Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Gift Messages Placement

When it comes to wedding invitations, it can be tricky to know how to ask for gifts. While some couples are happy to receive vouchers or homeware, others would prefer cash to spend as they wish. It's a sensitive topic, as guests want to freely choose what they give, and may find it rude to be told what is preferred. However, couples often have good reasons for their preferences, such as already living together and not needing homeware items. It's also fair for couples expecting many gifts to provide polite guidance on suitable presents. Here are some tips on how to ask for gifts in your wedding invitations.

Where to include gift messages on wedding invitations

Including gift messages on wedding invitations can be tricky. While it's essential to provide guests with the information they need, it's also important to strike the right tone and follow modern registry etiquette. Here are some tips and suggestions for including gift messages on your wedding invitations:

The Do's of Including Gift Messages:

• Let your guests know their presence is the most important. It's a privilege to receive gifts, and you want to avoid sounding entitled or demanding.
• Keep the message short, sweet, and non-judgmental. You don't want to impose or make your guests feel obligated.
• Provide clear and concise information about your gift preferences. This will help your guests make informed decisions and avoid confusion.
• Include a separate gift card or information card with your invitation. This way, you can provide gift details without cluttering your invitation.
• If you have a wedding website, include the URL on your invitation and direct guests to the website for more details, including gift registry information.
• Be authentic, gracious, and helpful in your wording. It's okay to be personal and specific about your wishes.

Sample Wording for Gift Messages:

"We've built a dream wedding gift list that will set us up for our new home together. Please don't feel obliged, but if you'd like to help us on our journey, please find our gift list details below."

"Please don't feel obliged to purchase a gift, we're just happy we can share our special day with our nearest and dearest. But if you would like to, we've made our dream gift list with [Gift Registry Name]."

"Your presence at our wedding means more to us than any present. But should you want to buy us a gift, we've created our dream wedding gift list at [Gift Registry Name]. Find our list at: [personalised URL]"

"We're hoping to create once-in-a-lifetime memories on our honeymoon, and it would mean the world if you could help us make this a reality. There is no pressure to contribute, but if you'd like to, you can find our honeymoon fund and activities at [Honeymoon Fund URL]"

"If you'd like to buy us a gift, we've created a wedding gift list with [Gift Registry Name] in a bid to be more sustainable, only asking for what we truly need. Take a peek here: [personalised URL]"

Gift Message Etiquette:

• Avoid including registry wording directly on your wedding invitation. Instead, use a separate card or your wedding website.
• Historically, couples relied on bridesmaids and family members to spread the word about gift preferences. Today, the best ways to notify guests are through your wedding website, word of mouth, or on a wedding shower invitation.
• If you prefer cash gifts, set up a cash fund wedding registry or a wishing well at the reception. Provide a polite and subtle message to guide your guests towards monetary gifts.
• If you have a charity wedding registry, let guests know that their contribution will be donated to a cause close to your heart.
• If you don't want any gifts, make this clear in your message. This is especially relevant for destination weddings, where guests are already spending a significant amount.

How to politely ask for gifts on wedding invitations

It is considered bad etiquette to include gift details on your wedding invitation, as it may come across as presumptuous and gift-grabby. Instead, there are other polite ways to ask for gifts:

Wedding Website

The wedding website is the communication hub for all your wedding details, so it makes sense to use this as the primary place for listing registry information. It is commonplace (and proper etiquette) to include the URL for your website on your wedding invitation to direct guests to the web page to RSVP and to find more details, including your wedding registry.

Word of Mouth

Historically, couples would rely on bridesmaids and family members to tell guests about their wedding gift preferences. This can be a risky option as it doesn't give the couple much control over the message, but it can work if you know your messenger is good at subtly dropping things into conversation.

Wedding Shower Invitation

Unlike on a wedding invite, it's absolutely appropriate and encouraged to include registry information when wording wedding shower invitations. Keep the information short and sweet.

Wording on the Invitation

If you do decide to include a message on the invitation, it is important to give your guests options and be polite. Here are some examples:

> "Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all. However, should you wish to honour us with a gift, a list [of gift suggestions] has been registered with..."

> "We look forward to your presence on our special day. We do nonetheless realise that some of you may wish to give us a wedding gift to commemorate our union together. After having lived on our own, we have all of the household items we need. However, for those of you who would like to give us a gift, we will have a wishing well at our reception that will go towards our future together."

> "Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift we could ask for! If you would like to honour us with a gift, we have registered a list with [insert details]. Gift cards to [insert details] are also appreciated, as we are moving into a new home after the wedding."

Poems

Some couples like to use poems to take some of the sting out of asking for cash gifts. Here are some examples:

> "If a gift is on your mind,

> A contribution would be kind.

> It will help us more than words can say,

> To celebrate our special day!"

> "As we’ve lived together for a year or two,

> We really don’t need anything new.

> But if you were thinking of getting us a small wedding gift,

> Some money for our future wouldn’t go amiss!"

