The Art Of Thanking: Navigating The Post-Wedding Note Writing Timeline

Wedding thank-you cards are an important way to express gratitude to your wedding guests. While it may seem like a chore, it's a chance to show your appreciation to those who made your big day special. According to etiquette, thank-you notes should be sent within one to three months of receiving a gift or, at the latest, within three months of the wedding. It is also recommended to send thank-you cards to anyone who attended the wedding, as well as your wedding planner and vendors.

- Create a spreadsheet with your guest list, addresses, and gifts received to stay organized.

- Write the cards in batches and set a daily goal to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

- Include specifics about the gift and how you plan to use it.

- Make the cards personal by mentioning a small detail about the gift-giver or a future meeting.

- Don't forget to sign both your names!

When to write them

Wedding thank-you cards should be sent out as soon as possible, ideally within three months of the wedding. For gifts received before the wedding, it is recommended to send thank-you notes within two to three weeks.

Writing and sending thank-you notes can be a daunting task, so it is advisable to start early and set aside some time each day to work on them. Dividing the task with your partner and writing notes in batches can also help to make the process more manageable.

It is also important to be organised and keep track of gifts received and who they are from. Creating a spreadsheet with guests' names, addresses, and gifts received can help ensure that no one is missed when sending out thank-you cards.

Who to send them to

Who to Send Wedding Thank-You Notes to

Wedding thank-you notes should be sent to anyone who gifted you a present for the upcoming nuptials, including those who couldn't attend but sent a gift, and those who weren't invited but gave a gift. Be sure to mention in your note how much they were missed if they didn't attend.

You should also send thank-you notes to your wedding vendors, including your wedding planner, musicians, florist, and caterer. Anyone who hosted a party for you, such as a bridal shower, should also receive a note and a small gift.

If you had a wedding party, be sure to thank them for their role in your special day. Send individual notes to each bridesmaid and groomsman, and don't forget to thank the maid of honour and best man.

Anyone who helped on the day of the wedding, such as greeters or ushers, should also receive a thank-you note. If someone helped with small details, like arranging flowers, or entertained guests, such as by providing music, be sure to send them a note of appreciation.

Your parents or whoever hosted your wedding should also receive a thank-you note. This is also a nice gesture for anyone who played a significant role in planning and prepping for your big day, such as offering their support or giving a heartfelt toast.

Finally, don't forget to thank your guests! Even if they didn't bring a gift, a thank-you note is a lovely way to show your appreciation for their presence and support.

What to say

Writing wedding thank-you notes can be a daunting task, but it's important to express your gratitude to your guests for their attendance and gifts. Here are some tips on what to say in your wedding thank-you notes:

Structure of a Well-Written Note

According to etiquette expert Elaine Swann, a great thank-you note has just three essential elements:

• Say "Thank You": Express your gratitude clearly and put it front and center so that your guests know the purpose of your note.
• Name the Gift: Mention the specific item they gave you to ensure they know you received their gift.
• Say Something About the Gift: Include specifics about the gift, such as why you love it, how you plan to use it, or where you'll put it in your home. This adds a personal touch and shows your appreciation.

Tips for Different Gifting Scenarios

• People Who Bought a Gift From Your Registry: Mention how much you love the item and how you plan to use it.
• People Who Gave a Monetary Gift: Let them know how you'll use the money. It's also considered proper etiquette to mention the exact amount to confirm receipt.
• People Who You Don't Know Well: Mention the person you have in common and how happy you were to meet them in person.
• People Who Gave an Unfamiliar Item: Focus on the giver rather than the gift. Include a fond memory with them during the wedding.
• People Who Shared in a Group Gift: Send individual notes to each contributor, thanking them for the specific item and giving a shout-out to the whole group.
• People Who Gave a Gift You Don't Love: Find something positive to say about the gift, such as its design or their great taste.
• People Who Couldn't Attend but Sent a Gift: Mention how much you wished they could have been there and that you look forward to future celebrations together.
• People Who Traveled to See You: Thank them for making the trip, especially if they travelled a long distance.
• Wedding Party Members: Thank them for their role in your special day, regardless of whether they gave a gift. Mention a special moment or memory you shared.
• Wedding Suppliers: Thank them for their specific contribution and how it helped bring your vision to life.
• Attendees Who Didn't Bring a Gift: Thank them for their presence and include a personal anecdote from the wedding to make it more meaningful.

Other Considerations

• Handwritten Notes: Wedding thank-you notes should always be handwritten. It shows that you took the time to personally write a thoughtful message.
• Timing: It's recommended to send thank-you notes within two weeks for gifts received before the wedding and within three months for gifts received after the wedding.
• Addressing: Address each person who attended and signed the card or gift tag by name, even if it's an entire family or couple.
• Acknowledging Cash Gifts: Use your judgment based on your relationship with the guest. While it's not required, some experts suggest mentioning the amount to confirm receipt. Explain how you plan to use the money.

How to address them

Addressing wedding thank-you notes can be a daunting task, but there are a few simple guidelines to follow.

Firstly, it is important to address each individual who attended the wedding or whose names were signed on a card or gift. On the exterior of the envelope, use formal titles (Mr., Mrs., Dr., etc.) even if they are close friends or family. This is the same way you would have addressed your wedding invitations. However, on the interior of the card, it is perfectly fine to be informal and use first names, especially if you have a close relationship with the recipient(s).

If the gift was a group effort, write a separate thank-you note for each person in the group. For example, if a group of friends contributed to a group gift, send individual cards to each person. However, if you are unsure who contributed, it is acceptable to only thank the person who handed you the gift.

For couples, it is important to sign off with both of your names at the end of the card. This shows that both of you are invested in offering your thanks.

How to send them

How to Send Wedding Thank-You Notes

Before You Start Writing

• Create a spreadsheet with your guests' names and addresses, and update it as addresses or names change. You can also add columns to track gifts and notes.
• Take note of who gave you each gift and what it was, so you can refer to it later when writing your thank-you notes.
• Take photos of each gift to make it easier to reference later.
• Choose your stationery. It's a good idea to use the same style as your wedding invitations, or at least something that matches the theme, colour, or style of your wedding.

Writing the Notes

• Handwrite your notes. Typed or emailed thank-you notes can seem impersonal, and some recipients may even find them rude.
• Include all names in the gift. If a couple gave you a gift, write down both of their names, even if you're only acquainted with one of them.
• Be specific about the gift. Mention what you like about it, how you intend to use it, or where you plan to put it.
• If you received a monetary gift, it's considered good etiquette to mention the exact amount. This confirms that you received the correct amount and gives the giver peace of mind. However, if you feel uncomfortable mentioning the amount, you can simply speak to the generosity of the gift and what you plan to use it for.
• If you received a gift you don't like or don't need, focus on the giver rather than the gift. You can still find something positive to say, such as thanking them for their thoughtfulness.
• If you received a gift from someone you don't know well, mention the person you have in common.

Sending the Notes

• Send thank-you notes before and after your wedding. For gifts received before the wedding, send the notes within two to three weeks. For gifts received after the wedding, send the notes within three months.
• Address the envelopes formally, using titles and last names, even for close friends and family.
• On the note itself, you can be less formal and address individuals by their first names, especially if you have a close relationship with them.
• Stamp each envelope individually and avoid using prepaid postage or postage meters.
• Sign your names fully and, if possible, include both the husband's and wife's signatures.

Frequently asked questions