The Ultimate Wedding Role: Best Person

The wedding party is a chance for the couple to include the people closest to them in their celebration and to differentiate them from other guests. However, the process of selecting a wedding party can be stressful, with many couples reporting drama and disagreements. Some couples opt for a non-traditional approach, choosing a man of honour or a bridesman instead of a best man or bridesmaid. The man of honour is when a bride chooses a male friend or family member to be her 'top maid' rather than a female friend. The bridesman is a male bridesmaid. The roles and responsibilities of these positions can be negotiated, and the individuals involved can choose to opt-out of any activities they are uncomfortable with. Ultimately, it is the couple's decision and their wedding day, so they can choose to include whoever they want in their wedding party.

The man of honour role

The man of honour is a role given to a male friend or family member of the bride who she wants by her side on her wedding day. The role is the male equivalent of the maid of honour, and is becoming increasingly common as gender-based wedding parties are seen as unnecessary.

The man of honour's duties are the same as those of the maid of honour. He should plan and attend the bachelorette party, assuming he feels comfortable doing so, and co-plan the bridal shower with the bridesmaids. He will also help the bride with wedding planning, attend all pre-wedding events, be the bride's go-to person on the day, stand at the bride's side during the ceremony, and give a wedding reception toast.

The man of honour can wear whatever the couple decides. He can match the groomsmen, or the bridesmaids, or wear a completely different outfit. On the day of the wedding, the man of honour should get dressed wherever he feels most comfortable.

Some men might not feel comfortable taking on the role of man of honour, and that's okay. They can still play other important roles on the day.

Asking them to take on the role

Asking someone to take on the role of "man of honour" or "bridesman" can be done in any way that feels appropriate. It is important to remember that some people might not feel comfortable taking on the role, and that's okay!

• Send them a card with a simple message like, "Will you be my man of honour?"
• Give them a proposal gift that is customised to their style and personality. This could be given along with proposal boxes given to bridesmaids.
• Ask them in person, perhaps over a meal or during a quiet moment.
• If you are giving your bridesmaids a sum of money to pick a dress they love, you could do the same for your man of honour.

It is also important to communicate clearly what you expect from your man of honour. While their main purpose is to support you and be there for you emotionally and physically on your special day, you may also want them to take on additional tasks. These could include:

• Planning and attending the bachelorette party
• Co-planning the bridal shower with the bridesmaids
• Helping the bride with wedding planning
• Attending pre-wedding events, such as the wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
• Being the bride's go-to person on the wedding day
• Standing at the bride's side during the ceremony
• Giving a wedding reception toast
• Helping to find wedding vendors or addressing invitations
• Accompanying the bride to makeup and hairstyle trials
• Selecting a wedding gift for the couple and presenting it on behalf of all the wedding attendants
• Getting dressed wherever they feel most comfortable, whether that's with the bridal party or the groomsmen

Their duties and responsibilities

The duties and responsibilities of a wedding party member are largely dictated by the couple getting married. While some couples may ask their wedding party to take on more responsibilities, this is not a requirement, and it is more important that the wedding party is there to support the couple on their special day.

That being said, there are some traditional duties and responsibilities that are expected of a wedding party member, particularly the best man and maid of honor. These duties include:

Prior to the Wedding

• Assist the couple with planning and decision-making related to the wedding. For example, the maid of honor typically accompanies the bride to dress shops, while the best man assists the groom with choosing suits or tuxedos.
• Help coordinate pre-wedding events, such as the bridal shower, bachelor/bachelorette party, and wedding rehearsals.
• Be a source of support and encouragement for the couple as they navigate the stresses of wedding planning.

During the Wedding

• Act as a support system for the couple on their wedding day. This may include helping the couple get dressed, ensuring they arrive at the ceremony on time, and ironing out any last-minute emergencies.
• Hold the bride's bouquet during the ceremony and adjust her train and veil as needed.
• Keep the wedding rings safe until they are needed during the ceremony.
• Sign the marriage certificate as a witness.

At the Reception

• Give a toast to the newlywed couple.
• Continue to provide support and assistance to the couple as needed, such as helping the bride with her gown or accompanying her to the restroom.

After the Wedding

• Return any rented clothing or accessories, such as tuxedos or suits.
• Assist the couple with any post-wedding tasks, such as driving them to the airport for their honeymoon or taking the bride's gown to the cleaners for preservation.

It is important to note that these duties and responsibilities can be adapted to fit the unique needs and dynamics of the wedding party and couple. For example, if the bride has a "man of honor," he may choose to attend the bachelorette party or help plan it, but he should not feel obligated to do so if he is not comfortable.

Ultimately, the role of the wedding party is to honor the couple and support them throughout the wedding process. It is up to the couple to communicate their expectations and ensure that their wedding party is comfortable and respected.

What they wear

When the bridesmaid and best man are the same person, what they wear will depend on the couple getting married and their preferences. There are several options for what a man of honour or bridesman can wear.

One option is for the man of honour to match the groomsmen. They could wear the same suit as the groomsmen but with different accessories, such as a tie that coordinates with the bridesmaids' dresses or a boutonnière that matches their bouquets. Alternatively, they could wear a shirt that is the same colour as the bridesmaids' dresses.

Another option is for the man of honour to wear a completely different outfit from the other men in the wedding party. For example, if the groomsmen are wearing dark grey suits and the bridesmaids are wearing beige dresses, the man of honour could wear a tan suit to match the bridesmaids. Suits in light grey, blue, green, and burgundy can easily be found and would complement a variety of colours typically worn by bridesmaids.

The man of honour should get dressed wherever they feel most comfortable. They could choose to get dressed with the bridesmaids or the groomsmen, or they could opt to spend some time with each group.

Where they get ready on the day

On the day of the wedding, the man of honour should get ready wherever they feel most comfortable. Some men might choose to get ready with the bridal party, as long as the bridesmaids are happy with that. Other men might prefer to get dressed with the groomsmen. It's important to give the man of honour options and ensure that everyone feels comfortable. If he doesn't want to sit through hours of hair and makeup in the bridal suite, he can always spend some time with the groomsmen.

Ultimately, the key is to make sure that everyone is happy with the arrangements and that the man of honour feels comfortable with his choice. It's also worth noting that having a smaller wedding party can lead to less drama and cost, and can make the event more intimate.

Frequently asked questions