Wedding Guest Etiquette: What To Do When Invited

Wedding invitations are a crucial logistical element and the first glimpse guests will have of the style and theme of your big day. The primary rule of wedding invitation etiquette is to create a beautiful invitation that represents you, your partner, and the celebration to come, while also communicating the vital details of the wedding. The invitation should include the request to come to the wedding, the names of the couple, and reception information.

Traditionally, the bride's parents are the hosts of the wedding and are named at the top of the invitation. However, including the names of both sets of parents as hosts is a gracious option, regardless of who is paying. If the couple is hosting, you can skip the host line or start with a warm and welcoming introduction.

The invitation should also include a request for the guest's company, such as the pleasure of your company or would love for you to join us. The names of the couple should be included, with the bride's name typically coming first, followed by the groom's name. For same-sex couples, the names can be listed alphabetically or based on what sounds better.

The invitation should also include the date, time, and location of the wedding. The time of day should be spelled out, and the street address of the venue is usually only included if omitting it would cause confusion or if the wedding is at the host's home. The reception information can be included on a separate card or printed on the invitation itself if there is room.

Finally, the dress code can be included on the invitation, typically in the lower right corner, or indicated through the invitation's design.

Wording the invitation

The wording of your wedding invitation will depend on a few factors, including who is hosting (i.e. paying for) the wedding. If the couple's parents are hosting, their names are usually included in the invitation. If the couple is hosting themselves, the host line can be skipped altogether, or replaced with a warm and welcoming introduction such as "Together with full hearts" or "With hearts full of love and joy".

If both sets of parents are contributing, you can opt for something like "Together with their parents" or "Together with their families". If one or both of the couple's parents have passed away, they can be honoured alongside the couple's name, for example: "Lauren Martinez, daughter of Marta Martinez and the late Robert Martinez".

For divorced parents, include the mother's name first, followed by the father's name, on separate lines. If stepparents are also included, keep them on the same line as their partner.

For different-sex couples, the bride's name typically goes first, followed by the groom's name. For same-sex couples, you can list the names alphabetically or based on what looks best with the design of the invitation.

The invitation should include the request to come to the wedding, for example: "request the honour of your presence" or "invite you to celebrate with them". "The honour of your presence" is usually used to denote a religious service, while "the pleasure of your company" is used for non-religious ceremonies.

The date and time of the wedding should also be included, spelling out the day of the week, the date, and the year in full. The time of day should also be written out in full, for example, "half after four o'clock".

The venue name and location should be included, with the street address only necessary if omitting it would cause confusion or if the wedding is taking place at the host's home. If the reception is at the same location, you can simply say "Reception to follow" or "Dinner and dancing to follow". If the reception is at a different location, include it on a separate line or on a separate reception card.

The dress code can be included in the lower right-hand corner of the invitation, or omitted, in which case the invitation's formality will indicate the dress code.

Sending the invitations

Traditionally, invitations are sent out six to eight weeks before the wedding, with save-the-date cards sent out six to eight months before. However, if you are having a last-minute wedding, digital invitations can be a good option to ensure everyone receives their invite on time.

Sending the invitation

Sending out wedding invitations is an important part of the wedding planning process. Here are some tips and guidelines to help you with this task:

Timing

It is recommended to send out wedding invitations six to eight weeks before the wedding. This gives guests enough time to clear their schedules and make travel arrangements if needed. If you are planning a destination wedding or getting married during a holiday weekend, it is advisable to send out invitations even earlier, around three months in advance.

Method

The traditional way to send wedding invitations is by mail. However, digital invitations are becoming more common, especially for last-minute weddings or when trying to be more eco-friendly. Virtual invitations can be emailed or texted and often include a way for guests to RSVP online. If you opt for mailed invitations, remember to include postage stamps on the RSVP envelopes and consider including a return address on the wedding invitations in case they get lost in the mail.

Content

The content of your wedding invitations will depend on the formality of your wedding and your personal preferences. Here are some key elements to include:

• Request to come to the wedding: This can be worded in various ways, such as "pleasure of your company" or "honour of your presence".
• Names of the couple: Traditionally, the bride's name precedes the groom's name. For same-sex couples, you can choose the order that sounds better.
• Reception information: If the reception is at the same location as the ceremony, you can simply state "reception to follow". If it is at a different location, include the address.
• Dress code: This can be included on the invitation or indicated through the design of the invitation.
• RSVP details: Include a separate response card for guests to fill out and return, or direct them to your wedding website to RSVP.

Wording

The wording of your wedding invitations will depend on the hosting situation. If the wedding is hosted and paid for by the couple's parents, the invitation can start with their names, followed by a request for the guest's company and the names of the couple. For example:

> Mr. and Mrs. Thomas & Elizabeth Glanville Request the honor of your presence at the marriage of Ali Greenfield to Rafique Jivani Thursday the twenty-second day of July Two thousand and twenty-one at five o'clock in the evening Mandarin Oriental Lake Como, Italy Reception to follow

If the wedding is hosted by the couple themselves or collaboratively with their parents, the invitation can start with a line such as "Together with their families" or "Together with full hearts", followed by the request for the guest's company and the names of the couple. For example:

> Together with their families, Emma and Jax request the pleasure of your company at their wedding on Saturday, the fifth of May, at one o'clock in the afternoon, The Reagan Library, Simi Valley, California. Dinner and dancing to follow. Black tie required.

