Uninviting Children: Wedding Etiquette For Child-Free Ceremonies

Planning a wedding and deciding whether or not to invite children can be a tricky task. It is essential to choose your words carefully as some parents can be sensitive when it comes to their children being included or not. While it is generally not recommended to explicitly state adults only or no children on the invitation, you can subtly convey the message through your reception card. This can be done by using phrases like intimate ceremony or cocktail reception held at a luxury hotel or downtown nightclub, as these venues are typically not suitable for children. Additionally, addressing your envelopes correctly is crucial. Only those listed on the inner envelope are invited to the wedding, making it clear from the outset who is included.

Addressing the invitations

A clear way to address your envelopes correctly is to include the names of those you are inviting on the inner envelope. For example:

> Outer Envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Michael Sullivan

> Inner Envelope: Mike and Annie

You can also be explicit on the response card, for example:

> "We have reserved two spots for you. _______ Will attend _______ Sorry to miss it!"

If you are inviting children to some parts of the wedding, you can include this information on the invitation:

> "Children are welcome to the reception however there will only be wedding party children at the ceremony."

> "Children are welcome to attend the ceremony and early reception, after 6 pm onwards it will be an adult-only event."

If you are inviting only certain children, you can say:

> "Due to guest number restrictions, we are only able to extend the invite to the children of close family/or our wedding party."

> "We are only able to accommodate the children of our wedding party."

If you are keeping it simple, you can say:

> "We are very sorry, but we are keeping our special day as an adult-only occasion."

> "We will not be able to invite children to our wedding, we hope that you will still be able to attend."

If you are keeping costs down, you can explain:

> "As much as we would like for the children to attend, our budget only accommodates adult guests."

> "While we adore your children, our budget will only allow us to accommodate adult guests at our wedding."

Wording the invitation

Be Direct but Polite:

It's important to be direct and state your request clearly. Avoid being too subtle as your guests may miss the point. However, there's no need to be rude. A polite phrase such as "We kindly request this be an adult-only wedding" sets the right tone.

Mention Specific Age Groups:

Instead of simply saying "no kids" or "no children," specify the age groups that are not invited. For example, "We respectfully request no children under the age of 16 at the reception." This provides clear guidance for your guests.

Address Invitations Properly:

Ensure that you address the invitations only to the invited guests. Include their names on the envelope to make it clear who is invited. For formal invitations with inner and outer envelopes, the outer envelope has the guest's address, while the inner envelope lists the invited guests' names.

Provide Advance Notice:

It's considerate to give parents ample time to arrange childcare. Send out "save-the-dates" with your wedding website information, including a note in the FAQ section about your adult-only request. This allows guests with children to plan accordingly.

Be Consistent:

Apply the "no children" rule consistently across your guest list. You can make exceptions for children of immediate family or those in the wedding party, but be sure to communicate these exceptions to your other guests to avoid confusion.

Explain Your Reasons:

It can be helpful to provide a brief explanation for your decision. For example, "Due to space constraints, we are unable to accommodate children." Or, "Our venue has a strict no-under-18s policy." This shows that you've considered your guests' needs.

Offer Alternatives:

If your budget allows, consider offering alternatives such as a creche or professional babysitting services. This can be a thoughtful gesture, especially if you have many guests with children. Include this information on your wedding website or as a separate card with the invitations.

Avoid Patronising Phrases:

Steer clear of phrases like "We thought you'd appreciate a night off!" or "To give you the opportunity to really let your hair down..." These statements can come across as patronising and imply that parents can't enjoy themselves with their children present.

Be Firm but Compassionate:

If guests ask for exceptions or try to switch invitees, remain firm but compassionate. Explain that you are hosting an adult-driven event and ask them to make other arrangements for their children. It's your special day, and it's important to stand by your choices while also being sensitive to your guests' needs.

• "Please note that this is an adults-only celebration."
• "We respectfully request no children under the age of 18 at the reception."
• "Although we love your children, this is an adult-only event."
• "We are unable to accommodate children, but we hope you can still join us."
• "Our special day will be an adult-only occasion, and we hope you understand."
• "We politely request no children attend the ceremony and reception. Thank you for your understanding."

