Rhiannon Hendricks
Wedding invitation etiquette has evolved over time, and while many still favour the formality of Mr. and Mrs., others are opting for more inclusive options, especially in same-sex relationships or blended families. The way you address your guests can reflect both your personality and the formality of the event. For example, using Mr. and Mrs. followed by the husband's full name and surname (e.g. Mr. and Mrs. John Smith) is a traditional approach commonly used for heterosexual couples. However, many couples now prefer equal naming, such as John and Jane Smith, especially if they have different surnames. When addressing widows, you may still use Mrs. if they wish, or you can ask how they prefer to be addressed. If you're inviting a guest who is an attorney, you do not need to use Esquire or Esq. when addressing their wedding invitation. If a guest is a medical doctor or has a Ph.D., it's appropriate to use Doctor. For single individuals, simply use Ms. for a woman and Mr. for a man.
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What You'll Learn
When the woman has taken her husband's surname
When it comes to wedding invitations, the use of titles is an important aspect of etiquette. It can communicate the tone of the event and help guests feel welcomed and respected. The titles "Mr." and "Mrs." are traditionally used to address married couples, conveying a sense of formality and respect. However, modern times have brought about changes, and couples may prefer more inclusive options, especially in same-sex relationships or blended families.
When a woman takes her husband's surname after marriage, the use of "Mrs." as a title is generally accepted and expected. This title indicates that she shares the same last name as her husband, and it is commonly used in formal and traditional wedding invitations. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" signifies a traditional approach, with the wife taking on the husband's full name. This format is prevalent for heterosexual couples and is often used in formal weddings, such as black-tie events or ceremonies held in places of worship.
It is worth noting that some women who take their husband's surname may still prefer to be addressed as "Ms." instead of "Mrs." This preference may stem from a desire to have a title equivalent to "Mr." that is not associated with marital status. In such cases, it is essential to respect the woman's choice and use "Ms." as their title. Additionally, if a couple has different last names, using "Ms." for both partners and listing their names alphabetically by last name is appropriate, such as "Ms. Kristin Hampton and Ms. Sarah Lee."
While "Mrs." is commonly used for married women who have taken their husband's surname, it is not the only option. Some women may choose to keep their maiden name after marriage, and in such cases, they have the option to use either "Ms." or "Mrs." as their title. Ultimately, the choice of title depends on personal preference, and it is always best to ask the woman's preferred choice if you are unsure. Respecting an individual's title preference is essential, and creating a welcoming and inclusive atmosphere for guests is a priority when crafting wedding invitations.
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When the woman has kept her maiden name
When a woman keeps her maiden name after marriage, it can be unclear whether she should be addressed as "Mrs" or "Ms". While some women who keep their maiden name prefer to be called "Mrs", the default and technically correct title is "Ms".
"Ms" is widely considered to be the appropriate title for any woman, regardless of her marital status. It is therefore often used for women who keep their maiden names, as it does not indicate whether a woman is married or not. Using "Ms" can also be considered more politically correct or progressive, as "Mrs" is derived from "Mister" and denotes a husband's possession of his wife.
However, some women who keep their maiden names still prefer to be called "Mrs" as it indicates that they are married. This can be particularly true in more traditional or conservative social circles. Some women may also feel that using "Mrs" gives them more credibility, especially in professional contexts.
Ultimately, the decision of whether to use "Mrs" or "Ms" when a woman has kept her maiden name is a personal one. It is always best to ask the woman in question how she would like to be addressed. Some women may use "Mrs" and "Ms" interchangeably or in different contexts, such as using "Mrs" socially and "Ms" at work, or vice versa.
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When addressing widows
In formal or business correspondence, it is recommended to use "Mrs." followed by the widow's first name and married last name. For example, "Mrs. Anna Hoffman". This form is also appropriate for general situations and formal, public settings. If the widow has a doctoral degree or is a physician, her proper title would take precedence, such as "Dr. Anna Hoffman".
When addressing invitations or other personal correspondence, using "Mrs." followed by the spouse's full name is considered traditional and preferred. However, some widows may find this uncomfortable and prefer to be addressed by their first name or "Ms." followed by their married last name. For example, "Ms. Anna Hoffman". It is essential to respect the widow's wishes and make any adjustments as requested.
If you have a close personal relationship with the widow, it is best to ask her directly how she would like to be addressed. This can be a sensitive topic, but it is important to ensure that you are using the correct form of address to make her feel comfortable and respected. Ultimately, the widow's preference should be prioritized, whether it is "Mrs.", "Ms.", or another form of address that honours her identity and marital status in a way that is comfortable for her.