Other Considerations

When addressing your wedding invitations, be mindful of who you are inviting. If you are having an adults-only wedding, state each guest's name on the invitation instead of using "and guest" or "family". If you are inviting someone with a significant other, you can address the invitation to both of them by name or use "and guest" if you are unsure of their partner's name. It is also important to handle last-minute invitations with care, as guests may feel slighted by a short-notice invitation. In this case, it is often best to extend a personal invitation and offer the option to attend virtually if they are unable to make it in person.

Inviting plus-ones

When it comes to inviting plus-ones to a wedding, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to understand what a plus-one means. According to wedding planner Emily Coyne, a plus-one is when you allow your invitee to bring an additional guest of their choosing. This is usually a date or romantic interest but could also be a family member escorting an older guest or a close friend attending with a single person.

Now, do you have to give every guest a plus-one? The short answer is no. If you have an unlimited budget and ample space at your venue, you could offer every unattached guest a plus-one. However, for most couples, budget and space are limited, so it is not always possible. It is essential to consider your relationship with the guest, your budget, the venue capacity, and the number of people you want present at your wedding.

So, who should get a plus-one? Here are some guidelines:

• Married, engaged, and cohabitating guests: It is generally considered rude not to invite both parties in a married couple, even if you are closer to one person than the other. The same courtesy should be extended to engaged and cohabitating couples.
• Wedding party members: Your wedding party has likely spent a lot of time, energy, and money to be a part of your special day, so it is only fair to offer them a plus-one, regardless of their relationship status.
• Guests in serious, long-term relationships: This one can be tricky, but as a rule of thumb, if the couple has been together for so long that it would be awkward not to invite their partner, they should get a plus-one.
• Close family members: This can be assessed on a case-by-case basis. If many of your family members will be at the wedding, they might not need a plus-one as they will likely know several people. However, if a family member is travelling or will not know many people, you may want to consider offering them a plus-one.

If you are working with a tight guest list and budget, you can create a blanket rule, such as "only immediate or close family can bring a plus-one" or "only the wedding party can bring a plus-one," and stick to it. Be consistent and avoid playing favourites to prevent any hurt feelings.

When it comes to inviting plus-ones, it is important to be thoughtful and considerate. Remember, your wedding is also a party that you are hosting, and you want your guests to be happy and comfortable. Be direct and honest if any drama arises, and calmly explain any restrictions you may have, whether they are due to budget, venue, or personal preference.

Inviting children

If you're inviting children to your wedding, it's important to be clear about this on your invitations. Address the invite to the parents and list the names of their children who are invited. This leaves no room for misinterpretation.

If you're inviting children, it's a good idea to organise a seating plan that works for parents and children. Seating parents and children on the same tables can work well. Alternatively, you could have a separate table for children. It's also a nice idea to provide some activities for the children, such as activity packs or colouring sheets.

Don't forget to order special meals for children if they need them. Chicken nuggets and chips are always a winner!

If you're only inviting certain children, perhaps just those of close relatives and friends, it's important to be clear about this. You could say something like: "We are only able to invite the children of close relatives and friends".

If you're not inviting children to your wedding, it's still important to be clear about this on your invitations. You could say something like: "Unfortunately, children are not invited". If someone still RSVPs with the names of their children, give them a call and politely explain your reasons.

If you know that some of your guests will need to organise childcare, give them plenty of warning. This is especially important if your wedding is taking place at a destination that is far from home.

Finally, consider whether there are any nursing mothers on your guest list. Their babies may need to be close by, so they can be fed and cared for. It's a nice idea to provide a quiet space where babies can sleep, close to where the festivities are taking place.

RSVP deadline

When it comes to wedding RSVPs, timing is everything. The deadline for responses should be set at least two to four weeks before the wedding date. This gives you enough time to finalise the guest list, create a seating chart, and share the final headcount with your caterer and other vendors.

Set the Right Deadline

As mentioned, the ideal deadline for RSVPs is around three to four weeks before the wedding. This gives your guests enough time to respond and make travel arrangements if necessary. It's also not too far in advance that they might forget or change their plans later.

Send Invitations in Advance

To give your guests ample time to respond, send out your wedding invitations six to eight weeks before the wedding. This is the traditional timeline and will allow your guests to clear their schedules and make any necessary travel plans.

Be Clear with the RSVP Date

Make sure the RSVP date is clearly stated and easy to read on the invitation card. Use a legible font, and consider including a countdown ticker on your wedding website if guests can RSVP there.

Offer Multiple Response Options

Provide your guests with multiple ways to respond, such as a pre-addressed and pre-stamped return envelope, as well as the option to RSVP digitally through your wedding website. This ensures that everyone can respond in a way that is convenient for them.

Include a Friendly Reminder

A week or so before the RSVP deadline, send a friendly reminder to your guests, especially those who haven't responded yet. This can be done via a quick phone call, text, or a note on your wedding website.

Follow Up with Delinquent Guests

Even with reminders, there might be a few guests who miss the RSVP deadline. It's important to follow up with them as soon as possible, ideally about a week after the deadline has passed. This will help you get a more accurate headcount and finalise the details of your wedding plans.

Be Mindful of Destination Weddings

If you're having a destination wedding, adjust your timeline accordingly. Send out invitations four months in advance and set the RSVP deadline for two months before the wedding. This gives your guests ample time to make travel plans and ensures you have a more accurate headcount for your events.

By following these tips, you'll be well on your way to a smooth and organised wedding planning process, with a clear idea of who will be celebrating with you on your special day.

Frequently asked questions