How to ask for money instead of gifts

When it comes to wedding invitations, there are a few different ways to ask for money instead of gifts. Here are some suggestions and tips to help you navigate this sometimes tricky topic:

Wording and Etiquette

It is generally considered bad etiquette to include gift-related wording directly on your wedding invitation. Instead, you can include a separate gift card or a line or two on an information card. This can be a more subtle approach, such as mentioning that your guests' presence at your wedding is the greatest gift, but if they wish to honour you with something more, you would appreciate a monetary contribution. Here are some examples:

• "Your presence at our wedding is enough of a gift, but should you wish to buy us something, we'd greatly appreciate a contribution towards our dream honeymoon/house deposit/renovation."
• "Please do not feel obliged to buy us a gift, all that we are expecting is you. If you would like to give something, a contribution toward our honeymoon would be greatly appreciated."
• "Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift we could ask for! If you wish to honour us with a gift, we have registered a list with [insert details]. Gift cards are also appreciated as we are moving into a new home after the wedding."

Wedding Website

Another option is to include gift information on your wedding website. This is a less formal setting than the invitation itself, so you can be more casual and personal with your wording. Here, you can provide details about your gift preferences and any relevant links or information. You can also set up an FAQ page to address any questions guests may have about gifts.

Word of Mouth

If you're not comfortable including gift information in writing, you can ask close friends or family members to spread the word verbally. This option gives you less control over the message, but it can be effective if done delicately.

Gift Registry or Honeymoon Fund

Using a gift registry service or setting up a honeymoon fund is a great way to guide guests toward monetary gifts. These platforms often allow you to create multiple cash funds for different goals, such as a house deposit or home improvements. This option provides specificity for guests who want to know how their money will be used.

Poems

Some couples choose to include lighthearted poems in their invitations or on their wedding website to soften the ask for monetary gifts. These poems can be playful and creative while still conveying your preference for cash.

Remember, it's essential to strike a balance between your gift preferences and your guests' comfort. Being specific about how you plan to use the money can make your guests feel more comfortable with your request.

Wedding gift list wording tips

Including gift messages on wedding invitations can be tricky. Traditionally, it was considered rude to include these details on the invitation itself, and some people still hold this view. However, times have changed, and nowadays, there are several ways to politely inform your guests about your gift preferences. Here are some tips and examples to help you navigate this aspect of your wedding planning:

Emphasise Their Presence

When asking for gifts, it is important to let your guests know that their presence at your wedding is the most important thing. You can express that their attendance is a gift in itself and that their presence is more valuable than any present. For example:

> "Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift we could ask for! But, if you'd like to help us spruce up our place, you can find our registry at [insert details]."

Share Your Plans

If you are hoping to receive monetary gifts or contributions towards your honeymoon, a new home, or other specific goals, it is a good idea to let your guests know what their gifts will be used for. They will appreciate the transparency and feel more connected to your plans. For instance:

> "We're hoping to create once-in-a-lifetime memories on our honeymoon, and it would mean the world if you could help us make this a reality. There is no pressure to contribute, but if you'd like to, you can find our honeymoon fund at ..."

Provide Registry Details

If you have a wedding gift registry, be sure to include the relevant information in your invitations. Provide the store name, website, address, or any other details your guests may need to reference. This ensures that your guests can easily find and purchase gifts from your registry. Here's an example:

> "We've put together a gift registry of things we need for our new life together. You can find our wish list at [insert details]."

Use Separate Cards

If you want to avoid putting gift details directly on your invitations, consider including a separate gift card or adding a line or two on an information card. This approach allows you to provide gift information while keeping the invitation focused on the celebration. You could say something like:

> "Your presence at our wedding is gift enough, but should you wish to give a gift as well, a cash contribution to our honeymoon would be greatly appreciated."

Spread the Word

Another option is to rely on word of mouth to inform your guests about your gift preferences. You can ask your bridesmaids, family members, or close friends to discreetly spread the word. However, this method may not reach all your guests, and it's important to choose communicators who can handle the task delicately.

Be Authentic and Gracious

Regardless of the method you choose, remember to be authentic and gracious in your wording. It is a privilege to receive gifts, and you want to strike the right tone. Express your gratitude and make your guests feel valued for their contributions to your special day.

Ways to notify guests about registry information

Traditionally, bridesmaids and family members would spread the word about a couple's wedding registry. However, there are now several ways to notify guests about registry information, including:

• Word of mouth: It is still perfectly acceptable to rely on your wedding party and close family members to share your wedding registry information with guests.
• Wedding shower invitation: It is common practice to include registry information when wording wedding shower invitations. This can be done by including a separate sheet in the envelope with the shower invitation or by inserting gift registry cards with the registry ID number and URL printed on them.
• Wedding website: Wedding websites have become the primary place for listing registry information. Couples can include the URL for their website on their wedding invitations, and most wedding website templates offer a dedicated registry tab.
• Social media: Sharing your experience of creating a registry on social media platforms such as Facebook or Twitter can be an effective way to inform your friends and family.

It is important to note that including registry wording on wedding invitations is considered bad etiquette. Instead, you can include a separate gift card or a line or two on your information card with your invitation. Here are some examples of wording for your wedding website or shower invitation:

• "We're looking forward to celebrating with you on our big day. Having you attend our wedding is the greatest gift of all, however, if you're looking for wedding gift ideas, we've registered here for things that we need to outfit our home: [insert details]."
• "We've put together a gift registry of things we need to complete our home and for our new life together. You can find our wish list at [insert details]."
• "Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift we could ask for! If you would like to honor us with a gift, we have registered a list with [insert details]. Gift cards to [insert details] are also appreciated, as we are moving into a new home after the wedding."

Frequently asked questions