on a guest list for your wedding can be a challenging task. It is natural to wonder whether to invite people you have lost touch with. Here are some considerations to help you make that decision:

Reconnecting with Old Friends

Weddings are a great opportunity to reconnect with old friends and relatives. If you have fond memories of people from your past, such as childhood neighbours or college friends, and would like to see them again, consider sending them an invitation. It is a wonderful excuse to catch up and reminisce about old times. You may be surprised by how positive their response could be, as they will likely appreciate being included in your special day.

Budget and Venue Constraints

When deciding whether to invite people you have lost touch with, it is essential to consider your budget and venue constraints. Weddings can be expensive, and the cost per guest can quickly add up. If you are on a tight budget, you may need to prioritise inviting only those people who are closest to you. Similarly, your venue may have limited capacity, restricting the number of guests you can invite. In such cases, it may be more prudent to allocate those precious spots to people you currently have a close relationship with.

Maintaining Relationships

If you are unsure whether to invite certain individuals you have lost touch with, reflect on the nature of your current relationship with them. Are they people you still care about and would like to reconnect with? Or are they individuals you have completely drifted apart from and no longer feel a strong connection to? If the latter, it may be best to leave them off the guest list. Weddings are about celebrating with those who are important to you and who will bring you joy on your special day.

Tit for Tat?

It is not uncommon to feel obliged to invite someone to your wedding because they invited you to theirs. However, it is crucial to remember that each wedding is unique, with its own set of constraints and considerations. Perhaps they had a larger budget or a bigger venue. Maybe they felt pressured by family expectations or cultural norms. Just because they invited you does not mean you are now obligated to reciprocate. Make your decision based on your current relationship and the significance this person holds in your life.

Alternative Ways to Include Them

If you are unable to invite certain individuals due to budget or venue constraints but still want to include them in some way, consider alternative options. You could host a more intimate gathering, such as a potluck dinner or a backyard barbecue, after the wedding to celebrate with those who could not be a part of the main event. This can be a lovely way to reconnect and celebrate with a larger circle of friends and family.

In conclusion, when deciding whether to invite people you have lost touch with, consider your budget, venue constraints, and the nature of your current relationship with them. Weddings are a wonderful opportunity to reconnect, but it is also essential to prioritise those who are closest to you and will bring you the most joy on your special day.

How to decline an invitation without offending the couple

It is perfectly valid to decline a wedding invitation, and doing so politely and respectfully will ensure that you maintain a positive relationship with the couple in the future. Here are some tips on how to decline an invitation without offending the couple:

• Respond promptly: As soon as you know you cannot attend, let the couple know. The couple is waiting for your response to finalise arrangements, so the earlier you decline, the better.
• Be honest but considerate: While honesty is important, there is no need to be cruel. You can be honest about your reasons without going into unnecessary detail. For example, you can mention financial constraints or scheduling conflicts without elaborating further.
• Use polite and compassionate language: Express your disappointment at not being able to attend and wish them well. Let them know you care and are interested in their lives and celebration.
• Choose the appropriate communication channel: If you are not close to the couple, a simple RSVP card with a short note wishing them well may suffice. If you are closer to the couple, consider a phone call, email, or written message in addition to declining by invitation. A phone call is the most personal way to decline an invitation.
• Offer an alternative: If feasible, suggest an alternative way to celebrate with the couple, such as meeting for lunch, dinner, or drinks at another time.
• Send a gift: Sending a gift or flowers along with your RSVP card is a thoughtful way to express your support and love.
• Follow up after the wedding: Check in with the couple a few days after the wedding to show your interest and support.
• Be firm: If you decline an invitation, avoid getting drawn into an awkward conversation where the couple may try to persuade you to attend. Use purposeful language to convey your decision respectfully but firmly.
• Avoid making jokes: While it is okay to decline, avoid making light of the situation or appearing indifferent.
• Thank the couple: Always express gratitude for being invited. It is an honour to be included in someone's special day, and your response should reflect that.

• "Thank you for thinking of me. I regret to tell you that I won't be able to attend due to another commitment, but please accept my warmest congratulations."
• "I would love to attend, but I have prior commitments on that date."
• "Thank you so much for the invitation. Unfortunately, due to family/work/financial commitments, I won't be able to make it."
• "While I'd love to be with you on your special day, I'm sadly unable to attend. I will be there in spirit and cannot wait to see photos!"

Remember, it is important to respond with compassion and respect, keeping in mind that the couple has specifically requested your presence on their big day.