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When the woman is non-binary
When it comes to wedding terminology, it's important to use language that is inclusive and respectful of all individuals, regardless of their gender identity or marital status. Here are some guidelines to follow when the woman is non-binary:
Use of Mx. as a Prefix
The prefix "Mx." is widely recognised as a gender-neutral alternative to Mr., Mrs., Miss, or Ms. It is specifically designed to be inclusive of individuals who are non-binary, genderfluid, or those who prefer not to disclose their gender. Mx. can be used in the same way as any other prefix, such as "Mx. Jane Smith" or "Mx. Smith". The pronunciation of Mx. is "mix", and it is considered respectful to use this prefix when addressing non-binary individuals or those who use gender-neutral pronouns such as they/them.
Inclusive Language for Wedding Roles
To create an inclusive wedding environment, it is recommended to use gender-neutral language when referring to wedding roles. Instead of "bridesmaids" and "groomsmen", consider using the term "attendants" or simply refer to them as part of the "wedding party". This allows for flexibility in gender representation and ensures that all individuals feel respected and included. Similarly, terms like "best man" or "maid of honour" can be replaced with "best person" or "person of honour", removing any gender-specific implications.
Nearlywed as a Gender-Neutral Term
The term "newlywed" is commonly used to refer to a couple who have recently married. However, the gender-neutral term "nearlywed" can be used before the wedding to describe an individual or couple in a singular or plural context. This term is inclusive of all gender identities and can be used on save-the-date cards or engagement party stationery. Additionally, the term "fiancé" can also be used in a gender-neutral manner when spoken or written, unless the speaker specifically intends to indicate gender.
Gender-Neutral Alternatives for Wedding Traditions
Certain wedding traditions can be adapted to be more inclusive. For example, instead of having a "flower girl", consider a "flower person" or a "flower pal", allowing for flexibility in age and gender identity. Similarly, while "ring bearer" is already gender-neutral, changing the language around bachelorette and bachelor parties can create a more inclusive atmosphere. Replacing gendered terms with "wedding party" or "nearly-wed's party" ensures that everyone feels welcome to participate and celebrate.
Ask for Preferred Titles and Pronouns
When in doubt, it is always best to ask individuals about their preferred titles and pronouns. This practice is similar to normalising the sharing of pronouns in one's email signature or profile. Respecting an individual's preferred title is a way to show consideration and avoid making assumptions about their gender identity or marital status. It is considered polite to ask about preferences before using a prefix in correspondence or introductions, especially when creating wedding invitations or addressing envelopes.
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When the woman is a doctor
The use of titles at weddings is a personal choice, and there is no right or wrong answer. However, there are a few considerations and opinions that may help guide your decision.
Firstly, the context of the wedding and its formality should be considered. While some sources suggest that titles are not necessary and can even be considered pretentious in casual settings, others argue that in very formal settings, the use of titles may be expected, especially on invitations. One source suggests that the use of titles can be determined by the attire and venue; for example, if the groom wears a tuxedo and the event is held in a museum, the invitation should include titles.
Secondly, the purpose of the wedding ceremony and personal beliefs about marriage and identity should be taken into account. Some believe that a wedding celebrates a couple's relationship and their new status as a married couple, so using titles like "Mr." and "Mrs." emphasizes this change. The traditional "Mr. and Mrs." announcement also indicates that the woman is taking her husband's last name, though this is not always the case. On the other hand, using "Dr." can be seen as a way to maintain one's professional identity and accomplishments, especially if the woman is not changing her name.
Thirdly, the woman's field of study and profession may influence the decision. In some professions, such as medicine, it is more common to be addressed as "Dr." in professional and academic settings, while in other fields, like physical therapy, the use of "Dr." is less standard.
Ultimately, the decision rests with the couple, and there are various options to choose from. Some women opt for "Mrs." during the wedding ceremony and "Dr." in their professional lives afterward. Others choose to use "Dr." at their wedding, especially on invitations and formal announcements, and some decide to forgo titles altogether, using only their names. It is worth noting that while some people may find the use of "Dr." at a wedding pretentious, others argue that it is an earned title that should be a source of pride.
In conclusion, when the woman is a doctor, she can choose to use "Mrs." to emphasize her new marital status and name change, "Dr." to maintain her professional identity, or both, depending on the context and her personal preferences.
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Frequently asked questions
"Mrs." is traditionally used to address married women, often accompanied by the husband's name (e.g., "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith"). However, this practice is becoming less common, especially in same-sex relationships or blended families. If a woman has taken her husband's surname, it is appropriate to address her as "Mrs.".
Yes, widows can be addressed as "Mrs." followed by their husband's surname.
"Ms." is a gender-neutral title that can be used for any adult woman, regardless of marital status or name change. It is often used when you are unsure of a woman's marital status or when she prefers not to be identified by her marital status. If a woman has kept her maiden name or uses a different surname than her spouse, it is more appropriate to use "Ms.".