Informing guests in advance

When it comes to informing your guests in advance that your wedding will be adults-only, there are a few key things to keep in mind. Firstly, it's important to be direct and clear about your request to avoid any confusion. This means using explicit language to state that only adults are invited and being specific about which age groups are not allowed to attend. It's also crucial to avoid calling out specific children and to be sensitive and diplomatic when discussing your decision.

One effective way to inform guests in advance is to include a note on your wedding website. This is a great place to provide important details that may not be included in the invitations themselves. You can add a section under FAQs or in the additional information section that addresses your decision to have a child-free wedding. This approach gives guests with children enough time to make necessary childcare arrangements.

Another way to inform guests in advance is to carefully address the invitations. This method ensures that guests with children understand that only those listed on the invitation are invited. For formal invitations with outer and inner envelopes, the outer envelope includes the guest's mailing address, while the inner envelope lists the names of the invited guests. If you're using a single envelope, be as clear as possible about who is invited. You can also reinforce this by personalising the response card with the exact names of the invited guests.

If you have a wedding party or immediate family members with children, it's a good idea to ask them to spread the word about your adults-only request through word of mouth. This approach ensures that guests with children are aware of your wishes and can plan accordingly.

In addition to these methods, you may also want to consider calling guests with children to explain your decision personally. This direct approach can help avoid any misunderstandings and shows that you are considering their specific situation. Remember, it's your special day, and it's entirely up to you how you want to celebrate it. By informing your guests in advance using these methods, you can ensure that everyone is on the same page and that your wedding goes smoothly.

Dealing with guest queries

It is important to be direct and clear with your guests about your no-children request. This will help to avoid any confusion and give parents enough time to organise childcare. Here are some ways to deal with guest queries:

• Address each invitation with the names of those you are inviting, including their names on the envelope. This makes it clear that only those listed are invited.
• Include a line on your RSVP card, such as "We have reserved ___ seats for you at the reception".
• Personalise each RSVP card with the guest names, so it is obvious who can accept.
• Make a phone call to guests with children and explain your request over the phone.
• Create a wedding website and mention your request there. This is a good place to provide additional details such as babysitting options in the area.
• Be sensitive when dealing with upset parents, but don't back down. If your budget allows, consider hiring a babysitter to watch their children during the wedding.
• Be consistent with your no-children rule. You can make clear exceptions for children of immediate family or those in the wedding party, but be sure to let other guests know this is the case.
• Don't be upset if parents can't attend. They are justified in not attending if it's inconvenient or they don't want to be away from their children.
• Don't let anyone guilt-trip you about your adults-only policy.
• Accept that some parents may need to leave early.
• If you're having a destination wedding, you may want to reconsider your child-free policy. It will be more difficult for parents to travel without their children and find childcare in another country.
• If you are close to any friends' or family's children, include a personal note with the invitations to apologise for not including them.

Childcare options

If you're planning a wedding without children, it's a good idea to offer some childcare options to your guests. Here are some suggestions for how to go about it:

Onsite Childcare

If your venue has a child-friendly room available, you could consider hiring onsite childcare services. This option is likely to be well-received by your guests with children, as it means their little ones are taken care of while still being close by. You could even designate a separate room for the children, supervised by insured childcare providers, with activities like board games, movies, and simple art projects to keep them entertained.

Babysitting Services

If you have the budget for it, you could offer to arrange and cover the cost of babysitting services for your guests. This could be especially helpful if you're having a destination wedding, where it might be more challenging for parents to find childcare in an unfamiliar place. Provide a list of local babysitting companies or, better yet, arrange for a group of babysitters to be available during the wedding.

Child-Friendly Activities

Whether you opt for onsite childcare or not, having some child-friendly activities can help keep the kids occupied and happy. This could include simple things like colouring books and crayons or more interactive options like face painting, cupcake decorating, or even a "kids members club" with VIP lanyards, as suggested by luxury wedding planner Mark Niemierko.

Early Receptions

If you're inviting children to the ceremony but would like the reception to be child-free, consider having an early reception that includes the children. This way, parents can attend and spend time with their kids, and then have the evening to themselves while the children are safely at home with a babysitter.

Clear Communication

Finally, whichever route you choose, clear and direct communication is key. Let your guests with children know your plans as early as possible, so they can make the necessary arrangements. This could be done through your wedding invitations, a phone call, or by including the information on your wedding website.

Frequently asked questions