What to do if you receive an invite but can't attend

If you receive a wedding invitation but are unable to attend, there are several steps you can take to politely decline while still showing your support for the couple. Here are some guidelines to follow:

Think it Through

Take a few days to consider your options and the impact of declining. This thoughtful gesture will be appreciated by the couple, and it will also help you feel more confident about your decision.

Assess Your Relationship

The appropriate way to decline depends on how close you are to the couple. If you are very close, it is considerate to have a personal conversation over dinner or a phone call. This shows that you care about their special day and want to express your disappointment directly. On the other hand, if you are not as close, a simple RSVP response may be more suitable.

Express Gratitude and Honesty

Regardless of your relationship with the couple, always thank them for inviting you. It is also generally advisable to be honest about your reasons for declining. Being upfront shows respect for the couple and can lead to a more positive response. However, if you are not close to them or prefer to keep your reasons private, a vague explanation, such as "work commitments," is perfectly acceptable.

Be Purposeful and Firm

When declining, use purposeful language to avoid any confusion or awkwardness. Be firm in your decision to prevent the couple from trying to persuade you otherwise. Remember, it is entirely your choice whether to attend, and you are not obligated to provide an extensive explanation.

Follow Up

Even if you don't know the couple well, consider following up with a call, message, email, or text. This small gesture shows your genuine disappointment about missing their wedding and helps to maintain a positive relationship.

Optional Gestures

If you wish to do more, there are several thoughtful options. You could arrange for a special gift, like a bottle of champagne, to be sent to the couple on their wedding day. Alternatively, you can plan to celebrate with them at another time, whether it's a post-wedding dinner or drinks when they return from their honeymoon. Sending a gift is also a kind gesture, but it is entirely optional and not expected.

Sample Phrases

When declining the invitation, you can use phrases like:

• "Thank you for thinking of me. Regrettably, I won't be able to attend, but please accept my warmest congratulations."
• "I would love to attend, but I have prior commitments on that date."
• "Thank you so much for the invitation. Unfortunately, due to family/work/financial commitments, I won't be able to make it."
• "I'm sorry to say that we'll have to celebrate this one from afar, but I know you'll have a phenomenal day."

Whether to invite children

Deciding whether to invite children to your wedding is a tricky question. There are a few factors to consider, and it's a topic that tends to divide people.

Advantages of a Child-Free Wedding

An adults-only wedding can be a good option if you're not creating a child-friendly environment. Children can be unpredictable, and you'll need to rely on their parents to supervise them. Additionally, you'll need to consider the impact on your wedding budget, as you may need to arrange dedicated childcare services and cater to a larger headcount.

Advantages of a Child-Friendly Wedding

Issuing an all-out ban on kids is likely to upset some guests, especially those with young children. If you have close family members with little ones, they may find this rule unaccommodating or even rude. Guests with children will also need to make alternative childcare arrangements, which can be challenging, especially for destination weddings.

Communicating Your Decision

It's important to make your decision early on and clearly communicate it to your guests. Be direct and honest, and include the information on your wedding invitations or wedding website. If you're inviting specific children, list their names on the invitation. If you're allowing children over a certain age, specify any age restrictions.

Keeping Children Entertained

If you decide to invite children, consider ways to keep them entertained. Provide tabletop activities such as puzzles or colouring sheets during the reception. Offer a child-friendly menu with simple, kid-approved options. Set up a separate kids' room or area with toys, puzzles, and movies. Consider hiring a wedding babysitter or nanny to supervise the children.

Seating Arrangements

For a small number of children, it's best to seat them with their families. However, if you have a large group of children, consider a separate kids' table with adult supervision. Keep in mind that children may want to sit with their parents, especially if they are younger.

Managing Expectations

If you invite children to your wedding, set clear expectations for parents. Let them know they are responsible for supervising their children throughout the event. If you have specific duties for children, such as flower girls or ring bearers, communicate this information clearly.

Exceptions and Consistency

It's generally considered impolite to invite some children while excluding others. If you choose to make exceptions, such as including only immediate family, be consistent and stick to your rules. Draw a clear line, such as only inviting children within a certain age range or those who are part of the wedding party.

In conclusion, the decision to invite children to your wedding is a personal one. Consider your preferences, the potential impact on your guests, and the logistics of including children in your celebration. Communicate your decision clearly and early on, and plan accordingly to ensure a smooth and enjoyable event for all.

Frequently asked questions